A/N: Here's the next chapter. Hope you enjoy it. Like always, let me know your thoughts and suggestions.
Chapter 23: Bumps Along the Way
"So how did the big move go last weekend?" Julia Harriman asked her niece as they shared brunch on the terrace of the Waldorf Astoria.
Alex grinned. "Everything went really well. Olivia's friends from the station came over and helped out. The guys were great. They did all the heavy lifting. There wasn't much for us women to do other than rearranging everything. We spent most of the day gossiping and supervising. It was perfect."
Alex's aunt laughed. "Sounds like my kind of moving. You all must have had a grand time then."
"We did." Alex nodded. "Amanda Rollins; she's the other female detective. During lunch, she kept us entertained with these outlandish stories about working down in Atlanta, Georgia. I thought poor Serena was going to pass out she was laughing so hard. Lord knows she needed to laugh."
Julia's interest piqued. "Is something going on with Serena?"
Julia had known the younger woman for many years and considered her family.
Alex bit her lip, not wanting to betray Serena's confidence. "I don't want to say too much but she and Abbie are facing a few issues."
"Well, I hope they can work through them." Julia said evenly.
Alex knew her aunt very well. She could tell when the older woman wanted to say more simply by the tone of her voice.
"You don't think they will, do you?"
Julia leveled her niece with a cool azure gaze. "One thing I've learned being married all these years is that a good marriage is more about compromise than it is about sacrifice. It might seem noble to sacrifice your own needs for the one you love, but the best relationships are those where the sacrifice isn't needed because both parties are willing to compromise. You'd do well to remember that, Alexandra."
Alex sat in silence and allowed her aunt's words to sink in. It wasn't often that Julia Harriman dished out relationship advice. When she did, it was wise to take heed.
"Are you trying to tell me something, Aunt Julia?"
Julia gently patted Alex's hand and smiled. "Oh, don't worry yourself too much, dear. I'm just an old woman talking nonsense. You shouldn't spend too much time worrying over Serena and Abigail either. Those two will figure things out for themselves. You have your own relationship to concentrate on. How is Olivia by the way?"
"Olivia is fine. She's been exhausted the last couple of weeks, but she won't admit it. She's stubborn like that. Other than that small issue, she is doing great. Sprout is coming along just fine too."
Julia laughed at the baby's nickname. "I'm so glad you've found someone who cares so deeply about you. You were alone for so long. We worried about you. It seemed the only thing that mattered was your career."
"For a while, that was all I had. I was young and stupid then. I thought I had all the answers. I actually thought I could live a life being someone I wasn't just so I could maybe one day be the DA or Governor." She shook her head sadly. "How ironic is it that I ended up spending years of my life in Witsec doing just that… pretending."
Julia watched her niece closely. Alex had never spoken openly about her time away, not even to her or Bill. She imagined that it must have been intensely painful.
"Sometimes we don't realize the price we pay for our choices until it's too late."
"I've found myself thinking about my choices a lot these days. I look at the life I have with Olivia now and I wonder…"
"Wonder what?"
"I wonder how different things would be if I hadn't been so stubborn; if I had just dropped that case like Olivia asked me to. I wonder if we would have gotten involved sooner. So many things would have been different. We wouldn't have spent all those painful years apart. I wouldn't have hurt Robert. I even think that Olivia and I might have gotten married and started a family." She paused and stared down at the food she was pushing around her plate. "… and baby she's carrying would actually be mine." She finished in a whisper.
Julia reached across the table and took Alex's hand. "You can't live your life on what ifs. It only leads to madness."
"I know, but I can't help but think that I somehow caused all of this or at the very least set it into motion."
"Oh sweetheart, life doesn't work that way. You made your choices, but Olivia made her choices as well. Besides, there are no guarantees in life. There is no way to know that if you had made a different choice that you and Olivia would have ended up together sooner. Who knows and does it really matter now? You can only deal with the here and now. You are with Olivia. You are preparing to raise a child with her. That is your reality now."
"You're right; I am with her." Alex said softly. Julia watched her niece's expression grow soft and then transform into a content smile. "I love her so much, Aunt Julia. It actually scares me to death sometimes because she's become my entire life; her and that baby."
"Good." Julia nodded. "I've seen the way she looks at you. I have no doubt that she feels the same way. She makes you happy and that is all Bill and I ever wanted for you. It's what your mother and father wanted most for you."
Alex swallowed the lump in her throat. "Do you think they would have approved?"
