Thanks for your reviews guys it what encourages me to keep writing. I hope to have the next chapter in a few days depending on work and stuff.
Shortly after lunch and a lecture from Gaius about how dangerous his self harm is. Merlin hobbled along to Arthur's chambers. As he did he could feel small bit of his strength returning, but not enough to not need his crutches. He had only been back on his feet for a few hours. When he got to Arthur's chamber doors he stopped and knocked.
Arthur was sitting at his dining table working on maps for a quest. Then he heard a faint knock at the door. "Hello, who is it?" he asked.
"It's Merlin."
Arthur jumped to his feet and opened the door. He was overcome with joy to see his friend up and about. Arthur picked Merlin up in a massive hug, causing him to drop his crutches. "Merlin, I'm so happy that you are feeling better. Come on in and talk to me. When was the last time we talked?"
"Oh I don't know... at my hearing before Uther convinced you to have me hanged in my dream two nights ago I think. I don't really remember I've been locked up in my room so long I've lost all sense of time." Merlin replied legs still dangling above the ground.
"Okay seriously come in and talk to me." Arthur said setting Merlin down. In all the excitement of seeing his friend out of bed he completely missed the two wooden crutches. When he could see Merlin's feet were on the ground he let go. The minute he did Merlin could feel his legs crumble as he collapsed right on the floor. Well this is a familiar. Merlin thought to himself.
"Shit Merlin, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I'm fine. I just can't really get about right now without crutches." He said gripping his crutches beside him on the floor. He attempted to get up on his own, but it wasn't happening.
"It's okay Merlin, I've got you." Arthur said rushing to Merlin's aid.
"No Arthur, just help me on my..." But before he could finish Arthur had one arm under his legs and the other supporting his back. He picked him up and carried him over to sit at the table. He then went back to the hall for the crutches and closed the door behind him. Passing Merlin his crutches as he sits down beside him. Merlin thanks him hesitantly, feeling slightly degraded.
"Right so begin with the dream where I had you hanged." Arthur gently demanded.
"I was in the dungeons where Uther's ghost was tormenting me and telling me I deserve to die. Then I was dragged to the throne room for a hearing where Uther whispered in your ear to have me executed. You had me dragged out to be hanged and just before I blacked out I saw you mouth you are no friend of mine." He finished beginning to choke on his emotions.
Arthur looked Merlin in the eyes and replied, "You know that would never happen. I would never admit this to anyone but you are my dearest friend and nothing could ever change that."
"Now what I really want to know is what the hell happened the other night?" Arthur asked sternly.
"I guess it's not much of a secret I've been pretty depressed lately. Also you're safe now. Mordered and Morgana are dead. You don't need me to protect you any more and the thought of dying at your hand was to unbearable. So I-"
"So you thought killing yourself was the way to handle it." Arthur cut in. "Merlin I may not need you to protect me any more, even though I never really did, but I do still need you as my friend. I always will, even if I don't admit it."
"Your right Arthur. I'm sorry" He apologized.
"No apology necessary. I'm the one that should be saying sorry for making you feel like you couldn't come to me with this. Please if you are ever considering doing this again come and talk to me."
"I promise I will." Merlin sincerely replied.
"Good." Arthur said his smile returning to him. "Are you hungry?"
"No, but I wouldn't mind going down to the tavern for a pint and some games."
"I don't think so you need to rest."
"I've been resting for days. I just want to get out."
"Okay, but just one pint and I'm paying." Arthur insisted. Then he got up and when to pick Merlin up again.
"Woah woah woah! What are you doing?" Merlin asked suddenly feeling rather irritated.
"I'm helping you to the tavern."
"Noyou were about to carry me to the tavern. I'm not paralysed. I can do things for myself."
"You can't even stand without those crutches. I'm just trying to be a good friend." Arthur argued.
"I only need the crutches for about a week. I lost a lot of blood trying to kill myself. I'm not going to be 100 percent right away." Merlin said with more bite than intended.
Feeling the bite Arthur stormed over to the door and opened it. "Then maybe you should leave until you're '100 percent'."
"Then maybe I will." Merlin agreed, hobbling to the door. He stopped at the doorway. "And Arthur since you clearly missed it the other night. I have magic."
"No you don't. I would know if you had magic." Arthur replied so sure it wasn't possible the scrawny boy before him has magic.
"I do."
"Prove it." Arthur insists.
Merlin looked at the candle on Arthur's dinning table, he uttered a spell and as his eyes glowed gold the candle lit up.
Completely shocked at what he just witnessed and still high on the adrenaline from their argument minutes before, "Get out of my sight." He ordered quietly.
"Just what I thought. Gladly." After having the last word Merlin hobbled out and down the hall to go to the tavern alone. As he did he hear Arthur's chamber door slam shut.
Enraged Arthur punched the wall, bleeding his knuckles in the process. He screamed in pain. He was so angry at Merlin for keeping something like this from him. He wrapped his hand in a cloth and lay down on his bed. He was way more than angry, he was heart broken. That Merlin actually believed he would have him executed. Didn't they're friendship mean anything?
It wasn't long before Arthur became so lost in his thoughts he was drifting off to sleep. Maybe he can have a more rational discussion with Merlin tomorrow.
If any of you are dealing with self harm or suicidal thoughts please know that you are so completely loved. And please talk to someone. =)