Author's Note: Right a couple of things to mention for this rather longish chapter: GSV- gun-shot victim, I wasn't sure about the proper terminology so I kind of made that up. I'm not sure if I spelt chop-shop right, but I played it by ear with that one. OCD - obsessive compulsive disorder (this one I didn't make up). I know the chapter title sounds a bit cliche but I was seriously lacking inspiration when it came to picking a title. This episode (#419, Driven) really had me screwing up my face and cringing at some of the Horatio-Marisol moments, especially the one at the end, I was furious with my TV (I know, completely irrational!) So I've tried to give my view on it and how I would have liked to see it play out. Unfortunately I don't have the clips of when Horatio and Eric interact in the episode, so the scenes here are very much lacking detail and the dialogue between the two may not be all that accurate as I have a very vague recollection of those scenes and I apologise for that. Something that did bother me with this episode was the fact that there was so little focus on Eric and his reactions and I've rectified that a little too. There are lots of issues here that I'll be taking up in the next chapter so do bear with me if I seem to have left lots of loose ends. Another thing that really bothered me with this episode was the fact that Horatio and Ryan did not interact after Ryan froze so I've tried to address that here too, hopefully my explanation makes sense and doesn't seem like babble. Apologies if you find any mistakes. Thanks to everyone who has reviewed so far, it's been encouraging to hear from you. Please do leave a review and bear with me if I don't answer them straight away but I'll be away until early next week. Thanks and Enjoy.
Disclaimer: CSI Miami and its respective characters do not belong to me no matter how hard I wish they did but Isabella and Christian do belong to me.
Complications
Horatio pulled up to the newest crime scene and took a moment to observe the activity around him. Frank Tripp was already there with his Uniforms clearing the scene of unnecessary personnel and establishing the boundaries of the immediate crime scene. The paramedics were attending to the wounded. It was chaotic but nothing out of the ordinary – Just another day in the CSI world.
"Fatalities?" asked Horatio whipping off his sunglasses as he walked up to Frank, a grim smile on his face as a greeting.
"Thankfully none yet. Everyone's being checked out though. Mighty fancy spa here, Horatio. This was easy picking for our car thieves. They're probably all at a chop shop by now."
"Yes. As always time isn't on our side." he commented dryly.
Frank let out a grunt of agreement. "How was the conference?" asked Frank who had taken a week's leave.
"The usual." Horatio replied brusquely not wanting to waste time with small talk.
Frank looked at him strangely.
"How's she doing?" asked Horatio referring to their gunshot victim who was being loaded into an ambulance at that moment.
"She's….she's hanging in there for now. She's with the paramedics." answered Frank, flipping his notebook open.
Horatio made a mental note to check on their victim later, "Alright. Witnesses?" was his next question.
Frank shifted and looked away, unsure of how to answer his question. Horatio changed his stance and pulled himself up to his full height, "What's going on Frank?"
"Horatio, there's something you ought'a know…" seeing his friend's face, he continued in a voice he hoped was reassuring, "… she's ok but one of the witnesses is Marisol."
Horatio's mind blanked for a moment…Marisol…here? Horatio looked around for Eric; Eric had a right to know but his CSI wasn't at the crime scene yet. Horatio was, as usual, the first one from CSI on the scene. He squared his shoulders and then straightened again.
"Horatio?"
"Yeah Frank. I'll be right back. Do me a favour please? Alert the GSV's family that she's in hospital, and let them know the details."
"You got it." called out Frank to the Lieutenant's retreating back.
Horatio took out his cell phone and dialled Eric's number,
His CSI picked up immediately, he could picture Eric's smiling face when he said, "H. We're almost there. Accident on the causeway is holding us up. Calleigh's with me."
"All right then. You guys get here as soon as you can."
"Anything else H.?"
"Yes…Yes there is. Eric, you should know that Marisol is one of the witnesses on site."
"What?!" There was silence.
"Is…Is s…she all right?" came his terse question.
"Eric, there was one GSV but it's not her. I'm on my way to see her now. You just get here as soon as you can."
Horatio could feel the panic in Eric's voice as he said."H. there's something else. If Marisol is there then an Isabella Sorenson is also with her. Could you please just check that she's all right too?"
"I'll do that Eric and let Agent Henry know too."
"Thanks H."
Horatio hung up and looked around for the paramedics. Seeing the group by the swimming pool he walked over to them clearing his mind of emotion and leaving it blank to fill in with details of the crime. He saw Isabella first.
