Not going to blather on, as we know you all are anxious to get to the chapter. The song we chose is fairly popular right now, which we tend to avoid, but it's still fitting to what's going on. "Lego House" by Ed Sheeran www#youtube#com/watch?v=qU4wxPw6t_g And here is a spicy little pictease for ya: data#whicdn#com/images/61517954/large#gif

Give a big round of applause for LJ Summers and AshesAshes, our awesome betas. Ladies, we really do appreciate your help and support on this story. Readers, check out their work; they are both excellent authors.

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Thirty-Six: Distortion

Overall, I slept well that night. In the morning, I checked on Riley, but the bed was empty and I could hear the bathroom sink running. I returned to the guest room and took the time to shower and dress. He was just emerging from his bathroom when I poked my head in his bedroom door. He looked much better than the day before. It wasn't so much that he looked more neat and clean-though he did. It was just that he looked more like his old self.

"How'd you sleep?" I asked as he headed back to the bed. He was moving about easier this morning, and his color was getting back to normal.

"Surprisingly well," he said, handing the crutches to me as he got comfortable against the headboard. "I feel better."

"Good. I see you didn't need any help getting ready."

"Nah, I managed okay. I was able to wash my hair in the sink and clean up a little."

"Tough guy," I teased him. "You know it won't kill you to let me help you."

He gave me a wry smile. "I know, and I appreciate your help. I just wanted to see if I could do it on my own."

"Some things never change." I paused when a thought occurred to me. "Hey, what did your parents have to say last night?"

"They'll be here Friday. I guess some freak storm came up. They're off the cruise ship, finally, but they're expecting planes to be grounded for the next few days until the weather clears. I think my mother was about to hire a dogsled team just to get here faster. Although, knowing that I'm out of the hospital and that you're here helped calm her down."

"I'm sure she's going crazy having to wait," I said, sinking into the chair beside the bed.

"Well, you know Mom," Riley said.

"Yeah." I smiled softly. "I miss her."

He frowned. "Why didn't you stay in contact with them?"

"It was too hard at first," I admitted. "And then . . . I don't know, I thought maybe they resented me as much as Amanda did. Blamed me for you leaving."

"I had no idea things were bad between you and Amanda. I figured she didn't mention you to try to make it easier on me."

I shook my head and drew my knee up, resting my foot on the seat of the chair. "No, she was pissed at me. We had a huge fight a couple of weeks after you left. Until I got here Sunday . . . we haven't spoken since. . . ."

"Jesus, Bella. I'm sorry."

I waved it off. "You didn't know."

Riley's concerned blue eyes met mine. "I feel like I should have."

"We were both just doing the best we could, I suppose," I said, shrugging.

He ran a hand through his dark blond hair and leaned back against the headboard. "There are a lot of things I wish I could go back and do differently."

"Yeah, me, too."

After a simple breakfast, we spent the morning reading—me more on the same book from last night, and Riley the newspapers from the past few days he'd missed. Riley called into his work after lunch while I touched base with Charlie. Everything at the office was fine, which was as predicted. Anytime Charlie came into the office, things seemed to run like clockwork. Charlie asked how Riley was doing and I filled him in on everything. He asked how I was, and I got a little choked up. You wouldn't think such a simple question would affected me so much, but it did. Being in D.C. with Riley made me feel completely off-kilter. Having listened to Edward's message and not getting a reply only made things worse. I felt like everything was a mess and I didn't belong anywhere.

I told Charlie that I was good but he could tell something was off. He didn't push it, just told me to take as much time as I needed to get "myself" take care of. I asked him how things were going at the office and he told me it was fine then changed the subject. I knew that was his way of telling me he had it covered and not to worry about work right now, but it was hard completely letting go while I was gone. I told him I loved him and said goodbye with a promise to send Riley his well wishes.

"How's Dad?" Riley asked once I'd disconnected the call.

I gave him a sweet smile. He'd taken to calling Charlie "Dad" when we were together. It warmed my heart that he still considered him family. "He's good. Keeping everyone in line back at the office."

