Warnings:Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.
Rating: M
Summary:. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.
A/N: Sorry for taking so long to update, but I wanted to get this beta-ed before I put it up. Unfortunately my beta seems to be quite busy and I know a lot of you have been waiting patiently. Enjoy.
Also, I have drawn up a 3D floorplan of Tegan and Sara's hearth and home (haha, get it? Like head and heart.) It's more like a digital model, but it might help you follow along. If you are interested in seeing that, PM me and I'll send along the link via e-mail.
The song is "I Was Married" by Tegan and Sara in case you didn't know.
Disclaimer: COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!
Chapter 5 – Fairy Godmother
Sara's POV
This was MY place? But no, I live in an apartment and this is a house. Tegan took me by my shoulders.
"Sara, I don't know what's going on. Maybe we're in the future or some kind of alternate universe. Just try and act normal. Whatever you do, don't tell mum!"
I noded, my mouth still agape. Tegan turned to the door and opened it, smiling.
"Mum!"
Tegan threw her arms around our mother's neck. I walked over and took the bags from her, carrying them to the island, and dropping them on the surface. My legs carried me back over to where Tegan and Mum were in the entrance. Mum was taking off her shoes when she turned and gave me a big hug.
"Sara! Thank you for the help." She hugged me back, giving my back a pat.
"No problem mum." I let go and backed away.
Mum walked into the kitchen and had a look around. She saw the two plates of eggs and bacon and turned back to us.
"I thought I told you I was bringing lunch?"
"Tegan was hungry." I replied, going over and swiping a strip of bacon off a plate and crunching on it.
Mum smiled at me. "You always take such good care of my baby girl."
HER baby girl? Wasn't I her baby girl too?
"Yeah, I uhh…try?" I replied as I saw Tegan grab the plate and shovel it into her mouth.
Mum started unpacking the bags, putting all kinds of food on the table. She turned to me.
"You know Sara, you guys have been married almost 14 years now, it's about time you have someone else to take care of. Something, smaller perhaps? Like a baby? I know it's tough not having your parents around, but you two aren't getting any younger."
My parents? I didn't know what to do. I freaked out.
"Umm, getting right on that. Yeah, umm, babies. Yeah. Excuse me."
I walked out of the room, down the hallway. I felt the room spin. She wasn't my mum? I had different parents? I passed out before I opened the bedroom door.
Tegan's POV
Woah! What? Mum was my mum. ONLY my mum. Sara wasn't my sister? I shot a glance at Sara who was pale as a ghost and excused herself. Mum looked over at me oddly as Sara disappeared into the hallway.
"Is she okay, Tegan?"
"Yeah, I bet she just has to pee or…"
A loud thud came from the hallway. I bolted out of the kitchen, down the hallway, to find her out cold in front of the bedroom door.
"Sara!"
I ran to her, sliding into a sitting position on the floor and picking up her head, placing it in my lap. Her skin was sweaty but cold. Her eyes were closed and her body limp. Was she dead? Oh god, was she dead? No, not when I just got her! I felt around her chest and almost cried of joy when I felt her breathing. I ran a hand through her hair as mum kneeled next to me.
"What happened?" Mum asked me
"I don't' know, I think she fainted."
Mum put the back of her hand to Sara's head.
"It feels like she's got a fever. I'll get the thermometer."
Mum got up and walked away. I gently tapped Sara's cheeks, trying to wake her up.
"Sara, come on, wake up."
Sara's eyes shot open and I sighed in relief, but I saw her turn green. She moved quicker than I've ever seen her move. She ran into the en-suite bathroom. I followed, seeing her perched over the toilet, vomiting roughly, her body convulsing into the porcelain.
Sara's POV
I've never felt so bad before in my life. I tried to ease the contents of my stomach out, but my body rejected my attempts to calm it. My head pounded, and I had chills running through my whole body. What was wrong with me? I felt Tegan's hand rubbing my back, and through the vomiting and tears, it calmed me. I felt the veins in my neck stand out as I did my best to clear the next little bit. My throat was on fire. Finally it stopped. I breathed heavily, hanging over the bowl. I rested my sweaty forehead on my forearm and cried, trying to catch my breath. Tegan's hand massaged up to my shoulders and neck, gently rubbing.
