A/N: Here is the next chapter. Thanks for reading.
Chapter 13: All In
Olivia stared straight ahead sure that she had misunderstood the doctor. There was no way he was telling her that she was pregnant. It just wasn't possible… was it? Alex seemed to be in the same state of shock. As soon as the doctor had said the words, the blonde's legs had given out. Thank God there was a chair behind her.
"What?" Olivia whispered.
The doctor took in their response to the news and instantly realized that he had misread the situation. When his patient had referred to the pretty blonde as her girlfriend, he had assumed that the news would have been welcomed. To him, this couple had looked so close and so in love. They gave the impression that they had been together for years. By the looks of things, he'd been very wrong.
"I'm sorry. I just assumed…" He gestured back and forth between them unable to find the right words. He cleared his throat and spoke more confidently. "Yes, Miss Benson. You are indeed pregnant."
Olivia could hear the words. She could hear them ringing over and over in her head. She just couldn't make herself believe them.
"You… You don't understand. I'm not pregnant." She shook her head and looked at Alex who still seemed to be staring off into space.
The doctor looked over the file. "It says here that the lab ran the test a second time to be certain."
"You're not hearing me. I can't be pregnant. I haven't… pregnant women have symptoms right?"
Olivia's mind was working a mile a minute. Images of the past several weeks flashed before her eyes. The headaches, nausea, exhaustion… it had just been a bug going around… hadn't it? 'Well Fuck!'
The doctor paused and raised a brow. He hated to ask, especially in front of the blonde woman who appeared to be still in shock but he had a duty to the patient first and foremost. "When was the last time you had sexual intercourse… with a man?"
Olivia frowned and tried to think. "I don't know, months…The last time was…" She stopped abruptly. Something seemed to occur to Olivia. She suddenly looked absolutely miserable. "Oh God, this is not happening."
"Miss Benson, every pregnancy is different. Early signs of pregnancy can be influenced by many outside factors. You could have exhibited signs without being aware or you may not have had any symptoms at all."
Olivia laid her head back and tried to control her breathing. Dr. Garrett tried to reassure her.
"Let's just take this one step at a time, shall we? Now that we have this new information, we'll have to readjust your care a bit. I'm going to change your pain meds to a class B medication. I know taking any type of medication during pregnancy is cause for concern, but trust me; you will need something to control your pain. Your body must be able to heal and the less stress the pain causes the better. We will also go ahead and get an ultrasound as soon as possible to check on the viability of the pregnancy. I don't want to alarm you, but you did take quite a hit today and we will need to see how that has affected this pregnancy. At that point, we can get you set up with an OB/GYN to see how far along you are and advise you on further prenatal care."
Unable to speak, Olivia was simply nodding. She really hadn't heard much of what the doctor had said. She was grabbing bits and pieces of the speech. She knew she heard the words ultrasound, viability, and pregnancy. Holy fuck, she was pregnant! Feeling completely overwhelmed, she closed her eyes and tried to center herself. Somewhere along the way, the doctor had left and she was now alone with Alex.
The only thing Olivia could think at that moment was how ironic it was to say that there was a 'pregnant pause' between them. The thought almost made her laugh… almost. Opening her eyes, she looked over to see Alex still staring across the room at nothing. She also realized that the blonde was no longer holding her hand. She felt the loss immediately.
"Alex, say something."
Alex blinked. She still said nothing.
"Alex, please say something?"
"You're pregnant."
Olivia couldn't tell by her tone whether it was a statement or a question, whether she was angry or…. Olivia couldn't even finish the thought. There was no way Alex was happy about this. She didn't even know how she felt about it yet.
"You're pregnant." Alex said again in the same tone.
"It appears so."
"How Olivia?"
"I…don't know. It was so long ago since we…." Olivia groaned and dropped her head in her hands unable to put her thoughts into words.
"By we, I assume you mean Cassidy. Is he the father of this child?"
