AV
Queen's
Piper Chapman
Litchfield Prison
Letter One
Dear Piper,
Alright honey, here's the other little flashback I know you've been wanting to get your hands on. When I had my hands on that dykey chick in the visitation room when I was first incarcerated, Who the hell was THAT? I know Piper, not my type. Or do you know that? Obviously you've never met any of my exes (apart from Sylvie).
Well I met her in Paris, actually. I met her not as a drug mule but as a drug addict like myself. Wait what? I see the confusion well up behind your little ears. Are you tearing up for that? Are you tearing up at the thought of me shooting liquid gold into my veins and breathing a cool bliss that hits you like rock bottom the moment you stop? Hardly. It was pitiful. You would have hated me. For being a junkie, but moreso for being pathetic.
See kid, the rehab process is more than they make it out to be in movies. I was put in residential treatment. Kubra paid for me. He told me I was too valuable for the cartel to lose. Said I was "distracted" by my mother's death but that I could be put on the right path. Said if I could get myself clean that I would be the exception to the rule; that even as a former junkie like myself he would trust me I could regain all my former glory and power back. I could be his second in command. He told me I was his friend. Hear that:
He told me I was his friend.
Back then that was the perfect thing to say. It was what I needed after getting the opposite from that (I said it at the time, still not sure now ;) loser of a girlfriend. That (I thought at the time) straight chick who only wants to use me for more passport stickers. The one that dumped me at the worst possible time. Only two people have ever been close to me. Only two people have ever broken down my barriers, broken down this tough leather black exterior to find the stupid softie inside. Those people are… (Tah-dah): Diane Vause and Piper Elizabeth Chapman.
So when I lost YOU, who did I turn to?
Absolutely freaking no one.
So instead I turned to my new girlfriend: Heroin. If you say it slurred enough it can sound like "Heroine" as in a female hero. Well she was my female hero so I thought. But despite me being a terrible junkie (Another story for another time, Kid), I ended up struggling through recovery. recovering in that kind of program was hell. We were in an isolated cabin in the woods, pretending to be "real live hippies" or something lame and all the while we have 24/7 supervision from "support" staff. They're about as freaking useless as the counsellors at Litchfield (or even more if you can believe it).
I swear I tried. I promise I tried pretty hard to talk to them. But the tangle of lies I had to go through was enormous. How can I ask someone to help me if I can't be honest about where I was getting the product? They're all hung-ho about this "twelve step" program or something. One of the steps is "remove yourself from the friends who did drugs with you". But see for most people this is not their co-workers (co-conspirators?). In fact it pretty much never is. Junkies are NEVER trusted with any supply chain. Period.
Guess that makes me one lucky chick? Anyways about that chick I mentioned earlier: We fucked. That's it. A few times, outside the grounds. Nothing exotic. No feelings. Just burning off some steam. And anger. It was anger. RAGE actually. Because God you know better than anyone how the best sex comes out of me when I'm enraged. So we hate-fucked each other - but not because we loved nor hated each other. She was mad about something else. I was mad about… You. Losing you. I was mad about you finding your passport, me not hiding it better. I was mad about you not going to Lebanon, I was mad about all these hopeless stupid things.
So she recovered less fast than I did. I mean like I said, Kid "I never fully committed [to being a junkie]. So there. I was determined to get the hell out of that place and start making some dough again. So I lied to every counsellor's face. I told them I was doing better, that I no longer felt withdrawals, that I was going to separate myself from all the toxic people in my life who influenced me to take drugs. And so I got out. But I still knew no one. I was adrift. I had a few weeks before Kubra was going to employ me again so I stayed around and helped that chick on her recovery. I helped her for real. Just because I thought it was the bitter help I could give to all the pain I've caused people over the years.
She had a child. Two actually though one was not biological. She had left them behind to go to rehab far away. It's another sort of prison there Pipes, another sort of hell. So when she got out the first thing she wanted to do was to come and see me. Goddamn the only address I could give her was Litchfield. And she came. She came to thank me for helping her recover and for "being a friend". Now Piper, don't get all jealous on me now!
I can just see your face burning, your cheeks blushing, the anger in those eyes turning the calm sea of blue into a storm. But before you storm out on me I will tell you I've never heard from her since that visit. We swore that would be the last time. She's the real deal junkie and the last thing she needs is memories of that awful past. It helps her to forget, to really forget the drugs to avoid anyone who ever mentioned those things in everyday life.
So there you have it Piper. The only,
The only "not actually love" confessions of an Alex who may have had a bit of sex while we were apart. But seriously though are we kidding here: You had sex with A GUY so that wipes out all my deeds into minuscule treachery by comparison. Do you agree? Maybe not or maybe so but hell I know you have an opinion so give me another call when you actually open these goddamn envelopes. Or better yet, we need to talk. In person.
-Alex
AN: I promise that this chapter is actually/relevant.
Also, thanks to the reviewers and the people who have messaged me about this story. I take reviews VERY seriously, and I do try to incorporate suggestions I get from fans. This story is about to get interesting, so stay tuned :)