When Sarah got back to her dorms, she threw herself down on the bed. Her mind was racing. He hadn't called her parents. There was still hope. Maybe, just maybe, she would get to see her brother. It had been years since they last saw each other. She had no idea where he was now. Maybe he was just as messed up as she was. She didn't know what to do next. She worried about him all the time, wondered what he was doing. As she thought about all the time that they had missed out on, about how great it would have been to have a brother while growing up, she started to cry. She was glad that he hadn't had to grow up with the hatred that she had, but she was selfish. She wished that he had been there to help her through the bad times – the times that she wished she could forget. Of course, he hadn't had it easy either. They both had their messed up lives. She just wished they could have had them together.
She sat up and wiped the tears from her eyes. Crying never got you anywhere, she told herself. She was amazed at how quickly she was able to change emotions. From anger, to joy, to sadness, to determination. She liked having control. She was in control of her emotions, not the other way around. That kept her strong.
*****
Peter sat in his office, trying to decipher what had just happened at the docks. He was sure of one thing, no matter what, he would not call Sarah's parents to ask about her brother. If he could just get a little more information from Sarah, he could do some investigation of his own. He was starting to realize that Sarah was going to be an even tougher shell to crack than he had originally thought. Sure, she had befriended Shelby, and even shown emotions other than anger, but there was so much that he didn't understand. She seemed to change moods at will. Almost as if she had control over them.
Peter sat, lost in thought for a long time before Sophie interrupted him.
"Hey mountain man, can I ask a favor?"
"Anything for you. What can I do?"
"I'm not feeling so well, could you fill in for me at group tonight?"
"Sure. Are you okay? Do you want to see the nurse?"
"No, I'm fine, nothing a good night's sleep won't take care of, but thank you."
"Anytime, now go get that rest. I don't need you on the disabled list around here."
She smiled, thanked him again, and headed home.
Peter turned to his desk to straighten up before heading over to the lodge for group. His eyes fell on Sarah's file. He hadn't meant to leave it lying out like that. He picked it up to put it away when a thought hit him. He wondered if Sarah had read the file. He opened it, and read the top sheet, notes that he had written since Sarah's arrival. Most were just comments on what had happened that day during school, group, out on quest. But one entry caught his eye:
Still unable to contact any past therapists. All files that have been forwarded to me are thin, and contain no mention of a half brother. Perhaps her parents will be able to fill me in…
There it was. That's why Sarah had thought he called her parents. But why was she so adamant that calling her parents would mean a ticket out of Horizon? From what he knew her parents were perfectly content to let her grow old at Horizon. What was this 'game' she talked about, and how did her brother fit into it all?
He glanced down at his watch. He was already late for group. He hurriedly stuffed the file back into his drawer and headed for the lodge. The Cliffhangers were likely to leave if he didn't show up soon.
His appearance at the lodge was met with a series of groans. "What, aren't you happy to see me?"
"Where's Sophie?" Jules asked.
"She wasn't feeling well, so she went home to rest."
"Yo, is she okay?" Auggie was concerned.
"She's fine, but you'll have to put up with me for group tonight." More groans. "Well, don't sound so excited."
"Let's just get on with it already," snapped Shelby.
"Well Shelby, since you're so eager, why don't you start things off tonight?"
"What's the topic?"
"Well, unless someone has something else they'd like to discuss, let's talk about our families, our siblings, how they've helped us and how they've hurt us."
David groaned. "Why don't we talk about football instead?"
"I'd second that," hollered Scott.
"No, let's stick to my topic instead. Shelby, go ahead and start when you're ready." Peter could feel Sarah's eyes on him as if she were trying to pierce him with her anger. He ignored it, and focused on Shelby instead.
"Didn't we just cover this the other night when we were out on quest?" For being in a hurry, Shelby was not getting down to business very quickly.
"We did, briefly. Of course if you'd all rather write essays instead –"
"Okay, I get the point." Shelby rolled her eyes. "Let's talk family. What's there to say? I have one sister, Jess, who I tried to protect only to find out that I was stupid for ever thinking that Walt would keep his word." She paused and closed her eyes, thinking hard. "And then to find out that my mom knew the whole time. That she knew, and never did a thing. I will never forgive her for that."
"But what about Jess," interrupted Peter. "Did she help you or hurt you?"
"She helped me of course. Made me be stronger. I wanted to protect her. Sometimes that was the only way I could get through a day, thinking I was somehow protecting her in a way our mom couldn't."
"Parents, they are a waste aren't they?" asked Daisy. "People should need a license before having children. I mean, how many of us have been screwed up by our parents?"
"Hey, my mom was okay," interrupted David. "My dad, well that's a different story."
"And my mom was okay too," said Scott. "And my dad for a little while. Until he found out what was going on. But mostly it was that skank –" He trailed off, hurt in his voice.
"Well my parents were great," said Auggie. "It was my brother that was bad news. Of course, I made my own decisions, but he made them easier."
Jules finally spoke up. "I know it's selfish, but sometimes I wish I would have had a brother or sister so my mom wouldn't focus on me so much. Isn't that horrible? To wish that someone else was going through what I was?"
"That's not selfish, that's survival." Sarah had started speaking before she could stop herself. All eyes were on her. She closed her eyes, wanting to disappear. Damn it, just keep your mouth shut, she thought.
"What do you mean?" asked Peter. "Could you expand on that thought?"
She took a deep breath. Here goes everything. "Wanting someone to be there with you is a coping mechanism. It's the same reason why all of you relate so well to each other, because you've all been through similar things in your life. You understand each other. That's the whole idea of group." She paused and saw Peter smiling at her. She continued. "Of course, the trouble with that thought is that while having someone to experience the bad times in your life might make you feel better, it puts the other person in a situation that you wish you could get out of. And there's always the possibility that the other person could react differently than you. Like Auggie's brother. He ended up being a bad influence. Or they could resort to suicide or violence, which in the end, hurts you even more."
"Wow." Daisy was impressed. "That was insightful."
Sarah showed no emotion. "I've been in counseling nearly my entire life. Even if you don't listen, you can't help but pick up on a few things."
Peter was hopeful that Sarah would tell more about her own family. "Well, Sarah, why don't you tell us about how your family has helped or hurt you?"
"No thanks." She stood up and left. "I've done my part for tonight. I'll be in the dorm."