C
A
R
T
E
R
IT COULDN'T BE WORSE THAN THIS. FIRST TIME IN AMERICA IN THREE YEARS and I get chased by a giant bloodthirsty, axe-wielding, maniac of a parakeet.
The parakeet wasn't our only problem. We were also being chased by brain-sucking caterpillars, limb-ripping camels and man-eating fruit flies. What we did to deserve this boggled the mind of Walt and I both. [No, Sadie, I don't know whether the flies ate fruit or man-we were too busy running for our lives to wonder.]
We had just stepped off the plane when a pretty big herd of evil bunny rabbits with red eyes and dagger sharp fangs hanging out of their mouths raced by us at full speed. We looked at each other and ran over to where the rabbits were trampling some poor old lady's flower bed. The old lady's eyes were wide and she had dropped the shotgun she had been about to shoot the bunnies with. I couldn't blame her. These furry monstrosities were defiantly out of the normal for the craziest people the world could produce. That's when we made the stupid mistake of following the rabbits to investigate their actions.
The parakeet was gaining on us. Walt and I rushed into the nearest shelter, which happened to be the local Wal-Mart.
Inside was absolute mayhem.
Monkeys, elephants, small rodents and even more demon bunnies roamed the store getting into everything. I personally witnessed a couple of St. Bernards shoplifting a 40 pound crate of doggie treats. Walt ran off towards the cleaning supplies section while I dashed off to the hardware part of the store. I found a sturdy looking mallet that I took off the shelf and brandished threateningly. Just in time, too. I felt a cold chill down my back. Wind flapped my shirt. The giant bloodthirsty axe-wielding maniac of a parakeet and his pals had ripped the roof of the store. The parakeet squawked, sending a huge vibration throughout the utterly demolished store. I hefted the mallet and prepared to take a mighty swing and the monster when a putrid stench wafted through the store. I gagged and let go of the mallet. The parakeet reeled away and fell over in its attempts to avoid the reeking smell of bleach.
Walt put down the spray bottle and nodded to the mallet I had dropped. "You're going to need that. They're coming in fast."
They were coming in fast alright. All of them. The rabbits, deer, dogs, cats, rodents, elephants, tigers, lizards and even more deformed animals. They trampled past, leaving me and Walt utterly bewildered.