"You okay SaSa?"
I nodded, my forehead rubbing against my arm. I heard Mum walk in and whimpered as Tegan quickly let go of me. I soon became aware of the cold tile under my knees. I took a deep breath, and slowly sat up wiping my mouth. Tegan handed me a glass of water and a small cup of mouthwash. I eagerly took both, sipping the water before using the mouthwash, spitting it into the toilet and flushing. I turned my body and leaned against the wall, putting my head in my hands. Mum squatted in front of me and put a hand on my shoulder. I looked up. She put her hand on my forehead again and nodded.
"You've for sure got a fever. Lets see how high it is."
She put the thermometer in my ear and pressed the button. I looked up at Tegan, still not knowing what to do. She was staring blankly at me, arms crossed, chewing on the inside of her lip. The thermometer beeped and she pulled it out.
"101.3 You, my dear need to be in bed. "
"I'm fine, I feel much better." I lied and tried to get up, but mum's hand on my shoulder kept me firmly in place.
"Tegan, come on over her and help her up."
Tegan obeyed, coming over and crouching next to me. She wrapped an arm around my waist and slowly pulled me up.
"Come on, I've gotchya."
I was thankful for Tegan's help because my legs felt like jelly, and my head lolled against her shoulder. She walked me, half dragging me into the room and laid me on what looked like my side of the bed. I whimpered and she pulled the covers up to my chin. I hate to admit it, but this felt much better. My whole body ached. Mum walked over and sat on the edge of the bed. She had a bowl of water and a cool wash cloth that she handed to Tegan. Tegan sat next to me in bed, wrung out the cloth and pressed it to my forehead. It felt so good my eyes fluttered closed, rolling back into my head. I was too weak to think and placed my hand over Tegan's thigh, needing to be in contact with her.
"I'm gonna go call Emy, okay?"
"Why?"Tegan asked, wringing out the cloth again.
"She might be able to give Sara something to break the fever, or at least sleep it off."
"Like a painting?"
Mum looked at Tegan oddly, then laughed. This confused Tegan even more.
"Yes, it has now become protocol for doctors to give out paintings."
I begged Tegan not to admit she didn't know Emy was a doctor. Wasn't she the one who warned me about going along with it.
"Emy's a doctor?"
Damnit, Tegan! Still, I rubbed the outside of her thigh through the sweatpants. She gently lifted my head off the pillow and into her lap, one hand still pressing the cloth to my forehead, the other snaking around my shoulders. She was getting bold in front of mum. I waited for mum to say something, but she didn't. What the fuck was going on? How far in the future did we go to where we've been married for 14 years, have this gorgeous house, Emy's a doctor, and mum doesn't protest when my ear is brushing against my sister's crotch. Or was she my sister? What if she wasn't my sister?
"Well she sure isn't a lawyer. I don't think a relationship could handle two lawyers. Lindsey would lose her one-up in arguments."
"Lindsey's a lawyer?"
My mind screamed: TEGAN SHUT THE FUCK UP! I didn't really have the energy to yell, or even speak up, so I squeezed her leg and looked up. She stooped down and I whispered to her.
"If you don't shut up, you're gonna end up in a white, padded room."
"Sorry." She whispered back.
When she sat up, mum pressed the back of her hand to Tegan's forehead
"Are you sick too? You're acting really strangely."
"I'm fine, just umm joking around with ya. Yeah, gotcha. You thought I was going crazy for a second, didn't you?" Tegan winked.
Mum gave her a strange look, then chuckled, shaking her head. Tegan pressed her water cooled hand to the back of my neck. I felt some relief spread through me, and I sighed.
"Mum, go call Emy. I think Sara's getting warmer. " Tegan said, worriedly.
My eyes closed and I heard mum walk out. Tegan leaned down and kissed my forehead. I tightened my grip on her leg, my eyes opening up to her as I let her see my terror.
