AUTHOR'S NOTE: DEAR READERS, APOLOGIES! APOLOGIES! I REALISE I HAVE MADE A MISTAKE ON THE CHRONOLOGY; THE 'CLEARED FOR LANDING' COMMENT HAPPENS IN THIS EPISODE AND NOT BEFORE THIS. APOLOGIES ALSO FOR THE VERY LONG WAIT!! I've had lots of enquiries of when I would be updating this, so here it is. For future notice, the updates will be a bit slower now but obviously not as long as this one has been. For those of you who don't remember Michael from chap 6, he's the lovely chap that manages Il Covo. Happy reading everyone!

OUT WITH A BANG

Horatio Caine awoke to sunlight streaming into the room. He let his gaze linger on the now familiar peach coloured ceiling above him, trying to enjoy a moment of blissful calm before his day had to start again. The body next to him snuggled further into him. His fingers ghosted over the sleeping form as his mind wandered onto his plans for the day. His muscles unintentionally clenched and seized up.

And so it begins, he thought to himself as he heard his cell phone vibrate. Sighing, he gently untangled himself, only to gracelessly fall onto the floor. He reached for his discarded trousers before crawling towards the bathroom door. He closed the door as quietly as possible and turned on the tap to have a shave.

The coolness of the terracotta walls against his palms gave a soothing contrast to the hot spray hitting his body and it allowed his mind to drift. His belly was still knotted up in terror. He was supposed to go with Marisol for her chemo session today. His body's response was indeed one of fear but only a small part of his mind would admit that he was indeed scared of the events looming closer and closer. How could he possibly be scared when she was the one making a bigger sacrifice than he ever could? How could he be the one scared when he had to be the strong one? This fear seemed different to his other experiences; in those instances things were in his power and it was all just a matter of timing; Raymond, his bomb squad days, it had all been a matter of timing. This time, it was not a matter of timing and the lack of control scared the hell out of him.

A cool body pressed up behind him as he felt her arms come around him.

"You're up early." she murmured.

He moved over, allowing the shower spray to hit her. "Crime, apparently, waits for no-one, Sweetheart." He lowered his head to kiss her.

"Can it wait five more minutes?" she inquired breathlessly moulding herself further into him.

He smiled, 'Let's see, shall we?"

They were both dressed and had just enough time to grab a cup of coffee. Walking hand-in-hand to the café on Marisol's street corner, she asked, "Are you sure you're ok to come this evening?"

Horatio gave a chuckle, lacing their fingers together, "I got on top of my paperwork especially for this. I wouldn't miss it for anything."

She smiled back at him while he ordered a hot chocolate for her and a black coffee for himself. "That certainly is a change, Horatio!"

"Why the long face then?"

"Oh nothing, just thinking."

"Of what – " He was interrupted by the ringing of his phone, "Sorry sweetheart," he said apologetically turning away from her to answer it.

Of life, she answered mentally.

Their beverages had already arrived when he hung up. He gave her a rueful smile.

"You have to go." She completed for him seeing the look in his eyes.

He nodded with a sigh. "I'm sorry, work seems to have picked up in twenty minutes."

"That's all right."

He gulped down as much of his coffee as he could, "See you at six then?"

She nodded, trying to give the most charitable smile she could manage, under the circumstances. "Oh, I forgot to bring the address for you."

He was already standing, so he crouched down to her, "I didn't forget it Sweetheart." he said, taking out a slip of paper from his blazer pocket. She gave a genuine smile this time. "Love you!" He whispered quickly, arching to give her a light kiss.

She giggled in girlish delight as he left. Looking down at the hot chocolate and feeling a chocolate craving, she decided to order pain au chocolat.

A couple of minutes later, it dawned on her that she had forgotten a ledger in the apartment. Cursing, she checked her satchel only to find that she was right. She went to the counter only to find that Horatio had already paid for their drinks. Paying for the pastry she munched it on her way back to the apartment. She knew she was going to get to Il Covo late and hurried up the stairs.

