A/N: For some reason, this chapter was harder to write than the others. I don't know if I got it right but here it is anyway. I hope it's okay. Like always, let me know what you think. Thanks for reading.

Chapter 24: Difficult Conversations

After the sandwiches were eaten and juices drank, Avery and Olivia settled into a comfortable conversation.

"So, how have you been? I haven't had a chance to check in with you for a while." Olivia said.

"I'm getting better. I know it sounds cliché but every day gets a little easier." Avery said in a quiet voice.

"I didn't see you in court the day the Preston's were sentenced."

Avery swallowed hard and nodded. "I probably should have been there, but I... just couldn't. I sat through the trial as much as I could. It was just too hard. Once the jury found them guilty, I knew I needed to leave it behind and try to make peace with what had happened. Although, I don't know if I will ever be able to truly put any of that behind me. I never knew people could be so heartless."

"I heard about the charities you started in Danny's honor."

Avery shrugged her shoulders. "Danny left everything to me, but I was never with her because of the money. I wanted at least one good thing to come out of that tragedy. I didn't want her death to be about greed and violence. Danny was one of the most giving people I had ever met. I think she would have wanted her legacy to be about helping those in need."

"I think you're right about that and those centers will help a lot of women. I'm sure Danny would have approved."

"I hope so. Danny meant the world to me. She was the kind of person that made you want to be better too. She had so much to offer the world. There are times that I miss her so much it hurts. Sometimes I even forget for a little while. My mind fools me and I think I'm going to see her walking out of the bedroom or coming home from work. Those days are the worst. It's like I have to find out that she's gone all over again."

Olivia swallowed hard. The pain in the young woman's voice was palpable. She remembered that feeling. She had felt that way every single day that Alex had been in Witsec. Alex may not have been dead, but Olivia had grieved for her every single day that she was away.

"Hey, enough about me." Avery said changing the subject. "I should ask you how you've been. I didn't know you were expecting."

Olivia laughed a little. "Neither did I."

"So this was a surprise then?"

"Oh, you have no idea just how surprised I was."

There was something about Avery Livingston that made Olivia feel comfortable. She found herself opening up a little. She told Avery about Alex, their history, and how they had found out about the baby. Avery listened intently and laughed here and there at the humorous parts.

"Wow. Your Alex sounds really amazing. I bet she's a looker too." Avery teased.

Olivia blushed. "She is." She pulled a small wallet out of her jacket pocket. She showed Avery a photo of Alex.

"Wow. I was actually just kidding, but she really is gorgeous. You said she's a lawyer for the DA's office, right?"

Olivia nodded proudly. "She's the Executive ADA for Major Cases."

"And smart too. You're a very lucky woman, Olivia."

"Yes, I am." Olivia said softly. "I'm probably the luckiest woman in the world."

"Then… if you don't mind me asking, why do you look like someone kicked your puppy?"

"Because after listening to you talk about Danny and how much you miss her… I just realized that I've been a complete jerk."

Olivia went on to explain the disagreement she'd had with Alex. The young doctor just listened and nodded. When Olivia finished talking, she bit her lip.

"I hope you don't take what I'm about to say the wrong way because I really like talking to you and I hope that we might be able to become friends."

Olivia nodded. "I enjoy talking to you too, Avery. Go on. Say what you want to say."

"From everything you've told me, Alex seems like a wonderful person, but I'm going to bet that she's not perfect. She probably has flaws just like everyone else. If she's smothering you, it's probably because she loves you so much not because she's trying to control you. I'm also going to go out on a limb and guess that if the shoe were on the other foot, you'd be just as protective of her."

Avery was right which only made Olivia feel worse. "Yeah, I know I would. I'd probably tie Alex to a chair if it meant protecting her."

"I don't think you realize it, but you smile just a little every time you say her name. She means a lot to you, doesn't she?"

"She's everything." Olivia whispered.

Avery nodded. "From where I'm sitting, you have something pretty amazing, Olivia. You've found the love of your life and she loves you back just as much. Nothing is more important than that. If I had Danny back, even for just an hour; I'd spend that hour lying in her arms. Nothing… not this job, another person, money, a disagreement… nothing else would matter."

Olivia swallowed the lump in her throat and blinked back her tears. She nodded and rolled her eyes. "Ok. It's official. I'm an ass."

Avery laughed out loud. "Maybe, but that doesn't mean you have to keep being one."

Alex came around her desk and greeted a smiling Robert Young. The hug they shared was awkward. They both pulled away and laughed nervously.

"Alexandra, you look wonderful."

"You too, Robert."

Alex took a moment to really look at him. She had to admit that Robert really did look good. He was still in good shape. His hair was dark as night and his wide blue eyes sparkled. Robert wasn't what you would call a pretty man; more like roguishly handsome.

