Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

Rating: M

Summary:. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

A/N: Wanted this to be longer, but just couldn't get there. Still it's an update. Adding a new dynamic to the story. Tour fics always seemed fun to me. Lets try it out, shall we? Wanna take a moment and thank everyone who's been promoting this story. I've seen many Tumblr. Blogs post links. Thank you SO SO SO SO SO MUCH! As always, Read. Review. Enjoy!

Disclaimer: COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

In case you missed it: TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER.

Chapter 19 – Ready?

Tegan's POV

I sang into the microphone, while making sure to keep the rhythm of my strumming consistent. We were playing Living Room. We hadn't been on tour for a while and the fans were getting restless, so we'd decided to put together a last minute, nostalgia tour. We're pulling tons of songs out of the vault and revamping them. It may be our last tour for a while. I looked over at Sara. She'd had a rough time today. She's been forgetting a lot of the chord structures. I'm used to forgetting lyrics on a regular basis ON STAGE! But Sara, Sara forgetting something and messing up really eats at her. She's a perfectionist like that.

She seems to have a pretty good jam going as I hit the chorus. I'm smiling, feeling myself falling into the music. It's been a long time since this has happened. It felt so good. Everything was fine until Sara missed a chord, then broke a string.

"FUCK!" she yelled and tossed the guitar down.

All the guys looked at her. I looked around.

"Hey guys, let's take a break. Half an hour? I'll order us some pizza" I offered.

They all nodded and headed out into the other room to grab a beer. I walked up to Sara, who was turned towards the wall, trying to calm down. I ran both my hands up her spine, and started to gently massage her shoulders. She moaned and rolled her head back.

"Frustrated?" I asked

She nodded, whimpering.

"It's okay, love. It'll come back. We're both a little out of practice" I assured her.

"Tee, we leave tomorrow and I can't even get through Living Room!" she exclaims.

I stop the massage and wrap my arms around her, pulling her back into me and kissing her cheek.

"You're gonna be great. I'll practice with you when the boys leave, and you've got the 12 hour drive to Calgary to practice. Sara, it's gonna be fine"

She sighed and I slipped my hands just under her shirt to rub her belly. Now this was fun for both of us. She got her calming belly rub, and I got some bonding time with the baby.

"How're you feeling?" I asked

"Besides frustrated?" she replied.

I nodded.

"Really great" she smiled, letting her head fall back onto my shoulder. "I kind of want to cancel the tour and spend the next month lying in bed with you."

"I promise we can do that when we get back. And on the bus! No more little bunks. Hello King sized bed!" I giggled to her.

"You're lucky because even if we were stuck in the twin bunks, I'd make you cuddle with me. We'd use your bunk as storage." She smiled, then kissed my cheek.

"I wouldn't have it any other way." I told her back, giving her belly one last rub, before putting her shirt back down.

"We should head up stairs so I can order that pizza. You need to eat" I noted.

She nodded, and I gave her one last kiss before moving out of the embrace.

"Tegan." She whispered.

Sara faced me and pulled me into a kiss, soft and supple. She infused me with her love, and it shook me from my toes to the tips of my hair. Her arms wrapped around my waist as mine went to her neck. We pulled away, breathing heavily. Times like these it was so hard not to take her right here.

Sara's POV

Wow. That still surprised me: the rush of feelings. That was maybe our 3rd kiss since she's been back. I gulped. Lately, I've been…wanting her. But just as soon as my body and heart tell me to do it, by brain kicks in and I just can't. I don't know how much longer I can deal with these hormone rushes without her though. I've been having crazy sex dreams about her. Every night. During naps. Sometimes daydreams. Truth was: she was so sexy. I'd never had to think about fucking her like this, while trying to play music before. I mean I've thought about it, but I've never gotten the smiles back, or had actual memories floating through my head. I gulped as an image of Tegan taking a long lick up my wet slit crossed my mind. I let the shudder take me over.

I jumped back into her arms and kissed her hard. I heard her gasp, then felt her respond, as her tongue traced my lips, asking for entrance. I graciously opened my mouth and let her tongue dance against mine for a little, before gently pulling away and hugging her. All the frustration had melted away.

"I needed that. The massage, the belly rub, the kiss, you." I let out a happy sigh.

I was rewarded with a kiss on the cheek and Tegan hugging me just a little tighter.

"That's what I'm here for, love!" she said with glee

"I love you." I told her, earnestly.

I felt her smile against my cheek before giving me another kiss "I love you too. You're the best."

I smiled and took a deep breath.

"We should go upstairs" I said with disdain.

She nodded and took my hand, walking me upstairs. I followed her, and tried to forget about the heat between my thighs. We finally got upstairs, where the boys were hanging out around the island with beers.