"We know Alexander would have. You were his little princess. He didn't care what you did as long as you were happy doing it." Julia paused and smiled sadly thinking of her beloved sister. "Now, your mother was a tough cookie. We both know Helena had high expectations for you, but that was only because she could see your potential and more importantly, she didn't want you to turn out like so many of these other rich brats running around. Your father would have spoiled you rotten if she would have allowed him, but a child needs stability. Helena knew this. She also knew the pressures you would have to endure simply because you were born a Cabot. She wanted to make sure you were prepared for that. So she allowed herself to be the bad guy most of the time so you could continue to idolize your father. That is what a real mother will do for her child, Alexandra. I want you to remember that."
Alex used her napkin to wipe a few tears away from her eyes. With all the talk about motherhood, she had thought of her own mother a lot lately.
"I just always thought she was being overbearing. I guess I never looked at it that way."
"Your mother adored you from the day you were born, Alexandra. I remember watching her hold you for the first time. She couldn't stop looking at you." She paused and sighed. "But after she lost your father, she was devastated. I know she clung to you even more after that. You were Helena's last piece of him, but you must know that she always loved you simply because you were her daughter. She was so very proud of everything you ever did."
"Even after she figured out that I would never be the traditional Cabot wife?"
Julia laughed. "It wasn't like it was ever a huge mystery, Alexandra, even before you actually came out to the family. Isabella and Theodora sat your mother and father down and gave them a heads up when you were about sixteen. Neither of them ever blinked an eye about it. I think we all knew long before you even realized it yourself. The only person in the family that didn't know was your poor Uncle Bill. God love him, he just never seemed to pick up on the clues and kept trying to set you up on dates when you got older. Your mother finally grew tired of him pushing all those young men on you. She came over to dinner one evening and just flat-out told Bill to choose from the fairer sex if he was so hell-bent on you getting married anytime soon."
Alex snorted. She looked into amused blue eyes so much like her own. "That doesn't sound like my mother. When was this?"
"Oh, your mother could be quite the firecracker when she wanted, especially when it came to you. She was always fiercely protective of you. If I remember correctly, she warned Bill off of you shortly after you started working in the DA's office. She told me that she was sure you had fallen in love with a co-worker. She was worried you would get your heart broken."
A slow smiled emerged across Alex's face. She sat dumbfounded for a moment. "I think she knew… She knew I was in love with Olivia."
"She never mentioned a name or Olivia specifically."
"She didn't have to."
"What makes you say that?"
"Mom met Olivia by accident shortly after I started working there. Mom dropped by my office unexpectedly. She interrupted a rather intense discussion between Olivia and me. Mom had the strangest look on her face when we finally noticed her standing there. When I introduced them, Olivia practically charmed my mother's pants off. Thinking back, it actually made me a little jealous. After that, Mom stopped asking if I was dating anyone or if I had any romantic prospects on the horizon. She did, however, ask after Olivia every time we spoke."
Julia chuckled.
Alex shook her head. "You know, she once mentioned how difficult it would be to love someone so dedicated to a job. I always thought Mom was referring to me and how much time I spent working. I think she actually meant it would be hard for me because of how dedicated Olivia is to SVU."
"Your mother always was rather astute. I imagine it would be quite difficult considering how committed Olivia is to her work."
Alex shrugged her shoulders. "It's who she is. It's one of the reasons why I fell in love with her in the first place. Besides, it's not like I don't work just as much."
"True, but you're not the one carrying this child. Eventually, Olivia is going to have to slow down a bit… both of you will. I may not have children of my own, but I've seen firsthand how a child changes a person's life."
"Can I ask you something extremely personal, Aunt Julia?"
"When have I ever been anything but an open book to you?"
Alex bit her lip. "Why didn't you and Uncle Bill ever have children of your own? You've always been so wonderful to me. I can only imagine how lucky your own child would have been to have you as parents."
Julia sighed and looked off into the distance. "I'm surprised it took you all these years to actually ask. The answer is obvious. I was very career driven. I wanted to make partner in my firm. Bill was just as ambitious. His career took off and before we knew it, that time in our lives had passed."
"And you never regretted it?"
Julia shook her head. "No. It was the right choice for us. Are you having second thoughts about your choice to raise this child with Olivia?"
"No, of course not. I'm absolutely sure about that. It's just… you said Olivia and I will both have to slow down soon. I know we both have to change the way we live our lives and I'm okay with that. I just don't know if Olivia has really taken the time to think about how different our lives will be once this baby gets here."
"Is that a conversation you two have avoided?"
"Not on purpose. It's just been one thing after another since we got together. We discussed it a little when we were in Greece. Olivia made it clear that she wants to continue to work which is fine with me. I couldn't even imagine Olivia being anything other than a detective. She loves her work. It's her life."