"Tegs, I'm really scared. What's wrong with me? Where are we?"
"Shh, it's gonna be okay baby." She stroked my hair, gently massaging my neck as I let the pet name sooth me. Everything I'd waited so long to feel, to hear, is happening. It strikes my heart, like an arrow. In a moment where my physical self was chaotic, my mind was completely calm.
"Emy's gonna get here. You know how diligent she is in everything. She'll know what to do. It's Emy, Sara."
I nod and bury my face between her legs. Had my body not been screaming in pain, I'm sure I would find this very erotic. Right now, I just wanted to get as close to Tegan as I could so she could ease the pain in my body. I shook like a naked mole rat in a snow storm. Tegan rubbed my arms.
"I'm so cold and I hurt everywhere."
Tegan gulped, feeling the back of my neck again.
"Sara, you're really burning up. Fuck. What can I do?"
I shook my head, and started to cry, getting scared again. I curled into the foetal position on Tegan's lap. She leaned down and kissed my head, resting her cheek on the side of it, and gently rocked us.
"It'll be okay."
I felt her press the cold cloth to the back of my neck again, in some attempt to ease my pain. I felt her cheek leave my head. I heard mum's voice and shoved my face deeper into Tegan, not wanting her to see my tears.
"Emy's Focus is in the shop, and Lindsey took the Camry to work. I'm gonna go pick her up."
Mum's voice got closer, and I felt a hand touch my arm.
"She said to keep an eye on her temp, and if it hit 105, call 9-1-1. She said she doesn't want to take "that chance", whatever that means."
I felt Tegan nod, and shift, then Mum's hand on my back.
"It's okay Sara, we're gonna take care of you. Just like when you were a kid." She told me softly, then kissed the top of my head. She took care of me when I was a kid? I thought she wasn't…? Puzzling took too much effort. I squeezed Tegan's midsection tighter. I felt her hand leave my back.
"Tegan, if you end up bringing her in, call Emy and let her know, she'll get to the hospital."
"Alright mum, thanks." Tegan responded. The vibrations from her voice echoed through her torso and into me.
"Take good care of her."
"You know I will."
"Okay, I'll be back soon."
I heard the door shut and Tegan run fingers through my hair. She spoke softly to me.
"Hey love. How you doin?"
I slowly unstuck myself from her. She got a good look at me and chuckled.
"That good eh?"
I was too weak to joke back and sat up, climbing into her lap and wrapping my arms around her neck. She hugged my back tightly. Her skin was so cool. I slowly lifted her shirt off her body and stuck myself back to her.
Tegan's POV
I let my shirt come off, and felt Sara's burning flesh on mine. I bit my lip to stop from making any more comments about how hot she was. I could tell she was terrified, and weak, and hurting. I tugged at the hem of her shirt and pulled it over her head. It clung to her from the mixture of sweat and drippings from the cloth. I threw it aside and pulled her back to me, hearing her sigh as her heated skin hit my cool flesh. I took hold of her head and tucked it next to mine, moving the hair off my cheek so she could cool hers on mine. Her chin was locked on my shoulder, and her entire front was glued to me. I massaged down her back, feeling the knots and tension there. She was shivering again. I felt so helpless. How did I make this stop for her? I heard her whimper and my heart broke. I wish I could ease her mind about where we were; about who we were.
Suddenly, we were both wearing tank tops, and there was a POOF of blue smoke in the doorway. Sara lifted her head from its resting place, her bangs drenched. She lazily looked around, and my eyes followed hers.
"Well, it was a compromise." Spoke a familiar voice.
Then my eyes found her, Kaki King was standing in the doorway.
"What the hell?" I barked at her.
I gently laid Sara down on the bed, before getting up and walking over to Kaki.
"How did you get in here?"
"No: thank you Kaki for giving us shirts before you came in?"
"Yeah, just like I'd thank you for taking Lindsey!"
Kaki looked towards the bed.
"You sure you don't' want to thank me for that?"
"What are you doing here?"
Kaki sighed, dropped her posture, and rolled her eyes.