"Isabella." he asked, hunching down and cocking his head to one side to make eye contact with the slightly trembling brunette who was sitting on a bench waiting to get checked out.
"Lieutenant Caine." her voice small, after taking a moment to recognise him, "Marisol…"
He offered her a smile, "I'm going to check her out at the other station after I see you. I just wanted to make sure you're ok so that I can tell her you are ok."
Isabella began twisting her engagement ring on her finger, "She was closer to it…th…them than I was…I mean…I mean I was in the adjoining room. I just heard the shot…there was so much blood…Oh God…." She paused for a moment. Horatio felt his smile fade as he heard her tell him about Marisol being thrown to the floor and being manhandled. He put his hand on her shoulder to help her calm down. "Is that lady going to be ok?" she finished.
"I hope so." he replied in a reassuring voice, "I'm going to….I'll speak to you later ok?" He felt a ripple of guilt course through him that he hadn't seen Marisol in a week. He had barely had a decent phone conversation with her either during their time apart. He hadn't been able to keep his promise either about going to her next chemo session with her due to his caseload. The ripple surged into a wave.
"Sure." She replied moving up the bench and adjusting the terry-cloth robe over her figure. He began to walk away when he heard her call softly, "Horatio…"
He turned around, "Yes Isabella?"
"You haven't forgotten dinner one of these days….with Christian and I?" she asked, a small smile forming on her features.
"Yes Ma'am." He replied trying to answer her with a smile back although he felt fear beginning to grip him as Isabella's words began to hurt him….Marisol….closer to them…man-handled...he felt a shiver shoot up his spine as he spotted the rather empty second paramedics' station. He lightly jogged over to it and saw that Marisol seemed to be the last person being attended to.
"Give us a minute will you?" he asked the paramedic attending her. Everyone jumped slightly at his sudden appearance. The Paramedic nodded and moved away.
"Marisol."
She gave a small smile and hitched herself up into a seating position. "The one day I decide to pamper myself right…." her voice heavy with sarcasm, her eyes looking everywhere but at him.
He cut her off mid-sentence, "Marisol, I don't like the look of that. I'm going to send you to the hospital and have you checked out." He ran his eyes swiftly over her whole form to check for himself that she wasn't hurt anywhere else. There was a small cut just below her knee but it didn't look as bad as the angry gash on her forehead that was still leaking tears of blood. Her damp tendrils framed her innocent face delicately. Her eyes seemed browner today but if he looked hard enough like he was doing at the moment he could still see flecks of green, glinting as her eyes kept darting around. Her skin seemed to glow from the various spa treatments she had had, and he could imagine touching her, delicately, just to feel the softness he could see and validate once again that he was wide awake and not dreaming that he was seeing her. Her shifty eyes and faltering voice were, he knew, due to shock and although the cut on her forehead looked deep he wanted to make sure that she hadn't suffered any other unseen injuries. He wanted nothing more than to lift her into his arms and take her home, sit with her on his veranda and make her smile and then laugh, to be content to see her eyes light up as she did so. But there was no point in imagining; he was just wasting precious time.
"No I'm fine. I j…just fell." she replied, crossing her ankles, her hands tightly gripping the edge of the gurney. Horatio rested his hand gently on top of hers. She looked down at their hands for a moment. She had been hoping that it would be Horatio's team who were called to the scene. She hadn't seen him since their breakfast because he had been so busy. Today being a Saturday she was going to call him later and ask him if he would like to come over for diner. But suddenly this evening seemed very far away with him being so close to her. She felt…...
she didn't know what she felt….
safer,
protected,
reassured….
loved…...
there were multiple things she was feeling knowing that Horatio (and Eric) would be on the case. The only thing she could say for sure was that the feeling of panic subsided when she saw his dark, suited form next to her: his controlled actions, his quick mind, his promise of justice, all made her feel less frightened.
"Marisol, what happened?"
She pulled her robe around her with her other hand, huddling slightly as if she wanted it to swallow her up, "I do…don't know. It just happened so fast. They…were… just suddenly there…I keep seeing them….in those masks…" she faltered, the terror and fear shining clearly through. She shut her eyes images running riot through her head once more. She felt his thumb stroke her hand and then said with more conviction, "Horatio… you get them ok?" Her innocence coupled with her expression made his heart shrink and then swell.
