Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.
Rating: M
Summary:. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.
A/N: TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. Sorry it's take so long. I am busy with my first round of University Midterms. We didn't have midterms at my high school so it's been interesting. Hope you like it! As always, read and I love reviews!
Disclaimer: COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!
In case you missed it: TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER.
Chapter 12 – Cold Blood. Bare Hands.
Tegan's POV
I slowly opened my eyes. This isn't our room. This is…panic set in. The boat? The storm? SARA! I hopped out of bed, and looked around, the panic taking over as I started to hyperventilate, recognizing my surroundings. I turned in a circle, taking it all in, stumbling over my own feet. It couldn't be. I felt my chest tighten and all I could do was scream out.
"SARA?" I felt the room spin, although I wasn't anymore, and I had to sit down, feeling lightheaded.
Footsteps came running into the room. Lindsey.
"Tegan? Are you okay? What happened?" she asked, putting a worried hand on my shoulder.
I put my head in my hands. "Where's Sara?" I asked.
"Still on her honeymoon. Honey, what's wrong?" Lindsey asked
I felt the tears slip down as she slipped her hands through my hair. I flinched at the tender gesture, a flinch she didn't even notice. Here I was, back in the old world. I couldn't feel Sara here. It scared me. She felt…gone. Lindsey kept trying to comfort me, but I just felt the heaviness set in. I may never see Sara again. I may never see that smile, hear that laugh, feel her against me. I may never feel what it feels like to stand next to her again. I felt the world start crashing in, and I quickly got to my feet, darting for the bathroom. Before Lindsey could react, I locked the door. She tried opening it.
"Tegan, open this door. Come on, talk to me. What happened?" she asked.
I could barely pay attention to her as I curled myself into a ball on the floor and wept. Sara. I needed Sara. I need Sara so badly. I just need a hug. I just need to hear her voice. Maybe if I…I got up and ran to the door, swinging it open, causing Lindsey to fall into the bathroom as I ran out.
"Tegan!" she exclaimed, outraged.
I didn't care. All I want is to hear Sara's voice. I ran into the bedroom, and grabbed my old blackberry off the sidetable, then dialed Sara. Maybe I'd get lucky and my Sara was with me.
"Tegan! What do you want. You're such an ass. I'm on my fucking honeymoon." It was Sara, but it wasn't.
I couldn't say anything, I hung up. I hung up and hurled my phone at the wall, then crumbled into a mess on the floor. I let the impact of the situation hit me. I have to get back.
Sara's POV
I sat by imposter Tegan's bedside, waiting for her to wake up. I kept nodding in and out of sleep, having a hard time staying asleep with the nightmares. I keep seeing Tegan falling into the wave. Keep seeing just her feet as they disappear. Her face when she looked back and told me to start the engine. Those last moments of our love making. It felt like she'd been gone a lifetime. I miss her so much. This other Tegan opened her eyes. I made no attempt to move closer to her. She looked at me, confused.
"Sara?" she wondered.
"Not yours. You're back in the old world" I told her.
Her eyes went as wide as dinner plates as she looked around frantically.
"Lindsey?" she asked me
"Married to Emy" I told her.
"YOU did this! You fucking bitch!" She tried to lunge at me, but I backed off.
"What the fuck?"
"You fucking bitch! I can't be with Lindsey here! I have to be with you!" she spat at me.
"You most certainly don't. Don't fucking touch me. I didn't do anything." I spat back, backing off.
"Oh really? Well if it wasn't you, then it was your fucking bitch of a wife" she yelled at me.
"I don't have to take this." I stood up, and started to walk out the door when I heard the beeping. I looked back to see Tegan seizing on the bed. The doctors flooded in, pushing me back. Despite what just happened, despite what she had said, and how angry I was, all I could see was Tegan. The same body as my Tegan, in pain. I had to be by her side. I couldn't just walk out. And that was the beginning of everything.
Two Months Later: Sara's POV
I woke up to an empty bed, and my shoulders screaming. I winced and let out a whimper. They had never fully healed. I could hear her dancing around in the kitchen, and took the opportunity to do a once over of my body. My wrists were still tied to the bed. I didn't need to look at them, I could smell the infection from the perpetual cuts to them. My head hurt. I closed my eyes and was hit with flashbacks. I quickly opened them, shaking. I looked down my body, seeing the cuts and bruises. I was freezing cold.
I'd stopped crying about it a month ago. This was my life now. I had no out, no choices. My eyes locked on my stomach, and the slightest little bump. How much longer could I go without her finding out? What would she do? I don't want to think about that. This was my last tie to my love. My last lifeline.
I tried to fight her, until I learned that it only made it worse. And I couldn't…leave. It would mean leaving my Tegan behind. I tried to re-adjust to take some strain off my shoulders, but they protested and I bit my bottom lip to keep from making too much noise. My bones ached. I heard footsteps coming towards the bedroom and quickly acted like I was still asleep.