"I'm a fairy godmother."
What? She was a…? I roared with laughter and she chewed a nail on her fretting hand, waiting for me to stop, clearly expecting it. After a minute or so I stopped.
"Okay, no, really, what are you doing here?"
"Aren't you wondering what you're doing here?"
My face dropped now. She knew. What did she know?
"Oh, I know. I did it. Still wanna laugh?"
I gulped and shook my head. She motioned for me to go back to Sara.
"She needs you right now."
I nodded and crawled back up, sitting up, resting my back against the headboard. Sara sat next to me, leaning her head on my shoulder. I wrapped an arm around her as we both watched Kaki snap her fingers and a chair appear out of thin air. She sat down.
"So, lets see, where do I start? How about the beginning?" she paused, and took a deep breath "There are an infinite number of alternate realities. Even the lamest physicist knows this. 99.9999% of the time, everything happens as it was meant to. The two of you were the 0.0001%. You were born into the wrong reality. Long story short: something happens in the future of this reality that is crucial, and it all depends on you two being here. Blah Blah Blah, someone didn't want it to happen, and they switched you with the other Tegan and Sara before you were born. This was supposed to be your reality. Questions?"
"But we were here. Not US, US, but the other US, right? This reality already had a Tegan and a Sara" I said.
"Yes, but they were you two. Well, they were. It's complicated. They weren't sisters, but they were meant to be."
"Well, how did we get here?"
"Remember the wish you made last night?"
I gulped and nodded. I did this?
"Well, it wasn't only you."
Could she read my mind?
"Yes, I can. The thing with wishes, is that they usually fall on deaf ears, unless the you from another reality make a similar wish at the exact same time. The universe takes notice. In this case, as you made the wish that you weren't Sara's sister, so you could be together, the Tegan here made a wish that there was a way that her and the Sara here could just be best friends and didn't have to be together anymore." She paused. "They were never meant to be together."
"They were meant to be twins. Best friends, but never in love." I chimed in, starting to understand.
Kaki nodded. "I knew the simultaneous wish was coming up for the other Tegan. Her and Sara were having big time relationship problems. So I just gave you a little push."
"THAT'S why you slept with Lindsey and got her to break up with me!"
"That WAS the turning point for you, wasn't it? Finding Lindsey with someone else gave you the okay to start thinking about other people. Namely, Sara, and no I didn't plant the dream. I didn't have to. Then, once you realized your love for Sara, or rather let yourself feel it, Lindsey breaking up with you gave you the okay."
I felt Sara run her fingers over the back of my hand, and I opened my palm and let her entwine our fingers together. I mulled it all over, then my eyes lit up "It started everything. After Lindsey broke up with me, it was okay to kiss Sara. And after I kissed Sara, there was no going back."
Kaki nodded.
"You're smarter than you lead on."
"So this is the universe righting itself?" I asked
Kaki nodded. It was like she was a bobblehead with all this nodding. She shot me a glance and I chuckled, knowing she had "heard" that thought.
"What about this thing that has to happen here?"
"Oh, you'll find out in time. I can't take all the fun out of this for you two."
"But we don't remember anything. I don't even know who my parents are" Sara whispered hoarsely, speaking for the first time in the conversation.
"You'll start to remember it all, for now just explore the house. It holds a lot of memories and clues. Everyone from your reality is here. They're the same souls, remember that. Emy is just as loyal and trustworthy as good old Emy. I have to go now. Sorry it took so long getting here to explain it all, I kind of had to go to your old reality first seeing as how that could have gone really badly had I not told them right away. You should have seen the looks of relief on their faces."
I couldn't imagine not wanting to be with Sara. Other Tegan was weird. Kaki snapped the chair away and walked over to us. She hugged me, then put a hand on Sara's shoulder.
"Drink lots of fluids. Tegan, take care of her."
I nodded as Kaki slowly backed away.
"I'll see you two around, okay? Take care of yourselves. You're more important thank you think."
I smile at her and then she's gone. I turn to Sara.
"At least we know now."
Sara nods.