He looked down into her frightened face and said, "I will.", with more force than he had meant to because she suddenly looked frightened again. The promise he made felt like it was being seared into his skin. Marisol's words had just made the case personal, as personal as when Ray Jr. had been targeted as a scapegoat for his friends' actions early last year. He knew it was useless to be angry, anger that was becoming a seething, silent rage. But this thought did nothing to quell the anger that Marisol had been hurt and that he would do everything and anything to get the culprits. He looked up and felt the air around him mirror his feelings…. the calm before a storm. The Miami air had suddenly become more humidly oppressive than it normally was.
"Horatio….Oh my God! Bella…" she choked clutching at his arm.
"Marisol, Isabella is fine. You're both going to be fine." He said softly, kissing her tenderly on her forehead.
"Thanks." she whispered.
"Please go to the hospital?" he pleaded, his eyes doing as much of the coaxing as his voice.
She shook her head, "I'm fine…it's just a scratch."
"Please…for me?" he asked maintaining eye contact so she could see the earnestness of his words. She gave in and nodded not feeling strong enough to fight him on this one and…. actually…. giving in didn't feel all that bad.
"I'll…" he cleared his throat and raised his voice, "I'll speak to you later then."
She nodded. His hand remained a moment longer on top of hers before pulling away as he turned to leave. She sensed his reluctance as he took his hand off hers and walked away.
He made his way back to the scene and passed Isabella on the way, still sitting on the bench. He sat with her for some time, questioning the other ladies sitting next to her. After gauging an approximate timeline Horatio excused himself. He called Bella's fiancée – Agent Christian Henry to tell him what had happened and that both Isabella and Marisol had suffered no lasting damage.
Horatio had just started talking to Frank about potential suspects when Eric came striding towards him.
"H. Marisol."
Horatio pulled Eric aside, "I've sent her to the hospital to get checked out."
Eric pushed against him, "Horatio, I want to go with her."
Horatio held onto Eric's arm to restrain him, "Eric…" he said quietly, "Eric, I need you here." the note of authority though gentle was clear in Lieutenant Horatio Caine's voice.
Eric scowled at his boss and for a moment he felt reckless enough to disobey a commanding officer. However the moment passed, Eric continued to glare at Horatio and then dropped his arm and stalked off to gather evidence. Calleigh walked up to Horatio and cleared her throat gently.
"Ma'am?" asked Horatio.
"Horatio…I wouldn't…. I wouldn't normally ask you this but do you think you should be involved with this case?"
Horatio stared at her for a moment, his hands immediately finding his sunglasses, "I don't quite get what you mean Calleigh."
"It's just that you're…." she gestured a little wildly with her hands, he raised an eyebrow, "You're involved with one of the witnesses."
Horatio remained quiet trying to put down his temper that was storming with her words, "Calleigh, while I appreciate your concern. This case is just like any other case. She's a witness Calleigh, there's absolutely no conflict of interest here."
Calleigh flinched, "I'm just saying….never mind," He turned to walk away and heard her mutter "You're the boss."
Damn right I am, he thought to himself as he walked to the Hummer. He glanced at Eric who just shot him another scowl. For the first time since Speedle had died and Ryan Wolfe had joined the team he felt irked by his CSIs, although he was not sure Speed would understand him either right now.
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Eric spent most of the morning collecting and photographing evidence. He was kept busy by Calleigh and Wolfe, who for some reason had both lost the ability to perform simple CSI tasks. As a result he hadn't even had the time to call either Marisol or Isabella to see how they were. However just because he was kept physically occupied his mind was far from being focused on his tasks, he just did them mechanically, out of habit and thought of other things:
How dare Horatio! He had a lot of respect for his boss but this was his sister for Christ's sake! Eric felt upset knowing that Horatio had probably gone to see Marisol before heading back to the lab. He didn't care if he was being irrational because he just didn't think Horatio was being fair. Horatio who always thought family was so important was making him, Eric, put Marisol on the backburner. In Eric's eyes, Horatio Caine, at this moment could not be more of a hypocrite. His anger made him work through evidence collection faster than normal but helping the others meant he didn't get back to the lab until lunchtime.
He had hardly spent fifteen minutes in Trace when he got the call that Marisol's house alarm had gone off. Barely thinking, Eric ran out towards the elevator shouting to Wolfe that he'd be back as soon as he could. He reached the elevator when Horatio appeared out of nowhere,
"Eric, what's wrong?"
"It's Marisol. Her house alarm just went off and she's not picking up her cell." He said breathlessly punching the elevator button, willing it to arrive faster.
