*Tap tap* Is this thing on? For those of you who are tapping your foot at us and pointing to the date, yes, we are aware we posted a day late. Due to a huge curve ball that's recently been thrown my way, we weren't able to get this all polished up in time to make the Thursday's posting date. I'm trying my best, really I am.
Originally this chapter was crazy long so we decided to cut it short. Good news is, next chapter is already being worked on. Bad news is, you'll have to go a little while longer without Edward. The song for this chapter is Skinny Love by Birdy: www#youtube#com/watch?v=aNzCDt2eidg and here is the pictease in case you missed it on Twitter: i39#tinypic#com/ao2ljn#jpg
Our greatest thanks to AshesAshes and LJ Summers for the magic fairy dust. We couldn't ask for a better team to beta this story.
Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.
Chapter 35: Nostalgia
When Amanda and I returned to Riley's room, he was still asleep. We talked quietly, and it was nice to catch up and find out what she had been doing in the last year.
After a while, a nurse popped her head in the room to check on Riley. She took Riley's vitals before informing us visiting hours would be up shortly. He woke up briefly, groggy and disoriented. When the nurse left, Amanda stood and walked over to his bed, carefully sitting beside him. She brushed his hair off his forehead and smiled down at him.
"Do you need anything before we head out for the night?"
"No, I'm okay. Can you bring me clothes for tomorrow when I get discharged?" he asked. "Something easy to put on over the cast."
"Of course," she said. "Hey, I actually wanted to talk to you about tomorrow. I have a meeting tomorrow I absolutely have to get back for. I should be able to get you home and settled, but I need to get back to San Francisco. Bella and I talked about things and she says she can stay until Mom and Dad get here."
"But only if you want me to," I added.
Riley smiled at me. "That would be nice."
"I talked to Charlie; he'll cover things at the office for me."
Riley nodded, and I could see his eyes growing heavy again.
"We'll head out now, Ri, and let you sleep," Amanda said, leaning down to kiss his cheek. "See you in the morning."
"Night," he mumbled.
Amanda stood up at turned to me. "Do you have a place to stay yet? I'm at Riley's if you want to stay with me. It would be nice to have you there."
I hesitated for a moment before I spoke, unsure what to do. Part of me thought it was natural that I'd stay with her at Riley's place, but seeing as Riley and I hadn't really gotten a chance to talk yet, I wasn't sure if it was a good idea. Thinking quickly, I decided to take the night to get my bearings. "You know, I think I'll just stay at a hotel. Honestly, I'm pretty tired and I wouldn't be very good company anyway."
Amanda frowned but nodded in understanding. "Okay. Well let's at least walk out together."
"Sounds good," I told her. "I'll see you in the morning, Riley." Instinctively, I leaned in to kiss his cheek as well, and caught myself, reaching to give his hand a squeeze instead. He squeezed it back, brushing his thumb along my wrist before letting it go.
"Good night, Bella. I'm glad you're here." He yawned then and closed his eyes as he rested his head back into his pillow.
"Sweet dreams."
I double-checked that my phone charger was back in my purse, stuffed my toiletry bag in my suitcase, and followed Amanda out the door. I glanced back at Riley one more time as I pulled the door shut behind me. He was already deep asleep, and I let out a sigh of relief that he was going to be fine.
In the elevator, I pulled up a map of the area on my phone and searched for a hotel nearby. I just needed a decent place to crash for the night. If the exhaustion I felt was any indication, I'd be lucky if I had the energy to take a shower before I fell asleep.
"Do you have hotel in mind already? Amanda asked me.
"No, I was just looking one up," I said, flashing my phone at her.
"There's actually one at the conference center here on campus. The nurse told me about it when I got here. I'm sure they'll have a room available. Do you want to walk over there?"
I thought for a moment. It would be convenient, considering I didn't have a car. "I think I'll do that. You don't have go over there with me. I'm sure you're tired. I'll just stop at the front desk for directions."
She nodded and we both drew silent after a moment, I asked, "What time do you want to meet back here in the morning?"
"I've been coming in around nine. The doctor usually comes between nine-thirty and ten. He said if everything checks out, Riley would likely be discharged right after he made his rounds."
"Okay, I'll be here at nine o'clock then."
She leaned forward and hugged me tightly. "Thanks, Bella. I am glad I don't have to deal with this alone, and I can't thank you enough for staying to help out."
"You're welcome." I hugged her back just as tightly. "You and Riley are my oldest friends; there was no way I could just leave you in the lurch."
