Warnings:Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.
Rating: M
Summary:. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.
A/N: This is to make up for the delay in posts. Enjoy. In case you don't know, the song is "Living Room" by Tegan and Sara.
Disclaimer: COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!
Chapter 6-
Tegan's POV
I was in a light doze when I heard the front door open and close. I felt the heat coming of Sara's that was tightly pressed to mine, against my chest and between my arms. This was the most comfortable cuddle session ever. Even with the hot sweatiness. Sara was out cold, sleeping so deeply her mouth was hanging open and she was drooling. She hadn't moved since I pulled her in to me. I sighed as I heard the footsteps come closer, then the door slowly open. Emy popped her face in. I looked up and nodded. She tiptoed in and over to my side of the bed, kneeling to whisper to me. I craned my neck, refusing to let go of Sara.
"How'd it go?" She asked me.
"Her fever hit 104.6, and has stayed there."
Emy nodded. "I stopped by the pharmacy and prescribed her some extra strength ibuprofen and acetaminophen." She took out both bottles and put them on the night stand.
"I thought she couldn't take anything stronger than Tylenol."
"She's not pregnant Tegan. Either way, acetaminophen is Tylenol, but that stuff is prescription grade. Have her take one every 6 hours, alternating between the two. No more than two of each in one day. Get her into a tepid bath, make sure she's drinking and sleeping a lot. Make sure she eats. If she still can't keep anything down by tomorrow morning, let me know."
I nodded, Sara would be happy. I was kind of disappointed. I was really hoping she was pregnant. Emy must have seen the look on my face.
"We can start another round as soon as she's ovulating again, okay?"
I gulped and nodded, tuning to face Emy. She sighed and ran a hand through my hair.
"How are you doing babe? Can I get you anything?"
I totally forgot that Emy and I were supposed to be together. It felt really weird. I shook my head and she leaned in to kiss me. I turned my cheek, and she let out a frustrated groan.
"Emy, she's sick. I'm okay."
Emy bit her bottom lip and nodded.
"Are you gonna stay here tonight or come to dinner? I can send Lindsey over to take care of her. I know you're all of a sudden on the Sara kick, but you could use the break."
"Emy, it's not a kick. I'm in love with her."
"Tegan, you've never been in love with her. Fuck, you only married her to please the fans. I haven't even seen you two touch each other since your wedding day."
"That's changed, okay? I can't be with you Emy. I really appreciate you taking your day to help her, but I can't be with you."
"Tegan, I love you two. Of course I'm gonna take care of her." She paused "Are you really breaking up with me?"
I nodded "Sorry Emy. And I'm pretty sure Sara's gonna end it with Lindsey."
I didn't expect Emy to sigh of relief.
"Thank God. Do you know how long I've put off ending this? Something always happened, you always needed me and I just couldn't. Lindsey and I couldn't stand see you two miserable. Wait, are we still friends?"
"Of course! I don't know why, but I'm just so head over heels with Sara right now. Something happened this morning. I just woke up in love with her."
I know it didn't sound convincing but it's all I had. Thankfully Emy took it.
"After 14 years, there it is. Well, congratulations. Are you two still going to try for the baby then?"
"Why wouldn't we?"
"Well, now you don't have to create a reason to stay together. You actually have one."
My heart sank. How could we do something like that?
"You mean we…?"
Emy gave me an odd look.
"Maybe you should sleep too. You've been weird all morning."
I nodded and laid my head back down, closing my eyes. Emy kissed my forehead.
"I'll call in a few hours to check in. And Tegan?"
I looked up at her.
"Thanks."
"Any time" I said, then she walked out of the room and I sighed, closing my eyes against Sara's hair.
I heard the door creak open and looked up to see mum walk in with a tray full of food. She had a giant smile plastered on her face.
"Mum, hey". I smiled sleepily
She put the tray down on the now very crowded nightstand and sat on the bed.
"How are you, baby?"
I sighed and yawned.
"Tired."
"I bet. I brought in some food in case you two were hungry and I went downstairs and started on some laundry. I've got some soup started on the stove for Sara. But you need something a bit more substantial."
"Thanks mum."
She put a hand to my forehead, and in leaning in, her other hand landed on the sheets, close to me.
"Tegan, did you wet the bed?"
"What? No." I looked down and suddenly became aware of the wetness of my body on the sheets. I reluctantly untangled from Sara and pulled back the covers. Her body was outlined on the sheets by a shopping wet pool of sweat. How long had the sheets been drenched? Mom already started going to work on stripping the bed. As much as I didn't want to disturb Sara, I wanted to try and make her as comfy as possible, so I hooked an arm around her shoulders and under her knees, using everything I had to lift her up in her sleep so mum could get the sheets from under her. She really was dead asleep. She was usually such a light sleeper, but even being lifted into the air and moved around she was still drooling away. I gently put her back down on the bare mattress as mum went to one of the closets, taking out two new pillows. She put clean pillow cases on them and tossed them to me one by one. I lifted Sara's head and swapped her wet one for a dry, clean one. Mum tossed me over a new, clean fitted sheet and helped me maneuver it onto the bed. I went back and painstakingly lifted Sara again. She brought over a fresh top sheet and comforter,
"I'm gonna go put this stuff in the wash, if you want to bring me down her dirty clothes. I'm gonna spend the night in the spare room tonight."