"Tegan, you drinking?" Ted asked.

I went to the fridge and opened it, grabbing a bottle of water, and one for Tegan. I handed it to her as she shook her head. She was in solidarity with me. No drinking, smoking, or caffeine. Oh this was going to be a fun tour.

"We ordered the usual. Pizza guy said 40 minutes cause you guys live in the middle of nowhere" Rob chimed in.

I scoffed "Trust me, it's worth the privacy".

No one argued, and we all moved to the living room. Tegan sat down first, and I put my feet in her lap. She started rubbing them wordlessly.

"Ohhh Teegs, she's got you whipped. She doesn't even have to ask!" Hunter teased.

I stuck my tongue out at him as Tegan shrugged "She's growing a human, who is half of me. You're damn right I'm going to rub her feet, and anything else she wants!"

The guys laughed as she chuckled, and I blushed. I gulped, as the impact of those words hit me, shooting straight to my crotch. I bit my bottom lip and stifled a moan.

"Good spot?" Tegan asked.

God, she had ears like a hawk except for when I asked her to take out the garbage. Seriously! I nodded to appease her, and keep her attention away from the real source of the moan.

The doorbell rang, and Hunter sprang up, hustling to the door. He opened it to Emy and looked at us disappointed. I smiled at Tegan, who I saw swallow and look to the ground. She elt go of my feet as I swung them off the couch, and stood up, walking to Emy.

"Hey" she said.

I smiled "Hey, Em. Thanks so much for this."

"Anything for you Sara" she replied, walking through the door.

I let her step inside, then made eye contact with Tegan. She gave me the slightest nod. It's odd. Most people thought we had twin telepathy in the other world. In reality, the only reason why we could communicate without speaking now is because we were in love. I just know her so well. She knows me so well. I know when she's telling me something, and when she's just antsy. I know which of the slightest nods are for me, and which ones are just part of her idiosyncratic behaviour. I just know her. I smiled as Emy followed me into our room. She'd insisted on a check up before we went on tour. I didn't protest. I never did when it came to her. I smiled and put an open palm against my stomach, as I sat down on the bed. I looked up at her, a giant smile on my face.

"Look at that smile. Feelin' good?" she asked, a smile on her own face.

I nodded and chuckled "So good".

She smiled and opened her bag, following into the routine of the physical. She took my temp.

"I've been having crazy sex dreams lately" I told her.

"Rhianna?" she asked

I shook my head "Tegan."

She bit her bottom lip and took my blood pressure.

"She really is different, isn't she?" she asked

I nodded.

"One day, you'll have to tell me what happened Sara. I hate that it's not today, but I'm happy that you're happy, and I'm happy that you have her back. I'm happy you have her to help you through this." She paused, sighing "I know we haven't really talked about this, but what does your birth plan look like?"

I sighed "You're gonna think I'm crazy."

She shook her head "Let me guess: you want to have the baby here?"

I laughed and nodded. "How did you know"

Emy shrugged "You've always been your best in this space. This is where your creative energy is. You open up when you're home. It's like…this is where you belong. This is your space. You're comfortable here. It makes sense"

I nodded "Tegan's here. This is where I get to be with her. This is where I get to love her openly. This is where I get to receive her love. I want to give birth in my home. I want to be able to sleep in my bed afterwards. I want my body to call the shots. I've done a lot of reading on this…"

"of course you have" Emy interrupted, chuckling.

"I have! And I trust you, Emy. Tegan and I have talked at length about how when it comes down to it, we trust you with our lives! Which is why I want to have this child here, with you and Tegan. I know if anything goes wrong, you'll do your best. That's all I can hope for. I want this to be a positive experience. One for a lifetime. I want to be able to be in Tegan's arms when our daughter enters the world. Tegan's been amazing through all of this. I swear you've never seen a wife ore spoiled and taken care of than me. Four words: Cocoa. Butter. Every. Night. She talks to her, she sings to her, she is always touching my belly. Tegan's just as in love with this baby as I am."

Emy smiles "I should cut her some slack, huh?"

I nod as she moves me to lay back down. She sighs.

"Alright, hold on."

Emy walks out of the room, and I stare at the ceiling of our bedroom, before closing my eyes and playing Living Room in my daydream. Soon, I can feel her near. She's panicked.

"What's wrong? Sara?" she asks, an obvious hitch in her voice.

I reach out for her, and smile.

"I'm okay." I pause and open my arms "You should be here. Come hold me"

She softens, and scoots in behind me, lifting me onto her lap and leaning down to kiss my forehead as I take her hands in mine. I let out fingers intertwine and I sigh happily. Emy lifted my shirt and started to feel around my tummy, I sighed happily and nuzzled Tegan's leg as she ran her thumbs over the backs of my palms. I could fall asleep right here. I swear I just closed my eyes for a second.