She pulled back, her hand lingering at my elbow. "I'm just sorry I let the breakup get in the way of our friendship."
I nodded. "Me, too."
She hugged me again and then said goodnight after the elevator came to a stop, promising to see me in the morning. She had rented a car for the time she was here, and headed toward the parking lot. I stopped in at the front desk of the hospital and asked for directions to the on campus hotel. The night receptionist pointed me in the right direction and I left, towing my suitcase behind me.
The hotel was located directly south of the hospital and was only a short walk to the main lobby. When I walked in the door a woman greeted me at check-in and I asked for a room. As she checked me in, I could feel my body's exhaustion slowly taking over. She handed me my key, gave me brief directions on how to get up to my room, and pointed me to the elevators. I noticed a Starbucks in the lobby, as well, and made a mental note to stop by in the morning on my way out. I rode up my floor and stumbled with my suitcase to my room.
As soon as the door clicked shut behind me, shrouding the room in darkness except for the lights of DC shining through the window, I felt my legs give out and I sunk to the floor.
So much had happened in the past twenty-four hours and I hadn't even started to process it all yet. I had been running on adrenaline since I'd woken up this morning and every muscle in my body ached with fatigue now as it had slowly worn off.
I sat there for a good twenty minutes with my eyes shut, just taking in the silence. When I finally opened my eyes, I decided to forgo eating something for dinner—I really wasn't even hungry—and opted for showering in the morning.
I stripped out my clothes, and rummaged through my suitcase for something to sleep in. I came across Edward's shirt and my heart ached. Things had been so terrible when he left me in Napa. I needed to talk to him but I really wasn't sure what to say just yet. He'd ended things between us, and maybe that was for the best; God knows I was a mess and had nothing to offer him right now. But it still made me sad and mournful to think about him and, at the very least, he deserved a sincere apology for the way I'd treated him.
Taking a deep breath, I yawned and grabbed a tank top to throw on. Moving to the bed, I pulled back the sheets and climbed in after setting my alarm for seven a.m. I wanted to get cleaned up and get a decent cup of coffee before meeting Amanda at the hospital. Moments after closing my eyes, I slipped into a deep sleep.
~LtOYL~
The next morning, I showered, dressed, and grabbed a latte before heading in to see Riley. When I arrived, he was much more alert; apparently, he'd had a good night's sleep. He told me they'd removed the IV and he was now on pill-form painkillers in preparation of his discharge. Amanda helped him dress, and he was ready to go when the doctor came in to check on him. He left us with instructions for what to do over the next several weeks and gave Riley the all clear. Amanda and I gathered up Riley's things and she left us for a moment to go pick up his prescriptions in the lobby and bring the car around.
After helping him into the wheelchair, I asked if he was ready to go.
"Bella, can I ask you something?" Riley asked me once we were finally alone.
"Of course, can I get you something?"
"No, I'm fine. I just—" Suddenly a nurse came in. "Never mind. It can wait."
"All ready to go, Mr. Biers?" he asked. "I've got to say, I'm kind of happy to see you go. The rest of the nurses can quit talking about you and get back to talking about me." He laughed. His eyes shifted to mine and he stopped in his tracks. "Well, hello there."
Riley laughed, too. "Bella, this is George, the resident smart ass. He's been one of my nurses in the morning shift."
George was tall and well built, with black hair and olive-colored skin. He was good-looking and I could see why the female nurses would talk about him. "Nice to meet you." I reached out to shake his hand.
"No, the pleasure's all mine." George grabbed my hand but didn't shake, merely held on to it.
"That's enough, George," Riley chided and reached for his chair wheels. "Let get this show on the road. Besides, you can do all the flirting you want and it won't do you any good. You're not Bella's type." The comment made me pause but I didn't speak up. Though George was attractive, Riley was right; he wasn't my type.
George released my hand and wheeled Riley to the lobby where we met Amanda at the front door. She'd brought the rental vehicle around and I was thankful it was an SUV. It was a little easier for Riley to maneuver into it versus a car. I could see him struggling to get comfortable with the bulky cast on his leg as he situated himself with his broken leg propped on the seat beside him.
George said his goodbye and we pulled out, headed for Riley's apartment. I sat quietly in the back seat and read through the paperwork from the hospital, trying to make sure there wasn't anything I couldn't handle over the next few days. It all seemed pretty straightforward. Riley's apartment building wasn't far, and thankfully we were able to pull up right to the door at the main entrance of the sprawling, five-story brick building. Amanda and I helped him out of the SUV and I grabbed my purse before she took off to park. He reached for the crutches I handed him and hooked them under his arms. He grimaced as he began to move, but after a few halting steps he seemed to grow more steady. He'd broken his foot as a kid so crutches weren't completely unfamiliar to him.