Sara's POV
I'm glad Tegan asked a lot of questions and understood what was going on because I couldn't focus on the conversation in my state. I'm glad we had some kind of explanation. I felt Tegan reach for something, then the thermometer enter my ear. I sighed and nuzzled her neck with my cheek. She rubbed up and down my arm.
"104. I hope mum gets here soon with Emy." Tegan whispers.
I nod. I hope Emy can do something for this, although all this snuggling with Tegan felt amazing. And I love her taking care of me. I always knew being with Tegan would be extraordinary, but I never knew that she'd be everything I've ever wanted. She knew what to do to take care of me. She just knew. She knew where to touch, and how to touch. She knew what to say, in what tone, at what volume. She knew what smile to give me. She knew when to tease me. All this is expected, after having grown up as twins. But this morning, she knew how to make love to me. I can assure you that we've never done that before, I think I'd remember. Her instincts just did and said the right things at the right times. I heard her chewing her nails and I opened my eyes, not even realizing that they had drifted closed.
"This is our house" I whispered "This is our bed. Ours."
She looked around, then the arm that wasn't holding me reached over to an end table. She took my hand in hers, then looked me in the eyes.
"Will you marry me?"
"Tegan we've been married for 14 years apparently."
"The other Tegan and Sara. But YOU, will YOU marry me?"
I felt the aches and the pain subside as giddiness overcame me. We could be married. I could be married to Tegan. Legally. I could introduce her to the world as my wife. She could be my wife. I gave her a weak, soft kiss nodding against her lips, before I pulled away. I ran a sweaty hand through her hair, forehead, to the nape of her neck and searched her eyes.
"I wouldn't have it any other way. I never want anyone else."
I felt something being slipped on my finger. She reached over to the other nightstand and put something on her own finger, before taking my hand again. I felt my hand pull towards hers. Not a metaphorical pull either. The ring finger of my left hand was physically being drawn to its partner on Tegan's. It was the pull of one magnet to another. The rings were magnetic. I examine the rings more intently. Tegan's had a few encrusted diamonds, while mine was a plain gold band, slim and rounded. We were married. I looked up and met her eyes again as she dropped the sweetest, softest kiss on my lips, then whispered inches away from them.
"MY wife."
I smiled and kissed her back, before another wave of nausea hit me.
"Ughhhh" I grumbled.
Tegan's eyes bugged out and she laid me down on the bed, running into the bathroom and grabbing the plastic garbage can. She rushed it back over to me, putting it in my lap. I gratefully accepted the receptacle, hugging it as she slid behind me, so I could sit between her legs. She snaked both hands up my shirt to rub my back. I could feel the cold metal of her ring on my back, and even through the nausea I smiled. I felt the stirrings, and started dry heaving. Tegan rubbed my lower back. More upchuck exited my mouth and I whimpered at the return of the burn, along with the cramping in my stomach. I vomited for a while, until it subsided. I leaned back, resting my back against Tegan's chest, letting my head fall onto her shoulder.
"Does your tummy hurt baby?"
I nodded and whimpered, but soon felt cool, calloused hands rubbing my stomach softly, just barely touching the skin. I felt my body respond immediately. It was as if Tegan were commanding my organs to stop causing me pain. I moaned and turned my face towards her, kissing her cheek.
"Thank you. I love you so much Tegan."
I saw her smile. The kind that caused her cheeks to wrinkle upwards. It was her special smile. I always loved doing something to get Tegan's special smile. She kissed my shoulder, never stopping the rubbing of my tummy.
"I love you too, my wife."
She always knew what to say.
This is how Mum and Emy found us. Even when they walked in, Tegan didn't stop, which I was grateful for. I felt like if she stopped I'm vomit again. Emy walked over, taking in my condition.
"Oh God, Sara!"
I had gotten a peak of myself in the mirror over my dresser, which I could see from the bed. My eyes were sunken in, and I looked like I had just gone swimming with my clothes on, I was so drenched. She put her bag down and knelt next to the bed, peering into the vomit filled garbage bag.