"Thanks mum, but it's okay. I've got it. I'm 32, I don't need my mum to take care of my wife. But thank you for the offer and for all you've done today."
She sighed, thinking about arguing.
"Fine. I guess you're right. But if you need anything, call me."
"I will mum."
She walked over and kissed Sara on the forehead, then we both walked out, towards the entrance. She grabbed her purse and slipped on her shoes.
"The soup should be done in an hour. Just give it a couple stirs before then."
I nodded.
"Remember to sort the darks from the lights."
"Okay mum."
"And check pockets."
I nodded again. She bit her lip, having a hard time leaving.
"Make sure she…"
"Drinks lots of fluids and sleeps it off. I know. Thanks for everything mum, I'll call if I need you."
She smiled and cupped my cheek.
"You know I'd do anything for you two. I'm so happy you've reconnected. I've never seen you so in love."
I smiled and blushed.
"Thanks mum. I'm happy."
She smiled wide and gave me a hug.
"I love you Tegan."
"Love you too mum."
She opened the door, and walked out. I stepped out, onto the porch, crossed my arms, and watching her get in her car. She drove off and I waved. I had a look around at the scenery. I dunno where we were in BC, but it was gorgeous. There were a few houses, but this place was far from suburbia. It looked like the middle of the woods. I spotted a mailbox at the end of our driveway and walked over to it, opening it and finding a stack of mail. I tucked it under my arm and walked back into the house, closing and locking the door behind me.
I dropped the stack on the island, stirring the pot of soup, then returning back to it. I read the address.
Mrs. Sara Quin
407 Quin Dr. North Vancouver, BC
We lived in North Van? How the hell did we afford THIS place in the first place, but this place in North Vancouver I'm sure was expensive. And wait, is the whole street named after us? Is this our street? What the hell?
I sighed. Well, I've always wanted to live in North Van. It's like in this reality, I had everything I've ever wanted. I knew this was where I was meant to be. This is what my life was supposed to be. I abandoned the mail and decided to bring down that bedding, and get some of those drugs into Sara. I grabbed another bottle of pedialyte out of the fridge. It was the last one. I made a mental note to go to the store and get some groceries. As I closed the fridge door, I saw the list in Sara's neat handwriting. She's always been one for lists. I grab the pen and add "Pedialyte" to it. Mum always gave us this when we were sick. Especially when we were vomiting. It had a lot less sugar than the sports drinks, and was full of electrolytes. Lindsey tried getting me to switch to coconut water, but it tasted like snot.
My feet carried me down the hallway. I cracked the bedroom door open and walked over to the bed. I sat down and looked at Sara's sleeping form. She might feel like she's dying, but it's just the flu. We don't' have to worry about the fever harming a baby anymore. She was gonna be okay. We were gonna be okay. We were gonna be more than okay. Could I really have that life I'd always fantasized about in my mind? I smiled widely. I leaned down and gently kissed Sara's forehead, rubbing her back.
"Wake up, handsome." I brushed some of the hair out of her face. "I've got some good drugs for you."
She gave a weak smile and slowly opened her eyes. I smiled wide down at her.
"Mum left. Emy dropped some drugs off for you."
She looked up at me, anxious. "Am I…?"
I shook my head, handing her the bottle, and swiping the pills off the night stand, shaking one out and handing it to her. She took it and drank more from the bottle.
"How's your stomach?"
She thought for a moment "Better. Still a little queasy, but I don't feel like I'm gonna puke again" She took another long drink.
"Did you know we live in North Van? AND we have our own street. Quin Dr."
Her eyes bugged out "really?"
I nodded. She put the bottle back down on the end table and I reached out to take hold of the hem of her tank top. I pulled the sopping wet garment over her head. She squirmed out of the PJ bottoms, down to just her boxers. I took them and threw both the shirt and pants into the laundry pile. I saw her eyes close and she inhaled in relief.
"Give me your boxers too. I'm sure they're drenched."
She blushed and I got the double entendre.
"Come on, Sara. You're sick, get your mind out of the gutter."
She chuckled softly and slipped off the undergarment. I tossed them aside and walked over to her dresser, opening the top drawer and taking out a new pair. I brought them over to her and she put them on. My bum found the bed, and I leaned in, kissing her softly and pulling the dry comforter up to her chin.
"Are you hungry?"
