Warnings:Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

Rating: M

Summary:. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

A/N: Yay for internet in small town cafes! Hopefully I'll get another one up this week. If not, then I will post in a few weeks. Enjoy and review.

Disclaimer: COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

Chapter 8- This is Love

Tegan's POV

I was pulled from my thoughts by the sound of the door slamming shut. The tears didn't even sting my eyes as they flowed freely. I thought…I thought that everything would be perfect. We could have a kid. US not Sara with someone's sperm. Sara with me. I could biologically have a child with her. There could be a little one running around looking just like the mix of the two of us. They'd have Sara's smarts and my nose. I never thought about the fact that Sara and I have the same DNA.

Sara wanted the same thing: OUR child. I bet she's disgusted at the thought of having sperm injected into her. Quite frankly I'm disgusted. It'd be different if it were mine. Who would we use? Dallas?

Why had I pushed her? I knew she wanted to wait. It was like I didn't have control and someone else was yelling at her, trying to pressure her. I feel like shit. My stomach's in knots. I'm disgusted with what I've done. How could I?

I walked over to the bed, curling up on Sara's side. I let the tears fall. All of this was coupled with the sudden realization that I'd never have kids. Sara's right, I don't want to have someone else's kids, I want to have hers. I let the emotion empty from my body, as I shake and cry into Sara's pillow. I just want her to hold me right now. I need to talk to her. I need to apologize.

I got to my feet and shuffled out the door, tears still streaming down my face. I opened the door to the spare room where I found her, passed out. I went to close the door and leave her to sleep, when I saw her head pick up and turn my way.

"Tegan?" she asked

"S…sorry. I'll…I-i-I'll let you sleep."

She sat up, fully attentive now as I tried to shy away into the hallway.

"What happened? Are you alright?" she asked

I shook my head. "Sara, I'm so sorry" I hiccupped, sniffling "I didn't mean to push, I just…I…I"

I saw her face soften as she opened her arms.

"C'mere" she said

I walked over and dropped into her arms on the bed, burying my face into her shirt. I cried into her hard. I felt slender, calloused hands move through my hair.

"It's okay Tegan. I should have talked to you about it instead of just arguing. You're right though, you really shouldn't have pushed me."

I nodded "I'm so sorry, I don't know why I did that."

"It's okay, love" she said with a smile "all's forgiven."

I felt a weight lift and squeezed her tighter. She laid down, on her back, bringing me with her. I felt the softness of her breast under my head and snuggled in, sniffling as the tears slowly stopped. She kissed my head and rubbed down my arm.

"We need to sleep, baby. Just sleep" she told me.

I nodded and closed my eyes, holding to her tightly. She whispered to me

"We'll figure it all out together. We always do. Things way beyond us are keeping an eye out for us Tegan. It'll all be okay. Sleep now, love."

I slowly drifted off to sleep.

I woke up the next morning to an empty bed and the smell of coffee. Yawning, I slowly sat up, feeling my head pound. Ughh, hangover. I looked around, finding myself in the spare room. I took a moment to recall last night and sighed, swinging my legs out of bed and standing up slowly. My feet carried me down the hallway, and into the kitchen. There was a fresh pot of coffee, a pedialyte, and an asprin on the counter. Popping the pill in my mouth, I took a long drink of pedialyte and poured myself a cup of coffee, adding a lot of sugar and milk. I only drank coffee when I was hungover. I saw that the patio door was open to the screen. I walked out, my mug in hand. Looking around, I found Sara curled up on a couch on the deck with a book. She had a coffee curled into her chest, cupped by a hand. I walked over and sat down next to her. I looked around the backyard. The sun was up, just barely over the mountains and shown brilliantly on the water. The boat bobbed as the water rippled beneath it. But taking a more thorough look around, I saw articles of clothing strewn across the lawn. I smiled, remembering why when Sara sneaked an arm around my shoulders. I leaned into her, resting my head on her chest and letting her pull me in. She had put down her book on the table in front of us, and held her coffee in her free hand.

