Surprise, we're posting early. Last chapter ended where we wanted it to, because we felt like Bella closing the door on the previous chapter of her life was pretty significant. She let go of her past and can now focus on Edward...so can all of you. So for all of you who didn't agree with it, yes, we understand your frustration but there was a reason. Enjoy the next chapter and we'll see you at the bottom.

The song for this chapter is titled 'Madness" by Muse www#youtube#com/watch?v=Ek0SgwWmF9w and here is the pictease: farm4#static#flickr#com/3635/3399701566_ae24b90c74 #jpg

Many thanks to our fabulous betas. Jakeward and AshesAshes make our words pretty and keep us in line when things get a little crazy. LJ Summers will be back, she's just a little tied up-don't worry, we'll untie her next chapter. ;)

Disclaimer: All publicly recognizable characters, settings, etc. are the property of their respective owners. The original characters and plot are the property of the author. The author is in no way associated with the owners, creators, or producers of any media franchise. No copyright infringement is intended.

Chapter Thirty-Nine: Groveling

The cab ride to the airport, getting checked in for my flight, and making it through security kept my mind occupied for the next two and a half hours. It wasn't until I was in my seat and waiting for the plane to take off, that my thoughts turned to Edward and how I should approach him. I didn't even know where to start.

I mulled over various ideas. For the briefest second, I thought about showing up at his place and surprising him by being naked in his bed, but I immediately rejected the thought. Even if I'd been able to get into his place, appealing to his sexual side seemed callous. Although our relationship had begun with sex, I wanted more. Open, honest communication was the only way we would ever be able to make it.

I considered other ideas—texting, calling—but ultimately, I decided to just go to the museum and see what happened once we were face-to-face. It was risky; he might turn me away. Honestly, I was afraid if that happened, I'd never see him again. I was more than willing to do whatever it took to prove that I sincerely regretted the way I'd treated him, and that I was committed to working hard to make a relationship work.

What if I'm too late? What if I've already lost my chance with Edward? It was nearly impossible to keep my doubts at bay.

Nothing but Edward consumed my mind as the flight jetted toward Detroit for my brief layover. What could I say that could convey how truly sorry I was? I'd apologized dozens of times, and at this point, an apology would mean little. I navigated Detroit Metro to my next gate and checked in with the attendant. They informed me we'd be departing as scheduled, so I quickly phoned Eli to make arrangements for pickup once I was back in San Francisco. He told me not to worry, that he'd be there waiting when I arrived.

I sat impatiently for the next thirty minutes still trying to figure out what exactly I'd say once I was with Edward. The words were a tangled mess inside my head. As my plane boarded, then crossed the rest of the way across the U.S., I was still no closer to knowing how I was going to do this.

After collecting my bags from the baggage carousel, I made my way out to the curb. As promised, Eli was right there waiting for me as soon as I arrived. He greeted me with a smile and a hug before placing my bags in the trunk. Once we were both settled in the car, he asked me, "Where to." Although I knew I'd eventually need to go to the office, I told him to take me straight to the museum.

When Eli pulled up out front, I thanked him and got out. He said he'd take my bags to my apartment and drop them off so I didn't have to worry or lug them around with me. I quickly dug through my bag for my wallet and pulled out my member card before rushing inside. Anxiety filled me as I asked the young woman at the information desk for the office of museum curation and she pointed me in the right direction. I could have called Edward and asked him to meet me in the lobby, but a part of me was afraid he wouldn't answer. I found the staff offices easily and ventured down a long white hallway, surprisingly plain and bland for an art museum. Once I reached his office door, I paused and took a deep breath before knocking. When there was no answer, I tried again.

An older woman was walking down the hallway and stopped when she saw me. "Can I help you, dear?" she asked in a curious tone.

"Yes, I'm looking for Edward Cullen," I said, my mouth dry.

"He's not in his office at the moment, may I take a message? I'm his assistant." She smiled kindly at me.

"Do you know when he'll be back? It's important that I see him."

"Do you have an appointment?"