"You know, as much as Dad talks about how much he enjoys retirement, he still loves that firm. I wonder where you get it from," he said and winked.

"A big part of why I love Swan and Volturi so much is because it's such a big part of him. He loves it. But enough about me, you already know all that. Tell me about your job here. Are you happy?"

His eyes lit up immediately. "I love it. God, it's exhausting and frustrating, and I absolutely love it."

"Tell me about it; I want to know what you do exactly," I prompted him.

He spoke at length about his work for the Senator, and it struck me that in the last few years he'd been working at Swan and Volturi, he hadn't looked nearly as enthusiastic or animated. Clearly, this job made him happy.

We talked about D.C., too. He'd reunited with some of our former classmates from Georgetown that had stayed in the area since he'd returned. "Bella, I can't describe it. I just feel like I fit here." While I knew what he was getting at, I can't say his words didn't sting a little. I was excited for him though. Knowing he was happy here reaffirmed that we'd made the right decision and that this where he belonged.

Riley asked how things were going at the firm since he'd left so I filled him on the changes that had happened in the last year. When I told him about my promotion to partner, he congratulated me. "Oh, babe, that's fantastic. I know how much you wanted that."

I nodded. "I've been dreaming about it for a long time."

"I'm so happy for you." He smiled at me and, for a second, it was just like old times.

He napped that afternoon and we spent the evening watching movies on the TV in his room. I found myself slipping sometimes; forgetting that we weren't together for just a second. We seemed to fall right back into place, in so many ways.

The next few days passed in a similar fashion. Riley was restless and anxious to be able to do something, but I could see how hard he was trying to rest and take it easy. I tried to keep him distracted with books, movies, and even cards but, as the days passed, I could tell the inactivity was growing tiresome.

A low level of flirtation was slowly building between us as we fell into familiar routines. I kept having to remind myself that we weren't together anymore, and that I shouldn't be flirting with Riley, but it grew more difficult to remember as the days passed.

On Thursday, we were in the middle of a game of rummy when I was reminded of a spring break trip we'd taken with some friends in high school—the two of us laughing and playing cards by the pool with our friends, Riley leaning in to kiss me, and our friends teasing us about how gross our PDA was. I could practically feel the heat on my skin, smell the chlorine from the pool, and taste Riley's lips on mine.

Realizing I'd been unconsciously leaning in toward him, I jerked back, my startled eyes meeting his. "You okay?" he asked with a concerned frown.

"Yeah," I said hoarsely, my heart beating just a little too fast in my chest.

He shifted on the bed and reached forward, his warm hand touching mine. "Are you sure, babe? You look flushed."

I shook my head. "I'm fine, really."

We continued playing cards until Riley finally tossed the deck onto the duvet cover and groaned. "I am so sick of this."

"I know. We need some fresh air or something," I acknowledged.

"Go see a movie?" he offered.

"Are you sure you're feeling up to that?" I asked. "I know you're feeling better, but you just got out of the hospital a few days ago."

"I'm going to drive myself insane if I don't get out of here," he said. "I did fine going out to the patio."

We had spent a few hours on the roof deck patio earlier, Riley on his laptop while I read a book. He had maneuvered through the doors and handled the stairs fairly well with my help, and he did seem to be getting stronger daily.

"As long as you don't push yourself too hard," I said. We'd already finished dinner and had a few hours to kill until bedtime. This was the most sleep I'd had in years, and I was restless to get out of Riley's apartment, too. "Will you promise to tell me if you get too tired?"

"I will," he said, laughing. "I promise."

I got up and grabbed my phone to look up movie times. When I turned on the screen, my eyes naturally looked at the text message icon located next to my internet app. There were no messages, which mean I still had no reply from Edward. I didn't expect that he'd reply, but I still held out hope that there would be something from him. I cleared the lump that had formed in my throat and opened my web browser. "Which theater is closest to you?"

"Look up AMC Theatre on K Street."

"Okay." I searched for the theater and then went to show times. "What kind of movie do you want to see?"

"Got any porn?" he said, straight-faced and then laughed.

"Funny. Don't think you're in luck though," I quipped back, rolling my eyes at his silly sense of humor.