"I'm coming with you Eric." said Horatio with a tone of finality.
Bloody Mr. Righteous again thought Eric to himself, his lips setting in a thin line as his finger continued to press the button. However a tiny part of him was glad that Horatio was coming along.
Horatio noticed the scowl settling on his CSI's face again. The time he would have alone with Eric would be sufficient to talk to his CSI and gauge his feelings at the moment and maybe help vent them. Horatio knew he was playing a part in the younger man's frustration.
They drove to Marisol's apartment in relative silence each consumed by their own thoughts, Eric; still upset with Horatio while Horatio seemed to have forgotten how to be at ease with Eric when his fiery temper got the better of him. Both were afraid of what they may and may not find.
Eric kicked the door in, Horatio entered first calling out "Miami PD!"
Silence.
They quickly cleared each room, relief coursing through them as they came across empty rooms. They came across the dead body together. Horatio pointed his gun downwards and knelt to check the man's pulse knowing Eric had his back no matter what – they were in the field now, the only thing that counted was reaction.
Horatio's hand tightened on his gun as he glanced around the body: the blood pool was still warm and gave off a sickly red reflection. Even though the man was dead he had the sadistic urge to put another bullet into the corpse's head. He glanced up at Eric and shook his head. They both unclipped their cell phones and called in the homicide.
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Horatio and Eric drove back to the lab together. Eric had finally got the chance to speak to Marisol for a few moments before he had to leave to get back to the lab. He neglected to mention that her home had been broke into. Once again he had Horatio for company. This time Horatio let him drive.
"Eric…" he began.
"H. it's cool. I was just a bit frustrated earlier. My temper, I know."
"I understand. I'm sorry, I may have made a mistake but I had my reasons."
"H. Man, really it's fine, I think I get it. You wanted me to get the evidence while it was still fresh and I had to remain as objective as possible."
Horatio smiled, Eric smiled back and drummed his hands against the steering wheel.
"Eric about Marisol and myself seeing each other. It can stop if it's affecting you too much. We all knew that there would be complications… I just never thought they'd actually happen." he added sadly and rather naively thought Eric.
Eric's smile vanished. He looked completely torn between his choices. There was a long, uncomfortable silence. Eric's mind raged between Marisol's happiness and what he thought was best.
"H…" he swallowed the lump in his throat, "….like I said before I can't complain or ruin something if it makes her happy." Eric looked at Horatio, he didn't think he had ever seen Horatio radiate warmth and happiness like he seemed to be doing now. There had always been that melancholy air about him and this sudden change in his boss made Eric a bit nervous. "I'm just confused H….there's so much going on with her." He shook his head, "I don't know what to do sometimes."
"I guess we're all making it up as we go along, Eric." replied Horatio quietly.
Horatio's words did nothing to allay the nervousness growing in Eric's gut.
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The whereabouts of the chop shop had come easily after the first incident. Horatio, Wolfe and the SWAT team surrounded the warehouse quickly, quietly and cautiously.
They burst in, weapons drawn, badges in clear view, shouting "Miami Dade PD!" – Just as protocol dictated. The events after that did not follow protocol.
Wolfe's heart sprang into his throat. Time seemed to still as he saw the car-thief come out with a shotgun, malice etched into every line of his face, his teeth gritted, wanting to take someone down with him – would it be Wolfe? The gun was pointed directly at him and nothing…..he couldn't move, his brain was screaming but his muscles had frozen….there was nothing…..except for a single breath, his breath….there was no thought of survival….nothing……
Then the shot rang out loud and clear. Horatio had taken it. His anger turning into primal fury as he pulled the trigger without a thought other than this man, this pathetic excuse for a human being had hurt Marisol and was now going to take another one of his CSI's – he was certainly going to pay in blood for his crime. In a way he was glad that Wolfe froze, it gave him the grisly satisfaction of being the one to pull the trigger on his service weapon.
Horatio moved in immediately after the shot and Wolfe's synaptic junctions began functioning again as he moved in to cover Horatio. The words were already out of Ryan's mouth, "H……I don't know what happened."
"Mr. Wolfe, you didn't have the shot." came Horatio's clipped response.
Ryan brought his hand up in confusion, "I just froze," he said worriedly. He had had the shot, what was Horatio talking about? He, Ryan could have just caused serious damage by freezing and not reacting. He had to get it through to Horatio that he hadn't meant it. It had never happened before…. He didn't have time to complete his thought process because Horatio said,
"Mr. Wolfe you didn't have the shot…..do you understand?" his voice was quiet but full of meaning. Horatio raised his eyes for a moment and Ryan saw a fleeting emotion in them, an emotion that could inadequately be described as rage.