"No, It's regarding a personal matter. I'm . . ." My voice trailed off. God, what was I to him? His girlfriend? Ex-girlfriend? I thought. "I'm Bella Swan."

"Oh, all right, well you can leave your number with me; I'll have him call you when he gets in."

"No—if he'll be back this afternoon, I'd rather wait if you don't mind." I really didn't want to leave.

"He's actually out with a tour right now. If you'd like, I can tell you where he might be and you could possibly join them."

Relieved at her suggestion, I exhaled the breath I didn't realize I was holding. "Thank you. That would be great."

"All right, you're going to go back the way you came until you get to the lobby and take the elevators up to two floors. You'll see the collection galleries, which they should be wandering through right about now. There will be a guard on duty just outside of the collection, and he'll be able to let you know where the tour is exactly. Just tell him Shelly sent you."

My heart was pounding in my chest; I'd get to see him soon. Thanking her profusely, I made my way back to the lobby and to the second floor. There was a guard posted at the entrance, just as she said. I told him Shelly sent me and that I was looking for Edward.

He nodded in understanding. "Sure thing, miss, they're still in the collections. They should be a little over halfway through, so why don't you go through the exit here" —He pointed at the door to my right— "and you should be able to meet up with them."

"Thank you."

He smiled at me and waved me on.

I quickly walked past him, through the exit, and through the collection. I stopped in the doorway of one of the rooms when I saw him, and took a deep breath, trying to steady myself. Edward looked exhausted and worn, but he had a friendly smile on his face. He was clearly working hard to pretend as if he was okay, but I could see that he wasn't. There was tightness around his eyes, and weariness to his gaze. I hated that I had put that there.

After explaining a particular piece, he herded the group along to the next without really looking up at all. When he glanced in my direction, our eyes finally connected. He went white and his steps faltered for a moment, nearly colliding with a young boy who was following too closely. Afraid of his reaction, I gave him a timid smile but he did nothing in response. My heart was in my throat as he hesitated, waiting for him to do something. Instead, he turned back to his group and continued the tour. He was clearly busy and had no interest in speaking to me.

I took a seat on a bench near the exit and waited, hoping he'd be willing to talk once the tour was over. I could still see him from where I was sitting and listened as closely as I could from my distance, listening to the rise and fall of his voice as he gave his lecture. Occasionally, I would catch him stealing a glance in my direction, but for the most part, he ignored me. He focused on the group and his material, entertaining them just as he did the night of the Stein exhibition. The only difference was the spark and normal vibrancy he radiated was missing. He clearly conveyed his knowledge of each piece but it was muted and dim.

Just as Shelly predicted, it was another thirty minutes before the tour wrapped up, and the group dispersed. Edward, however, retained his distance from me. He just stood there staring in my direction; anger, tension, and resentment all flashed across his face before being replaced with a blank mask. I couldn't quite get a read on him. He didn't make a move toward me, even when I stood up. I waited by the bench, not wanting to crowd him, hoping he'd be willing to come to me so we could talk. Eventually, he released a breath and walked towards me, though slowly, with wariness in his eyes.

"Hi," I rasped, forcing the words past my frozen lips.

"What are you doing here, Bella?" His voice was cool and detached, and I swallowed hard, knowing that everything was resting on this moment.

"I know I owe you an explanation; you're probably hurt and furious with me," I said quietly. "What I really want to say will take a while, but do you at least have a few minutes to talk?"

His lips tightened for a moment before he nodded hesitantly. "We can talk in my office. Follow me." With that, he brushed past me and walked away.

I quickly followed behind him and we walked in silence; it was excruciating. Shelly greeted us with a smile when we walked by what I assumed was her desk, but then her eyes flicked between our tense bodies and it quickly faltered. Edward nodded at her and proceeded into his office. I went to close the door behind us, but he stopped me, his voice so cold and detached, it sent a shiver down my spine. "Leave it open."

