CHAPTER EIGHT:: Falling

"Schizophrenia is a mental disorder that makes it hard to tell the difference between what is real and what is not, to think clearly, have normal emotional responses…."

"At first you may have trouble sleeping or concentrating"

"Exhibit bizarre behaviors"

"Hearing or seeing things that are not there…"

"Isolation…..lack of emotion….."

I read the damning words over and over again. Each one described my past two months perfectly. Hell, they described my life. I'd "seen" things when I was a kid that I'd tried to deny as real, though they'd certainly seemed to be real to me. Jaelyn had seen them too, it was genetic wasn't it? I stabbed the off button with my finger and fled the library. I walked aimlessly across the grounds. Other students began filing out as classes ended for the day and I pulled my hood up around my face so that I wouldn't be recognized. Last thing I needed was Reid or Mallory seeing me now.

Maybe that was why I had been pushed towards Reid, because I had felt like there was a deeper push for my hanging out with him, maybe I'd wanted an anchor in the real world. Maybe my subconscious had known these…episodes…were coming. It wasn't fair to him, to use him as a crutch to lean my sanity on. Surely, that's what I was doing. Even as I though about it though, I had to admit, that it had become something deeper than that. Somewhere between the months of Nicky's, parties, movies, car rides, and disastrous parent dinners I'd fallen for him. Hopefully, for his sake, he didn't feel the same way. But, as I reached up to the necklace hanging from my neck I had to consider that he did.

I looked up as I saw a shadow pass before me. Without realizing it I'd sat at a picnic table under a, usually, shady tree near the creek behind the school. I squinted my eyes through the semi-sleep fog and tried to see through the swirling puffs of white. When had it started snowing? A boy and girl in Spenser's uniforms were walking towards the frozen creek. At first glance it seemed as though they were a couple. Then I noticed the way his hand gripped her arm like a vice. They wore no jackets and walked closer and closer to the creeks edge. The girl had waist length, dark brown hair, milky skin, she looked eerily like me.

"It's going to be okay Jenna, I promise."

Jaelyn. The boy, I knew him too. He had dark hair and reminded me of nightmares and demons. He dragged her along behind him and out onto the lake. "No," I whispered frantically. Whoever he was, he couldn't have her. I grabbed out and took Jaelyn's hand and he whipped towards me. I fell into eyes so dark that black lost its meaning. With a loud crack he started to smile and I felt someone yank my shoulder and pull me back onto the ground beside the creek.

"What the hell do you think you're doing? You could have drowned."

I looked up into Reid's face and then back at the creek. I hadn't realized I'd been on it. He pointed at a crack in the ice. He moved his hand from my shoulder to my cheek and frowned, "you're freezing cold."

Tossing his arm over my shoulder he started ushering me towards the dorms. Looking up into his face I knew that I would tell him what I'd discovered.

….

"Haven't you seen me sleepwalking 'cause I've been holding your hand.

Haven't you noticed me drifting

Oh

Let me tell you I am.

Tell me it's nothing

Try to convince me that I'm not drowning

Oh

Let me tell you I am".

…

She'd told him her wild story on the way to the dorms, pausing outside in the snowstorm to finish before going in. He'd tried reasoning with her but she hadn't wanted to hear it. "I'm tired," she said softly, and looking at the bags under her eyes Reid couldn't deny her the right to go inside and get some rest. Reid walked Jenna to her door and as he went to leave he took her face in his hands and looked into her eyes, "You are not crazy Jenna. I'm going to figure this out, I promise." He saw the hopelessness and defeat in her eyes and kissed her forehead. As he turned away he swore to himself that there had to be something else going on. He texted the boys and asked them to meet him once again. There had to be an explanation.

Wow, it's been a while since I updated. Whoops, I think I'll be updating again this week though so hold tight, the end is near!

R&R