"Understood." replied Ryan knowing that sometimes it was just better to let sleeping dogs lie…. The Lieutenant was as complicated enough as it was, and he didn't think he wanted to know the meaning behind those words. There was something comforting about living in ignorance – a delicate shell of protection that Ryan was happy to keep around him for the moment until he had overcome his own shock of having a shut down while in the field. He just hoped it never happened again.
After the bust on the warehouse the usual IAB interview followed to ascertain whether protocol had been followed or abused. Horatio had kept his interview with Stetler brief. Stetler was surprised that he got brisk replies and only one snide comment from the Lieutenant today who seemed anxious to get back to processing evidence and following up leads or at least that was the impression the suave Lieutenant gave. He informed Stetler that Ryan had not had a clear shot of the antagonist while he had and so had taken necessary action. Horatio didn't want his CSI to undergo a hassling IAB interview when he knew the OCD CSI was already beating himself up about how this sudden weakness had crept up onto him.
Horatio walked away from the interview room to Trace and sat down with a microscope. Revenge was at times, Horatio thought, a very determined pursuer of justice, and not always a dish best served cold. It was a secondary excuse on his part that he had shot the man because he represented a direct threat. Ok it wasn't quite a surrogate excuse considering Wolfe had been directly in front of the firing end of the shotgun. He had killed a man today, but his reason wasn't protection rather pure hatred and rage. He had wanted to kill the man, not hurt him but kill him. The kill today meant nothing else to him other than a way for him to get revenge and fulfil his promise to Marisol.
If his revenge was over then why was his anger still smouldering in him like a sleeping serpent? Hadn't he just added more blood to his hands? The need to find some solace suddenly became more desperate. Horatio glanced at his watch, he didn't have the time to get to a chapel right now. Instead he walked out of the crimelab to the closest phone booth and made the call to Brazil.
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Horatio was in the lab when he heard his name being called over the PA system. He made his way to reception, "Hi Paula, what's going on?"
"Lieutenant Caine there are some women who want an explanation as to why exactly they can't go home yet." she said apologetically.
"Ok, I'll deal with it. They all outside?"
Paula nodded sympathetically and gave him a look that clearly meant good luck amidst the raving bunch of females. It took Horatio a good 40 minutes to create some order amongst the hysterical women and explain to them what was going on before letting them leave with their police protection. He was just about to go back inside when he saw a patrol-car bearing Marisol in the passenger seat pulling up. He waited for her,
"How you feeling?" he asked slipping his sunglasses out of his pocket, a kindly smile on his face.
"Much better now that I'm out of the hospital." She glanced over her shoulder at the stone-faced Officer, and stuck her thumbs into her pockets, "But he's not letting me go home."
"I know…uh…the shooter from this morning Marisol, has escalated to home invasion. We think they're turning on each other. He was found dead at your house today.
Out came the thumbs from the pockets. Her eyes flashed shock and then helplessness, "Wh…What do I do?" she asked.
He stepped up closer to her and said the first thing that came to his mind, "I want you to stay at my place till this over."
She closed her eyes and then opened them. She shook her head, the words out of her mouth before even thinking about them, "You've done so much for me. I…."
"I know that and I think it would be a good idea."
"Are you sure?" she asked her eyes full of fear of imposing on him.
"Mhmm….I am….I'm going to have the Officer take you over there right now."
She nodded slightly still reluctant to accept his hospitality.
"Officer." He called out, gesturing to the Officer to come over as he gently steered Marisol back to the patrol-car. He took out his key-ring and unclipped his house-key from the set and handed it to him. He had a few words with the officer, smiled at Marisol and left to go back inside feeling more at ease with himself now.
Marisol flipped open her cell and dialled Eric's number,
"Hi."
"Hey Mari, where are you? Anything serious?"
"No…I'm…I'm fine, I just got back from the hospital. Eric…"
"Hmm…."
"Can I stay at your place for a couple of days?"
"I guess Horatio told you about the break-in? I'm sorry about your door. I kind of destroyed it. Marisol don't take this the wrong way but…uhm Natalia is staying over at my place for the weekend and uh…. we have….plans. Maybe you should stay over at Bella's. Or I can cancel altogether. Whatever you want."