"Well, I'm feeling well these days."

"What brings you to my part of the world? Wealthy businessmen don't usually drop by the DA's office unless they're in trouble with the law." She said waving him over to the sofa.

Robert laughed softly and shook his head as they took a seat. "No trouble here. I assure you. Congratulations on the promotion."

"Thank you."

"I actually came by to share a bit of news with you."

Alex raised a brow. "News?"

Robert nodded and smiled. "I wanted to let you know that… I've met someone and we're getting married. I just…I thought I should let you know before it hit the papers."

Alex nodded. She didn't know how she was supposed to feel about this. She had never been in love with Robert, but she had cared deeply for him. Alex scratched her temple and looked at him. She could see it now. The way his eyes twinkled; the way he smiled boyishly, those were the signs of love.

"That's wonderful, Robert. I am so happy for you."

He seemed to be relieved. "Thank you. Like I said, I just wanted you to hear it from me first."

"You didn't owe me that Robert, but I do appreciate it." Alex smiled and tilted her head. "So who is she?"

Robert bit his lip and pulled out his wallet. He flipped it open to a photo of a beautiful redhead. "Her name is Sandra Harris. We met while I was on holiday in London. She's an elementary school teacher with the patience of Job so I'm fairly certain she'll be able to put up with me."

Alex chuckled. "Well she seems quite lovely. Congratulations Robert."

He cleared his throat. "I hear that you've been quite the social butterfly as of late."

Alex narrowed her eyes. "And by that, you mean you've heard the gossip among the stuck-up Manhattan elitist who have nothing better to do than spend daddy's money at the country club all day."

Robert laughed softly. "You were never one to beat around the bush were you, darling? I always did adore that about you."

"Why bother? They always say what they want anyway. For some reason, my life is so interesting to them."

He laughed. "Well you did come back from the dead. Not many people can say that."

Alex just rolled her eyes. "So what exactly are they saying about me this time?"

"The word is that you've been seen around town with a certain… dashing detective." He teased.

Alex had the good grace to blush slightly. He smirked. "And by the look on your face, I'd say the rumors are correct this time."

"Her name is Olivia Benson. She's the lead detective of the 16th precinct."

Robert narrowed his eyes then smirked with recognition. "Would this be the same Detective Benson you wanted to avoid like the plague when we were discussing wedding invitations?"

Alex sighed and nodded sheepishly. "The one and the same."

"I wondered why you would tense up when I mentioned your old colleagues, especially her. It struck me as being odd that you had so many happy photos of you together but were reluctant to invite her to your wedding. I think I understand much better now."

"I'm sorry, Robert. I was such a jerk to you. I knew I was in love with her. I used you to try to forget her." Alex said honestly.

Robert waved her off. "No more than I used you. I knew you weren't ready to get married. Hell, I knew you didn't really want to marry me."

Alex looked surprised. "Then why? Why did you go along with it?"

He gave her a sad smile. "Because I had hope, Alexandra. I had hope that one day you might look at me the way you looked at some of those old photos. You really have no idea just how easy you are to love, do you?"

Alex paused unsure how she was supposed to respond.

"I would catch you looking at those photos all the time. When I was alone, I'd take a look at them myself. I wanted to see what was so compelling about them. They were just random snap shots of co-workers and friends, but there was one common theme in all of them. In every single photo, there was a strikingly beautiful brunette."

"You never let on that you knew."

"There was no need. What is it they say? A picture is worth a thousand words. Deep down I knew your heart belonged to someone else. I just couldn't bear to be the one to let go." He said softly.

"I know I keep saying it, but I really am so sorry that I hurt you. I was in a bad place in my life and I should have never taken you down that road with me." Alex said with remorse.

"You need to stop beating yourself up for this, Alexandra." He placed his hand over hers. "I'm a big boy. I knew what I was doing. I loved you and I went down that road willingly. Besides, I think we both ended up exactly where we were supposed to be. Don't you?"

Alex slowly nodded. "I do."

Robert smiled warmly. "I'm very happy for you. You were always so restless back then, Alexandra. I think you were searching for something in particular. It looks like you finally found it."

She swallowed the lump in her throat and blinked away the tears threatening to fall. The argument she and Olivia had early that morning flashed in her mind. It was still weighing heavily on her heart.

Shaking the thought away, she reached out and took his hand. "I hope you know that I really did care for you, Robert. It wasn't all an act."

"I know that, darling." He sat back and cleared his throat. "Before I forget…" He reached into the inside pocket of his suit jacket. "Part of the reason for me dropping by was to give you this."

Alex took the envelope and opened it. She pulled out a couple of documents. "What is this?"