She shook her head.
"Okay, go back to sleep love. I'm gonna do laundry and figure out as much as I can." I grabbed my phone and put it in the pocket of my sweatpants. "If you need me, just holler. If you can't. just call or text me."
She nodded. I got up to leave.
"Tegan?"
I turned back around.
"Hold me until I fall asleep?"
I smiled and walked back over, pulling my tank top off, and adding to the growing pile of laundry on the floor. I eagerly slipped into bed next to her, my body gliding up hers: skin on skin. I felt her moan at the sensation and I couldn't help a throbbing in my clit. Sick, sweaty, could throw up on me at any second and I still wanted her. She kissed me with soft, plump lips as my face met hers. I closed my eyes and moaned into the kiss as she wrapped hands around my neck, traveling them upwards to tangle in my hair. She broke the kiss to hide her face in my neck.
"I like it when you ask for what you need." I whispered, kissing her neck.
I felt her smile against my shoulder and I rubbed her back.
"Sing to me, then?"
I nodded, and started to gently sing:
"My windows look into your living room,
Where I spend the afternoon on top of you.
I wonder what it is
that I did to make you move in
across away from me.
I hope I never figure out who broke your heart.
and if I DO,
if I DO.
I'd spend all night losing sleep.
I'd spend the night
and I'd lose my mind.
and I'd spend the night
and I'd lose my mind"
As soon as I had finished the first chorus, I knew she was asleep. I lingered for a few minutes, then gently extracted myself from under her. I grabbed the pile of laundry, headed into the living room, and found the stairs just beyond the wall of pictures. I took them down, into the basement. I stood in a large, mostly empty room. There were French doors in front of me, that opened into what I figured was the laundry room. But the rest of the room was pretty empty. There were a couple couches on the wall to my left, and a small kitchenette against the left wall, outside the laundry room. There was a hallway to my left as well, lined with doors, but no door at the end. It looked a lot like upstairs. Almost identical. I decided to put the laundry in, then explore the basement. I nudged open the laundry room door and dropped my load. Looking around I found the small room adorned with a few laundry baskets and some luggage. The laundry in the washing machine was done, so I moved it to the dryer, cleaned the lint trap, and added a dryer sheet. They were the same dryer sheets Sara used. I inhaled deeply and smiled. I also noticed that we had Sara's choice of detergent. I turned on the dryer and loaded the washer, taking off my sweatpants, making sure to put my phone ontop of the machine. I stripped naked and put the clothes in the washing machine before turning it on.
I walked over to the laundry baskets and found which one was mine, pulling on some PJ shorts and a fitted T-shirt. I needed a shower before I actually got dressed. I took my phone and walked back out into the large, empty room. I wonder what we used this big, empty room for. It didn't look like much. I kept walking down the hallway and opened the first door on my right, finding a spare room. It was simple, with dark purple carpet, a queen sized bed, dresser, closet, and two end tables. I saw another door and walked through, turning the light in the room off. A bathroom. There was a double sink and toilet to my right, and a shower/tub combo on the far wall, with another adjoining door. I kept walking through, into another spare room, not much different from the first. The only other door was on the left wall. I opened it and was at the end of the hallway. Well, the layout was practical.
I looked across the hall and found another door. I felt like Alice in Wonderland, just opening doors over and over, not knowing where they lead. I opened the door to find a large room. Hardwood floor, with a Persian rug under the drum kit. The room was full of instruments and mic rigs. In front of me, there was another room within this one, and the rest of the wall was a big window. I saw a control room on the other side. Monitors and speakers at a long desk. I looked behind me at another door, and opened it. I walked into a medium sized storage room. The walls were line with cased guitars, drums, keyboards, mics, all kinds of road cases, and amps. I walked over and opened one of the cases. A vintage '65 Fender duo sonic. I marveled at its beauty and ran my hand over the fretboard. This was mine? If I pulled this out on the first try, I wonder how many other gems were in here. I remembered my time in all those studios over the years, always admiring the collection of instruments. Now I had my own. I put the guitar back in the case, closed the light, and the door. If this is a studio like I think it is, that little room must be the vocal booth. I walked into it and sure as shit, there was a boom pole hanging from the ceiling with a mic. The walls were padded in eggshell memory foam. I walked out the other door and found myself back in the hallway. Further down the wall, I found another set of French doors and entered them, finding myself in the control room. I looked over the mixing board, monitors, and screens. We had a recording studio in our basement. Not a measly home studio, but a full out, top notch recording studio. Is that how we made our money?