Marisol thought about it for a moment, "No don't worry little brother. I've got it…uh Horatio asked me to stay at his for the weekend and…and…."
"Mari, you don't need my approval. Whatever you feel comfortable with Marisol. If anything's wrong or you need anything or if Horatio does anything just ring me…"
Marisol rolled her eyes at Eric's protectiveness, "I'm sure I'll be ok Eric."
"Mari…I have to go, I'll speak to you later ok?"
"Sure. Bye."
"Bye Mari."
After driving for about 30 minutes, they pulled up to Horatio's house.
"Thanks Officer Jenner." said Marisol stepping out of the car. She opened the backseat and pulled out her duffel bag that contained the stuff she had taken with her to the spa.
Her stone-faced guardian acknowledged this with a smile and opened the door for her. "I'll be outside Ma'am." He handed her the key and walked back to the car.
Marisol closed the door and looked around her. Horatio's house was as always impeccably neat and tidy. She was feeling hungry so she dumped her duffel bag in a corner and went in to investigate the kitchen. She looked at his shelves and found tins of soup and tuna. She opened the fridge and found 2 eggs, a slab of cheese and a carton of cranberry juice that had expired 3 days ago. She closed the fridge with a sigh and filled herself a tall glass with water. She went outside but the air was filled with so much tension from the coming storm so she sat in the living room and took deep gulps from it. She figured Horatio wouldn't be back for a couple of hours. She tried lying down on the couch but felt too restless to relax. At the hospital she wanted to get away as quickly as possible and be with herself but now that she was alone, the day's events kept replaying in her mind forcing her to think everything through till she couldn't bear to be alone with her thoughts anymore which were rushing to and fro making guilty accusations about the way she had lived her life. She decided to catch a ride back to the crimelab with the Officer.
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"Mr. Wolfe, a word please?" called out Horatio seeing Ryan pass his office.
Ryan walked into Horatio's office and sat down in the proffered chair with a sigh. He looked at Horatio expectantly, a hand resting against his face; his index finger pointing upwards while his other fingers rested across his face. Horatio noticed how this action was done next to his once affected eye.
Horatio crossed over and sat down across Ryan. He leaned forward, "Ryan about today. It happens."
"It does? But H…."
Horatio cut him off, "Ryan it happens to everyone. It serves to remind us that we are only human and that we can't help but experience fear, it's just a matter of learning how to cope and react to it."
"It hasn't happened to anyone I know." replied Ryan looking down at his jeans.
"It's happened to me." said Horatio quickly, "But what's important is that we learn from the experience. I froze while I was on duty with the bomb squad. I know what it's like."
Ryan remained silent,
"Ryan I know it's not your eye so I don't want you to accredit this to it." Ryan Wolfe's head remained bowed, Horatio continued, "I'm serious, you can't let this affect you other than taking it as a learning experience. This is why back-up is always so important. You can't control it, so there's no point worrying about it, but practice does make perfect and I have every confidence that you, Mr. Wolfe will get over this." Horatio smiled kindly at him with the subtle referral to Wolfe's OCD.
Ryan was silent for a moment and then smiled back, "Thanks Boss."
"Anytime."
Ryan stood up and left. Horatio's thoughts turned back to Marisol as he mechanically filled in the paperwork. He felt reassured that she would be safe and realised he would have to go home tonight because he had company. He hadn't been home for two days. He also realised his fridge would be pretty empty. A grocery stop would definitely be needed on his way home. Eric rapped on his door,
"H. Marisol would like to see you. She's in Room two-oh-two."
"Uh…thanks Eric."
"And H…thanks for letting Marisol stay with you."
"Anytime Eric. Enjoy your weekend." He added knowingly.
Eric just grinned back, "You too H."
Horatio looked through the glass panels of the interview room; Marisol had her back towards him and was looking out of the window at the Miami skyline. Her body language showed resignation and sadness. He opened the door but it didn't seem like she'd heard him. "Marisol…" he said gently to draw her out, "I thought you were at home?"
She nodded her head slightly as if to rouse herself from her train of thought. Her arms folded more tightly against her as if to warm herself. She tried to look away from the window that outlined every failing and weakness she had but it kept drawing her back. Her reflection in the windowpane made her feel even more inadequate than when she was standing in front of the mirror.
"What's going?" he asked concern filling his voice as he took a couple of steps towards her.
"You know it's funny…I….I've been fighting…" she rolled her eyes in exasperation at her own weakness, "… this stupid cancer… and….I don't know… I guess I've never really thought about things."