It took a few minutes to find the ledger that had somehow ended up near a stack of laundry. Puzzling as to how it got there, she had just reached the front door when she suddenly felt her heart stop and her breath catch. A wave of nausea and dizziness washed over that sent her hobbling back into the apartment, she collapsed onto a chair in the kitchen, and waited for the sick feeling to pass. Feeling weak but also hungry at the same time she seriously considered taking the morning off.

"Michael? Hello, Marisol here."

"Good morning Marisol. Is everything ok?"

"I'm really sorry, but I don't think I'll be able to come in this morning." Hearing a loud sigh from the other end, she thought fast 'But I can come this afternoon. Would that be okay?"

"Um, this afternoon? Could we call it an early session because I would like to go over some things with you, and I have to be at the airport at five to pick up someone. Does that suit?"

"Thanks Mike, you're the most flexible boss ever!"

Michael laughed, "Good thing I'm not actually your boss Marisol. Anything else?"

Marisol hesitated, "Well actually... could you get me some of my stuff for today? Will that be a problem?"

"No problem at all. I'll arrange for it. See you at two then?"

"Thank-you Mike, two o'clock it is. Bye."

Marisol hung up and decided to rest for the remainder of the morning. Now there was a new problem to add to the growing thought in her mind. Horatio would, in all likelihood be here tonight, how would she do it without jeopardising him, but then she couldn't do without it either. Just fucking wonderful she thought falling into bed with a bottle of water.

She felt the cold metal of the bench underneath her as she waited anxiously for him. She had spent the better part of the morning thinking about it and was sure she had arrived at the right decision. The life she wanted with him could never transpire if she continued treatment. She was tired of it all. She would not be broken or have her spirit crushed. Her life, if it was meant to be was meant to be and if it wasn't…well they would find out soon enough wouldn't they? She always knew she'd go out with a bang, that's the just way she was and it was a bit late, now to change who she was. She fiddled with the loose threads on her green cardigan, impatient to get this over with.

"Marisol?" he asked surprised that she was his visitor. For a moment he thought he had made a mistake, "Our appointment's at six?" He noted that her attire had changed from this morning; it was more casual than the 2-piece she had donned earlier.

"I needed to talk to you." She looked around furtively.

"Ok." He took a step closer in towards her, trying to make their space as private as possible, "What's going on?"

"After tonight, I want to stop my chemo. I know I'm gonna get sick and I'm scared."

'Marisol –" he started, unbelieving of what she had just said. His eyes immediately fell to the ground

"I just don't wanna take that chance."

Realisation dawned; he didn't want to push her away by being controlling again, "I understand. But –" he paused for a moment to collect his scattered thoughts. He wanted to make sure she had considered this from all angles, "- If we lose you, then nothing can happen."

Her eyes pleaded with him.

His eyes pleaded with hers.

He wanted her to keep fighting but he knew he had no choice. Well, at least no real choice in the matter – it was not his right. This was all about her life and he knew the right way was whatever she wanted. His blue eyes fell to the ground again and resignation showed. "Ehem…if this is your decision, you have my full support. Ok?" He tried to put on a brave a front as he could.

She gave a grateful smile and a nod, "You're still coming?"

"Of course, I'm coming with you." He responded more quickly than intended.

"Good." She let out a sigh of relief, "As long as you're with me, I know I'm going to be fine."

"And you will be." He finished the thought for her. "So I'll see you at six?"

"Yeah, I'll see you at six."

"Ok." He gave the most positive smile he could manage wanting to at least give her a parting kiss, but then with a quick smile she turned from him and was walking away.

He felt the shock return and quickly sat down on the bench, needing a moment to compose himself before he resumed his role of Lieutenant Caine. The uncomfortable thought of listening to what Eric thought about all this made his head begin to throb.

She was just getting to Il Covo when her cell went off, "Mari, do you need me to pick you up?"

