The farewell

I take a sit and caress my belly. It's been a long time since my last visit to Flynn.

I smile to myself and think that maybe I should have given Hanna a list of the appointments that couldn't be moved, like Dr. Green and the good doctor Flynn. But it's been months and my life has changed enormously. Now I'm Mrs. Grey, a survival of multiple kidnap and murder attempts, plus, unexpectedly pregnant with little blip, that really soon it's going to start moving inside of me.

Besides all the time that has passed, I need to see Flynn; I need to receive his "restoration" and my discharged… I also think that I'll be able to make a few questions about Christian becoming a father.

I look at myself in the mirror and smile, I'm not showing yet, but I know you're there and that you fell how nervous I am about going to see John. I finish primping carefully, a little blush, mascara and lip gloss. Yes, I'm ready.

"Mrs. Grey you look lovely" says Christian with a soft voice. I know what his tone means, but he won't stop me, I have to go to see Flynn and finish my sessions… How many has it been… 10?"

"You too Mr. Grey. You never disappoint me". Christian stands and turns gracefully. He comes close to kiss me. I respond but not as intense, so he can notice that we are not going back to bed, not now, at least.

"What's wrong baby?"

"Nothing love, it's just that I know where your kisses are taking me and I have an appointment with Flynn in a couple of minutes." He looks surprised and his eyes are full of fear. Here we go again. God, this is really exhausting.

"Christian, if you keep looking at me like that every time I'm going to Flynn, I'll have to change my therapist. It's just one more appointment and I hope it will be the last one and that John will consider all my childhood trauma overcome, or at least diminished."

Christian smiles relieved. He hugs me and sits next to me on the kitchen counter. Lately I'm so hungry, that I devour with no mercy my pancakes with syrup, eggs and bacon and a glass of orange juice. The tea I take it in a mug, because I'm running late.

I rush out and Sawyer joins me. Christian hasn't let go of all the extra security. It doesn't matter that the bastard of Hyde is in jail for life; there'll always be someone trying to hurt him, and with that, hurting me.

I think about it while we're going down on the elevator towards the car. I walk pass my R8, that I would love to drive, but thing haven't been easy these last few weeks, so I won't tempt fate. Sawyer opens the door for the SUV and I slide on the back seat resigned.

I'm glad Christian didn't fired Luke after what happened with Hyde. He's a good man and I like him. Even though I know it's his job, I also know that his concern about me is real and that is really touching. Maybe I should have been more thoughtful with him that day. I'll keep it in mind, though I really hope I don't have to go through that again. Without noticing, we are already parking at Flynn's office and Sawyer opens my door again, so I can get down.

"Welcome Mrs. Grey" said the receptionist. I answer with a cordial "good morning" and immediately go to Flynn's office, who is waiting me with open arms ¿a hug?

"Dear Ana, I'm so glad you are here." I answer his hug even though I'm a little surprised with his closeness… well it's been some time and a lot of tragedies.

"Hello John, thanks for this welcome, but instead of hugging you, I would punch you"! John looks at me surprised, we could even say a little mouth gaping. "Where were you the night my husband called you and you didn't answer?" He seems to understand and smiles.

"Ah! It's that! Well, the truth Ana, is that there are moments when a man won't answer his phone, and it won't matter if it's the president calling… or his owner" he says and winks at me… "But take a seat, please. What can I help you with?"

"Oh… John, I believed we left something unfinished a couple of months ago and, well… yes, I would like your opinion on the matter… ehhh mmm…"

"I imagine it's about the baby, Ana. But let's go one thing at the time. The truth is that we had just one appointment left, a little bit formal one, where I would have given you some tips to keep your self-esteem and childhood issues in line. But keeping in mind what happened in these lasts months, I can tell you that I'm shocked by your fortitude, even though I know you are a strong woman with a great resilience, as yourself said at some point. And I believed that quality of yours it's crucial for you relationship with Christian, and you have proved it.

"About your own problems, just as you said it last time we saw, today you are a different woman that knows why and for whom to fight for…"

"Finally, I think that everyone who knows Christian is thankful that your friend got sick the day of the interview." Flynn laughs while I'm shocked by his good memory… good heavens! It's been months since I told him that story.

"Can I discharge me then?"

"Well, you've never been really sick… you know that, right? You just needed some sessions to… mmm, look closely to some things about yourself. On that note, our sessions were helpful, because there aren't things hidden about you. That's very rewarding for a psychiatrist. And as always, you must remember to look at yourself in the mirror and see the wonderful woman you are"

"Yes, and probably I should also look at my husband and remember how he was when I met him and how he is now. The change is… awesome"

"Yes, and it's all because of you. I've told you a hundred of times, in just a few months you made more than a lot of people like me in years. The happiness that's coming for you is well deserved…"

"Is the happiness really coming for us John?"

"You ask like if you doubt it"

"Yeah, well… Christian's reaction wasn't… how I can say this..?"

"He was crude, cruel and did not think about anyone but him…" -I look at him shocked, it's like if he was there- "well, he has a strong temperament, loves control and planning, and this baby wasn't planed. His reaction could have been bad because of this, but trust me, there is no man that reacts well to an unplanned pregnancy. Some men are more discreet than others, that's for sure, but the feeling is the same: betrayal. It's stupid, I know, but we, men, are a little stupid."

"I have a question for you Ana. Did Christian talk to you about interrupting the pregnancy?"