He took a step closer, "Like what things?"
Her lower lip trembled, "Like what I'd be missing. You know this morning, that woman she was shot…" she closed her eyes and relived the moment in the space of a thought and then opened her eyes, "….right in front of me….and I don't know sometimes I think I've been trying so hard not to die that I forget to live."
Horatio felt the sadness in her words and an ache in his heart as he heard her continue, "There's so much that I've never done…you know I've never travelled….really travelled…."
"You can do those things now." He offered taking another step so that he was directly behind her. He watched her shaking her head dispiritedly. He knew from her tone that she was coming out of shock and this was probably the first time that she had experienced a gunshot at such close quarters. He tried to relate to her with this but he found it hard after having been through too many shoot-outs for it to affect him as much as it had affected her.
Her voice became tremulous and her face flushed as she said, "I've never had a baby."
He felt his own heart ache a little more with her words at how much of his life had gone by too. He adored children but he was so afraid for them. The knowledge that he wouldn't be able to protect a child cut him to deeply to express, he shuddered to think if he couldn't protect his own child. "It's not too late." He whispered soothingly. He watched her turn around, her eyes full of emotion, and seemingly using all her will power not to let the tears leak out here.
"What did you say?" again that hope mixed with resignation he had heard when she sat with him and he had told her that they could do anything they wanted.
He ducked his head before coming up again, "I said it's not too late."
"When you say that…" she nodded her head in a bid to convince herself further, "I believe you."
"That's because it's true." He answered simply.
They both stood in silence, staring out the window, each trying to see what the other could see in the silhouette of the Miami skyline and the neon-red setting sun that was quickly being engorged by angry, charcoal-black clouds. A couple of drops pelted themselves against the window as if meaning to pierce. She began to tremble. She could feel his breath tickling her shoulder – it was comforting. A knock on the door forced them to come back to the present. Horatio turned around and saw a lab tech waving at him enthusiastically, clipboard in hand. Horatio motioned that he would be right out.
"Uh….Excuse me, I'll be right back." he said, as he walked away and closed the door gently behind him.
Marisol watched him, her thoughts overcoming her once again. She couldn't believe she had said all that to him but there was no one else she'd rather have told. Her wanting to have a baby which, given her present situation was an incredibly guilty, selfish, foolish, stupid desire. It just wasn't possible. But somehow she felt closer to him now, she barely remembered the conversation now, it was all a blur. A baby? The ultimate experience needed to complete her as a woman? She just didn't want to miss out on anything anymore. They didn't need words anymore, the answer she got from his eyes, from his smile all said yes, that he'd love to be a part of her experience too, in any way possible, but then why did she feel like she was imposing on him again? Was she pushing him into something he didn't want? They had never talked about this. She couldn't bear to hurt him and she was willing to let go of her selfish desires to see him happy. She shouldn't have come to the lab to see him, she should have just waited till he got home. She glanced out at him again and saw the lab tech's eyes wandering over to her while he listened to Horatio. More tongues would wag now about her coming here. How could she be so incredibly stupid? "I'm sorry….I didn't mean to presume…I didn't mean to impose on you." she mumbled, collapsing into a chair nearby when he walked back in.
Horatio crouched down and rested his hands on the arms of the chair, gently swivelling her around so that she was facing him. "You're not imposing Marisol. How about we go home now hmm? And talk when you're more comfortable." He wanted to get her to relax and try to ease her out of her shock instead of allowing her to go through the jolting transition between shock and normality.
She took a deep breath in and smoothed the front of her jeans. Her palms felt cold and clammy. She suddenly felt so tired. She offered him a tight smile. He was right she thought. But now would there be a barrier between them? She felt so embarrassed.
"I…have to go see to a few things before we leave. Will you give me a minute? Would you mind if I met you at the front desk?"
She stood up, a bit unsteady on her feet. His arm reached up to steady her. "I'll be fine Horatio. I'll see you there." Horatio watched her exit, his own emotions stirred. This would be interesting he thought, to see how much more she would open up to him and whether he would be able to open up some more to her.
Marisol stood at the front desk and waited. Ryan Wolfe came up to the desk to ask if he had any messages.
"Hi Marisol. Feeling better?" He asked his eyes darting to her forehead before flicking through the little notes handed over to him, "Thanks Paula."
"Hi. A lot better. How things going?" she said, glad for some company to occupy herself amidst the stares she was getting as people walked past her.