I paused, taken aback by his request, but did as he said. He took a seat at his desk and stared at me—his hands bridged in front of him. I waited for him to speak, my nerves building, but he was silent. Trying to think of how to start things between us, I looked around his office. I'd never been in here before in all the months we'd been dating, and I realized Edward hadn't ever seen mine, either. I wanted that to change. I wanted him to become a part of my life, not just a person in it. As I looked around, I saw his various achievements and acknowledgements mounted on the wall, in addition to shelves and shelves of books, photographs, art pieces, and a signed baseball sitting next to an old mitt. Edward liked Baseball? I scrunched my brow, thinking; there was so much I didn't know about him.

Turning my gaze back to his desk, I noticed a glass bowl full of corks sitting just off to the side. There was also one cork sitting on the desk, next to a pen. The letters were smeared and the edges looked worn, as if it were a lot older than the others in the bowl. When I looked closer, I realized it was from one of the wineries we'd visited in Napa. My heart skipped a beat and my mouth went dry as I pieced together their significance. He'd been collecting them on our trip; that's what I saw him doing all those times but paid no further attention to. My chest ached at his sentiment. I also wondered what happened to all of the wine we'd bought. In the chaos of everything that was going on, I realized I'd completely forgotten about so much.

I opened my mouth to say something, anything to get the conversation flowing but my words fell short. Finally, I just blurted out the first thought I could force from my lips. "I went to D.C. to see Riley."

Anger flashed across his face and he leaned heavily back against his chair, his hands curling around the edge of the armrests. "I see," he said shortly.

"I had to go," I quickly elaborated. "The call in Napa was from his sister telling me he'd been in an accident and was unconscious. I . . . I didn't know if he was dead or alive."

"And?"

"And he was conscious by the time I got there. Pretty bruised and cut up; he had to have surgery to put pins in his leg—it was badly broken—but he's going to be okay."

Edward nodded once. "And then you stayed there for the week."

"Yes. His sister had to come back here to SF and his parents were in Alaska; I was the only person he could turn to. It was good though, Edward. I did a lot of thinking while I was there."

"I see," he repeated. "Look, Bella, I don't need any explanations from you. You're free to do whatever you want." His fingers were white where he'd been gripping the arms of the chair.

"Yes, Edward, I do. I need to explain things and you need to know what happened in D.C."

"Okay, fine. . . ." he said. His tone was slightly flippant, but I couldn't say I blamed him. He had every right to be upset with me. "What happened in D.C.?"

I swallowed hard, my heartbeat picking up. I was about to tell Edward how I felt and I was scared to death of his reaction. He had said he was in love with me in Napa, but was it just driven by the heat of the moment? Did he really mean the words? I summoned my courage and decided to take a leap of faith. Even if he didn't feel the way he said now, I still did and I had to tell him. If nothing else, he'd know how I felt. "I realized something when I was there. I'm in love and I should have realized it all along."

I spoke softly but the words seemed thunderously loud in the silent room. They hung in the air and seemed to linger. Edward's face was still as stone, his jaw set. "Why are you telling me this? I don't need to hear this," he said. He stared at his desk, his eyes fixed on the wine cork in front of him. He moved his hand slightly and grasped it in his palm, squeezing tightly. I wondered what was going through his mind, and it occurred to me that he must have done this motion before, causing the cork to look so worn.

"Edward? Look at me, please," I pleaded. His eyes met mine, and although they were dry, the pain I saw in them was unbearable. I got out of my chair and went around the desk to his side. He stiffened when I touched his cheek but I continued. "With you, Edward. I'm in love with you."

He sat motionless and I'd wondered if he heard me. When he still hadn't said anything after thirty seconds, my heart sank, realizing that I must have been too late. My revelation didn't matter to him. I took a step back and looked down at the floor. When he finally spoke, I barely heard it over the pounding of my heart.

"I hoped. I hoped so hard that you felt it, too. That you would allow yourself to see and feel what was between us." I turned my gaze to his face and saw him staring at the desk in front of him again. He looked as if he was in a daze.

"I wish it hadn't taken me so long. Edward, I love you and I'm so sorry that I hurt you." My voice was thick as I struggled to convey my sincerity.