"When did this start?" she asked while removing the garbage bin from my lap.
"Maybe an hour or so ago. We were in the kitchen, and she walked out. She passed out in the hallway, then woke up and the nausea started, along with the fever." Tegan answered, never stopping her ministrations on my stomach.
I'm glad she didn't stop, because, I was focusing everything I had right now on those hands rubbing my belly, as I tried not to get sick again. Emy pulled out her stethoscope and slipped it under the shoulder of my tank top, listening intently. I felt Tegan kiss my head again. Boy does she do that a lot. Not that I mind…at all.
Emy listens to my lungs, takes my blood pressure, and my temperature. She turns back to Mum.
"Hey Sonia, could you give us a few minutes?"
Mum nodded and walked out, closing the door behind her.
Emy turned back to us.
"It looks like you caught a nasty flu bug. Your body should be able to fight it, but this fever's got me worried. Have you taken a test lately?"
I could barely whisper, but I managed a tiny one "What test?"
"A pregnancy test. We did the last round of insemination about six weeks ago. You're seriously telling me you haven't taken a test?"
Insemination? I felt Tegan tense and freeze under me. Her hands stopped and my eyes fluttered as I got nauseous again, swaying forward, away from Tegan's comfortable body. Thankfully she recovered quickly and pulled be back in, going back to rubbing my tummy. The nausea slowly subsided. I shook my head at Emy.
"Well, have you had a period?" she asked
"I…I don't know."
She sighed. "I can't give you anything but Tylenol unless I'm sure you're not pregnant, or we go to the hospital where you can be monitored. But the Tylenol won't do much. And if you ARE pregnant, and that fever gets any higher, well let's just say that I'm worried."
I gulped and felt Tegan press me to her just a little bit more. Could I be pregnant? But how? My body was still mine from the last reality, and I sure as shit wasn't pregnant there. I heard Emy sigh. I remembered that sigh as her "AHA" moment sigh.
"I could get Sonia to run me to the office and put a rush on a blood and urine test. I think I have…"
She opened her bag and fumbled around. She pulled out a sterile cup, and the supplies she'd need to take blood. I felt Tegan tense again. She hates needles. I whisper in her ear.
"Close your eyes. You don't have to watch."
She obeyed, and I faced Emy.
"I'm gonna collect the urine sample first, just in case you get woozy."
I nodded and started to get up, Tegan followed, supporting me. A few minutes later, I handed Emy the sample in the Ziploc she gave me. Tegan had gone back to her previous position, and I rejoined her. Emy came over and put a tourniquet on my arm. She started the process.
"You two are acting really weird." She caught a glimpse of our fingers. "Well, it's been a while since I've seen those."
Did we not usually wear our wedding rings? Was that a little bit of jealousy in her voice. I saw her give Tegan a look. Holy shit, did Emy and other Tegan have a thing? It sure as hell looked like it. I feel the needle prick, but am starting to drift.
"Sara, just hang in there for little longer. Then you can sleep all you want."
I nod, and force myself to keep my eyes open. The needle slides out of my skin, and Emy places a cotton ball on the spot where it once was. I feel my head spin a but and am glad she thought to do it in that order.
"Sara? Sara, lay down. Stay with me." Emy called out.
Even in my half daze, I felt Tegan move from behind me, letting me lay back onto the pillow. My eyes fluttered closed, then back open. I just wanted to sleep. The room spun around me. It felt like the biggest trip of my life. I saw Tegan and Emy's faces contort above me. Tegan's voice echoed inside my head as she spoke.
"Sare, come on. Please. You're scaring me."
I fought my way back, tried to clear my head. Slowly the fog cleared and the room righted itself.
"I'm gonna bring you some pedialyte and you need to drink the whole litre by the time I come back, understood?"
I nodded. Emy turned to Tegan.
"Keep her awake for another half hour, then let her sleep all she wants. I should be back by 3."
"Alright, you're the boss."