Olivia noticed that Alex was using her courtroom voice. It was even and devoid of emotion. She also knew that the blonde only used that tone of voice out of the courtroom when she was nervous, pissed, or both.
"Yes. Alex, I didn't cheat on you. I was honest with you about Brian from the beginning. I was with him long before you and I ever…."
Alex held up her hand stopping Olivia mid sentence. She just couldn't hear anymore. She stood abruptly and moved across the room. Alex was known for being good under pressure. She handled stressful situations with ease every day, but she had never felt this way before. She felt like she had the wind knocked out of her…literally. She knew she didn't have the right to be angry. All of this had occurred before she and Olivia had gotten together. Rationally, she understood this, but there was nothing rational about jealousy. She just hated the idea of anyone else touching Olivia and she sure as hell hated the idea of Olivia having a baby with someone else.
The seconds started to tick by and the distance between them just kept growing. Alex still hadn't said anything. Olivia remained quiet unsure how to take the blonde's behavior. She was afraid to think of what this would do to them. They had waited so long to be together, to find this happiness. Now their entire world had been turned on its head because of a drunken night with a man she hadn't thought about or spoken to in weeks. Fate had quite the fucking sense of humor. There were so many things to discuss now, so many decisions to be made but Alex was nowhere in sight at the moment.
Olivia suddenly found herself in the middle of a whirlwind of doctors, nurses, and technicians. The evening nurse was busy hooking Olivia up to several IV bags while explaining the purpose of each one. They wheeled in the ultrasound equipment and monitors. Olivia swallowed nervously feeling overwhelmed and a little afraid. She was trying to think positively, but couldn't stop the insecurities from creeping in. She had never been one to take especially good care of herself. She also had a dangerous job. Today had been a prime example of just how dangerous. What if there was something wrong with this baby? What if the baby didn't make it? There were so many what ifs. Olivia felt like she was drowning with nothing to hold on to. That's when she felt it.
Seemingly out of nowhere, Alex returned to her side and took her hand. Olivia looked up into Alex's eyes. She couldn't tell what Alex was thinking in that moment. All she knew was that Alex was still there. Letting out a sigh of relief, a lone tear escaped Olivia's eye. Alex gently wiped it away.
"I'm here, Olivia."
Alex stared out of the small window watching as the afternoon drifted into evening. Olivia had finally drifted off to sleep. The stress and anxiety of the day had finally gotten the best of her. Olivia had been subjected to numerous tests and an extensive exam by an OB/GYN. It had been revealed that Olivia was nearly nine weeks pregnant and by the grace of God, the baby appeared to be fine. Alex thought she had witnessed quite a few 'once in a lifetime' moments in her life. Yet nothing would ever compare to seeing the fluttering black and white image for the first time.
"Okay, we're going to take a look inside now. I'll go ahead and warn you, this might be a little cold." The doctor said helping Olivia lift the hospital gown over her abdomen.
Dr. Virginia Fields was the head of the obstetrics and pediatrics department. She was rarely called in to perform a routine ultrasound, but when the name Cabot was mentioned, the hospital made exceptions.
Olivia jumped slightly feeling the cold gel on her skin. Alex watched her carefully. "Is she okay?"
"It's perfectly normal. She's fine." She said before turning her attention back to Olivia. She gave her a reassuring smile. "Are you ready?"
Not trusting her voice, Olivia just nodded.
"And here we go. Let's take a look shall we?"
Alex held Olivia's hand and waited. It seemed to be taking the doctor a long time to find anything. She just kept moving the wand over Olivia's flat stomach. Alex tried not to show it, but she was out of her mind with worry.
"And here we go." Dr. Fields looked at the anxious couple and smiled warmly. She pointed to a spot on the screen. "That little round shape there is your baby."
Olivia lifted her head to get a better look. Her tearful eyes focused on the small image on the screen in complete disbelief. She couldn't take her eyes off of it. She felt Alex lean into her.
A quick thudding noise rang out in the quiet room.
"What is that?" Alex asked worriedly.
The doctor smiled. This was the part of her job that she loved the most. "That is the baby's heartbeat."
