A/N: I don't own anything...or do I? No, I don't. This is dedicated to my sister, because I can do that. Also, last chapter, I said "PM me for updates!" It's clarification time. PM me if you want to. I may say something like, "Being written or being planned." Just ask me random questions.
Chapter 4: "The Lights; They Are A-Forming"
The night. A time of darkness, a time of fright, a time where, if left unchecked, the very worst of humanity may arise. The absolute scourge and scum of the earth can do their dirty deeds in a gentle cloak. To avoid the darkness from being turned against them, however, they utilize gadgets and doodads, like night-vision goggles, or flashlights, if you're on a budget.
The worst of the worst, the grim, cruel, snide, and just plain snarky will not hesitate if they see an opportunity. They may have standards and scruples, but some villains don't have personal ethics or morals. Pay them enough and they'll do whatever you ask. Some call them mercenaries, other use the term 'hired criminals.' Steven P. Wornchupper was most decidedly not one of those criminals.
He was more of the 'Hey, I need some cash. Is there a bank handy?' types, not an 'Imma go kill me a hero!' person. Not because he wouldn't do that. On the contrary, he longed to have respect within the criminal community, to be known for one big thing. Today would be his day to shine.
"Mr. Wornchupper, please get out of the fast food restaurant. We know it's you." A lone police car was casually parked near the door of the bank. Inside the bank, poor Steven trembled and unsteadily pushed his revolver in the general direction of a random person.
Outside, Officer Renee Montoya sighed. "Listen, Steven, this is for your own good. That person you're aiming at? She's Maria Vargas, a judge. Specifically, one who'll convict you in court. Just surrender your weapon and get out."
Steven gulped. He threw the gun at the door and ran into the back room. Unfortunately, one of the workers had scurried back there, and was wielding a nasty-looking spatula. Five minutes later, Steven was unconscious, bleeding from the head, and ready for a comfortable stay in jail, until the time arose for his day in court.
The Fremulock Inn, Hub City…
It was party time at the Fremulock Inn! And by 'party', of course I mean 'get rid of the weird couple' time. The hotel's workers were very pleased. The Kerr couple had only stayed there for two nights, but a pair of nights they were! Strange noises could be heard, almost as if they were speaking long into the night, plotting, planning, making decisions. Additionally, room service was called at odd hours, and for the most absurd requests! Comedy videos, links to YouTube clips of Garfield & Friends, and frozen pizza. Why YouTube links? Couldn't they easily look it up themselves? And why Garfield & Friends? And why frozen pizza? Their room didn't have a microwave. Did they honestly want to munch on cold, disgusting food? At any rate, the employees were very grateful, but also extremely terrified. Who knows what crazy things an average guest could leave behind, let alone a giggling, cold pizza-eating, couple?
The housekeeper grimaced, and knocked on the door. Almost immediately, it opened to reveal a pristine room, sparkling, sweet-smelling, fresh- the stuff of legends! Harley opened the bathroom door, revealing an equally spotless lodgings, even the year-old toothpaste smudges on the window were gone! "Mr. and Mrs. Kerr" bowed and took their leave. After a quick checking-out, they got into the same stolen car and drove away.
Harley cackled. "That was great, puddin'! If we do the cleaning for them, that means that they get less money!"
The Joker nodded. "I'm pretty sure that that's how it works. In any case, if we're wrong, then it'll still have been fun! So, what do you want to do, darling?"
Harley checked her map. "Well, I kind of want to take another look at the plan. I'm not sure that everything's going the way it should be. What have we accomplished?"
The Joker stroked his chin. "Hmmm...Those Christmas lights are on the move...We've crushed the dreams of some grumpy hotel employees...I think we remembered to fill the balloons with poison gas...Am I forgetting something? Ah, yes! We outsmarted The Question!"
Harley gave him a high five. "Woo! How did he not know that we knew that he was Quentin? No human is that awkward! D'you think he'll come back?"
Something landed on the top of the car with a thump. Either he was back, or there was one heck of a hailstorm going on.
Blackgate Penitentiary, Gotham City…
In a far corner in the library, Steven moped. Getting beaten up by some freshman kid, accidentally holding a weapon to a judge, and generally failing at robbing a simple restaurant really takes a toll on one's self-esteem. He heard a small noise, but didn't do anything. It was probably a guard, or just some other prisoner looking to beat him up.
An odd-sounding voice spoke. "Ahem."
Steven looked up, but couldn't see anything. "Yeah, real funny! Stop putting Lenny in charge of me. I'm getting sick of the recordings. I didn't do anything wrong, or, at least, nothing as wrong as some of these other guys. Buncha idiots."
"Pugsy" Malone looked up from his copy of The Two Gentlemen Of Verona. "Hey, youz be quiet! Dey only gave me one day in dis place, and I wanna finish my book."
Steven sighed, as did the curiously raspy voice. He looked up again. "Lenny, I told you, stop! Why haven't they fired you? Also, do you have a cold or something? You sound like a-" A dark figure jumped down, grabbed Steven, and dragged him, flailing like a monkey, to an interrogation room.
"Pugsy" Malone looked up, shrugged, and went back to his novel. He may be awaiting a trial for spray-painting crayons on twenty police cars, but darn it, he wanted to finish that book.