"No"

"And why do you think he didn't talk about it, if he was so furious? These things have a way of being solved, especially in the first stages of pregnancy, till the 12th week, to be precise."

"I don't know… I hadn't thought about it John." My stomach tightens when I think about my little blip. Maybe I should talk about it with Christian; I'm not 12 weeks yet… God, no I couldn't, I couldn't kill you, and I already feel like a mother, even though I haven't feel you move inside me. My blip; my little and helpless blip. My eyes are full with tears when I look at John again.

"I'll allowed myself share this theory with you, Ana. As I've already told you, Christian, just like many other men felt betrayed by this unplanned pregnancy, it's true. But he doesn't love you less because of that. He's been able to change a lot of things of his life, to fit in yours. You have built a wonderful relationship together, a delight for any psychiatrist to analyze. Well, this is just one more step in a relationship like yours, in a marriage. So what bothers Christian, isn't the baby, he has nothing against him; his problem is with himself, with the chance of becoming a father, with the fear he feels, the fear of repeating his mother's mistakes. This is emphasized by his urgent need to control everything. Deep down, he loves this baby, just because it's one more part of you, and you are his everything."

Maybe Flynn is right, but I'll have to talk to Christian about it anyway… and if he wants to interrupt the pregnancy, I'll leave for Georgia with my mom, even if that kills us both. An innocent life can't pay the blame of an insecure father. I take a deep breath and feel a sharp pain in my heart.

"I think I'll have to talk with him about this, John. Maybe he feels I'm pressuring him"

"I don't think so Ana, but yes, you must talk with him. The foundation of a good marriage it's communication. Do you have any other question dear?"

"No John, I think I'm fine and calm"

"Ana, don't forget that I'll always be here, for anything you may need"

"Except those times when you won't answer your phone, not even to the president of the United States" I wink at him and he smiles.

"See you soon Ana"

"Good bye John."

-oOo-

I'm back at Escala and feeling a little tense. Between one meeting and another at the Publishing the day has gone flying. Maybe I should listen to Christian and slow down a little, but I still feel that I need to prove that I'm good enough and that I don't have this position (and the company) because I'm the wife of the most sexy millionaire in the world.

Christian isn't home yet, so I go to our room and change into sweats and a tight tshirt. I feel so much better in these clothes, especially at this time, when I know that a hard battle is coming… I just hope he won't ask me something that I'm not willing to do.

I'm sitting on the floor, with my back on the bed. I'm stroking the soft carpet with my bare feet when Christian comes into the room. He seems worried.

"Why weren't you answering your phone?"

"I left it in my purse on the living room and I didn't hear it." My voice sounds so sad, I just know it.

"Are you alright?"

"Yes, but go get comfortable, I need to talk to you". Just those words make my man get tense and become careful. We've learn so much about each other. He changes into sweats, just like me, with a shirt that makes his muscles stand out in a delicious way. I watch him spellbound, I know he notices and there's a playful smile in his eyes… If he wasn't so worried about what I'm going to tell him, he would be joking around. He comes to sit next to me. He doesn't touch me, but he offers me his hand, and I take it. His palm is warm and my hand is cold as ice.

"Here we are. What do you want to talk about baby, everything alright today?"

"Yes… no. It's just that I need to ask you something. I was with Flynn today…"

"I know" he interrupts but I look at him reproachful. He stays quiet…

"Flynn told me something that gave me a lot to think. He asked me why you didn't tell me to get an abortion" –once I said that word his whole body tenses- "and the truth is that I didn't have an answer. So I thought that maybe, you didn't ask me because you feel I'm pressuring you, but the thing is we never talk about it and…"

"Please Anastasia. Stop" –his tone is harsh and the fear has become something I can't describe- "that's not a possibility and that's final." He stand's and goes to the bathroom. This was not what I was expecting. Of course I feel relieved that he rejected the idea, but not like this. I stand and go after him. I find him standing in front of the sink. His face is wet and he's looking at his reflection in the mirror, with his hands grasping the edge. He looks disturb."

"Hey, I didn't mean to…" I don't know how to keep going. I reach to him and hug him from behind. I feel his body getting uncomfortable so I let go of him. "Look at me Christian". He obeys… there's my little lost boy again. Suddenly he grabs me by my waist and sits me on the edge of the sink; spread my legs and settles between them, hugging me and smelling my hair."

"Oh baby, I'm sorry, I'm so sorry… I would never want you to do something like that, I'm sorry I made you think that I didn't want this baby. Yes, it's unexpected, unplanned, but it's yours, it's a part of you. When I saw you in that hospital bed, unconscious, I knew that I couldn't live without you. I was so worried about you, about our son. It's not that I don't love him; it's just that I'm afraid of not being good enough for him… for you. Please don't ever think about having an abortion, not because of me." His voice it's just a whisper, a plea. I am moved and his plea disarms me.

I take a deep breath and with barely a string of voice I answer him…

"No, don't worry, blip and I will stay with you… forever."

His lips touch mine and he deepens the kiss, it's needed, and that it's what we do best, love each other.

THE END

AN: Thank you so much for following this story with me. This was my first trying in FF and I hope you liked it.

Thank you for your patience because I know that at the end it was a little out of schedule because of mine and my beta ( .emily) complications.

We are already thinking about new stories, all in the Fifty Shades Universe, so add us to your Author's Alert, so you can get our news.