A/N: I still do not own anything. Also, you may ask why I am writing this. Well, if DC Comics doesn't believe in happy marriages for their characters, I'm going to write a happy marriage for some of them. TAKE THAT!
Chapter 2: Questions (In More Ways Than One!)
The car swerved and hummed, going from lane to lane and paying only the barest amount of attention to the speed limit. Many other cars honked at the green and blue van, but the drivers paid them no heed. Then, they made the fatal mistake of bumping into a car run by the Joker, known for his…creative ways of getting revenge. Also with him was his beloved wife, Harley. She, too, could devise some interesting ways of torture for a pesky driver.
After the fifth accidental ramming of the Joker's red minivan, he turned to Harley with a grimace. "Harley, would you mind handing me a hand grenade or two? I've had it with that van! They have no regard for human safety!" This, of course, caused the two of them to laugh like Harley's pet hyenas.
Harley squinted at the car. "I don't know, puddin', they have some kind of logo on the side. It could be something important. We don't want to draw attention to ourselves. Hey, speaking of crime, what did you do with that paper?"
The Joker pointed to the back of the car. "Oh, I just put it in one of the spare trunks. If we're going to pull it off, then we need to have one heck of a relaxing vacation! Speaking of which, what should we do?"
Harley grinned mischieviously. "Well, I was doing some thinkin'. We may be taking a break from making complicated plans to kill Bats, but that doesn't mean that we can't taunt some other superheroes. Nothing illegal, just being annoying. Have you done anything illegal recently? We don't want to risk goin' to jail on a technicality."
The Joker stroked his chin. "This car is stolen. Uh, I may have taken some guy's credit card on that last gas stop."
Harley looked nervous. "I shoplifted some snacks at the rest stop."
The Joker rolled his eyes. "That's easy to alleviate! We'll just eat the food!"
Harley cut him off. "Aaaand I may have vandalized the bathroom. It was really dirty, and I thought that no one would notice."
/
The manager sobbed over the flaming wreck of the rest stop. "I'm so out of a job, now! My boss is gonna kill me!"
/
The Joker shrugged. "He deserved it. It's rude to deny service to those with green hair! Prejudice is no laughing matter! But, I laugh anyway. Say, what disguises should we don for the vacation? And who should we irritate? And would we even need disguises for irritation?"
Harley considered the trifecta of questions. "Well, we haven't had to break each other out of jail for a while. Technically, we're ordinary citizens. We don't necessarily need disguises if we mock someone, but they might be necessary for renting a room at a hotel or getting into a location. As for who to annoy, I don't know, Superman?"
The two shared a long, hearty laugh at that. The Joker wiped merry tears from his eyes. "Ah, he would have us tied up and sent to jail before we could even throw a pie."
Harley went through a mental roster of heroes. "The Atom?"
The Joker shrugged. "Eh, he could just shrink and hide in our luggage. The moment we did do something illegal, he would know about it. This is just for taunting. Aquaman?"
Harley shuddered. "Hon, he can summon squid demons and giant monsters now! It's not like those days when he simply rode on a Jet-Ski and talked to simple fish."
The Joker rolled his eyes. "It's almost as if our universe is constantly shifting and changing, with personalities becoming different at any moment." He winked at Harley. "But, of course, that's ridiculous!"
/
Meanwhile, in the future, a warning signal went off in the Legion of Superheroes headquarters. Arm Fall Off Boy, the greatest member, ran to the monitor and gasped. "Everyone, you have to see this! Something really bad's going to happen sometime in 2014. We have to be on the lookout."
Everyone laughed at Arm Fall Off Boy, for being a panicky loser. Sadly, Arm Fall Off Boy's arm fell off.
/
The Fremulock Inn, Hub City
The Question sipped his coffee, feeling the utter contentment and bliss that only solitude can give you. No superheroes to investigate, no villains to interrogate. No more rummaging through trash or breaking into houses.
Unfortunately, Harley and the Joker chose that moment to enter the hotel, causing him to spill his coffee all over his pants.
"Hello, good sir." the Joker said. "My lovely wife and I are on a vacation and we would like to rent a room. Incidentally, can you recommend any sights to see?" Harley grinned and waved.
In the background, the Question hurriedly yanked on his mask. "My paranoia senses are tingling! Urge to run rising! MUST...BUY...METAL DETECTORS! STOP LOOKING AT ME!" He jumped out of the window and into a dumpster.
Harley turned to the clerk. "Wow, that guy has some issues. So, here's our credit cards. Do you have any recommendations?"
The clerk gulped and his complexion rapidly morphed from somewhere near the color of expired milk to the peculiar tinge of burned popcorn.
To be continued…
Next Time: More hijinks with the Question! The vacation hijinks that I promised last time! STREET JUGGLING AND INCOMPETENT MIMES!