"Good morning" she told me

"Morning" I replied. "It looks like there was a hurricane back here that only rained clothes."

I felt her chuckle and kiss the top of my head.

"Tegan, about last night…"

"Can we just let it go? It's okay. We don't need to have kids."

"Yes we do." She stated, sounding almost outraged "I was in a mood, and after such a special moment where you were so gentle and kind, and patient, you pushing it on me was just…too much. The juxtaposition was what really made it seem worse than it was. I want to have children with you Tegan, and I know that you need to have kids. You won't be happy not having kids."

She really did know me too well. I gulped and took a drink of coffee.

"I love you, but sometimes I need space. When I get angry like that, I'm going to storm out because if I don't, I'm gonna say something that's really going to hurt you. I don't want to hurt you. What you did last night was perfect. Let me cool off, then we'll talk. This whole having lived with each other for 32 years really helps ."

I nodded and chuckled, feeling a little better. I wanted to ask when she wanted to start trying again, but didn't want to push it. But of course, it was Sara and she read my mind.

"When we figure out how we can have kids together- how I can carry YOUR child and not have some random person's semen injected into me…." She grimaced "-then we'll try again, okay?"

I nodded, but had a few curious questions "What about our career?"

"It can wait. This is more important. We can take a year or two off to start a family. Music'll be there when we come back. I want this Tegan. The moment I learnt that I could carry your child- that we could have a child together- I wanted to start trying. But I don't want to cause a child the problems that would occur if we inbred. There has to be a way."

She kissed my head, and brushed my hair back. A smile crept onto my face.

"You're going to be gorgeous pregnant" I tell her.

She smiled wide "Ya think?"

I nod "You're gonna get tummy rubs and bubble baths all the time."

She gave me a squeeze and I sat up from her. I could tell from the smile on her face and the way she looked dreamily out into the morning that she was just as excited about the prospect of having a kid as I was. My head started to throb, and I put it in my hands, groaning as a sharp pain shot through me. Memories flashed before my eyes. Then it all focused and it was like I was watching a movie.

Sara and I were sitting at the couch in the studio downstairs, on opposite ends. I was watching from the door.

"Do you really think that'll fix it? If we have a kid?" asked Sara

"Yea, I do. Look, we can stay in separate rooms, but we need a legacy. It's what the fans want, and if we don't want to get dropped by the label, then this is what we need to do" I replied.

If I had, had time to think I would, but it was all a flash.

"I could have a C-section so it wouldn't interfere with touring or the new album and we could hire a nanny to take care of it" Sara planned

I felt the shock rip through me.

"Sounds good. So, we're in agreement?" I asked

"Sure" Sara replied.

Then we shook on it like the business deal that it was. I shot back to present time, where I was doubled over, holding my head with Sara rubbing my back, softly whispering my name.

"Tegan? You okay?"

I hugged her tightly, so happy that I had her, my Sara and not the other one. How could we…how could they so easily do something like that? Bring a child into the world to stay famous?

"What happened?" she asked, running a hand through my hair

"I got one of the others' memories." I paused, biting my lip "They were gonna have a kid to stay on the label."

Sara sighed. "I know" she took a breath "I've had that one before. Kind of part of the reason I wanted to wait."

"You should have told me"

"Tegan, this being open about everything thing is new to me. Give me some time" Sara asked of me

I nodded. I slowly got to my feet and shook my head. A hand firmly rubbed my neck, trying to ease my discomfort.

"We're not them. I'm not going to schedule a C-section, or hire a nanny. This will be our child, Tegan. I want to give birth at home, when my body decides it's time, with you right next to me. This child is going to be so special Tegan. The last thing you should be worrying about is what the other two were planning. They're not us."

"At home?" I asked

"It's something I've always wanted. We'll talk to Emy about it when it's time. Okay?"

I sighed and nodded, turning around to give her a hug.

"You always know how to ease my mind" I told her, slipping my hands under her shirt to rub her back.

"What do you say we head into the city today? I think we owe Kaki a visit. We've got a lot of questions. And the Canucks are playing tonight. Wanna go?" Sara asked me

My face lit up. I loved hockey games. She really did know how to cheer me up.