"It sounds fast. Is it supposed to be that way?" Olivia asked.
"Yes. The faster the better. Everything looks just fine."
For the first time since the entire fiasco began, Olivia and Alex both smiled.
Olivia's voice shook Alex out of her flashback.
"You look tired, Alex. You should go home and rest. I'm fine."
Alex gave Olivia her best courtroom glare. "If you think I am leaving this room, your head injury must be more serious than we thought."
Olivia couldn't help but smile. "I'm sure there are more important things you could be doing than sitting here babysitting me."
Alex moved closer and leaned over Olivia's bed. She brushed Olivia's hair away from her forehead before placing a soft kiss there. "Nothing is more important to me than you."
"Even now?" Olivia swallowed the thick lump in her throat. "Alex, we can't just ignore it. I know this isn't what you signed up for."
Alex sat back down in her chair. "It's a bit of a surprise. I'll admit that. You never do anything half way, do you Benson?"
"I'll understand…" Olivia paused finding it hard to say the words. "… I'll understand if you want to end this now."
"What?"
"Alex, if you want to walk away it's okay. I wouldn't blame you… no one would."
Alex shook her head adamantly. "No! We are not talking about anyone walking away."
"Alex, I want this baby!" Olivia said loudly which she instantly regretted. "Oh, fuck that hurts!" The sharp pain behind her eyes nearly paralyzed her.
"Will you please calm down? You're supposed to be resting. You're just making it worse." Alex said brushing her hair back.
Olivia closed her eyes allowing Alex's soft caressing to sooth her. "It seems like I've gone and made everything worse anyway." A lone tear fell from her eye. Alex gently wiped it away. "Alex, I wanted a child of my own for so long. When the adoption route didn't pan out, I realized that dream wasn't going to happen. I even convinced myself that I was okay with it. Now… all of a sudden I'm having a baby but…"
"But?" Alex questioned.
"I don't want to have to trade one dream for another. I want this baby… but I want you too."
"I'm right here, Olivia." Alex pleaded.
"Can you honestly see yourself playing mommy with me, Alex… with a baby that was conceived with someone else? Alex, do you even realize what that would be like for you?"
"No, I don't!" Alex said with frustration. "I don't feel like I know much of anything right now."
"Alex…"
Alex held up her hand and cut her off. "I woke up this morning and my life was simple. I had you, I had a job and I was happy. I thought my life was going as planned, but you and I know better than anyone that sometimes life changes within a blink of an eye. This is one of those times. So, do I know the right thing to say or do in this situation? No, I don't have a clue. You're going to have to give me a little time to get my footing back. The only thing I do know is that I love you and I'm here."
"I don't doubt that you love me, Alex. I know you do. You have been incredible today but I can understand if this is too much. I wouldn't blame you if you decided that…"
"When are you going to stop expecting me to leave you?!" Alex asked heatedly.
Olivia sighed heavily. "That's not what this is about, Alex."
"Yes, it is! You still can't believe me when I say that I would never leave you again. It seems that no matter how hard I try, you can't get past that. It's what you've come to expect from me and I suppose I've earned that." Alex finished in a defeated tone.
"I'm past all of that, Alex. I really am." Tears filled Olivia's eyes. "I just don't want you to hate me for this."
Alex took her Olivia's hand and placed it over her heart. "If you don't love me… If you don't want this, that's your decision. You tell me that and I'll walk away, but you need to understand one thing. You do not get to tell me how I should or should not feel. I love you… I'm in love with you and I'm not leaving. When I said I was all in, I didn't mean I was all in as long as things were perfect or things didn't get messy. I said I was all in, period… end of discussion. Okay?"
Olivia nodded as her tears began to fall at an alarming rate. She couldn't remember the last time someone had loved her enough to fight for her. Alex had every reason to walk away right now yet she was standing by her refusing to be pushed away. Olivia was deeply touched by the love this woman was showing her and almost saddened that it had taken her so many years to finally find it.