Something catches my eye. They're plaques on the walls. I walk over and see the album art for So Jealous, The Con, and Sainthood. They all went double platinum. DOUBLE PLATINUM? I see there are more framed items decorating the walls. Covers of magazines with eye catchers like "Dynamic Duo do it again." and "If they're music's this hot, imagine their bedroom. We take you inside Tegan and Sara." I gulped. We were famous. And not like, people knew who we were. People cared. Accroding to the framed Billboard clippings we hit number one a lot. Alligator was apparently up there for 10 weeks straight. It was everything I wanted my career to be. Everything I thought we deserved. It had finally happened. I smiled and turned back around, seeing shelves framing a sectional couch. They displayed all kinds of trophies. Everything from Sara's karate trophies, to Junos, and a good handful of Grammys. We'd won Grammys. I felt my soul light up. I looked into the recording room and smiled. I wonder what else was upstairs, now that I'd thoroughly explored the basement. It was going to make working so much easier, having everything right here. I wonder if we have people come stay with us often? I bet those spare rooms were for artists to crash in while they were recording. The kitchenette too. I walked back into the hallway, making sure to turn off the lights as I padded back up the stairs. I really loved this house.
I went over and gave the soup another stir when my phone rang. I panicked, thinking it was Sara and was already moving to the bedroom when I saw the name on the phone.
Dallas Calling.
I smiled and answered.
"Dallas!"
"Hey little sister."
I was Dallas' little sister?
"Mom called and said Sara was sick. She's making me check up on you two. Said you kicked her out."
"Um, yea. Sara's alright, she's got the flu. Emy's already been by. She's sleeping right now."
"Good. You know, mom said something about the two of you making up. What's going on?"
I sat on the couch and put my feet on the coffee table, biting a nail while I talked to him.
"I dunno Dal, I just woke up this morning and" I sighed, like a lovesick little girl. "I couldn't contain it. I'm so in love with her."
"Well it's about time you fell in love. I was beginning to think you'd be miserable for the rest of your life. "
I'm so happy I got the other Tegan out of this situation.
"It feels great."
"I'm happy for you. Well, call me when Sara gets better and we'll lay down the track we've been working on."
"Alright Dallas. Thanks for calling."
"Anythign for you little sis. Love you."
"Love you too."
He hung up the phone. Dallas was my brother? This reality was awesome. I sighed, closing my eyes for a moment before I remembered that I had things to do. I walked over and stirred the soup, then checked all the cabinets and the fridge to see what we had and what we needed. I put the list on the island and headed towards the bedroom, creeping in quietly. I started the shower and stepped in. There were jets that hit your body from every angle. EVERY angle. I gulped and sidestepped that one, not really in the mood. I got clean, then went into the bedroom to get dressed. I opened the closet and found a pair of jean shorts, then looked to the ground seeing a mess of high tops. I started to pick through them when I came across a safe. I looked at the lock and thought for a moment. What was the combination? I had the same combination and password for everything, but did the other Tegan? I put in the first number, then the second, and heard a click after the third. I smiled wide. I opened the door and had a peek inside. There was some jewelry, some pictures that I made a mental note to go through with Sara later, an envelope with Canadian cash, one with American, and a couple bank books. I took the bank books, not caring to count the cash in the envelopes. I grabbed the one that my name was printed on the front. I opened it up and froze, my stomach dropping with my jaw.
I had how much money in my personal chequing account? That was way too many numbers.
7 986 946.82
I closed it and quickly opened my savings
20 936 927.98
I was rich. The next one was labeled T+S Quin
105 736 937.45
We had a hundred million dollars in our joint account. The was one last book T+S Quin Savings
104 392 085.63
Holy shit. Ours kids were going to Harvard…on the moon, and will use diamond pencils to write on gold paper. I dug through the safe a big more, and my hands hit some cassettes. I smiled when I saw the colours. All our original demos. God, I hadn't heard these in forever. I put everything back into the safe and locked it, putting the shoes around it again.
From the house and what was downstairs I knew we were well off, but I didn't think it would be by that much. Shouldn't we be living in a mansion? No, not us. We're not the mansion type. I looked around and smiled. In true Tegan and Sara fashion, we got what we needed, made sure it was well made, practical, and something we could grow into. I remembered there were doors to rooms I still hadn't explored. I remembered Sara's Study and wondered if I had my own. I finished getting dressed and walked into the hallway. There was a door to my left I hadn't opened. I walked through and found myself in a spare bedroom. Was this spare room number 3? Why did we have so many bedrooms? I'm sure we had guests, but we like our privacy. Why would we put one so close to our room?
I smiled as I came to the realization. For the kids. We really did build a house we could grow into. I bet that big, empty space downstairs is meant to be a playroom when the time comes. We can work and keep an eye on the kids at the same time. It was something I'd always asked myself. How was I going to work and still be present in my children's lives? Well, we'd found the solution. Work from home. Sure we'd probably still have to tour, but at the point we're at, we won't have to do it for 250 days out of the year. We'd gotten to the point where as long as we were putting music out, people would buy it, just because it had our name on it. We were no longer starving artists.