"I'll take that as a yes." She said, smiling and giving me a wet kiss. I kissed her back. Her lips felt so nice against mine.

"I'm glad we made up last night" I said, breaking the kiss "I probably wouldn't have slept."

"You'd spend all night losing sleep?" she joked

I huffed, grinning and giving her a shove "You're so funny"

"I know. Everyone knows I'm the funny one and you're the crier" she said

"Come on you, I'll make you breakfast" I offered

I saw her start to walk into the house, noticing a slight lag and the fact that she was walking differently. I thought back to what might have caused this. Then I gulped, thinking about what Sara did last night for the first time. I caught up to her and put a hand on her back.

"Are you sure I didn't hurt you last night?" I asked

She shook her head. "I was the idiot who ripped myself off of you. I'm just sore this morning is all." She must have seen the look on my face, because she cupped one of my cheeks lovingly and reassured me "Tegan, I'm okay. Trust me, it was worth it." She leaned in and gently kissed me again before walking into the house.

An hour later we were knocking on Kaki's door. She opened it fairly quickly, smiling.

"It's about time. I've been waiting for you two. Come on in" she invited, moving sideways so we could step in.

Her apartment was a decent sized one bedroom. She had them all around the world. She walked over and sat in an armchair, facing a couch. I felt like we were walking into therapy. I sat down, Sara following. She shifted a little uncomfortably and I saw Kaki grin. I shot the fairy a warning glance, and the grin was wiped from her face. That's right. Don't mess with Sara.

"So, what's up?"

"We umm…we…" Sara tried to explain.

"Do we have the same DNA?" I asked blatantly, too impatient to wait for Sara to beat around the bush.

"No" she said.

I felt my heart spring to life, but Sara was a little more grounded and followed up while I did a happy dance inside my head.

"But we've got the same bodies, right?"

Kaki nodded "But you aren't biologically sisters. No need to worry about that. Go ahead, make babies. I can help with that if you want. Give you a little something extra Tegan?"

Did she mean a..? She did. My eyes bugged out "NO! Thanks but no."

I saw Sara let out a sigh of relief.

"How are we in the same bodies, but have different DNA?" Sara asked

"The temporal shift caused a slight re-arranging of your DNA for…obvious purposes. You have the same body, but the other Tegan and Sara's DNA. Same thing for them. They, might I add are happy as clams in your old lives. Tegan's engaged to Lindsey, and Sara's dating Dallas."

I roared laughing at the last fact. Sara looked petrified.

"Thank god they got out of here when they did. You two seem to have settled in quite nicely. How are you doing?"

I spoke now, with a giddiness "Amazing. This place is fantastic."

"Feel like everything is how it should be?" Kaki asked

Sara and I nodded, exchanging big smiles. She'd shaken off the fact that the other her was dating a man, and was now at the same level of excitement as I was. Sara doesn't really get giddy like I do, but she was right now. She had that face like she just wanted to jump into my lap and kiss me right now.

"Good. Well, I hate to kick you guys out, but I have to hop a plane to L.A. Are you guys good? Do you need anything else?" She asked

"No Kaki, thanks so much." Sara smiled at her

"Go forth and multiply. Let me know when the baby shower is. I'll get the tyke some strings."

I knew my eyes were shining as Sara and I stood and left.

I jumped into her arms the moment Kaki closed the door behind us. She kissed my cheek and laughed.

"Tegan! We can!"

"Yes! We can!"

We laughed and hugged a while longer.

"Lets go call Emy" Sara suggested

"Really? Now? Don't you want to wait?" I asked

She shook her head and I felt butterflies in my stomach. We were gonna do this. Sara was going to get pregnant, we were going to have a kid. She was going to have my kid. I took her hand and we practically ran downstairs. We climbed into the car and put Emy on speaker.

"Hey Tegan, what's up?" answered Emy.

"I'm here too" I chimed in.