He laughed again. "Sorry, just being cooped up here with you is making me a little stir crazy I guess. You're so beautiful, Bella." Immediately I looked down, bringing my hand up to tuck my hair behind my ear. "You've always been the most beautiful woman in the world to me."

"Riley . . . ."

"No listen, I know things are different between us now but I want to you to know how I see you has never changed. I know I'm not the easiest patient sometimes, but there's no one else I'd rather have here with me than you."

I was quiet, not really sure how to take the first half of his statement. Given his joke just moments before, I wasn't sure where this was leading. Finally, I spoke up hoping to steer things back on track. "So what movie do you want to see? "

Riley went to speak but stopped short, seeming to change what he was about to say. When he spoke, his voice was raspy at first and he cleared his throat. "On second thought, let's just watch a movie here. I guess it is getting kind of late."

Riley scooped up the cards and straightened them into a neat stack, carefully putting them in the box they came in. I got up to move to the chair beside the bed but he stopped me. "You can sit here while we watch movies, you know, I promise I won't bite."

I laughed, agreeing. "Okay. It probably will be more comfortable."

I slid up next to him, grabbing one of the pillows to rest against. We flipped through the movies for purchase on TV and then settled on a political drama we both wanted to see. Riley put the remote on the nightstand and I felt his elbow brush mine as he settled back against the headboard.

When we both ended up annoyed by the inaccuracies in the movie, I found myself laughing. If I closed my eyes, we could be in the dorms at Stanford all over again. Or the apartment we'd lived in here in Georgetown, or our place in San Francisco. The familiarity made my head spin.

Once the movie was over, I kept an eye on him as he headed to the bathroom to brush his teeth and change for the night. When he was done and comfortable again, I got up to leave, but he stopped me.

"Watch another movie with me?" he asked. I was standing beside the bed, and I looked down at his hopeful face. He looked so boyish then, like the guy who'd first kissed me beside the pool in Laguna. I missed that boy.

"Okay." Settling onto the bed beside him again, we picked out another movie. I found myself drifting off halfway through, my eyes growing heavier and heavier. My head lolled to the side, and I felt a warm arm slip around me, gently shifting me so my head was on his shoulder.

"Feels like old times, doesn't it?" he commented softly, and I nodded with heavy eyes. "This is what I missed the most."

"Yeah, me, too." I shifted, getting more comfortable against him, and closed my eyes, just intending to rest them for a moment. I ended up waking long after the movie was over, curled up with my head still on Riley's shoulder, his arms wrapped around me. "Shit, I fell asleep," I muttered, still half out of it.

"It's okay," he said softly. "You feel nice."

He tightened his arms around me and I let myself drift again for a moment, taking in his warmth. My hand was resting on his stomach, my fingers clutching the soft cotton of his T-shirt. "I should go," I rasped.

"Just stay," he whispered, his thumb rubbing against the skin on my arm. His touch was so familiar it made my heart ache and I nodded. I got up, pulled down the covers on the other side of the bed, and slipped under them. He turned out the light on the bedside table and scooted down to get comfortable. I nestled close to him, letting my head rest on his broad chest.

I bit my cheek as he pulled me closer, kissing the top of my head. "I hate being without you, Bella," he said. "I hate every day that you aren't beside me."

I nodded against his chest and tilted my face to look at him. "The months after you left . . . that was probably the hardest time in my life."

"Maybe we made a mistake . . ." He sighed, his lips just inches from mine. "Some days I think I never should have left."

I wasn't sure how to respond verbally but my body moved instinctively towards his. I lifted my head to look at him and shifted to let my lips brush softly against his. He kissed me back for a moment, his lips soft and sweet, reminding me of the first kiss we ever had.

"What are we doing?" I barely whispered against his lips.

He shook his head. "I don't know. I just know how much I missed you, how much I want you."

