Chapter 2: She's not…

Alexandra Cabot was many things. She was a brilliant lawyer. She could go toe to toe with some of the best legal minds around and come out on top. She lived and breathed the law. The courtroom was where she excelled. It was her playground.

Alexandra Cabot was stubborn and even a bit arrogant. She had the training and abilities to back up the hype, so why not own it she often thought. According to her father, Harvard University had been worth every single penny. And speaking of family…. Alexandra was by birth a Cabot at that name said it all. Everyone seemed to know all the things Alexandra Cabot was. What the world didn't know was everything she was not.

Contrary to popular belief, Alex was not an 'Ice Princess'. She'd picked up that charming nickname when she was a young prosecutor with a newly minted law degree. That was back when the world seemed black and white, the lines between right and wrong were never blurred, and the law was as clear as day to her. She never wavered in her decisions and that sometimes made her seem cold-hearted and distant which couldn't have been farther from the truth. She simply took her pledge to honor and uphold the constitution more seriously than others. No one knew about the cases that left her completely devastated and depressed. Away from the prying eyes of others, Alexandra Cabot had shed more tears than she could remember.

Alexandra Cabot was not a snob. Alex knew what people said about her and what they thought. People made assumptions because she came from money. There were times when she internally cringed at how people reacted when they heard her last name. The term "old money" was thrown around a lot when people spoke of her family. Although Alex was very proud of whom she was, she never wanted her last name to define her.

But most importantly, Alexandra Cabot was not as confident as she appeared. Sure, she was confident when it came to her legal knowledge and her job. Yet, there was one area of her life where Alex had no confidence at all. That area was her personal life and these days her personal life consisted of one thing… or person rather. Detective Olivia Jayne Benson.

Olivia Benson was Alexandra Cabot's only weakness. She had been from the first time she'd laid eyes on the detective. Alex had always been able to compartmentalize her life and control her emotions. All that went out the window when she met Olivia Benson. The woman just had a way of getting to her like no one else had in her entire life.

Alex knew that she and Olivia had played this cat-and-mouse game for years. Before her stint in Witness Protection, Alex had admitted to herself that what she felt for Olivia was much more than friendship, but she had been able to put her thoughts of the detective aside. She put those feelings on hold thinking she'd always have enough time. Having your life torn away and your world turned upside down has a way of shaking one's confidence.

So here they were years later and still playing the game. She knew she'd made her mistakes where Olivia was concerned. She knew she had hurt Olivia when she'd returned and had not contacted her. That was still the huge pink elephant in the room between them. The question now was could she finally convince Olivia to forgive her and take a chance at the possibility of something more. All the Ivy League schooling in the world couldn't make her feel as confident as she wished she could be.

"It's been two hours already. Come on." Alex sighed and tossed the phone that had been in her hand nearly all afternoon. It landed on the nearby sofa with an audible thud.

"There are easier ways to get better phone service, Cabot."

Alex glared over her black frames at her best friend as she strolled into the room. "What are you doing here? I thought you had meetings downtown today?"

"And good afternoon to you too, my little ray of sunshine," came a sarcastic reply.

"Sorry Serena. That came out wrong. I'm just surprised to see you."

Serena rolled her eyes and laughed. "Yeah right. Anyway, I did have a meeting with the ACLU but that was this morning. I actually came by to see if you wanted to grab a late lunch."

Serena Southerlyn was now a partner in her own firm that specialized in offering legal representation to women as well as members of the lesbian and gay community which meant she had much more free time on her hands than she ever did before; something she would never complain about.

Serena eyed her friend's stiff posture as Alex leaned back against her desk. Flopping down on the sofa, she picked up the tossed away phone and glanced at it. She raised a brow in Alex's direction after reading the text.

"So you did it?"

Alex kept her arms folded as she nodded.

"Does this mean what I think it does?"

Again Alex nodded.

Serena looked at the phone again. "So… she hasn't responded?"

"No. She hasn't."

Serena bit her lip not really knowing what to say to comfort her best friend. She had always known how Alex felt about Olivia Benson. She was also privy to all the mistakes Alex had made along the way. They had known one another since they were kids. She knew Alex better than most and even she didn't know how to explain what Alex had been thinking when she had returned home from Witsec. She just knew that her friend had been in pain and had to find her way back in her own time. So that's what she had allowed Alex to do. The bright side was that Alex had seemed to have found a new passion and she seemed more alive these days. Since she'd come home from the Congo, she seemed more like the Alex that she had known years ago.

Just as Serena opened her mouth to offer Alex her support, she heard and felt the vibration in her hand. They both froze. Serena glanced at the screen. A slow smile emerged on her face.

Alex's eyes were as big as saucers. "What? What is it?"

She quickly grabbed her phone and felt herself grinning like a fool. A wave of relief washed over her. "She said yes." She breathed.

"Of course she said yes. I told you she would." Serena couldn't help but grin along with her friend. "Looks like you have a date to plan, Cabot."

The smile slowly fell from her face and she seemed to pale rather quickly. "Oh God, I have to… dinner. I…I have to…"

Serena quickly stopped her pacing friend. "Breathe, Alex. Breathe. In and out… in and out. Good."

Once Alex's color returned, Serena pulled her over and sat her down on the sofa. It was time for some tough love.

"Alex, you are my best friend and you know that I love you like a sister, but you have a tendency to over think things… or at least you used to. I don't know what you saw over there in the Congo, but since you came back you've been the Alex that I remember years ago. You seem more like you again, if that actually makes sense. What I'm trying to say is, I know how you feel about Olivia. That is the one thing that has never changed throughout all this mess… all this time. The old Alex that I know wouldn't let anything get in the way of what she wanted. You love this woman. It's time to stop playing around and put your cards on the table. Use this chance to tell her how you feel. No matter what happens, at least you will finally know."

"You're right." Alex took a deep breath and nodded. "Thanks Serena."

"Anytime."

Serena gave her hand a quick squeeze before she stood. "Now, I'm going to go and get out of your hair."

"Hey, I thought you wanted to get lunch?" Alex asked.

Serena shook her head as she headed for the door. "Nah, I'll give you a call later. Right now, you have a special date to plan."

Alex sat alone on the sofa for a few moments. She stared at the three-letter word on the screen of her phone. "Yes, I certainly do."