The door creaked open. I tried not to breathe too quickly as I heard each step fall heavy on the hardwood floor. Her weight caused the bed to creak. She smelt like stale cigarettes and vomit. I felt my stomach churn, then my arms be pulled up. I heard a pop in my shoulder and screamed.
"That's right. Wake the fuck up!" She yelled at me.
I clenched my jaw, convulsing with the pain, trying not to let the tears fall.
"You better not fucking cry, or I'll really give you something to cry about" she spat at me with venom. "Open your mouth."
I gulped, but knew better than to not listen. I opened my jaw, trying so hard to suppress the scream. I didn't have a moment, before she shoved some grain cereal into it. I choked but slowly swallowed it, my stomach having been empty for a few days now. I didn't know how hungry I was until she gave me that spoonful.
"That's all you get. You're getting fat on me. Maybe I should get you out for some exercise. A swim maybe" she contemplated.
"No, you can get fat and ugly, and no one will care."
She slapped my face, hard enough to leave an angry red hand print, and to make my eyes spin. I couldn't control it, I turned and vomited. At this point I can't tell if it's from the concussion she gave me last night, or morning sickness. All I know was that she sure as hell didn't like that. She growled at me, angrily.
"I go through the pain of making you breakfast and you just vomit it up? You're gonna pay for this" she yells, landing a heavy fist into my jaw.
Tegan unties the rope from the bed and yanks me up, dragging my body off the bed. I'm still seeing stars as I feel myself being pulled over the edge of the bed. The rug burns my bare back, adding to the sting from where she whipped me last night. I really am a mess.
She blames me for the fact that she can't be with Lindsey or Emy here. She was ripped from Lindsey in the other reality, and here she can't be with either of them. Apparently this was my fault. Now, she had to stay with me because she was under contract. Really, we weren't much different; she just handles her frustration differently than I do. She had no control of the situation, so she took control of me. She takes her anger out on me. She's a lot bigger than me, a lot bigger than my Tegan was; I was weak with emotional depression. She tore me down physically and I haven't been able to recover. She hasn't let me. She locks me away from the world. Emy's been by, but she can't bear to look at her. Emy and Lindsey think she's crazy. They're right. As she drags me down the stairs, my head bangs on each step despite my attempts to hold it up. I feel the familiar opening of the cut on the back from this happening daily. I know where she's bringing me: the laundry room. I can't tell exactly when the last time I wore clothes was.
She pulls me in, and ties the rope to the support bean in the middle of the room. I retreat, leaving the situation in my mind. I've found it's the only way to deal. I can't stand paying attention to the cold concrete beneath me.
I lay there with a blank expression, completely gone as she violates my body. It's always violent. It's always brutal. It always creates scars. I always bleed. Maybe that's why she hasn't realised that I haven't had an actual period yet. I know because I'm still pregnant, but I'm always bleeding. I return to counting the dots on the ceiling, I'm at 975 036 832 when she stops. She leaves the room, leaving me there to bleed out. She doesn't like dealing with the blood. She leaves right afterwards and comes back an hour later to hose me and the floor down.
I don't even blink. This is my life. Some nights I don't think I'll make it until morning.
I wasn't expecting it, but she came back in the room. No, this wasn't right. She's never come right back. What's happening? Despite my instincts, I came back into full consciousness. That's when I saw it: the knife. A knife. She was holding a butcher's knife. Why? Why the knife? I felt the overwhelming fear rise and I shook my head.
"Do you really think I'm that dumb? You stupid bitch, for the past two days all you've done is look at that disgusting stomach. No way am I going through that. The idea of having a child with you disgusts me." She lashes her tongue at me.
"No, no. It's…you don't have to." I pause, and the tears fall "Please! Please no!"
Before I can plead, I feel the knife going in. I scream in agony and try to fight her off of me. All I can hear is her laughing. I fight against the chains, tugging them incessantly, trying to get my hands to the wound, but I'm already weak. I'm already hurt. I see the room spin, and pass out.
Tegan's POV
I paced Kaki's living room.
"Let's do it." I nod, and respond to her plan. "Let's do it now."
"This may not…" she stipulates.
I get right up in her face with gritted teeth.
"LETS DO IT! I DON'T CARE IF IT DOESN'T WORK. I need to do SOMETHING. I need to try EVERYTHING. I need to get back there and out of this fucking world. I need to get back to her." I reply.
"Okay, okay Tegan" she tries to calm me, starting to gather the supplies.
I'd woken up back in my apartment in Vancouver, next to Lindsey. Apparently her and the other Tegan had made up. Sara. I missed her so much. It hurts so much not having her here. I just want to talk to her, to my Sara. I'd kill just to hear her voice. But there was no calling her here. I'd called the other Sara a few times and it just wasn't the same. Kaki and I have been trying to get me back since the moment I woke up.