Sitting up, I turned so I was leaning over the top half of his body. I bent forward to kiss him again and he deepened it by wrapping his hands around me to pull me closer. I threaded my fingers through his short hair, trying to grasp on to him. He tugged at my clothes, pushing the fabric of my shirt up around my breasts, his hands hot as they roamed across my bare back. I sat up quickly and pulled my shirt over my head, tossing it to the floor besides us. Leaning in to him again, I felt the rough rasp of his five o'clock shadow against my jaw as he kissed down my neck, and his hands slid to the front of my body, his fingers skimming the skin along my stomach. His hands continued up my torso to the under swell of my breast and when his thumb grazed my nipple through my bra, I gasped his name.

His touch felt good but something was playing at the back of my mind that wasn't right. I tried to ignore it but as his hands continued to touch me, the feeling grew more and more intense.

Something was wrong; I wanted him to stop.

I pulled back from him and swallowed hard, wondering why all of a sudden everything felt so strange. Riley's touch had always felt right and comforting. Now, it didn't. I didn't understand the tightness in my chest or the sudden urge to push him away. I stared down at him, struggling to understand what was going on. I was reminded of the men I'd brought home from the clubs. How I'd used them to find comfort and closeness when I was alone and hurting. Why did it feel like I was doing the same thing with Riley now?

His hands stilled and he opened his eyes, his gaze searching mine. I scrambled back away from him, my hand flying to my lips as I realized why being with Riley felt so wrong. I reeled for a moment, stunned by the fact it was Edward's hands I wanted touching me, Edward's lips on mine. It was his arms I wanted to take comfort in. Edward was the one I was missing now. Edward had slipped in and replaced Riley in my heart without me ever being aware of it.

"Bella?" Riley said worriedly, struggling to sit up as he reached a hand out to me.

Instinctively, I shied away and he wrinkled his brow, confused. "I'm sorry," I choked out. "I don't know what's going on."

But I did know. It was all rushing in on me, the moments with Edward and the invisible, almost imperceptible ways he'd cracked through the shell around my heart and drawn it out.

I was in love with him.

How long had I been fooling myself into thinking I was still hung up on Riley? How long had I known, somewhere unconsciously, that Riley was no longer the most important person in my life. How long had I lied to myself about my feelings and why? For God's sake, why had I put myself through hell when the answer was in front of me all along? Was I just too scared to get hurt again? Was keeping Edward at arm's length a way of keeping safe, protecting my heart?

I stifled a sob and stood up, mumbling an excuse to Riley as I reached for my shirt and hurried into the bathroom. With shaking hands, I closed the door and gasped for air, staggered by the realization I had come to.

I wanted Edward.

Even if Riley and I were able to miraculously find a way to make our relationship work, I didn't want to anymore. Without being aware of it, I had fallen for Edward. He was who I wanted to turn to for comfort and affection. Kissing Riley had been familiar at first, but it was a shadow of an old memory. Nothing like the immediacy of the need I had for Edward. I had let myself get sucked in by the familiarity of being with Riley, but it wasn't what I wanted.

Jesus, what have I done?

I felt suddenly sick at the way I had treated Edward, and for how far things had gone with Riley; the guilt making me nauseous. My hands were still shaking when I fumbled for a glass on the counter and filled it, drinking it down in one long gulp. The cold water only made my stomach worse though and I sat down on the edge of the tub, my head between my knees, a cold sweat breaking out over my body as I tried to steady my breathing.

What the fuck was wrong with me? How had I not realized the depth of my feelings for Edward? Why had I clung to Riley instead of allowing Edward in? Why had I run from Edward's love instead of turning to him? I kept replaying the anguished look in his face when I told him I didn't love him. The worst part was that it was a lie. A complete and utter lie. I was in love with Edward.

And I didn't deserve him at all.

When the shaking finally subsided and I was able to pull myself upright, I went back into the bedroom. Riley was sitting up in bed, awake, with the light on. "Bella?" he said worriedly.

I took a seat at the foot of the bed and looked at him for a long moment before I spoke. I wet my lips and took a deep breath, summoning up my courage. "Riley, we need to talk."

So . . . we know some of you must have been a little worried there when things started getting heated. Are you ready to hear what Bella has to say now that her blinders have been lifted? Tell us what you think!

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