"Hi Sara. Am I on speaker?" she asked

"Yes!" We replied in unison. "Emy, are you in the office today?" I asked, taking Sara's hand and lifting it to my lips.

"Yeah, what's up? Is everything okay?" Emy started to sound worried.

"I want to come in and umm, make a deposit." I told her. Sara nearly squealed with glee.

"I thought you wanted to wait?" She asked

"We changed our minds" Sara informed her

"Well I've got some time right now. Are you in the city?"

"We're on our way Emy. Be there in five." I said.

"Okay, see you soon."

"Bye Emy." Sara and I said.

We hung up and both squealed like children. I leaned over and kissed her excitedly, then started the car, pulling my seatbelt on.

Things were happening so fast. Ten minutes later, I was in a gown, on an examination table, with a blanket draped over me. Sara was holding my hand, sitting in an adjacent chair perpendicular to me. She was resting her chin on a closed fist.

"We should stop at Shoppers on the way home to pick up some ovulation tests" she mentioned.

I nodded "Might as well grab some pregnancy tests while we're at it too" I threw in.

"Are you nervous?" Sara asked me

I nodded and sighed. "I really don't like needles."

"I know" Sara patted my shoulder, then stood up to kiss my forehead. "I'm gonna be right here."

Emy walked in. She was carrying a tray of supplies.

"Alright. We ready?" She asked, putting the tray down on the counter and pulling on a pair of gloves.

I nodded, gulping, and feeling Sara's hand grip mine tighter. Emy turned on the ultrasound machine, and put a condom over the probe.

"Just like last time. I'll put the probe in, find the follicle, then insert the needle and extract the egg. Want sedation again?"

I nodded violently with wide eyes. Emy chuckled and uncapped a small needle. She used the hand that was gripping Sara's. I shut my eyes and squeezed Sara's hand as she administered the drug. I felt the flightiness instantly, and relaxed. Am I glad I took the sedation because the next thing Emy pulled out was the big needle, and boy was it big. I felt a draft as she lifted the gown, and gently inserted the ultrasound probe into me. It was odd to be exposed to Emy like this. I guess here, it was nothing she hadn't seen before, but back in our old reality she was Sara's ex. Sara didn't seem bothered by it. She was focused on keeping me comfortable and calm, running her fingers through my hair, her eyes glued to the ultrasound screen. I couldn't help but think that a few months from now these tables could be turned and our baby could be on that screen. I smiled.

Emy's voice was all wonky, and I wasn't sure what she said but I nodded anyways. Sara kissed me and I winced, feeling the needle slip into my flesh. Sara held my shoulders and looked into my eyes. Her face was drifting in and out of focus. I felt the needle leave my body, as I saw her lips move, yelling something. I couldn't make out what she was saying. It was like I was underwater. I saw Emy bob into view and laughed, reaching out to her face. Then everything went black.

Sara's POV

I watched as the needle pierced Tegan's skin, then backed off from the kiss. The expression on her face was odd. It was like she wasn't there. I grabbed her shoulders, trying to rouse her out of it. When I didn't get a response, I panicked. Something was wrong.

"Tegan? Tegan? Tegan!" I yelled at intervals, waiting for a response after each and not getting one.

She just smiled.

"Emy, something's wrong" I told her, pulling her from her concentration.

Emy looked up at Tegan, eyes going wide.

"Shit, she's having a reaction to the sedative."

Emy took one more moment to look at the ultrasound machine, and pulled up the plunger of the needle, then gently pulled it out. She took care of it while I turned my attention back to Tegan, whose eyes were rolling around. Emy called for an ambulance, then ran back over. Tegan reached out for her face.

"She was fine the last time. I gave her the same dose" Emy claimed

"Does she look okay to you?" I asked.

That's when Tegan started to seizure. Her eyes rolled back, body thrashing. Emy moved to the side of the examination table to make sure she didn't fall off.

"Sara, put the stir-ups down so she doesn't hit her legs." Emy instructed

I obliged and quickly moved towards them, my heart racing, adrenaline pumping. Emy was calm. Tegan started to hit her head against the wall, and Emy gently cushioned the blows by placing her hand on the back of Tegan's head, careful not to restrain her. Then her body stopped. Tegan slowly opened her eyes.