We walked slowly inside, me hovering at his elbow as we made our way into the building. I had no idea what I was going to do if he slipped. At 6'3" and over 200 pounds of solid muscle, it wasn't like I could do much if he fell, but I felt like I should at least be there to try.
Riley was pale and exhausted by the time he made it to the elevators, but he seemed steady enough on the crutches, and I was thankful that once we got up to the fourth floor, the entrance to his place wasn't far.
Amanda had handed me the keys to his place earlier and I let us both in. "Where do you want to go?" I asked Riley once he was in the apartment.
He groaned and leaned against the wall. "My bedroom's at the top of the stairs."
"You could spend the afternoon on the couch down here," I offered, but he shook his head no.
"I'd rather get it over with and get comfortable up there, I think."
"Okay," I agreed.
Thankfully, Amanda came in just a few moments later, with my suitcase and Riley's bag. With both of us on either side of him, he made it up the stairs. He collapsed onto the bed with a relieved groan. I took the crutches and leaned them against the wall, while Amanda helped Riley get settled on the bed.
She glanced at her watch. "I need to get going if I'm going to catch my flight. Riley, can I get you anything before I go? Bella are you sure you'll be okay doing this?"
"Yeah, I'll be fine," I reassured her.
"Mom and Dad will be here in a few days, and I've got Bella until then. Thanks for coming to take care of me, Mandi," Riley spoke up.
She made a face at the nickname he always called her when he was trying to drive her nuts. "I've missed you, Ri."
"I've missed you, too. You need to come visit me out here again. Sometime when I'm not dying," he joked.
She made another face and leaned down to hug him. "You scared me," she muttered. "I thought I was going to lose you."
I decided to give them a little privacy and slipped out of the room, giving them some space to say goodbye. In the hall, I wandered over to the railing and rested my elbows on it as I looked out over Riley's apartment.
It was a massive, light-filled studio. As my eyes traveled over the space, I realized how sterile and cold it seemed. The bones of the place were good, with huge windows, exposed beams, and hardwood floors. But with white walls, light-colored furniture, and light toned wood, it seemed very stark. It didn't really seem warm or lived in. It was stunning, but not a very cozy place to live.
I felt a twinge of discomfort when I realized I was mentally comparing it to Edward's place and the one Riley and I shared in San Francisco before I'd had it redecorated. Pushing away that thought, I was grateful when Amanda appeared, shutting the bedroom door behind her.
"He took a couple of pain pills, so he'll be out for a while, I think," she said. Pointing down the hall, she added, "The guest bedroom is down there. I didn't have time to wash them, but I did strip the sheets off the bed, and there's a washer and dryer in a closet off the kitchen."
"That's perfect, thanks."
She stepped forward to hug me. "Thank you for coming. And for staying until my parents get here. I know this can't be easy for you."
"It's . . . a little surreal," I admitted. "But I really am glad to help."
"I owe you one, Bella. Call me when you get back to San Francisco and we'll get together."
"I will, I'd like that," I said, hugging her hard.
"Mom said she'd call Riley's phone today, so if it rings, just answer it. It's on the nightstand by his bed."
"Okay."
I walked Amanda to the door and hugged her one last time before she left. We agreed that once we were both back in San Francisco we'd get together to talk and as the door closed behind her, I felt like one of the huge burdens that had been weighing me down had lifted. Losing Amanda's friendship had hit me harder than I'd realized. I'd been so wrapped up in my grief when Riley left I hadn't quite realized it was the loss of two people I was mourning. I grabbed Riley's duffel bag and my suitcase and hauled them up the stairs. I left his bag outside his door and went into the guest room.
To keep myself busy, I decided to wash the sheets and a few clothes to get me through the next few days. While the laundry was going, I wandered through the apartment, unsure of what to do with myself. I paused when I saw Riley's sleek laptop on the dining room table next to a pile of folders. I had a number of emails to respond to, and I wondered if he'd mind if I used his laptop. I debated for a moment and decided to ask him if I could use it later.
I fiddled around on my phone, searching the web and checking out the latest news headlines until the buzzer beeped on the laundry, nearly scaring me to death. I got up and I put everything in the dryer, smiling when I noticed he was still using the same dryer sheets as I did. I couldn't get over how strange it was, seeing Riley again. So many things were still the same, and yet, enough was different that it continued to throw me. I felt off-kilter.