Edward's lips thinned and he took a deep breath. "Tell me more about D.C. Did anything happen between you two?"

"No-" I started but quickly stopped. Saying no was a lie and I wanted to be completely honest. "Yes . . . I kissed him." Admitting the words was hard but Edward needed to know everything. I sat back on the edge of his desk.

"Fuck" He leaned back in his chair, not meeting my eyes, the hurt and betrayal written clearly across his face.

"Edward, please understand. When I was with him, it didn't feel right. It made me realize I had moved on without even knowing it. All I wanted was you."

"Bella. . . fuck," he repeated. He pushed his chair back and stood up, quickly moving around to the other side of the desk. His hands were in his hair and his body was visibly tense. "So I'm just supposed to feel better because you were thinking about me when you were kissing someone else? It makes it all right because you finally got your head on straight?" Edward asked bitterly as he paced back and forth.

I got up and moved around the desk, trying to face him head on. "I'm not trying to justify it or excuse it, Edward. I'm trying to—"

"What, Bella? You're trying to what?" He squeezed his eyes shut, as if blocking out the images of Riley and me in his mind. "I just can't stand the thought of you with someone else. He had twelve years with you. I've known you for a matter of months. And as much as I try to be rational and reasonable about it, it drives me crazy that he's had all of you. He knows things about you that I will never know. You've opened up to him completely, without hesitation. You spent the time we were together, wanting me to be him. That's hard to deal with."

His voice was clipped and his coldness was worse than if he'd shouted at me. I could see his clenched jaw and the tension as his whole body radiated anger. I hurried to reassure him, trying to diffuse the situation. "I know. Look, Edward, I promise you, nothing else happened between Riley and me. We kissed and then I stopped things. I'm not here to say I'm sorry again. I've told you that over and over, and I know at this point, those words mean nothing to you. But I do mean them.

"I know I can't take back the last few months with you or change how things ended between us in Napa. But I want you to know how much you mean to me. I've done a lot of thinking, and although I know you've already given me too many chances, I desperately hope you'll give me just one more. I want to prove to you that I've changed," I pleaded.

He shook his head. "What makes this time any different than all of the others? What happens when something sets you off and you change your mind like you've already done over and over? Maybe it's just better if we go our separate ways."

My chest tightened and tears sprang to my eyes. "Edward, please. I understand why you feel that way. I've made so many mistakes; I don't deserve another chance; I know that but it doesn't stop me from wanting one. I want to prove to you that I mean it this time. I will do whatever it takes to make you understand. Whatever you need from me, I'll do."

He stared at me for a long moment, his gaze piercing mine. His expression was set and unwavering. I wondered what was going through is mind and prayed that somehow, some way, he'd find it in his heart to let me try. Slowly, his features softened a little and he sighed but nodded his head in agreement.

"I know we have a lot to talk about," I said quietly, trying to fight back my elation at the fact that he was willing to at least talk. "I should have told you more about my past long before this, and I think if there's any chance of repairing the damage I did to our relationship, I need to be completely open with you about everything from now on."

"I agree."

"Can I see you after you get off work? I'm going to stop by the office and check in with Charlie, but that shouldn't take long. I'll make us dinner and we can continue this. Just—please, tell me you'll come," I asked hopefully.

His brow wrinkled. "I can't. I already have dinner planned with my family. I can't cancel, and to be honest, I don't want to."

As soon as I heard the words, the hope in me deflated a little. "Okay. . . ." I swallowed hard, trying to hide my disappointment. "I understand."

"Why don't I come over after dinner?" he offered. "Dinner is at six; I could probably make it to your place by eight thirty or nine."

"I'd like that," I said honestly. "No matter what time it is, I'll be waiting."

"I'm not promising anything, Bella."

"At this point, that's all I can ask for." I reached for his hand, giving it a squeeze. "Edward, I know how badly I hurt you. Just give me a chance to make things right."

Edward nodded and I smiled. We still had a long way to go, but we'd managed to take the first step.