"Sare?"

I ran to her side and ran a hand through her sweaty hair

"I'm right here, love. It's okay."

Emy walked over and gently pushed me out of the way. She took out a pen light and shown it into each of Tegan's eyes when the EMTs came in. Emy turned to them and gave them the details. They got Tegan on a stretcher. Emy started barking orders, on our way out the door. We got to the ambulance and Emy turned to me.

"I'm gonna ride with her. We're going to Met. I have rights there so I'll be able to admit her as my patient. Meet us there?" Emy asked

I nodded and ran to the car, starting it up and getting ready to follow

Tegan's POV

I saw Sara run away and I whimpered. The EMTs were all around me. One put an oxygen mask over me. All I could hear was Emy's voice, calm and collected giving instructions. She kept one of my hands covered in hers. I had no idea what was going on.

I woke up in a hospital bed, my throat dry. My eyes fluttered open and I saw Sara, asleep in the chair next to my bed. My body slowly came into my awareness, and a pounding in my head that caused me to hiss.

The sound woke Sara up, who saw me awake, and smiled, getting up from the chair and coming to sit on the edge of the bed, facing me. She tucked a strand of hair behind my ear, then pulled her cardigan a little tighter around herself.

"Hey. How do you feel?" she asked.

"Like shit" my voice was super raspy and crackly.

Sara picked up the cup of water and put the straw to my lips. I sucked softly, eagerly taking the lukewarm water into my system.

"You had a reaction to the sedative. I've been assured everything's fine though. You hit your head pretty hard."

"Feels like it" I mumble

Sara leans in and drops a soft kiss on my forehead. My eyes close automatically and I feel my head spin from the tenderness.

"I love you" I tell her softly.

"I love you too, gorgeous" she replies.

The next kiss lands on my lips, and is soft, gentle, and caring. It doesn't last long, but it doesn't have to. It's said all it needs to. She slowly backed away, taking my hand, and running her thumb over the back of it.

"We're all set for the next time I ovulate. I have no idea when that'll be, since I'm sure my period got messed up with the whole reality-shift. We've been here for two weeks, so I should be ovulating soon."

"Just take a test everyday" I said.

"That's another idea."

I sighed, turning my hand around in Sara's, and running my fingers down her palm. Shivers crept up my arm, and spread through my body. It's funny how even just holding her hand does so much to my body. This simple gesture is enough to fill me up, fill my senses with Sara. I closed my eyes.

"I always want to be able to close my eyes and feel you, smell you, taste you on the air, hear you breathing, and open my eyes…" I opened my eyes "to see you smiling, just like that. Nothing makes me feel more alive." I tell her.

Every word of it was true, and I saw her melt at the words.

Sara's POV

Tegan loved to tease me. This, I knew. But sometimes she said the most beautiful things. It's what I'd been feeling all along, but couldn't give words to. She flooded me, filling every crevice, every nook.

"God, I'm so in love with you it hurts sometimes" I tell her

"Then love me less, I don't want you to hurt…ever" she responded "Can we just be home in our bed now?"

I smiled, knowing what she meant. She wanted to curl up with me. Well, we could do that here. No need to wait. I turned, and kicked off my shoes. My feet rose onto the bed, my back moved back to meet the mattress. I opened my arm, and Tegan lifted her head, repositioning herself in the crook of my arm. I wrapped the appendage around her, as she took my hand. She kissed each knuckle, then turned back to me.

"Thanks, I know you hate cuddling." She said

I laughed.

"Baby, you're the exception."

I kissed the top of her head, as she ran a hand over my chest.

"You're so handsome."

Seriously, she always knew the right thing to say.

"I wish I could have seen you in your tux on our wedding day. I know we have pictures, but it's not the same"

I blushed a deep shade of red just as Emy walked in.

"Tegan! I'm so sorry" she squaled and ran over. "I don't know what happened. I gave you the same drug, in the same dose as I did last time."