"Hi Eric. Nah, I'm good. Catching a ride with Bella."

"Ok, relieved to hear that. I'm really behind on my processing. I have a lot to do this afternoon. Are you ok for later?"

Marisol caught on immediately, "Yes, yes. Horatio's coming today too Eric."

"Oh, all right."

"Please come still! I want to talk to you about something."

"Ok. Gotta go Marisol, we just got a call out." He waved to Wolfe that he was on his way. "Love you. Bye."

"Eric, you need to suit up, you're the one going dumpster diving today." Calleigh mentioned sweetly as she breezed in with some AV tapes.

"What?! No way! It's Wolfe's turn this time around."

"Eric! Be nice, he has a date tonight and you don't," she added meaningfully. "Thank-you!" she called out to his grumbling, retreating back as he grabbed his kit on the way out.

Horatio switched off the engine and sat for a moment in the quiet of the car to collect his thoughts; his hands were shaking. She was already inside, waiting for him. It was only a deep sigh and his ruthless streak of self-discipline that made him walk towards the clinic door instead of letting him run in the opposite direction. His hands, casually inserted into his pockets were still trembling.

Marisol was going through the well practiced routine of making a fist and holding her breath as the tip of the needle was inserted into her vein. She remembered during her first chemo session how Eric tried to distract her while the nurse hunted around for a few good minutes to find a vein in her wrist, only to give up frustrated. The frustration just compounded to her fear. It was as if her veins just kept burying deeper and deeper, afraid of medicinal cocktail that it would give access to. The nurse eventually settled on injecting the drugs into her forearm.

She was impatient for him to arrive and be there, but when she saw his face something moved inside her. She took his hand and gave him a reassuring smile. They both understood the gesture was to calm him down more than anything else. The machine beeped.

The attending nurse gave the couple an encouraging look and some words and then left.

"She's great." remarked Horatio, sitting down beside her.

Marisol acknowledged that the nurses really were fantastic in this clinic.

She felt the first of the liquid entering her system,"Here we go…" Marisol said, her voice breaking, but a smile lingering because she was so happy that he was here with her.

He nodded in acceptance, with a brave smile of his own, "Here we go." He waited for her to settle down before asking, "Marisol, are you quite sure you've made up your mind?"

"Horatio, I have. Even if the chemo does give me a little longer to live, think how it would be. It would be awful. I wouldn't be able to enjoy life anymore, it would affect you too."

He acquiesced in silence. Her hand remained clasped between his.

"The first time is nerve-wracking." she said attempting to break the silence.

He gave a wry smile, pull yourself together man, he chided, think of who you're doing this for, and because you want to share her experience and show that she is not alone; That you'll always be here even if you're always getting called away, as he thought about his departure at breakfast. "It's not that. I don't like hospital settings. Especially tubes." He gulped slightly, "My mother, died of her injuries, the tubes…" he steeled his voice, "they hooked her up on couldn't save her."

"Oh, I'm sorry."

He shook his head in silence, forcing himself to look at her. She squeezed his hand and leaned forward to kiss his forehead.

"You know what?" he cleared his throat, "we're going to be here for a while, why don't you get some rest, ok?"

Marisol nodded, knowing he was already clamming up against her. Besides, she was feeling tired, and could now feel the drugs beginning to work on her system. She turned away from him, tucking her legs underneath herself, and closed her eyes.

He drew the curtain around the little bed as if that would help him block out the memories of his mother's hospital stays. He felt his earlier headache coming back on and he tried to concentrate on something else.

Horatio watched her while she slept, feeling strangely intrusive just being there. It charmed him to no end that she always looked so beautiful, and he knew it wasn't just a matter of beauty being in the eye of the beholder. The little jealous spark in him had noticed that she always seemed capable of turning men's heads, even though she didn't realize it. He had to admit that his brain did get a little rush to know that he was envied whenever he was with her. He realised he was being selfish by wanting her to continue the chemo just so she could live a little bit longer, so that he could love her a little bit longer. He wasn't giving enough thought to her quality of life and the effects that would have on him.