Suddenly, I remembered what Amanda had said about their mother calling and Riley's phone being on the table next to him in his room. I didn't want it to wake him, so I crept into his room and grabbed his cell of the table. I went back in the other room and set it down beside mine, noticing his battery was about dead. I searched around his place for a charger and found one in the kitchen so I plugged it in.
A short while later, the dryer chimed it was done so I put the sheets on the bed and folded my clothing. I was trying to figure out what to do next when I heard Riley call out my name. I went in the other bedroom to check on him, and he smiled tiredly up at me when I peered my head in the door.
"Hey," I said softly.
"Can I get some water? I'm really thirsty. There's bottled water in the fridge."
"Do you want anything else while I'm downstairs?" I asked. "Are you hungry?"
He thought for a moment and then shook his head. "No, just the water would be good."
I nodded and went downstairs, getting water for both of us, and snagged his laptop up with me. I commented on it when I went back in the room. "Would you mind if I borrowed your laptop? I need to reply to some emails."
Riley shook his head and cracked open the water I gave him. "Of course not. I take it you remember the password?"
Thinking for a moment, it came to me. He'd used my birth date before; I was shocked it still worked. I nodded as I took a seat on the chair not far from the bed. "I'm shocked you haven't changed it."
He smiled faintly. "There's a lot I haven't changed."
All I could do was smile in return as I clicked on his browser and waited for the window to load. I wasn't mentally prepared for any of this. I was truly glad to be here to help Riley, but a part of me felt incredibly uncomfortable. There was so much familiarity, and yet, I didn't quite feel like I belonged here.
"Everything okay?" he asked.
My eyes flew to meet his concerned gaze. "Isn't that supposed to be my line? You were the one who got hit by an SUV."
He smirked at my reference to his joke the day before. "I know you, Bella, you just seem . . . rattled."
I shrugged my shoulders slightly and leaned back in my chair, trying to relax. "It's just a little surreal being her with you again."
"Yeah, I know," he agreed. "Do you know how many times I've dreamed of you being here? I never thought it would happen."
"I know. Me, too," I said softly and he sighed.
"It would have been too hard—being together for such a short time. I wanted it; I just didn't think I could see you and leave you again."
I smiled sadly, understanding exactly what he meant. "That's why I haven't ever come. . . until now."
Both of us were silent for a long moment before he yawned loudly and scrubbed his hands across his face. "God, I am so tired."
"Then take another nap," I coaxed him. "You've been through a lot. You need your rest."
He nodded sleepily, his eyes already beginning to close. I saw him wince as he shifted to get more comfortable but in moments, he was out.
I finished my emails and carefully set the laptop on the floor. I wandered to what was clearly Riley's home office and picked out a book. I needed something to keep myself occupied or I was going to drive myself crazy. I read for a while, downstairs on the couch, until my rumbling stomach reminded me that I hadn't eaten since yesterday morning.
There was little food in the kitchen, but I found restaurant menus in a drawer, and ordered a pizza and salad. I woke Riley shortly before the pizza arrived and helped him sit up in bed a little. He asked for his laptop and I handed it over, running downstairs when the buzzer rang.
Back in his room with the food, he smiled when he saw I'd ordered his favorite. "This looks great. Thanks, babe."
"You're welcome." I got comfortable on the chair, curling my legs up under me as we both ate. "I hoped it would appeal."
"The hospital food wasn't exactly stellar, so I haven't had a great meal since before I got hit," he said.
"I still can't believe you got hit," I said, shaking my head as I stabbed at the lettuce in my salad.
"It was an experience I'd like to never repeat," he said wryly.
I laughed; I had always found his slightly dry humor attractive and while some things felt odd to me, the banter he and I had slipped into since I'd arrived had fallen right into place. "Gee, I can't imagine why," I teased him. "Breaking your leg and being knocked unconscious sounds so appealing."
We ate our dinner, laughing and teasing each other. We heard a phone ring in the other room and Riley looked at me before it dawned on me it was his cell. I quickly set my plate down to run and grab it but it had stopped ringing just as I'd reached it. I unplugged his cell from the charger and took it into Riley's room.
"Sorry, I didn't get to it in time."
"No problem. Thanks," he said as I handed it to him. He started pressing buttons and then put the phone up to his ear. After a few seconds he spoke. "Hey, Mom."