~LTOYL~

After saying goodbye to Edward, I caught a cab outside of the museum and headed for Swan and Volturi. I stared at the streets of San Francisco and thought about my conversation with Edward. He had agreed to meet, which meant he was willing to hear me out. Now I just had to make sure I didn't mess it up again, and I was determined to not let that happen. As the cab pulled up to the firm, I gathered my things and straightened my clothes. I was dressed casually—not actually intending to work—and I doubted anyone besides Ness and Charlie had seen me outside of the office dressed in jeans. I headed immediately in for the elevators and up to my floor to check in with Bree. She greeted me with a warm smile.

"Welcome back, Bella! We didn't expect to see you until Monday."

"Thanks, I caught an early flight. I just wanted to pop in and go over a few things with Charlie—thus the reason for my clothes." I indicated how I was dressed and she laughed.

"You know, even you deserve a vacation every now and again. Did you have a nice trip to Napa?" she asked.

I smiled and nodded to her, though wondered if she knew I'd also gone to D.C. I assumed that Charlie hadn't told the office what had happened with Riley, but had he told anyone that the reason I'd extended my absence was because I'd flown across the country? It really wasn't anyone's business, even though everyone at the firm knew Riley. I decided to just keep it to myself unless it was brought up. "Napa was beautiful, thank you." I leaned in to speak quietly. "Now, how did Lauren manage while I was gone?"

She grinned. "Between your father and me, I think we managed to keep things under control. He's in his office if you'd like to see him. I know he'll be happy to see you."

"Sounds good. Thank you so much, Bree."

"Any time, Miss Swan."

Charlie's office door was half-open, so I knocked on it and peered inside. His distantly polite expression melted into one of pleased surprise when he saw me. "You're home. Come on in."

I smiled at my father and stepped in his office, shutting the door behind me. "Do you have a little time to talk?"

"For you? Always." Charlie held out his arms and I hugged him, taking a moment to relax in his strong and comforting embrace. His hugs always made me feel better. "How's Riley?"

"Riley's good," I said when I stepped back. We headed over to the couch along the far wall and took a seat. "His parents should be there by now, and he's still recovering. He'll have to deal with the cast and crutches for a while, and then physical therapy, but he's going to be all right. It was really good to see him."

Charlie gave me a concerned look. "Do . . . do you want to talk about it? You sounded pretty conflicted when we spoke on the phone."

I sighed and looked down at my lap, tucking my legs up underneath me. "Well, being with Riley was a lot different than I thought it would be. I didn't know what to expect when I got there and I was nervous about seeing him again. Over the week, Riley and I reconnected and were able to get some things straightened out. I'm glad I went; we both needed it, I think. Neither of us had really let go of each other like we needed to."

"Have you done that now?"

"Yes," I answered sincerely. "I've moved on and now all I want is for him to be happy. I realized how much I care about Edward, and how close I am to losing him. He's where my heart lies now, and I want to make things work with him. But I really hurt him when we were in Napa."

Charlie pursed his lips and nodded but didn't comment, allowing me to continue.

"It's going to take a lot of work to regain his trust," I admitted. "I stopped by the museum to see him before I came here. He agreed to meet me tonight to talk, but I'm scared that the damage I've done is irreparable."

Charlie patted my knee. "Edward's good for you, kid. You'll find a way to work it out if things are meant to be."

I sighed. If only I were as good for Edward. I blinked back tears, trying to control my emotions. Crying wasn't going to get Edward back; I had to be strong now. And it reminded me of the questions I had about my parents' relationship. "Can I ask you a question, Dad?"

"Of course," he said, sitting back against the leather armrest.

"I know you must love Renee, but I think we both know she's changed a lot since I was a kid." I hesitated, not exactly sure how he was going to take my question. I knew I could talk to my father about anything, but when it came to the relationship he had with my mother, I wasn't so sure how far I should go. Treading lightly, I asked the question that had been on my mind for days. "The two of you are such different people … I can't help but wonder why you're still together."