His eyes rested on the intra venous line, as it slowly dripped the meds that were killing her but also the cancer. He felt a sudden surge of anger, unable to tear his eyes away from the chemo cocktail slowly dripping on and on and on. Why her? Why his beloved lover? Someone who lived for every moment and was so full of life! The injustice of it all, why not strike one, of the criminal scum he was constantly arresting, with cancer, he questioned a higher power furiously in his mind. He bowed his head in resignation, the anger being replaced by the plummeting of his heart to the ground.

"Horatio!" she started awake.

His head shot up, "I'm here." He soothed, "I'm here." He kissed her hands to help remove the lingering panic in her sleepy eyes.

"Hey guys!"

Marisol and Horatio looked across to see Eric coming towards them.

"Eric," she whispered happily. Horatio stood up and gestured to the chair.

"Nah, thanks H. I'm good."

"Go ahead Eric, I'm just going to grab some water and let you guys talk." He pointed to the water cooler near the entrance, "Would you like some?"

Two sets of identical hazel eyes looked at him and shook their heads.

"Ok then." Horatio gave Marisol an encouraging smile as he walked away.

Eric sat down and stretched his legs out, chuckling at his boss's retreating back. "You seem to have him whipped good, Mari."

Marisol rolled her eyes, "Really Eric!" She sniffed the air and scrunched up her nose, "Peww! Is that you?"

Now it was Eric's turn to roll his eyes, "Dumpster duty because Wolfe had a date."

Her eyebrows shot up, "Natalia?" Eric nodded ruefully. "Good for Ryan." Eric shrugged his shoulders in response. "Eric, we need to talk."

"Sure, about what?"

"This is the last one Eric."

The blank look in his eyes was quickly snuffed out, anger flaming from the now brown orbs, "What the hell, Marisol?" she stayed silent, "Why?" he demanded.

"Because I'm tired Eric. Because of what the doctor said. I've fought it as much as I can, and if it doesn't work after this one, then I'm done. The prognosis won't matter. Can't I ask for a happy death?"

"NO, you cannot Marisol!" he whispered furiously, not wanting to raise his voice.

She bit back a retort. Eric hung his head in shame, "I'm sorry Mari, I didn't mean it like that. What about never giving up?"

"Eric it's going to be fine. "

"I hope so Mariso-" Eric was interrupted by the nurse coming over and informing them that the treatment cycle was complete.

Marisol welcomed the removal of the intrusive implement from her arm. Horatio and Eric, stood side-by-side watching in silence. The nurse took off the rubber cuff and pressed a cotton swab on the puncture site, "Here hold this," she said, pressing Marisol's hand over the swab and turning around to switch off the machine and complete the medical chart. "Well. That's you all done Miss Delko. You have a blood test and biopsy scheduled a week from now."

"Yes. Thank-you."

"Have a safe trip home, folks." The nurse said to the little group and left.

Marisol, leaned back tiredly and smiled, "Wow, two guys to help me home. This is a first."

The two men gave her a hand each and gently pulled her up, holding onto her as they felt how unsteady she was. "Take your time, Sweetheart," said Horatio, shuffling forward slowly.

"I'll get the car, H." said Eric dashing off.

"I think I'll go with Eric, Horatio. Thanks for coming today."

"You don't want me to come home with you?" he asked surprised.

She acted surprised, "You want to come home?"

He was suddenly shy, "Well I don't want to be rude."

"Horatio, no! No! I would love for you to be with me. I just thought you'd have a lot of work."

"All done, Marisol," he whispered in her ear.

She smiled, "Ok, well I think I'll still ride with Eric, we haven't finished talking about this. Will you follow us home?" she paused at the doorway.

"Of course, Marisol."

Eric held the car door open for her. She crumpled into the seat with a heavy breath.