I had a moment of panic, as I realized that all the demos I'd been working on were back home. Had I really lost all that work? Damnit. I felt a wave of anger and hurt wash over me. Those songs are so important to me. I wonder what Tegan here was working on. I walked through another door, into a bathroom. The layout was almost a clone of the basement. On this level, the sink and toilet were on the opposite wall they were downstairs and the shower/tub combo was in here as well. I walked into the next door and found another spare room. Just like downstairs. I exited into the hallway by the only other door in the room not explored. There were two more doors across the hall that I had yet to check out. I walked into the one nearest Sara's study and found a small bathroom. Just a sink and toilet. It had 3 doors: one to the hallway, one to Sara's study, and one to the last room explored. I opened it and walked through. I smiled wide. This HAD to be my room. The carpet had cartoon skulls, there was a red sectional with a coffee table in the corner to my right, a red desk with chair in front of me, surround sound speakers, and like Sara's was littered in instruments. I bet I write here. I saw there were papers, a few tuners, picks, capos, a mic, headphones, and a black box on the coffee table. I sat down and looked through the papers. My heart jumped as I recognized the writings as my own. The songs I was so sad to have left behind were here. I looked at the black box and saw it was a mobile recorder. I put the headphones on and turned it on. Pressing play. I still had my babies. All my demos I'd been working on were on here. I sighed in relief and felt a weight lift off my shoulders. I turned it off and put the headphones down. Thank god!
I looked at my watch and walked back out into the kitchen to turn the stove off, give the soup one last stir, and put the lid on. I made my way back to our bedroom and opened the door. I slid up Sara's sleeping form, feeling back for waking her, but I didn't want her to wake up to an empty house with no idea where I went. I kissed her lips gently, then each eyelid, and each cheek. I felt her moan, stir, and wrap her arms around me.
"Keep sleeping, I have to run out and get groceries. My cell's on. Do you want anything?"
"When you get home, I want you to take a bath with me in that big tub." Her eyes were still closed, and she was so adorable half asleep, asking me to get naked with her. I dropped my head to give her a quick peck on the lips, then got back to my feet.
"Your wish is my command. I won't be long."
She just grumbled, and fell back asleep. I walked over to my dresser, grabbing my keys, wallet, and sun glasses.
I snatched the list on the way out.
The sunlight hit my eyes and I squinted, putting on my sun glasses. I walked into the driveway and spotted a garage. It had 3 garage doors, and was detached from the house. I walked over and went in through a side door. It was pitch black. My hand went to the wall, searching for a light, and found a garage door opener instead. It was odd knowing this was my home, but that I didn't know where anything was. I hit the garage door button, and a low humming hit my ears, as the light came in. I looked around. More road cases, a workbench, some patio furniture. I looked around the garage. We had a blue Prius, a Green Ram pick up truck, and a black Dodge Sprinter van with a big sticker on the back that said "I eat vegetable oil". It must be one of those bio diesel vans. I didn't have to think about which car was mine. I walked over to the truck and hopped in, looking to the ceiling and closing the door I had opened, then opening the one in front of my truck. I smiled as I looked around. It had a GPS, thank god! I found a Whole Foods, Shoppers, HMV, and a Chapters, as it routed me through the best route. I smiled, and turned on the stereo. My AFI CD came on and I smiled. I should call Hunter, see if he wants to jam in my basement. The idea made me giddy. Jamming in my basement. Out here in the mountains, I could play as loud as I wanted. No more whispering in my room as not to bug the neighbours. This was my street. I pulled out, into the street and drove past the houses. It looked like no one was home, in any of the 3 on the street. Where was everyone? I slowed down and tried seeing if maybe folks were in their backyard. That's when I saw it: a lake. We lived in a valley, on a lake! A Canadian dream. I made a mental note to buy a boat.
A boat, like it was a coffee for the way home. Sara's gonna love this. A million fantasies ran through my mind: our kids playing hockey on the frozen lake in the winter, fishing, teaching them to swim, bonfires, barbecues, birthdays. I looked back at the road with an ear to ear smile.
Sara's POV
I woke up, coughing. I cuddled the blankets around me a little tighter, and felt for Tegan. It'd only been a day since I'd been able to fall asleep in her arms, but it already felt like I'd been doing it forever; like I expected to wake up in her arms all the time. Sighing, I remembered her waking me up to tell me she was heading out. Is it pathetic that I missed her already? I finally had enough strength to think. I'd been pretty pathetic today. A big, whimpering baby, clinging off her. The thing was, it was Tegan. I knew she wouldn't mind. Anyone else, I'd be worried about looking pathetic in front of. Bg sigh of relief for not being pregnant. I wasn't ready to go down to a cup of coffee a day. That would take training. Like the Olympics or something. Sara's Coffee-Weaning-Lympics. A proud and noble competition with oneself. My back spasms, and stiffens. I've been in this bed too long. I roll over to Tegan's side and lay on my stomach spread eagle. If it were anyone else, I'd be glad to have an empty bed. I always was, but Tegan I wanted to stay, but I guess I also wanted to eat.