"Hey. Look at me." Alex reached out and grabbed a tissue from the bedside table and wiped Olivia's tears. "I don't want to fight with you."
"I don't want to fight with you." Olivia responded immediately.
Alex nodded and cupped her cheek. "I know this isn't what either of us had in mind and everything is really confusing but we'll figure it out. You don't always have to be the strong one and handle everything on your own. Let me be the strong one for a change. Let me take care of you…." She smiled softly and placed he hand on Olivia's stomach. "… both of you."
"I don't know what I ever did to deserve you." Olivia said softly.
"You forgave me."
Suddenly feeling incredibly drowsy, Olivia smiled and said the first thing that came to mind. "I love you so much, Alex."
"I love you too."
Alex took full advantage of the time Olivia slept by checking emails, sending text messages and making calls. She had spoken with Captain Cragen and gotten the bare details of the case quickly building against Gregory Stanton. She knew Olivia would eventually grow restless and want to know if Nick and the guys had made any progress. She also gave Cragen a quick rundown of Olivia's injuries and prognosis. She left the part about Olivia being pregnant out of course. That would be Olivia's decision whom to tell and when. Cragen had informed her that Olivia was on mandatory sick leave for the following week, no exceptions.
She then moved on to making arrangements for her own absence from the office. This proved to be an easy task since she wouldn't technically start her new position as EADA until the end of the month. Another quick text went to her Uncle Bill and Aunt Julia informing them what happened and that Olivia was on the mend and due to be released tomorrow. Although they had yet to meet Olivia in person, Alex had already told them all about the new love in her life. Her last call was to Serena, who after finding out they'd be staying at the hospital, agreed to pick up dinner and go over to Alex's apartment and pick up some toiletries and change of clothing for her and Olivia and drop them off later in the evening.
Finally finished with any pending responsibilities, Alex reached into her purse and pulled out her iPad mini. She passed the time reading. She found herself surfing the net for pregnancy books and ended up downloading a few of them. She realized she had no idea what to expect during a pregnancy and could use all the help she could get.
The evening hours passed with little fanfare. She was relieved that Olivia had been able to rest at least a little. Every couple of hours, a nurse would come in to check Olivia's vitals and fetal monitor then wake the detective. Her name was Naomi. She was a slightly older African-American woman with kind eyes. Alex was certain that she had to be one of the sweetest people she had ever met. The woman would ask Olivia the same questions each time: 'Do you know what your name is? Can you tell me how many fingers I'm holding up? Are you experiencing any ringing in your ears?' and so forth.
Olivia answered each time giving the correct answer which helped to ease Alex's worry. The last time the older woman came in; she seemed to sense the detective's growing boredom with the questions so she switched them up a bit to tease her.
"Miss Olivia?" She waited for Olivia to wake and focus on her.
Olivia had insisted that Naomi call her Olivia and not Miss Benson. The veteran nurse of twenty-five years did not like the request, but she found Olivia to be just as stubborn as herself which meant they had to settle on a compromise. So Miss Olivia it was.
"Can you tell me the name of your favorite baseball team?"
Olivia's eyes brightened. "The Yankees of course."
Naomi gave her an approving nod. "Of course. Good choice."
"What are your thoughts on the Knicks this season?"
Olivia frowned. "Don't even go there."
Again the nurse smiled and nodded as she made a note on the chart.
"One last question, Miss Olivia. Who is this beautiful young woman sitting right here in this chair?"
Olivia's face seemed to light up with delight. "That, Miss Naomi, is my girlfriend Alexandra Cabot, the hottest lawyer in town and love of my life."
The nurse laughed as Alex bowed her head and blushed. She gave Olivia a thumbs up and winked at Alex. "She's doing just fine. I'll be back in a couple of hours, Miss Olivia."
"I'll be waiting breathlessly, Miss Naomi."
"Oh hush, you little heartbreaker." Naomi said with a grin before leaving the room.
Alex shook her head. Olivia had a way of making everyone fall in love with her.
TBC...