"Thanks H." said Eric in a clipped voice.

Horatio could only imagine what the conversation in the car would be!

"When are you going to tell Mammi and Pappy? Does Bella know?" he asked, strapping himself in.

Marisol sighed, "Yes Eric, Bella knows. That's why I asked her to give me a ride over here, so I could talk to her. And…" she paused meaningfully, " you should know that Bella fully supports my decision and didn't put up as much a fight as you thought she would. As for Mom and Pappy, I'll tell them tomorrow, when I feel a little better." Her last words set panic bells off in her head, "Shit Eric!"

"What is it Mari?" he asked worriedly.

"Horatio's gonna see me smokin' up! Is he allowed to do that?"

Eric laughed, "Well we can ask him when we get home. I hope Michael got better grass than the one you tried scoring for yourself."

"Thank goodness for Michael," Marisol commented.

Eric looked across at her, "You're already bruising Mari," He briefly pointed to the dark circle appearing around the puncture mark of the needle. She shrugged, feeling drained. "Is it starting?" he asked, noticing the break of sweat on her forehead.

"I can wait till we get home," she replied in a strained voice.

"Hang in there Marisol, we'll be home soon. Where's the grass?"

She pointed to her purse, and he floored the accelerator.

Eric had already helped Marisol into the house by the time Horatio arrived.

"That was good time, Eric." said his boss getting out of the car.

"Think I did go over some of the limits, H. Mari wasn't feeling too good. Can you stay with her while I pick up dinner? I shouldn't be more than twenty minutes."

"Sure Eric, as long as you need."

Horatio went in and Eric left.

Marisol was sitting in the kitchen with a glass of orange juice, and a blanket around her. "Knock, knock, Sweetheart," he said lightly, bending down to brush his lips against hers.

"Horatio, I don't know if you should stay."

He took a seat next to her, "Why would you say that, Marisol?"

"I just don't want to get you into anymore trouble. You've already done so much for Eric and me. It's too risky for you and it's not fair on you."

"Sweetheart, I don't understand."

Her eyes shifted to her purse on the counter. "Could you pass me my purse, please?"

He reached across and passed the purse to her. She took out the cellophane bag containing 4 neatly rolled joints, and waved it infront his face. "This Horatio, this! You can't get into trouble because of me."

Horatio chuckled, "Sweetheart, I'm not going to get into trouble. 'Extenuating circumstances', remember? Nothing can possibly happen."

"You say that now, but you're a Lieutenant. It's too risky Lubimiy."

"Marisol, believe me. Nothing's going to happen. I promise." She still looked doubtful so he opened the cellophane bag and lit one.

"Horatio!" she croaked adamantly.

He took a couple of puffs and handed it to her with a smile, "Marisol," he leaned over and kissed her blowing the smoke into her. They broke apart, "I'm not that innocent." He laughed at her bemused expression.

She took several long drags, "God, I feel better already."

She stood up without his help and walked to the lounge. She tapped the spliff into the ashtray on the coffee table and leaned back into the couch. He sat down next to her. She lay her head on his shoulder, he put his arm around her and held her close while they waited for Eric to return.

His arm was lying above her head, and his breath was ticking her neck. His deep breathing indicated that he was asleep. Poor thing, she thought, he had stayed up most of the night helping her to deal with her nausea. She was feeling much better now. The chemo session had showed her the Horatio Caine that Eric knew, the reserved man. He had gone on the defensive, retreating into himself after he briefly mentioned his mother. Marisol realised that there wasn't much she knew about her lover's past. She had heard Horatio's background from Eric, but Horatio never talked about himself or gave much detail about his childhood. He had certainly never talked about these either, she told herself fingering the long scar near his belly-button that felt like a raised bump against her fingertips. Just from touching the raised bump, she could feel there was an interesting story behind it; it was no mere appendectomy scar. She turned around to face him and closed her eyes, nestling into him to kiss the skin over his heart.