"Uh…not good." He said sighing,
Marisol patted his arm, "Anything I can do?"
Ryan looked at her, "Horatio and I were involved in a shoot-out today and I froze." He didn't know why he was telling her but the words were just tripping off his tongue like sporadic gunfire.
She clapped her hand to her mouth, her eyes widening, "I'm glad you guys made it through." she said softly. She had picked up on his depressive state, "I hope it doesn't happen again….I mean Eric always says how hard you work and stuff so I'm sure you'll work through this." she offered sympathetically.
He gave her a baleful stare. Marisol got the impression that she had said something wrong, "I'm sorry….I didn't mean to…"
"It's ok Marisol. The whole experience was just numbing. It's never happened before." Marisol patted his arm, "Thanks though."
"I didn't do much, but you're welcome." she replied.
Ryan offered her a happier smile before walking away. Marisol felt herself warmed by his smile.
"Hey, you ready to go?" asked Horatio who had seemed to materialise out of thin air again.
She jumped slightly and offered him a big smile, "How do you do that all the time?" she asked with mock exasperation. He just gave her an enigmatic smile. "Yep, I'm ready."
They reached the door and Horatio slipped off his jacket and held it over her head as they dashed helter-skelter through the downpour to the car.
"Thanks Horatio." she said breathlessly,
"Anytime." he answered back even though his shirt was completely drenched. He started unbuttoning his shirt. Marisol blushed and didn't know where to look. However to her relief he had his regular black t-shirt underneath which was still relatively dry. He used his shirt to rub his arms dry.
"What?" he asked seeing her smiling, her cheeks flushed. It wasn't rocket science to sense what was going through her mind especially from their earlier conversation. But they hadn't taken that step yet…...
"Nothing..." She ran a hand through his damp hair that was now sticking up in spikes, "You should spike your hair." Horatio gave a non-committal shrug, and caught her hand, kissed it and then held her hand loosely as they drove.
"We…uh….we have to make a grocery stop on our way back."
"I noticed." she replied a smile on her face.
"Sorry about that…. Spoken to Isabella?" asked Horatio.
Marisol rubbed the lines in his palm, "Yes…she's doing fine. Her parents had come over for a couple of days so she's with them. She's a bit shaken up that's all."
"I know it's been a tough day for you both." he said smoothly as he weaved through traffic.
"For you too…." she said under her breath.
"Pardon?" asked Horatio straining to catch her words.
"Oh….uh nothing, nothing."
"You coming in?" They had arrived.
"Is it ok if I wait in the car?"
"No problem. Can I get you anything in particular?" He unbuckled his seatbelt,
"A raspberry lollipop please?"
He blinked at her in surprise, "Sure."
"Thanks."
Horatio hurried into the store and basically rally drove the trolley cart around the store.
Marisol sat staring at the pouring rain. The drive so far hadn't been as bad as she'd thought it'd be. But now she was staying at his house and well…hadn't she just said she wanted a baby. They hadn't taken that step yet, it had been so long. She felt nervous but excited at the same time. She had never seriously thought about Horatio getting hurt. It wasn't fathomable. She knew he got really involved in his cases and seriously wore himself out with the strain of shouldering all the emotional responsibility. She felt a wave of sadness wash over her. The ringing in her ears was getting louder and her head felt like it was being cracked from inside out. She pushed her head against the headrest and felt sick. She curled onto one side and took deep breaths but it wasn't making her feel better. Her head lolled to one side.
"Hey." said Horatio opening the door in the backseat and depositing the groceries.
She straightened up and gave him a weak smile.
"Something wrong?"
"No….I'm…I'm fine." He heard the hesitation in her voice.
"Sure?" his fingers brushing against hers as he started the car.
She started at the contact, Horatio pretended not to notice. "Yeah…Yep…I'm fine." she said in the cheeriest voice she could manage.
He knew there was something bothering her. Maybe he shouldn't have left her by herself in the car. "Here's your lollipop." He drew out the bright pink wrappered stick.
"Thanks." she took it from him and played with it in her hands.
"Marisol, what's bothering you?" he asked after a couple of minutes.
"Nothing." she replied, a bit too quickly.
They didn't talk very much the rest of the way home. Horatio continued to feel worried. The more involved he became with her, the harder it was for him to let go and imagine his life without her. He couldn't help but feel that every time he saw her he felt more and more like a school boy, well either that or he was just more pathetic than he cared to admit.