Emy nodded, no smile and got up, walking out, only to walk right back in and put the litre of drink on my night stand, then walked out, closing the door. I started to feel nauseous again, and before I had to think about puking, Tegan's hands were on me, doing the only thing that could stop it. She let one hand move to the nightstand and quickly uncapped the drink, bringing it to my lips. I lifted two heavy, shaking hands to hold it and take a slow, tentative drink, not sure how it would sit with me.
"Are you feeling any better?"
"Only when you rub my tummy."
"Then I'll just have to rub your tummy until it stops hurting."
I smiled as Tegan sighed.
"Well, so much for a restful post-tour."
There's silence as I take another drink, and we both try to find the entry point into the conversation we know needs to happen. Tegan is staring down at my midsection intently, watching as her hands massage over the taut skin. We stayed in silence until she spoke, barely a whisper.
"My baby might be in there."
I looked over at her face and saw the pure adoration and joy. I smiled and ran a hand through her hair, letting my nails graze her scalp on their way to her neck. I wasn't sure how she was going to react. This is a pleasant surprise. She was lying perpendicular to me, on her tummy, reaching out with the one hand to rub circles on the part of my body that had her transfixed.
"I don't have to be Aunt Tegan. I can be mom." She looked up at me, with tears in her eyes. "We can be moms to our own children Sara."
I smiled and nodded, taking another sip. I'm glad Tegan's so eager for kids, but we'd only just gotten together. As much as I would love to have kids with her, it was just too much too soon. I wanted some time with just Tegan and Sara, the married couple. But it looked like I might not have a choice. If I am pregnant, I'm going to be so fucking happy, don't get me wrong. But if I had the choice, I'd choose to wait.
"Yeah, we can."
"Why does it seem like I'm the only one excited about this?"
"Because I just got you. I want time for just us. Lots of it." I take a moment to breathe "Tegan, if we are having a baby I'll be over the moon happy. All I want from life is to have a family with you. "I took another sip, and breathed "It feels like someone else made this decision for me, and I feel gross." I let the tears fall, unable to hold back anymore "And I'm sweaty and gross and nauseous, and clammy."
Tegan let out the breath she was holding and crawled back up to me, cradling my head against her chest.
"It's okay Sare, you're allowed to cry. Let it out."
I did. I let her rock me like a child as I let out the frustration, the anxiety, the ickyness.
"And for the record you're far from gross. If you weren't so sick we'd be fucking right now; sweat, puke, clamminess and all. But I know you feel like shit, so I'm gonna hold you and rub your tummy, and rock you if it means it makes you feel even the slightest bit better. But only if you listen to Emy and drink that stuff."
I give a weak smile and sip from the bottle. Tgean grabbed the thermometer again, putting it in my ear. When it beeped she didn't say the number out loud. That meant my fever was increasing, but still under 105. I drank from the bottle again, only having a few more sips left before it was done. Tegan looked over at the clock.
"Five more minutes and you can sleep."
She kissed my temple and I sighed in relief. I took the last two sips and handed Tegan the bottle, surprised it stayed down. She put it back on the nightstand and lowered us into the pillow. She lifted her shirt, to expose her tummy, then lifted mine, pressing cool skin to hot. Then she wrapped me up completely in herself, kissing my eyelids and nose.
"I'd take them off, but I kind of want to be clothed when Emy comes in."
"You don't have to stay with me."
"Nice try, babe, but I'm not going anywhere." Her eyes went to my hairline and she raked her fingers through my wet bangs. "Besides, a nap sounds nice."
Liar. She won't nap. She's gonna check my temperature every 5 seconds once I fall asleep. She gonna make sure I'm still breathing every 2 seconds, and that my heart beats every second. And I wouldn't have it any other way. She kisses my forehead.
"Go to sleep love, it's alright. I've got you."
Yes Tegan, you do. I let my eyes close and it isn't long before I am dead to the world.
As soon as I fall asleep, I wish I hadn't. A long exhausting Fever dream starts.
Tegan's POV
I hoped with everything I had that Sara's fever stopped at where it was right now. I really didn't want to have to bring her into the ER. Too much for one 24-hour period.
A baby.
