Sorry for the wait but here is Chapter 4. Enjoy =)
Merlin had awoken that morning drenched in cold sweat and shaking from lack of heat in his body. He had also awoken to find Gwain sitting in the chair beside his bed. "What are you doing here?" Merlin asked trying to sit up.
Gwain quickly moved to help Merlin sit himself up before answering. "I wanted to see how you were."
Merlin looked at Gwain suspiciously. "How did you find out? Did Arthur tell you I was here?"
"Merlin. I was there. I heard Arthur shouting and I came running when I got there he was in hysterics cradling you in his arms. It was intense."
"Oh... I didn't realise you were there. Thanks for being here but I'm fine." Merlin tried to sound as reassuring as he could to get rid of Gwain he really didn't feel up to answering questions.
Gwain stared at Merlin briefly and then roared in a fit of laughter. He abruptly stopped laughing. "I am your best friend. I know when something is wrong with you. I saw the blood running from your wrists that night. So don't give me that 'I'm fine' shit. I know you've been depressed for months, I could see it in your eyes every time you smiled. Now as your best friend you are going to tell me what happened and why it happened. Whether you like it or not." He sat back in his seat, crossed his arms and gave Merlin a look to say 'I'm not budging'.
Merlin gave a huge sigh knowing he wasn't going to be able to avoid this. So pulling the blanket over his chest he began. "You're right Gwain, I am most definitely not fine. From the day I set foot in Camelot I've carrying a great burden, a destiny that must be kept a secret. In that destiny I must protect Arthur."
"But Arthur is safe, you have fulfilled that of your destiny. You are a good man." Gwain cut in.
Merlin continued, "Yes. Mordred and Morgana are dead. Arthur is a great king and he is safe. But my secret just kept eating me up inside I hated lying to Arthur, and to you, and Gwen. You're my friends. Anyway it just got to the point were suppressing my secret was making me severely depressed. So I took one of Gaius' shaving razors and when the depression became to much I would relieve myself with it." Merlin rolled up his sleeves to show Gwain the scars on his arms. He watched as Gwain looked at his arms in shock.
"So how did the other night happen? Did you accidentally cut too deep or something?" Gwain asked not sure he really wanted to know the answer.
Merlin sighed deeply not really wanting to answer. "That night I had made up my mind to tell Arthur my secret. The problem is my secret could get me executed and the thought of dying at Arthur's hand was to painful to bare."
"Merlin if you're trying to tell me you have magic, save your breath. I already know." Gwain grinned.
Merlin was as shocked as Gwain when he saw his arms. "But, how?"
"You really think I didn't notice all those not so close calls and lucky accidents. Like I said before I'm your best friend you can't keep secrets from me." He answered still grinning from ear to ear.
Suddenly Gaius walked into the room. "Merlin I am glad to see you are awake. How are you feeling?" He asked.
"Hello Gaius. I'm fine, thank you for asking." Merlin replied.
"You're just in time Gaius. Merlin was just telling me about what and why he did what he did the other night." Gwain said inviting Gaius over.
"Please don't stop on my account. I want to know as well." Gaius said gently sitting on the end of Merlin's bed.
"Fine." Merlin agreed figuring it was better to kill two bird with one stone. "So I had decided to tell Arthur that I have magic. Keeping it a secret from him was just making me really depressed. And I know he would probably have me killed and the thought of dying at his hand was to painful. So I tried to kill myself. I had planned it so that I would die shortly after telling him. So I cut up my wrists and stole a vial of poison from you Gaius, to make I got the job done right." As soon as he had finished Merlin just sat there in silence, rubbing his wrist under his blanket. Gaius placed his hand on Merlin's lap, his way of letting him know he was there for him. Gwain cussed under his breath and held his head in his hands trying to keep the tears from falling. He then sat up and wiped his eyes.
"I kind of you knew you were trying to kill yourself but I just didn't want to believe it. Why didn't you come and talk to Gaius or me?" He asked.
"How could I?" Merlin replied beginning to cry as well. "How could I come and tell you, 'Oh hey Gaius, Gwain. I have decided to tell Arthur I have magic and I plan on committing suicide after tell him.'" It was at that moment Merlin felt the damn inside him break. "I had already convinced myself you guys didn't need me and that you would be better off without me." He blubbered not even trying to hold back his emotions. Gwain sat beside Merlin on the edge of his bed and just hugged his friend.
Gaius left the room to prepare some lunch and to give the two friends some privacy.
Merlin and Gwain sat, hugged and cried for at least a good 45 minutes.
"I'm glad I failed." Merlin said breaking the sobs and silence. Gwain sat up and looked at his friend in confusion. "I'm glad I failed at you know, killing myself." He repeated, meaning it.
"As am I." Gaius interrupted, standing at the door. "Sorry to interrupt but lunch is ready. You're welcome to join us Gwain."
"I'd love to but I'm meeting Serena for lunch before I have to go to training." Gwain answered.
"Who is Serena?" Merlin asked.
"Oh you know just a girl I kind of hooked up with last night."
Merlin raised an eyebrow. "And you're meeting her for lunch. Sounds serious."
"Well maybe something more than a hook up will be good for me. Anyway I'll be sure to tell Arthur you're awake. See you later." Gwain replied before running out the door.
Gaius also left the room and returned a few seconds later with two wooden crutches. "Now Merlin you are going to feel pretty weak for a few days, You lost quite a bit of blood. But these should help you get about with a bit more ease."
"Couldn't you just bring me my food in bed?" He asked lazily.
"What do I look like? Your man servant?" Gaius asked sarcastically. "No. It is important that you move about a bit to rebuild some strength in your body and get some fresh air." Merlin threw the blanket off his body, he flung his feet over the edge of the bed and tried to push himself to his feet. He hadn't realise how weak he was. He took the crutches that Gaius handed him and stood up. "Wow, that poison must have done some damage." He stated.
"It wasn't poison you took Merlin. Otherwise you would be dead." Gaius replied.
"Then what was it?"
"It was a very strong but otherwise harmless sleeping remedy. Now come and get some lunch I bet you are very hungry."
And right on cue Merlin's stomach gave off a loud grumble.
"Come on and get some food to feed that lion." Gaius joked heading out the door as Merlin hobbled along behind him.
Merlin couldn't help but laugh at himself for grabbing a sleeping remedy instead of poison. But he truly was glad and he felt ten times better having talked to Gaius and Gwain.