As I woke up, I started to become aware of my fever again, and how hot I was. I looked towards Tegan's now littered nightstand and spotted the thermometer. I took my temperature. 103. It was starting to come down. I tossed the thermometer back onto the nightstand and slowly sat up. I took a moment to assess how I felt. My stomach was still topsy-turvy, but I felt a little stronger. I swung my legs out of bed, and slowly stood. I waited for a minute, to see if I'd be dizzy, but I was okay. I grabbed the pedialyte and headed out of the room, into the hallway. I loved walking around the house in just boxers. Tegan said there was a room here that looked like it was mine. I slowly padded across the hardwood floor and pushed open the door to my left. Nope, spare room. I tried the one across the hall and the musty smell of used books streamlined my sense of smell. I smiled and walked in, feeling at home. She was right. This WAS my paradise. I walked over to the desk and sat down in it. The big leather chair was nice and cool. I sighed and looked at the neatly stacked papers on the desk, then taking in all the books. I'd dreamt of a room like this. I bet they were all organized via the Dewey decimal system. I opened the Macbook and pulled up my e-mail. Nothing too interesting. I spent a little while, running through the files and my iTunes. It was a carbon copy of my computer. It was my computer. I eyed the fine scotch and huffed, smiling. Other Sara was the bomb diggity. My feet gently raised me out of the chair, and carried me shakily to the couch. I looked around and grabbed an acoustic guitar. I started playing old stuff I'd written, and just kind of jamming. It felt good. It always felt good to play. It was so familiar. The strings vibrating against the top of the guitar, rested against me. I could feel the sound as much as I heard it. I started experimenting, then saw the tabletop recorder across the coffee table. Convenient. I must write here a lot. I couldn't see why I wouldn't. I love it in here. I plugged the guitar in, and found a mic stand with a mic. I plugged that in too, then hit record. I started experimenting again, and started playing something I really liked.
It had a rockier edge than I usually write. Almost Tegan-esque. I waited a bit longer, until my mind begged for the words to come out. They did just that. I just opened my mouth, unfiltered, uncensored, and sang over the guitar riff.
Said I've been waiting in our bed
You're at the store, that's what you said
I've waited for years in this bed
For that to be what you said
I've waited for years
I've waited for years
I've waited a lifetime
This comforter around my chin
Is no match for skin on skin
In this fevered state I'm in
This pillow under my head
Is no match for the words you finally said
No match for you
I've waited for years
I've waited for years
I've waited a lifetime
I finished the riff and took a deep breath. It felt good to get that out. I hit the stop button.
"You never cease to amaze me."
I looked over to the doorframe and saw Tegan leaning against it, arms crossed. How long had she been there?
"I was just…"
"Getting it all out, I know." she said, smiling.
Tegan walked over to me, resting a hand on the back of the couch to lean in and kiss me. I grabbed the collar of her shirt and kissed her back. She slowly pulled away.
"Come on, mom made us chicken noodle for dinner."
She took my hand from her collar and held it, lifting me to my feet and leading me into the kitchen. She sat me at the island, where a cold pedialyte was waiting with a small white pill next to it. I took it, drinking down the cold liquid. I soon became aware that I was half naked. Tegan didn't seem to notice. It was an odd feeling. Being a woman, when you're half naked, people tend to notice. We've been so socialized to see it as either sexual or grotesque. It didn't seem like either to Tegan. It made me feel very comfortable, and confident. I noticed I was starting to forget about how she would have reacted three days ago, as my sister. I thought I'd be more upset about losing her as a sister, but I wasn't. The thing was, we grew up together. I'd always have those memories. So even if we weren't blood here, she'd always be the twin I grew up with. It was like it was our little secret. I really liked it. I was still pretty upset about mum though. I sighed, as Tegan put a bowl of soup in front of me with crackers, then slid onto the stool next to me. She started to eat. Had she eaten at all today? I don't remember her eating, but then again I was half out of it all morning.
"Oh man this is good. I was so hungry."
I guess not. I took a tentative spoonful and was glad when it slid down easily, with no resistance. We ate in relative silence. Tegan finished three bowls, while I was still picking at my first. She got up, bringing her bowl to the dishwasher and putting it in, then turning to me.
"I'm gonna go draw us a bath."
I nodded and she walked out, disappearing down the hallway. I finished my soup and took a moment to let my stomach settle. I breathed through the nagging urge to upchuck my dinner. I left my dishes where they were. I'd burnt-out writing that song. I still don't know if it sounded as good as it felt. I drug my feet into the bedroom, taking off my boxers, and leaving them on the floor before continuing into the bathroom. Tegan was lighting the last of a candle and turned around when she heard me walk in. I looked around. It was entirely lit by candle light. There were rose petals in the tub, and on the floor. So many rose petals. She had some Enya playing through what appeared to be surround sound in the bathroom.