Steven sat in the chair and tried not to cower, instead, trying to shield his eyes from a harsh light. "Look, Batman, I'm not falling for your cheesy scare tactics. I'm not going to confess to anything I didn't do. Besides, you're not really inspiring any fear in me. You sound like a sick horse!"
The figure stopped and stared. "Really? Come on, I thought that I finally had my impression down." A security guard flipped a light switch, revealing a college-age teenage girl in a Batsuit. She turned the flashlight off, and handed it to a security guard.
Steve gaped. "Wait, how many of you Bats are there?"
Batgirl rolled her eyes. "That's not important. However, what is important is that you confess to robbing that bank last week."
Steven rolled his eyes. "I didn't rob a bank. I was sitting on my sofa, in my house, watching various web shows! You already prosecuted me for the restaurant thing, just lay off!"
The security guard turned to Batgirl. "Is he lying?"
Batgirl shook her head. "Nope, he's telling the truth. Well, I have to get back to doing Bat-stuff. Make sure Stephen doesn't do any more stupid things!" Stephen scowled.
Five minutes later…
As Stephanie Brown used a grappling hook to swing across town, Oracle called her. "Hey, O! I was just heading off to do some college work."
Oracle spoke quickly. "Steph, we have a large problem. You ever heard of The Question?"
Stephanie thought for a second. "Tall guy, wears a white mask, likes to go through people's trash?"
Oracle allowed herself a small smile at that last one. "Yes, but he seems to be getting better with that last one. We have a situation. The Joker and Harley Quinn-"
Stephanie nearly crashed into a building. "Whoa, whoa- The Joker? Do you remember the last time I faced a supervillain?"
Two months ago...Johnny's Fritter Palace:
Hypnotized little kids laughed with glee, bonking Stepanie over the head with foam noodles mercilessly. Klarion the Witch Boy (bum, bum, bum) cackled like a loon nearby.
She shuddered at the memory. Applesauce would never enter her stomach again. "Besides, I'm super busy with college work. Couldn't Tim or Damian handle this one?"
Oracle shook her head. "Sorry, Steph. They're off on some other case. The Joker and Harley have been suspiciously inactive lately, but we caught them in Hub City. The Question tried and failed to go after them. I'm trying to hack into some possessed Christmas tree lights, and he went after them again. This time, he never came back. The pair skipped town and he lost his signal. You need to go after them and see if you can find them. Do not engage, unless the situation is desperate. You know how dangerous they are."
Stephanie sighed. The essays were going to have to wait. "Possessed Christmas tree lights? Okay, where should I go? I hope they're not torturing him."
Somewhere on the road…
"OOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHH...Twenty trillion bottles of venom on the wall, twenty trillion bottles of venom on the wall! You smash one to bits, Bane can't use it, twenty trillion bottles of venom on the wall!" Harley bellowed.
The Question was stuffed in a straitjacket, sandwiched between the two in a very crowded minivan. Someone had placed a sombrero on his head and drawn a doodle of a ladybug on his mask. The Joker briefly took his hands off of the wheel to snap a quick picture of him. He leaned on the wheel, smiling like a loon. "So, how's tricks, Questiony? Don't you want to sing with us?"
Harley bumped into the Question. "It's only the polite thing to do, after spying on our vacation. Don't you want to see the rest of it? Oh, wait, I'm being rude. Want a snack?" She held up a bottle of apple juice and some graham crackers. The Question looked murderous. Laughing, she used a knife to slash part of his mask off and shoved the juice in, like a baby's bottle.
The Joker suddenly stopped by the 'Welcome to Central City: Home Of The Flash!" sign. Someone had repeatedly vandalized the sign to say 'Two Flashes', 'Three Flashes', 'One Flash', ' You Get The Point' and 'Speed-Themed Heroes!'
He bounced out of the car, dragging the Question with him as Harley locked the car. "Christmas tree lights...ATTENSHUN!" Instantly, thousands upon thousands of lights zoomed to meet him, carrying an unconscious Flash.
Harley pointed a remote at them. "Okay, my artificial intelligence-fuel darlings, drop this buzz-killer into the car!" The robots grabbed a large sack, shoved the Flash in head first, and sprayed way too much Krazy Glue inside, finally locking it in the trunk, for overkill.
The Joker gently took the remote and pressed a green button. The 'bots began twisting and turning, forming and manipulating, until they all created a gigantic-
"STOP!" Batgirl leaped onto the scene, shoving them aside. "Deactivate that...bomb?"
The Joker turned to her, grinning. "My dear, does that look at all like a bomb?"
The Christmas tree robots had formed a scroll, with the message "STOP RUINING OUR VACATION." emblazoned on it.
Batgirl contacted Oracle. "It's just some message telling us to leave them alone." she grumbled.
Harley scowled. "Hey, I spent hours on that! It's not easy, giving the power of creative thought and life to burned-out ornaments!"
Oracle said. "Somehow, I don't think that's going to hold up in court. They blew up a gas station."
Harley grabbed the Joker and ran into the car, pressing a button that send the Question flying out as if someone had punted him. "Gotta go, bye!"
To be continued…
Next: Courtroom hijinks.