"I decided to sell the place on 5th Avenue we bought together. I know you said you didn't want it and wanted me to keep it, but I never felt right staying there after we split. Now that Sandra and I are getting married, we're going to find our own place together. It sold well above market value. I had my accountants cut you a check for your part. Everything is in there."

Alex nodded and placed the envelope on the table. She let out a long breath. It finally felt like things had been laid to rest with them. It was a relief. "You didn't have to do that, but thank you."

"You're welcome." He cleared his throat and stood. "I should be going now. I'm sure you're very busy putting the bad guys away."

Alex stood. "I really do wish you the best, Robert. You deserve to be happy."

He gave Alex a long meaningful look. "You do as well, Alexandra. Don't forget that."

This time when they embraced, it wasn't awkward at all. It was like embracing an old friend. Alex hugged him tightly and took in the familiar scent of his after shave. For some reason, it made her cry. He held her close and kissed her cheek knowing this would be their goodbye.

The delicate clearing of a throat was heard behind them causing them to finally pull apart. Alex quickly stepped away and wiped her tears.

"Olivia. What are you doing here?"

"Uh…" Olivia pointed her thumb over her shoulder. "Maggie wasn't at the desk."

Olivia couldn't really think of anything else to say. She was standing just inside Alex's office trying to figure out what she was seeing. Alex was standing there in the arms of a man. She looked as if she had been crying which put Olivia on high alert. When she took a closer look, Olivia realized that the man in question looked very familiar.

Alex took a step closer to Olivia. "Olivia, this is Robert Young. Robert, this is my girlfriend, Detective Olivia Benson."

Robert held his hand out. "Of course. I've heard quite a bit about you. It's a pleasure to meet you, Detective."

"You too." Olivia managed as she gave him a limp handshake.

Robert felt the chill in the air and shifted uncomfortably. "Well… Alexandra, it was a pleasure. Take care of yourself."

"You too, Robert."

Olivia and Alex both stood in complete silence after Robert had left. Alex went over and leaned back against her desk and watched Olivia in silence.

"Why was he here?" Olivia turned and finally asked.

Alex shrugged her shoulders already feeling emotionally drained. "He needed to settle a few things with me. Does it really matter?"

Olivia's eyes flashed. She was about to lash out in jealousy, but something stopped her. She took a deep breath and remembered the words Avery had spoken earlier.

'Nothing… not this job, another person, money… a disagreement...nothing else would matter.'

"Actually… no. It doesn't matter. I didn't come by to talk about him."

Alex sighed with exhaustion. "If you came looking for another fight, I'm not up for it. I just can't do it today."

Olivia sighed and moved closer. She stopped just in front of Alex and took her hand. "I'm sorry."

"Okay. I'm sorry too." Alex said about to move away.

Olivia instantly grabbed her hand and held her in place. "No. It's not okay. You don't get to brush this off or apologize for something that was not your fault. You were just trying to take care of me and I was an ass to you because of it. That's on me, not you."

"Liv... I just…" Alex paused as a new batch of tears filled her eyes. "I don't want anything to happen to this baby because I know if that happened, it would kill you and you would never forgive yourself."

"It would kill you too." Olivia amended.

Alex swallowed the lump in her throat and nodded. "Yes, it would. No matter how hard I've tried to keep my distance and be objective, I already love this child as much as I love you and I can't help it if I worry. But you have to know that I do see you, Olivia. This baby isn't all I see. I still see you."

Olivia nodded. "I know that. It's just been hard adjusting to all these… changes. I don't feel like myself anymore, not to mention my hormones are all over the place."

"Anything I can do to help?"

"No, you do enough already."

"Liv, we can't continue to live in a bubble. This baby is coming and our lives are going to change. We have to change. It's time that we sat down and talked about that."

"You're right. I know that." Olivia bit her lip for a moment. "I talked to Cragen today. I'm officially on desk duty now."

Alex blinked. She hadn't expected that. "Really?"

"Yeah. You're right. I have to put this baby first and I have to make some changes. That starts with the job."

"So desk duty huh?"

"Yeah. Cap said that I could still interview the kids and some suspects as long as they're restrained, but I will no longer be out in the field. They'll only call me in at night for absolute emergencies. You're looking at a 9 to 5 cop now." She said studying the floor.

Alex smiled sadly. She held Olivia face in her hands pulling her head up. "Are you going to hate me for this?"

"No." Olivia quickly shook her head. "Of course not. Why would you think that?"

"Because you look so sad right now. I feel like I'm taking something from you." Alex said softly.

"No. I'm sad because I'm mad at myself."

"Why?"

"I saw Avery Livingston today while I was at the hospital. We had lunch together."

Alex raised a brow. "Should I be worried… that you're having lunch with really hot doctors now?"

"Should I be worried that your ex-fiancé is dropping by for visits?"

"Touché, Detective."