"How was your soup? You feeling okay?"
"Tegan, what is all this?"
"Oh" She spoke, biting her bottom lip, whilst playing with her labaret. Was she nervous? "too much? I'm sorry, I shouldn't have…"
I put my hand up to stop her and shook my head.
"Don't. it's…it's perfect. Why does it feel like I'm losing my virginity?"
I saw her throat move as she swallowed.
"Well, it's technically our wedding night."
My face softens and I take a step towards her, reaching out for a hug. She smiles now, hugging me back.
"It's perfect."
I felt her exhale on my neck and hug me tighter.
"I hate that you're so sick."
I chuckle and she takes me by the waist and guides me to the bath. The water is perfect, and cools me, but doesn't send chills through my body. I eagerly lower myself into it. The water is fragrant. She must have put some kind of additive to it. I can smell eucalyptus and mint. I close my eyes and inhale deeply. She knew me too well, and the mint added a cooling effect to my skin. The water came up to my shoulders. This was a deep tub. I closed my eyes and let my body relax in it. The achiness that I'd become accustomed to subsided and I felt a lightness. I moaned loudly. I felt the water level rise to my chin as Tegan slipped in. I felt a tug on my arm, and moved over to where she was sitting, letting her pull my weightless body into her lap, facing her, very similar to the position she had been just this morning. Had it been just this morning? It felt like ages ago. I wrapped my legs around her waist, as she'd done to me, and played with the tiny, wet hairs on the nape of her neck, just gazing into her eyes. She stared back, looking into mine. We sat like this for a solid half an hour, before she finally spoke, breaking the silence with a whisper.
"I'm so in love with you." I saw the tear. "I'm so in love with you it hurts."
I felt my heart break for her honesty and vulnerability. I kissed the tear on her cheek and threw my arms around her neck, hugging her.
"I never want you to hurt. Ever."
"Sara, I'm so sorry for putting through all those years of just waiting for me. How did I not see this before? I'm so angry with myself."
"Hey, hey. Baby it's okay. None of that matters. None of it."
She chuckled "You said Nunavut"
I smiled at our inside joke, but her smile faded as she was reminded of the subject at hand. I brought a dripping hand up to the side of her face and curled her long, scraggly hair being her ear.
"Look around Tegan. We have this gorgeous home, this wonderful family, and the opportunity to spend a life time experiencing this, right here. We have a lifetime to be together. Do you honestly think that I'm thinking about being 13 and tortured in love?"
She shrugged, staring blankly away from me.
"Tegan, look at me."
She did
"You have nothing to be angry at yourself for. You were worth it all. All I care about now is us."
She sighed and nodded, but I knew there was something else eating at her.
"And don't go thinking that you have to make up for "all those years" or something stupid like that. I want you here with me, not thinking about some elaborate plan to make it up to me. Just be here with me, be present. Baby, if you just love me that's enough. Big gestures like this are nice, but I care more about the tummy rubs, and falling asleep in your arms than anything."
I watched as she smiled and came back to me. I smiled back.
"Okay?" I asked.
"Okay."
"Can you wash my back for me know? I feel disgusting." I grimaced, feeling slimy.
She chuckled and nodded. She reached on the floor behind the tub and pulled up a wash cloth, and the body wash. I kissed her shoulder, and turned around, facing away from her. As she lathered, the most wonderful smell hit my nose. I turned around and saw the bottle. Talk about big gestures.
"Tegan! That stuff's expensive."
"Not for us. I thought I'd treat you."
"It's 50 bucks a bottle!" I exclaied
"Trust me, we can afford it"
"What's that supposed to mean?"
"We, my dear, are millionaires. Possibly billionaires." She stated plainly, beginning to gently drag the wet, soapy washcloth across my back.
"We are? Cool."
Tegan chuckled lowly, then gently turned me back around. She met my eyes with hers, starting with the wash cloth at my neck, gently scrubbing it's entire circumference, then running it over my collarbone, down my left shoulder, down my arm. Her eyes never left mine, knowing my body as well as she did her own. We spoke with our eyes. We spoke a lifetime of words in the five minutes it took her to reach my breasts. She skipped those and continued onto my tummy, rubbing it lovingly with the washcloth, and then starting on my legs. I whimpered. She came so close to my now burning heat. She avoided that too, washing down each leg, getting between each toe. She had washed my entire body, head to toe, save for the places I wanted her to touch most. Surely she wasn't shy about that, was she? I felt a hand on my forehead, but it wasn't there to check my temperature. It was there to keep the water out of my eyes as she ran a showerhead attachment over my hair to get it wet, then massage a luxurious shampoo into my hair.