"Emy, Emy, it's okay." Tegan reassured her.

She let out a sigh of relief and handed us a pile of forms.

"What are these?" I asked, taking them.

"Discharge papers. You can go home. Everything's fine. The drug's out of your system."

I saw Tegan sigh in relief. She hated hospitals. Emy handed her a gym bag.

"Your stuff's in there." Said Emy

"Thanks" Tegan responded

"I should get back to work. An emergency delivery just came in. Sorry again." Emy urged.

"Thanks Emy" I said.

Emy walked out, shutting the door and the nurse came in, unhooking Tegan from all the machine. The moment the door closed, Tegan was on her feet, trying to reach behind her back to untie the gown. I laughed and moved my fingers down her neck, taking hold of one of the strings and tugging. The gown fell to the floor. I reached into the gym bag and pulled out her underwear, handing them to her. This went on, one article of clothing at a time, until she was dressed. I heard her give a happy sigh and I stood next to her, pulling my shoes back on.

"Lets get out of here" she said

I looked at my watch.

"If we leave now, we can get home for the second period of the Canucks game." I told her

Tegan nodded and took my hand. We walked out of the hospital, both eager to get home.

We walked in the door and Tegan dropped the bag at the couch, dropping into it with a tired sigh. I slipped off my shoes, and headed into our bedroom. On my way passed, I stopped to give the top of her head a kiss and her shoulder a rub.

"Pizza for dinner?" I asked

"That sounds perfect" she responded.

I nodded, giving her one last kiss before continuing into the bedroom. I dropped my keys and wallet on my dresser, and leaned against it, processing all that had happened today. My eyes closed and I just let myself feel all the emotions. We were going to have a baby. I was going to have Tegan's baby. A part of Tegan will be living and growing inside of me. I smiled and put a hand on my stomach, instinctively. With one last smile I stripped off my t-shirt, unbuttoned my jeans, and slipped them off. Stumbling over to the bed, I fumbled my socks off, and stood in just my boxers. It felt so nice to be topless. I grabbed a tank and tossed it over a shoulder, walking back out into the living room. I sunk onto the couch with Tegan and snagged the phone from the coffee table. I leaned back, into the crook of her arm as she cuddled me close, my fingers dialing the number of the pizza place. I felt a multitude of kisses on my hairline as I placed the order, and as soon as I hung up, I turned and met one with a full on kiss. I felt my stomach jump, as I slowly climbed into her lap, wrapping my arms around her neck. Tegan glided soft, wet lips against mine as my head reeled. She had me. She had me so completely. I ground my hips into her and let out a soft moan as my clit came into contact with her belt buckle.

Tegan smiled and ran her hands down my bare back, making me shiver and cling closer to her. The kiss deepened, as I crushed my lips against hers. I hungrily rolled her top lip between mine, all the while rolling my hips into her. I felt so out of control, it was primal. I felt her hands slide down to cradle my ass through my boxers, my arms tightening around her neck. Then, I felt the passion die down, and was replaced by an overwhelming feeling of love. I let up, softening the kiss. Tegan responded immediately. Was she feeling it too? Her hands moved up to my lower back, as my lips kissed a trail down her neck, letting my head rest against her shoulder, burying my face in her neck.

There I was, half naked, straddling her lap, dripping wet, my arms wound tightly around her neck, and Tegan was cuddling me. This was the only person this had ever happened with. Why? Why wasn't this sexy time? Why am I okay with just cuddling after such an intense rush of wanting her? I thought for a moment. Maybe with Tegan, love wasn't about sex. Maybe, just maybe sex was about love. Now more than ever, I knew that my body was only sexualized to her when I wanted it to be. There was nothing explicit about my naked form. It was like exposing an ankle to her, until I wanted her to see me as a sexual being.

I closed my eyes and let that resonate.

"You're so handsome" she uttered, after a few minutes of silence.

I smiled and hugged her tighter, feeling her hands glide up my back. This is the love we've been singing about all along. This was the real deal.