"Well, I suppose that is something you two should discuss because that life is about to change…whether you're ready or not." Julia reached across the table and squeezed Alex's hand. "Alexandra, I know that I'm not Helena and I wouldn't dare attempt to ever take my sister's place. But I want you to know that you are very much a daughter to me. Bill and I will always be here for you and Olivia. I think you're going to make a wonderful mother." She grinned mischievously. "And I'm going to make an even better grandmother."
Tears flooded Alex's eyes again. This time she didn't wipe them away. She smiled through them. "I think so too."
Later that night, Alex groaned as the annoying sound of the "Bad Boys" song that rang out loudly in the bedroom. She reached over and shook the snoring body next to her. She received a low rumble in return.
"Liv? Liv, it's your phone."
"It's not mine."
Alex rubbed her sleepy eyes. "Well it's not mine. I have a normal and less annoying ringtone."
Somewhere underneath several pillows came a stream of colorful and foul words. It always amused Alex to no end how such a well spoken gentle soul could have such a potty mouth. The woman could make the most hardcore sailors blush. Finally, a long arm came out from underneath the comforter along with more colorful language about Fin.
"Hand it over. It's on your side." Olivia grumbled.
Alex snatched the phone up from her nightstand and placed it in Olivia's outstretched hand.
"Benson." She practically growled.
Alex hoped the person calling had a good reason because she knew that Olivia was exhausted. The brunette had even admitted as much when she had arrived home a few hours ago. Now, it appeared that she was being called back to work after only getting three hours of sleep. The hours Olivia was putting in would be difficult for anyone to handle, let alone someone four months pregnant.
Alex wanted to be pissed at the captain, the unit, or anyone else she could think of for not forcing the brunette to take it easy, but she couldn't really blame them. Olivia was a grown up and it was her responsibility to take better care of herself. She had hoped Olivia would take the initiative to cut her hours and take a desk assignment, but the stubborn detective was determined to continue to carry her weight in the unit. Alex knew she and Olivia were going to have to talk. Although it needed to happen, that was not a conversation Alex was looking forward to having.
"A ten year old girl was brought in with signs of rape and abuse over at Bellevue. She won't talk to Nick."
Alex had already sat up and switched on the bedside lamp. "Liv, you're exhausted."
"I was able to get a little sleep."
"You barely got three hours, Liv. You look dead on your feet."
Olivia grunted. "I'll be fine."
Alex sighed and decided to try a different tactic. "If the child would feel more comfortable with a woman, they could always call Rollins in for the interview. I'm sure she could handle it."
"Rollins isn't catching this weekend; Nick and I are." Olivia said walking into their closet. She quickly found the clothing she left out for late night calls. She grabbed her shoes and returned to the bed.
Alex watched her sit on the bed to put on her shoes. She moved behind her and rubbed her shoulders. "Liv…are you telling me that there isn't a single female detective that could handle this?"
The lack of sleep and this conversation was grating on Olivia's already frayed nerves. "I already told Nick I'd meet him there. He'll be waiting. I have to go."
"You don't have to go. You've been working nearly nonstop for the last week. You came home dead on your feet tonight. I think Nick would understand if you sent Rollins down instead."
"Alex, this is my job. You know that." Olivia said. She stood and grabbed her badge and gun from the dresser.
"Liv, you have to take better care of yourself."
"Alex, I really don't have time to do this now. I have to go."
"No you don't. What is the point of being the unit's senior detective if you don't delegate every now and then?"
"I don't tell you how to do your job, Alex. Don't try to tell me how to do mine." Olivia snapped.
"You're pregnant, Olivia. You can't keep..."
Olivia turned quickly. "You think I don't know that I'm pregnant, Alex? Trust me. You won't let me forget it! I'm beginning to think that's the only thing you see!"
Alex blinked at the outburst. "What is that supposed to mean?"
"Nothing." Olivia mumbled.
"No. You have something to say, Detective... so just say it."
"Fine! I am more than just this baby, Alex!"
"I know that, Liv." Alex said growing irritated as well.
"Do you? Because sometimes it doesn't seem like it. I'm still me! Being pregnant doesn't make me an invalid nor does it make me suddenly unable to make decisions for myself."
Alex took a breath and tried to calm down. This conversation was taking a downward turn quickly. "Olivia, I just want you to take care of yourself and…"
"Last time I checked, you were my girlfriend and not my mother, Alex!" Olivia snapped.
Alex blinked. "What did you just…" She bit back the retort on her tongue.
Alex knew Olivia was tired; so was she. This was not a conversation to be had at three am. She knew they had to stop before this went too far.
Olivia sighed heavily and ran a hand through her hair. "Look, Alex…"
"No." Alex held up a hand. "I think it might be better if we have this talk later when we've both taken a breather."
"Oh, now you don't want to talk?"
"You know what, I get that you're tired and irritated right now, but that's your doing not mine. You're the one that is determined to be SVU's personal super-detective! What the hell are you trying to prove, Olivia?"