I couldn't get my mind off of it. I know Sara wasn't too impressed with the idea right now, but even the possibility of it happening one day. Being allowed that possibility. I sighed happily and rubbed her back. I loved the way her long, slender back felt through the shirt. But what I loved even more..I slipped my hand under the shirt. Ah, Sara skin. She snuggled closer in sleep. For someone who said she didn't like to cuddle, she sure liked to cuddle. But things had always been different between her and I than between her and everyone else. I still can't believe that she kept this a secret all those years. She was right to though, I would have flipped out. Actually, she did everything perfectly. She made all the right choices. She let me come to her. She was patient.
We're married. I twirl the ring around my finger. It was exactly how I always pictured my wedding ring. It was perfect. A memory flashed before my eyes. Sara proposing to me. She was down on one knee, on a beach, in a Canadian tuxedo. She was 18. I remember, because that's the year she got the Smashing Pumpkins pin she had on her jacket. She lost it at a Springsteen concert not long after our 19th birthday. It was this ring in the box.
She said "I picked it out myself."
The memory faded. The ring took on a whole new meaning now. I started making connections. A certain song came to mind. The rings, the beach. I was starting to see what the petite form had been up against all these years. I'm sure I could take each of her songs and link them all back to me. I made a mental note to do that one day, then pick her brain about it. But this one song was stark in my memory.
I married in the sun…into my heart confusion grows against; the muscles fought so long to control against the pull of one magnet to another.
…
They seem so very tough, they seem so very scared of us. I look into the mirror, for evil that just does not exist. I don't see what they see. Try to control the pull of one magnet to another.
Had she planned out that proposal in our reality? How many times had she played it in her head? Enough to write a song about it. All those songs of hers I loved. All those beautiful words and melodies, for me. Just waiting for me to see it too.
I looked over at her and sighed, shaking my head.
You are so good at hiding your emotions. I had no idea. I can never give you all the love you deserve for the years of torment, but I sure as hell am gonna give you as much as I possibly can. And I thought I'd had unrequited loves. Oh Sara! Sara's phone rang. I reluctantly, but quickly let go of her to answer it.
"Hello?" I whispered.
"Sara, darling, oh I was so worried. Emy called and told me you were sick. I couldn't get out of work, but I'm on my way over to take care of you right now. Please don't hate me."
"Lindsey?"
"Oh, Tegan." She chuckled. CHUCKLED. "Sorry, I thought you were Sara. Can you put her on?"
"She's asleep. Why would you come take care of her? I'm here." I spat back at her.
"You're really angry today, aren't you? Geez, Tegan, it's not so weird for me to want to take care of my girlfriend when she's sick. Emy does it for you. "
"Why would Emy…?" I just realized something. Sara and I weren't together here. We were just still married.
"What about Emy? Does she know you do this?"
"Of course, Tegan what's wrong with you? Have you been absent the past few years?"
"Refresh my memory."
Lindsey sighed and spoke "Emy and I are happily married, but open."
'And so are Sara and I? So we're swingers?"
"Not exactly. Come on Tegan, do you really not remember?"
"I took a bump to the head" I made up, hoping she bought it.
"You should get Emy to check that out."
"I will when she comes back. Just, tell me about Sara and I."
"What about you guys? I'm actually surprised she slept there last night. Did she have angry sex with you again?"
"Why would she do that?"
"C'mon Tegan, you're not fooling anyone. Everyone knows you two are miserable together. Sonia thinks it's a phase and everything's peachy but we all know you just stay together for your career, for the fans. A divorce would go public, and no one wants that."
Well, other Tegan and Sara hit the jackpot. Everyone wins. They can date Emy and Lindsey without the fake marriage.
"Oh, right, I remember now. Umm, actually we've mended things. You could say we're different people even. I love her Lindsey, and she loves me. You can ask her yourself. Just let her get better."
I heard Lindsey sigh "Whatever you say Tegan, I'll have to hear it from the horse's mouth. Kiss her for me."
Lindsey hung up and I put the phone down, checking the time. Another ten minutes until Emy came back. I wrapped Sara up again and just watched her sleep.