CHAPTER FIVE

Sarah lay on her bed, her mind racing.  She had just finished her tour with Shelby.  She wasn't as bad as Sarah had originally thought, but then again, Sarah wasn't here to make friends.  She was here to disappear.

            Sarah tried desperately to keep her mind focused on constructive things, like classes and therapy, but she couldn't help but wonder over into the darkness.  It was like her mind loved dwelling in the pain of her past.  She liked to relive the hurt over and over.  Ordinarily, these trips down memory lane would be accompanied by drugs or alcohol – something to gnaw at the pain.  Once she was numb, she would cut to bring the pain back to life.  It was a sickness, an obsession.  She was sure no one here could understand that.  Sure, drinking or using drugs to make the pain of your life disappear – that was understandable, even normal here.  But to cut into your flesh, to cause yourself pain, to relive the worst moments of your life because you enjoyed it, well, that was just masochistic.  And there was nothing normal about that.

            Sarah wondered what the odds were that she was the most messed up student in the history of Mt. Horizon.  No, it wasn't possible.  She screwed up everything in her life.  There's no way she could be number one at anything.  Not even this.  No, there had to be kids who were more messed up than her.  Though she couldn't think of how.

            Her thoughts were interrupted by Shelby entering the dorm.      

            "Hey, earth to Sarah!"

            Sarah sat straight up.  "Yah?"  She felt groggy and disoriented.  What she wouldn't do for a cigarette right now.

            "Peter wants to see you in his office."

            She cursed under her breath.  "What for?"

            "Relax newbie.  There's no way you're in trouble yet.  You haven't been here long enough.  It's probably just time for your individual counseling or something."

            Sarah felt relieved, but didn't say anything.

            "Can you find it okay, or do you want me to show you the way?"  Shelby had actually taken a liking to this girl. 

            "No, I'm fine.  Thanks though."  Sarah headed out towards Peter's office.  It would be easy enough to hide out in group therapy.  Hell, she had done it before.  Make the occasional non-meaningful comment and just blend into the background.  But individual?  That would be harder.  And Peter, she was starting to learn, was not easily fooled.