AV

Maximum Security Prison

Piper Chapman

Litchfield Prison

Letter Three

Dear Piper,

I am numbering these for YOUR sake because I know you're not fucking reading them. I know you're putting these away in your goddamn cubby like a 12 year old with candy. Stashing them for a brighter day? A shittier day? When you are lonely and want to feel someone loves you? Because you can't decide between two people who are all over you poor you. Too bad you fucked up that choice real good. You can't have it all, shouldn't I know it.

Remember (humour me, pretend you remember) when I told you I would explain about why I asked you to keep quiet at the trial. Let me tell you first of all, I don't want you to feel lied to. I don't want you to feel hurt. I don't want to hurt you. Well I was telling the truth when I said I didn't intend on naming Kubra. I was dead set on lying I swear. At the last meeting with my lawyer he promised me my testimony would throw Kubra in Jail and I would get away. He set a deal with me and all the other people testifying against him. I asked for the same deal for you, I swear I did. They told me no the first time. I asked again and the lawyer slammed his book on the table and said "Alex are you thinking straight! Chapman's testimony would go something like I met this boss guy at a pool party and he bought me a drink but I can't remember what he looks like because I was too busy hanging off my girlfriend and chatting with my relatives to feed them bullshit lies about where I was". "You know it's true and you know that testimony is going to get him nowhere. The stakes are too high for her. She has more to lose and nothing to gain."

The lawyer continued: "You however have everything to gain and Kubra has everything to lose. Here, tell you what. You tell your little girlfriend ("She's not exactly…." "Wait then who the fuck is she" "Well my ex, but I still love her…" "Are you fucking insane?") Anyways "you tell blondie that you're going to lie. Do you think that'll convince her?" I said yes. I said yes because I know you better than you know yourself and I know that you would pull through. I know your back history of silly stories telling the truth and getting kicked in the ass for it. I know you've been brought up by the notion "Secrets are best kept, Piper". I still remember you muttering that in your sleep.

So I did it. I lied to you once more. And I did it to protect you.

I only lied to you two times since we met. The first time was when you accused me of naming you. I thought you would never find out otherwise. I thought you had no way of accessing any records so I put on my best game face and shouted "I have never lied to you… ever". That was a lie but the part preceding it was not. "You broke my fucking heart". Oh yes you did Piper, you sure did. After I stormed off do you know I went to my bunk and cried. I put my blanket above my head so no one would see. You would know that I am silent in my suffering. No one was the wiser. I was sad you wouldn't talk to me. And I was sad at my sorry ass that I was crying like a girl over the same girl that made me cry all those years ago. How pitiful.

This was the second time. And I could feel the tears pull at the side of my eyes but I couldn't let them fall. I was waiting in that orange jumpsuit outside the room while you had your trial. I had my head buried in my hands. For a minute I almost wanted to rush into that room and have you hold me. Talk to me slowly and calmly. But I knew that would never happen in a million years. I knew I might never see you again if you made a balls of things and "told the truth". So I pictured my life without you and I started to shiver and shake in fear. I covered my eyes with my hands as if the security guard could see the string of emotions run across my face.

Usually I am impossible to read. I can lie so much that I can believe my own lies. I can convince anyone of anything. As aforementioned there's only two people I confide in and that's you and Diane. And those two people coincidentally are the only people who can elicit emotions enough to show on the outside. Without you, without Diane I am numb. People mean nothing to me. Lives mean nothing to me. I was too lost in my own world when some random person had to go into the trial. I felt your eyes on me. Its a sixth sense I've always had. I just begged and pleaded to unnamed forces that I had convinced you to say what you needed to say. I couldn't hear a word. The adrenaline coursed through my veins and it wasn't a rush like it was when I was a dealer. It was fear. My worst fear. Feeling your terrified eyes on me I knew I was a goner if I lost you.

Just now the recycling guy came back to tell me that there's three scary looking people there with weapons looking for a guy named Vause. The only thing protecting - I mean fuck nothings protecting me. I mean the only thing that's making it so I'm not murdered is that one of Kubra's assistants failed to mention I'm a chick. See how long that lasts. See how I'm the one who lives through danger to protect Piper from - I don't even know why i'm doing this anymore I know we broke up.

By the way, call me. My number's the same I know you have it memorized somewhere in that little blonde head of yours. And I want to chat in person about this.

You're my weakness, Pipes

I hope somewhere I'm still yours

Get it?

-Alex

Notes:

Thank you all for the reviews, especially the constructive criticism ones. I love improving my writing and its so motivating to hear your thoughts.

Thanks all for the follows/ favourites. Its so cool to see people want to see more!

Also note I will continue to reply personally to reviews, however I will do so in private messaging.

So as promised, your sunday letter from Alex Vause to Piper Chapman :)