"I'm not trying to prove anything, Alex. I'm just trying to do my job... or is your job the only one that matters. This never seems to be an issue when you spend late nights at your office, Counselor!"
"I'm not the one pregnant!"
Olivia rolled her eyes. "Like I said, it's not like you ever let me forget that."
Alex took a deep breath and slowly let it out. They stared each other down for a moment. "We're going to drop this for now before either of us says something that we can't take back. I want you to know that I love you and I want you to please be careful tonight."
Alex flicked the lamp off and fell back into bed without another word.
Olivia stared at the unmoving figure in the bed for a moment before clipping her gun into place and walking out the door. It wasn't until she was in her car on the way to the hospital did she realize that she hadn't told Alex that she'd loved her too.
Alex popped another two Extra Strength Tylenol capsules in her mouth and washed them down with a sip of water. She had already taken two a few hours before and she still had the headache from hell. After Olivia had left their bed at three in the morning, Alex had been unable to fall back to sleep. She had spent an hour tossing and turning, replaying their argument over in her head until she had finally given up and headed to the shower. She had worked in her home office until six then went to work.
Alex was diligently poring over a new case file when there was a soft knock at the door.
"Come in." She said without looking up.
"Alexandra?"
"Yes, Maggie."
"There is a gentleman requesting to see you, but he does not have an appointment."
Alex frowned with confusion. Although Alex was technically the boss, everyone knew that Maggie was in charge. She was the gatekeeper of the office. She was the person who decided who saw Alex and when. It was a running joke among her friends that Alex had to ask Maggie permission to come out and play. Alex didn't know why Maggie was suddenly asking for her input now.
"Uh… okay. Do I know this gentleman?"
Maggie stiffened. "Yes."
When Maggie offered no further information, Alex continued. "You want to tell me who he is, Maggie?"
"Since you asked... No, I'd rather not."
"Maggie?" Alex said sternly.
Maggie sighed. "His name is Robert… Young."
"Oh."
Alex understood now. Maggie had never really approved of the relationship she had with her ex-fiancé. The older woman had stated more than once that she thought Alex was making a mistake by agreeing to marry him after she'd returned from Witsec. It wasn't really anything personal against Robert. Maggie just thought Alex belonged with someone else; someone who could make her happy. Maggie had been right of course.
"Yes. Oh." Maggie said lifting a stern brow.
"Well, do I have time to see him?" Alex asked. Getting Maggie to coöperate was like pulling teeth.
Maggie pursed her lips. "You have an arraignment in Judge Seligman's court in one hour."
"Okay. Well, I suppose you can send him in. I'm sure this won't take very long."
Alex could tell that Maggie didn't like it. The woman was giving her that disapproving glare, but Alex knew she had to see Robert. She owed him that much.
Olivia rubbed her eyes tiredly as she closed the door to the hospital room behind her. She had spent the last few hours coaxing a ten year old girl to relive the months of abuse she'd endured at the hands of her step-father. The child had clung to her out of fear for hours before falling asleep. Olivia had remained with her until the girl's aunt from out-of-state had finally shown up to take custody. The entire situation was sad and heartbreaking, but what devastated Olivia the most was the fact that this had become nothing out of the ordinary for her.
Feeling the exhaustion weighing down on her shoulders, Olivia rubbed her temples and headed to the elevator. She nearly walked right into a familiar figure as she went to step inside.
"Detective Benson?"
Olivia blinked and looked up. She smiled a little. "Dr. Livingston."
"It's Avery, remember." She said flashing a dimpled grin.
Olivia nodded. "Then you have to call me Olivia."
"Olivia it is."
They both watched the elevator doors open and close; neither stepped on. Avery tilted her head and looked at Olivia closely.
"You look like you've had a hell of a day."
Olivia shrugged her shoulders. "Perks of the job."
Avery nodded and glanced at her midsection. "I suppose I should say congratulations."
Olivia frowned. Avery gestured to her baby bump. "Oh, yes. Thanks."
"If you don't mind me saying, you don't look so good. When was the last time you had something to eat or slept?"
Olivia looked as if she was thinking. Avery shook her head. "You cops are always the worst. Come on. I can't do anything about the lack of sleep, but I can feed you. You're going to join me in the cafeteria."
"Avery, I really should…"
"Olivia, you were extremely kind to me during the worst moments of my life. I honestly don't know if I would have made it without you. Let me buy you some orange juice and a sandwich."
Olivia looked at the young woman and finally nodded. "Okay, but make it apple juice. Orange juice has been giving me heartburn lately."
Avery laughed. "You've got yourself a deal."
TBC...
Coming Up: Much Needed Conversations