Olivia snorted. "And how would you even know Avery Livingston was hot? You've never even met her."

Alex shrugged. "Nick said she was hot."

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Of course he did. He's such a horn dog. Anyway, you have nothing to worry about. You know I only have eyes for you, end of story."

"Well that's good to know."

"I told her all about you… us…" Olivia glanced down and touched her stomach. "… and this little one. She made me realize how stupid I had been. Listening to her talk about how much she misses her late partner made me remember what it felt like to be without you all those years."

"Oh, Liv..."

"I don't ever want to feel that way again, Alex. It hurt too much being without you. I couldn't bear to lose you now."

The tears gathered in Olivia's eyes, finally falling over her cheeks. Alex reached out and gently wiped them away with her thumbs. "Oh baby. I'm right here. I'm home and I'm never leaving again."

"I promised myself that if I ever got you back…if I ever got the chance to be with you, I'd never do anything to ruin it. And last night I… I just walked out. I walked out and I didn't even tell you that I loved you. I was pissed and I walked out. In my line of work, I can't do that. I can't just…"

Alex's heart ached at how worked up Olivia had become. She pulled Olivia into her arms and held her tight.

"Hey, stop beating yourself up over this. It was a stupid, silly fight brought on by a lack of sleep and just being plain irritable. I know you love me. I don't always need to hear the words to know that."

"But I know I hurt you. I hurt you and I never wanted to do that, Alex."

Alex nodded. "I won't lie and say that it didn't hurt to hear you say some of those things, but I think we needed to have that argument. We have to learn to talk to each other about the things that really matter."

"I was an ass. I'm sorry, Alex."

Alex let out a soft laugh. Olivia looked downright pitiful. She leaned in and kissed Olivia gently. "I'm sorry I was smothering you."

"You weren't smothering me. I just don't know how to do this. For a long time, my life was the job because that was all I had. Now, I have you and Sprout is coming and it's all just…just…"

"It's a little overwhelming?"

Olivia nodded.

"Want to hear a secret? I'm a little overwhelmed too."

Olivia raised a brow. "Really?"

Alex nodded. "Oh yeah."

"Well, you're doing a hell of a job hiding it. You've been so solid since the very beginning. I think I might have lost my mind if it weren't for you."

"Oh, I've had my moments; I just freak out when I'm alone." Alex said causing them both to laugh.

"I just keep thinking that... I'm finally getting everything that I've ever wanted and I keep wondering when the other shoe is going to drop."

Alex smiled at her. "You and I have a right to be happy. We've earned it. There is no such thing as a falling shoe, Olivia."

"However, there is such a thing as 'contempt of court', which is what you will be charged with if you don't get moving, Alexandra." Maggie said through the door.

Both women laughed and rested their foreheads together.

Alex looked up at the ceiling and shook her head in exasperation. "Now she decides to be at her desk."

"I heard that, Alexandra." Maggie voice filtered in.

Alex groaned and Olivia laughed. You just had to love Maggie Malone.

"You'd better go. I would hate for you to get thrown in the tombs for contempt. You can't have conjugal visits down there." Olivia said with a chuckle.

Alex kissed her forehead before moving around her desk. She glanced at her watch. She only had a half hour to get to her arraignment. She was about to turn around and apologize to Olivia when she saw the older woman holding out her briefcase and suit jacket.

"Good luck, Counselor."

"Thank you. I'll call you as soon as I'm finished. We'll sit down and have that talk, I promise." Alex said slipping her jacket on and took her briefcase. She gave Olivia a concerned look. "Are you sure you're okay? I can call and try to…"

Olivia rolled her eyes. "Would you stop worrying and go?"

Alex smiled shyly. "I'm doing that smothering thing again, aren't I?"

"No… well… maybe just a little." Olivia laughed. "I like that you care so much, but I'm fine. You just go kick ass in court for me."

"That, I can do."

One last kiss and Alex was on her way. She caught the car keys Maggie tossed into the air with ease as she passed as if she'd done it a thousand times. Olivia shook her head at the dynamic duo.

"Hey, Counselor?"

Alex turned expectantly just as she stepped into the elevator. "Yes?"

"I love you."

A blinding smile transformed the blonde's face. "I love you too, Detective."

Olivia watched her until she disappeared behind the elevator doors. When she turned around, she found Maggie Malone giving her a seriously stern look. She swallowed hard.

"How ya doing, Maggie?"

"You made my Alexandra cry, Detective."

"I know and I can't tell you how sorry I am about that." Olivia said earnestly.

"But you also made her smile." Maggie gave Olivia one of her rare winks.

"Does that mean I'm not in trouble?"

"For the time being, but I'll be watching you."

Olivia shook her head and smothered a laugh. "Yes ma'am."

TBC...

Coming Soon: Brian's Back