I looked at him with soft eyes, hoping he would see my genuine curiosity instead of disrespect. My father sighed heavily and brought his hand up to rub his chin. "It's . . . complicated, Bella. Yes, your mother has changed, and I sometimes have issues with the things she does. But as far as our relationship, that's not something I can really explain. It's between your mother and me. I love her and she loves me. It's as simple as that."

I nodded my head in understanding. I was a little disappointed that there wasn't more he had to say about it, but I did understand and respect his answer. He had always been a very private person when it came to his affection. I felt his love and saw it first hand, but on a deeper level, it was between us, just like I suppose his relationship was with Renee.

"Why did you want to know?"

"I don't know. I guess because there are many similarities in the way I've been acting, especially towards Edward, that remind me of Renee. And if I'm honest, that scares me."

He nodded, I hoped in understanding and not agreement. "I know you've been struggling this past year, Bella, and I wish there was more I could have done to make it easier on you, but you're really nothing like your mother. You share her good qualities—the qualities that made me fall in love with her, but you're your own person."

"Thanks, Dad."

"If it helps, I have faith that you can be the woman you want to be—for yourself and for Edward."

"I'm trying," I said, my voice quiet. "I'm just sorry I didn't figure it all out sooner."

He patted my knee again and we spent a while catching up on what I'd missed in the last week. Things were under control, of course; my father had made sure of that, but I was ready to pick back up first thing Monday morning. Once we finished talking, I went to my office to check in and talked briefly to Lauren. I had no idea if it was Bree or my father who had helped her, but everything seemed quite organized. The following week would be busy with appointments that had been re-scheduled, but it was all manageable.

Before I left, I went in search of Vanessa. Her office door was closed, but when I knocked, she called out for me to come in.

"Bella! I didn't expect to see you today," she said happily when I walked in the door. "Come in, come in."

I shut the door and she came around the desk, hugging me before gesturing for me to sit. Her expression grew more serious. "Charlie said Riley was in a car accident. What the hell happened? And how did you end up in D.C. with him when you started out in Napa with Edward?" I set my purse on her desk and turned to face her. I went through a brief explanation of the accident, and what the doctor's had said. "Well, I'm glad he's going to be okay," she replied when I was done. "I should send him an email or something to wish him well—if you're okay with that. I haven't really kept in contact with him since he left; I was afraid it would be too awkward or inappropriate but I do consider him a friend."

"Definitely," I replied easily. "I'm sure he'd like to hear from you."

She gave me an appraising look. "You seem . . . different. And the way you're talking about Riley seems different, too."

I chuckled, unsurprised that Ness had picked up on it. "It's been one hell of a week, that's for sure. A lot has happened."

I filled her in on my trip to Napa with Edward—how wonderfully it'd begun and how terribly it had ended. Since one story led to the other, I finished with my time in D.C., and the realizations I'd come to while I was there.

"Holy shit," she said, her eyes wide. "How are you feeling about all of it?"

"Honestly . . . ? Relieved that I was able to say goodbye to Riley and mean it and terrified I won't be able to fix things with Edward." I sighed heavily and shook my head. "I have to make things right between us, Ness."

"You know how I feel about serious relationships for myself," she said, smiling at me. "But I really hope you and Edward can work thing out. He's a great guy, and I think you two are perfect for each other." I smiled at her in appreciation and she continued. "Lord knows, I am the worst person to offer any relationship advice, but this could be a great opportunity for you. If he's willing to give you another chance, you can take your time and really start over with Edward. Get to know him better, show him how invested you are … sweep him off his feet a little."

I nodded. "That's a great idea actually. I'll have to think of some things I could do that he'd like."

"I really hope it works out for you guys," she said sincerely. "I liked Riley, you know I did, but there's just something about Edward. . . ." Her voice trailed off, but I knew exactly what she meant. There was something about Edward, and I wasn't going to let him go without a fight. I'd made mistake after mistake, but this time, I was determined to get it right.

We're taking next Thursday off to celebrate Independence Day, but don't worry we'll be back soon. Put the story on alerts, if it isn't already, so you don't miss out. Until next time. . . ciao!

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