We'd figured out that after the big bad (some called him "The Great") had switched us, he closed all portals to the other worlds. Even Kaki couldn't get to my Sara. I bet she thinks I'm dead. I wonder if the other Tegan even survived.
Kaki came back in, and I took my spot in the middle of the room.
"Now, I had to blackmail the Queen for this, so it's all I've got. Trust me, she's not happy. Ready?"
I nodded. She nodded back at me, and I closed my eyes, picturing Sara's face, our home, our bed. Kaki tucked the stone in my pocket, then blew the fairy dust over me. It tingled, and I sneezed. I felt a big woosh, then the distinct smell of home. I was back. I was back. I was back. I was back. Sara. Oh my god.
I couldn't believe it. A smile spread over my lips and I opened my eyes to see the boat. I was right where I'd fallen overboard, only now the boat was docked in our back yard.
"SARA!" I yelled, running through it. I couldn't find her anywhere. I jumped onto the dock, and ran across the yard, towards the sliding glass door. I looked inside and saw the other Tegan coming up the stairs, cleaning a knife. What was she doing with a knife downstairs? I tried opening the sliding door, but it was locked. I almost knocked, but something told me to stay incognito.
I stalked around the outside of the house, looking for an open window. I found one in Sara's study. I took out the screen and jumped up and through it. Note to self: better security on windows. I coughed from the dust. Dust? Sara never let this room get dusty. She never let any room get dusty. I slowly walked through the study, and into the hallway, making sure to not let the door creak. That's when I saw it: the blood trail. It led from the bedroom down the hallway. My eyes followed it to the stairs. I felt my adrenaline rush, and I tiptoed down the hallway, until I could see the other Tegan. She was perched over the sink with her back to me, taking a breather. My hand went to my pocket, where the stone still sat.
To my luck, my other worldly twin walked out into the back yard, closing the door. I took my chance and darted as fast I could to the stairs. I saw the blood continue down and my heart raced as I was careful not to slip. Where was it going?
Laundry room. I burst in, and fell to my knees. There, in a pool of blood, was Sara. My Sara. My perfect, sweet, loving Sara in a scene from a horror movie. I ripped off my shirt and dove for her, holding my shirt now over the gaping wound.
"Fuck. Sara." I panicked.
Luckily, I had the sense to take one hand off the pressure and grab my phone. I dialed 911.
"I need an ambulance NOW! My wife's been stabbed. She's…she's….there's so much blood." I nodded as the operator spoke to me over the phone. She stayed on the line with me, as I returned pressure to Sara's stomach.
Then, I heard the door open.
"WHAT THE FUCK? WHO THE FUCK ARE YOU?"
I gritted my teeth and felt the panic subside and be replaced with anger. I wrapped the sweater tightly around Sara so it kept the pressure without my hands, then slowly stood with my back to the assailant.
"I ASKED YOU A FUCKING QUESTION." She yelled.
I balled my fists and turned to her. I saw the look of shock on her face just before my fist connected. She was so taken aback, I got an in and kneed her in the crotch.
"YOU did this!" I screamed out my anger.
I just kept throwing punches and elbows and kicks, and she couldn't get a hit in. Until, she was bruised and bloodied on the floor. I felt the bubbling of anger. I heard the sirens, and took her by the throat. I squeezed and watched the panic in her eyes. I wanted to kill her. I wanted to take everything away from her. I wanted to hurt her. I saw her eyes pleading back at me, begging for me to stop as she tried to choke in breaths.
I'm going to kill her.
I feel her esophagus cave in, and she passes out. I let her go, but catch her by the head. She's dangling as I hold one hand under her chin, and another on her forehead. I looked back at Sara, and twisted, breaking her fucking neck in one smooth move. There were a few pops and cracks, then I tossed her aside. I felt a sense of satisfaction wash over me. I heard the sirens, and reached into my pocket. I pulled out the stone and put it in her hand. Her body vanished. I wiped my mouth with the back of my wrist, then ran back to Sara. I pressed both hands tightly to her.
"Hang in there Sara. I'm here. I'm back. She won't hurt you anymore. I love you. God, I love you." I cried to her.
I heard the EMTs break in the front door.
"DOWN HERE! DOWNSTAIRS!" I yelled at them.
My hearing went wonky. Like a delay pedal was just pressed. I felt them brush by me, as I stood up and backed away. I back pedaled until my back was against the wall. Had I just killed someone? My back slid down, until I was sitting on the ground. I looked at my hands, covered in my wife's blood from the tips of my fingers to my elbows. I'd wrung her throat, then snapped her neck. With these hands. These hands that had created all of that music. These hands that had so carefully held my wife. These hands were now tainted. Cold blood with my bare hands. I'll never be the same.