I slipped out of the room, carrying the leftovers from dinner, and pulled his door slightly closed to give him some privacy. I put the leftovers in the fridge and returned to the comfortable couch in the living room. I could hear the low rise and fall of Riley's voice as he talked to his mother. I couldn't hear the actual conversation, but it was familiar and soothing listening to the familiar tone of his voice in the background. A sudden wave of sadness washed over me as I realized I missed Riley's mother. In many ways, she'd been more of a mother to me than Renee had over the years. She was warmer, and a much better listener. While Riley and I had been together, I'd talked to her on a weekly, sometimes daily basis. I missed Riley's father, too, although with Charlie around, it wasn't like I was quite as desperate for that parental figure in my life.
No wonder I'd been such a mess, I thought grimly. Was such a mess, really. I'd made some improvement in the past year, but there was still a hell of a lot I needed to deal with. The disastrous ending to the weekend with Edward was proof of that. I sighed, rubbing at that spot in my chest that always seemed to ache when I thought of him. How had everything gone so wrong, so fast? Neither of us had ever seen this as a future for us.
The call from Riley's parents in conjunction with my thoughts about the past weekend reminded me that I still had unchecked voice mail messages on my phone. With a sigh, I got up and grabbed my phone from the table across the room. I'd plugged it in to charge earlier, and had forgotten it was there.
I settled back on the couch as I listened to my voicemail, my breath catching when I realized one of the messages was from Edward. It had come in while I was on the plane to D.C.
His voice was cool and detached; weary. "Bella, I . . . look, this doesn't change anything, but I wanted to call to see if you made it back to San Francisco okay. I . . . it was a shitty thing to do—to leave you there stranded, although I'm sure you understand why I left." There was a bitterness to his voice I'd never heard before. "Just text me to let me know you made it home safely. That's all I need."
The message ended abruptly after that. I went to delete the message but stopped myself; it was connection to him—possibly the last one I'd have. I typed and retyped a text to Edward, finally settling on the simplest thing I could come up with. Sorry, I didn't get your message until now. I made it back to SF safe. Thanks for checking on me. I'm sorry.
There was nothing else to say, nothing else I could do until I was back in the city and even then, possibly nothing else he would allow. Until I could ask him to meet with me in person so I could apologize, a simple I'm sorry was my only option.
I closed my eyes at the stinging press of tears, my phone clutched in my hand as I thought about Edward. I half-expected a response from him, but my phone was silent and still as the moments ticked by. I was jarred from my thoughts by Riley calling down the stairs to me. "Bella?"
I sat up, my phone slipping from my hand before I caught it at the last second. "Yeah—" I cleared my throat "—one sec," I said, my voice coming out more hoarse than I expected. I wiped at my eyes, plugged the phone in again, and went upstairs, trying to compose myself.
"There you are." Riley smiled at me, but his expression dimmed as he looked me over. "Hey, what's wrong?"
"Nothing." I forced a smile onto my face and lied. "Just tired. Maybe a little jet-lagged."
He looked at me warily, no doubt not believing me for a moment, but he didn't push it. "Okay. Um, I need to get up. Can you help me into the bathroom?" he hastily added, "I'll be fine once I'm in there; I just want to be sure I don't fall getting out of bed."
"Yeah, of course," I assured him. It took Riley a while to brush his teeth and get ready for bed, and I handed him a change of clothes through the door.
After he finally hobbled from the bathroom back into the bedroom on his crutches, he sank onto the bed with a relieved groan.
"Fuck, who would think going to the bathroom would be this exhausting?" he asked, his face pale and drawn, as he settled back. "I hate this."
"I know, but it's normal." Riley had never liked being sick, or having to be taken care of. He'd always let me, and I knew he appreciated when I did, but he still hated it. A slow recovery like this was going to drive him crazy.
I helped him get settled in bed again. His lips were pressed tightly together and I heard him hiss in pain as he shifted. "Do you need more water to take some pain meds?" I asked softly.
"Please," he said hoarsely.
I went downstairs, bringing up two bottles, in case he needed more water in the middle of the night.
He thanked me, and downed one bottle, taking two pills with it. "Need anything else?" I asked, and he shook his head.
"Nah, I'm good."
"Don't hesitate to let me know if you need anything, even if it's just getting to the bathroom in the middle of the night."
"Okay," he agreed. I went to leave, but he caught my hand in his and I turned back to look at him. "Thanks, Bella. I . . . I don't know what I would have done without you."
"Glad I could help," I said, squeezing his hand. He looked up at me for a long moment before he let go of my hand, but I couldn't quite interpret his expression.
Thoughts, comments, general musings? Tell us, if you were in this situation—being with your ex after spending a year apart and having so many things still be the same—how would you feel?
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