"This is the life."
"What you were playing earlier sounded good."
"You think so?"
Tegan nodded.
"Do you want to do another album?" she asked me.
I smiled widely and nodded
"You kidding me? I can finally write freely. It won't take a fucking month to write a song because I won't have to worry about being so vague so no one will find out."
"You mentioned that before, but is that what took you so long all the time?"
I nodded. It really was. I could write a son g top to bottom in an afternoon, but making sure it was free of any kind of tie to Tegan took forever. It was careful rewording. Making sure the song kept the emotion, but had no content that could be traced back to her- which was tough to do when she was almost all I wrote about.
"But now I have my muse."
"Do you think we'll get boring now that we've gotten all happy and stuff?" Tegan asked.
"No, I just think our music will be happier."
She put her hand on my forehead again and rinses away the shampoo, this time lathering in conditioner. I started to feel the soup burning up my throat and swallowed again, discreetly. Tegan rubbed up and down my arms and kissed my cheek. I felt my stomach rise again, and this time I couldn't hold it down, I stumbled out of the tub, hair full of conditioner, soaking wet, and opened the top of the toilet, losing my dinner. I heard Tegan sigh.
"I'm coming baby."
I shivered as my wet skin cooled in the open air. I vomited forcefully, my eyes stinging in tears as I heard Tegan stand up, out of the water. Soon, someon had wrapped a large towel around me and was rubbing my back.
"It's okay Sare, you're okay. I've got you"
I finished, and retreated into the comfort of her arms, shivering. She hugged me for a few minutes, then stood with my still held close to her and made her way over to the shower. She turned it on, and let it warm up.
"Lets get the conditioner out of your hair so we can get you back to bed."
I nodded, unable to stop shaking. She checked the temperature of the stream of water against her hand, then stepped both of us in. I was hit by streams of water from every angle, warming up instantly. Tegan slowly let go of me to run her hands through my hair and rinse out all the conditioner, then gently running soaped up hand over the parts of my body she avoided. I think she left those last as foreplay, but I wasn't in the mood. Luckily, she knew me well enough to tell that, and simply washed me. I leaned against the glass as she finished and exited the shower. She dried herself off, letting the warm water roll over my body. When she was dry, she turned to me with a fresh towel in her wide open arms. I turned off the shower and stepped into it. She wrapped me up in it like a child, rubbing the material covering my body to dry me off, then using another towel to dry my short hair. She kissed my cheek and took my hand, I felt so taken care of. It sucked that I was so sick tonight. I kind of just wanted to toss her on the bed and ravish her, but my weak, trembling limbs knew that wasn't a possibility.
I followed her over to the bed and sat on the edge. She brought me over clean boxers and slipped them onto my frame.
"Thanks" I whispered.
She smiled up at me and her eyes shone.
"You never need to thank me for taking care of you."
Tegan grabbed a brush off my dresser, and gentlyr an it through my now only slightly damp hair, then kissed my forehead.
"Lay back, love. I'll join you in a minute"
I followed her directions and let my head fall on the pillow. How could I be so tired? I'd slept nearly all day. I watched as Tegan's figure entered the bathroom again. I closed my eyes and breathed deeply. The achiness was back. It was annoying. I let out a big stream of whimpers, causing Tegan to re-emerge. She had cleaned my garbage can puke bucket, and brought out the bottle of mouthwash. She put the can on the ground next to the bed, and the mouthwash on my nightstand, before quickly taking my face in her hands.
"You okay? What happened?"
"Tegan, I hurt everywhere"
Her face softened.
"Just hang on another 2 minutes and I'll come give you a nice massage."
I nodded. That sounded perfect. Tegan hands everywhere. I hated being so whiney, but I felt like I could with her. She re-emerged from the bathroom again, wearing a pair of panties, her hair brushed, then she got into bed next the me. I turned to face her and wrap my arms around her. She smiled and immediately went to gently knead the tightness in my neck and shoulders, while kissing my nose. I moaned at the sensation. Her hands traveled down my back, until not a knot was in sight. I still don't know at what point I fell asleep.
Tegan's POV
I felt as Sara slowly drifted to sleep again. I hated how much pain she was in, but was glad I could alleviate some of it. Not how I'd idealy like to spend my wedding night, but we've got all our lives to explore each other. I'm just happy She's asleep, and no longer in pain. I let my hand continue to circle her back, letting the sensation of having Sara stuck to me, skin on skin roll over my body. I was tired. It was only 10, but I was exhausted. I yawned, and grabbed the remote control to turn off the light. The room went dark and I settled into my position with Sara. This is the most comfortable I've ever been. I kiss her forehead lightly.
"I love you, SaSa. Please feel better soon. Hate seeing you like this. Goodnight."
Then I closed my eyes, yawned, and let sleep overcome me.