Tegan's POV

I was sitting there with the boys and laughing as they talked about girls. I was so happy that I had Sara and didn't have to worry about any of that. Emy came out, and called for me. My heart leapt. What's wrong? Sara? The baby? I got to my feet and walked into our room.

"What's wrong? Sara?" I ask , worried.

She reaches out for me, smiling.

"I'm okay." She pauses and opens her arms "You should be here. Come hold me"

I feel my body warm and slip In behind her. I feel her take my hands as I plant a kiss on her forehead. This feels so right. Emy went back to work as I watched Sara's eyes close. Emy finished the exam and looked up. Sara was fast asleep.

"You really love her." She noted

I nodded "More than anyone could ever comprehend"

I focused on Sara's breathing, feeling every inhale and exhale against me. I yawned, feeling her pulling me into a slumber. I let go of one of her hands to cover my mouth. Her fingers stayed splayed, the spaces between them begging to be filled with mine. There her hand stayed, like molded clay, just waiting for me. I smiled and eagerly filled in her gaps. I kissed her forehead again, but lingered this time.

I looked up to meet Emy's eyes. She smiled.

"You two were meant for each other" she whispered.

All I could do was nod.

"And your baby is healthy. So's Sara. She's going to carry beautifully. " Emy continued with a giant smile.

"She does everything beautifully" I remarked.

Emy chuckled "Too cute." She paused "Well, have a great tour. If you need me, I can fly out"

I nodded "Thank Emy. Stay for pizza?"

She shook her head "Lindsey's making a pot roast tonight. Date night."

"Ooo. Lindsey makes good roasts." I smirked.

"Don't we all know it! I wouldn't miss it for the world." She smiled back.

I caught her eyes, and felt mine well with tears.

"I really mean it Emy: thank you."

She nodded and walked out of the room. Sara and I were alone. I could hear the ruckus in the other room where the boys were. Normally I'd be out there, laughing with them and causing a commotion. But looking down at my sleeping wife in my lap, there was nowhere on earth I'd rather be. I swear that I closed my eyes for just a minute.

I woke up to kisses on my eyes. I yawned and opened my eyes, feeling her head snuggle onto my shoulder. She was sitting in my lap, facing me. I felt around around my neck, and her legs wrapped around my midsection. She'd stuck herself to me.

"The boys went home" she whispered to me.

"How long was I asleep?" I asked

She shrugged "I dunno. I fell asleep too. I just woke up. It's 10."

I sighed and wrapped my arms around her neck, dropping my head to her shoulder and groaning.

I don't know why, but I got this rush of sadness. I started to sob. She rubbed my back gently. The emotion washed over me, bubbling in my stomach, and crawling up my throat to escape in chocked sobs. I rode it out, then sighed when it passed. I sniffled and peeled myself off of Sara, who wiped my tears.

"Better?" she asked.

I nodded.

She smiled and leaned in, giving me a quick kiss. She started to pull away, but suddenly leaned deeper into the kiss, grinding her hips into me. My hand travelled down her back as she hungrily took possession of my lips. She was on fire. I felt her soak through the thin panties she was wearing and bit her lip gently as the wetness came in contact with my bare stomach, my shirt having lifted with her thrusting. I couldn't help my hands going to her bum, and giving it a gentle squeeze. I felt her moan into my lips.

She was ready to go. But I needed to be sure. I reluctantly broke the kiss, moving my hands back up to her back. We panted as we parted. She leaned forward to take me again, but I backed up.

"Sara, hold on. Are you sure you're ready for this?" I asked, looking into her eyes honestly.

I saw her gulp, and her eyes fill. She's not. She's really not ready for this. She didn't have to say it, the hesitation was enough. I leaned in and gave her a little, soft peck, then hugged her.

"We should eat. Pizza? We'll put on Conan" I told her.

I felt rather than heard her tiny sigh of relief. I took the pressure off. I smiled inwardly at myself and gave her shoulder a little kiss, as she dismounted me. I got to my feet, and walked into the kitchen. I grabbed a couple slices from the pizza box that was now in the fridge and put them in the microwave, warming Sara up a chamomile tea. She walked in a few minutes later, having put PJ pants on. She wrapped her arms around my stomach and whispered.

"Thank you"

I smiled and turned around in the embrace.

"You never have to worry about me pressuring you love. I love you and I have no expectations from you. All at your own pace. When you're ready, I'll be waiting, ready to rock your world." I told her, smiling.

I leaned in and kissed her, then grabbed her mug, handing it over. She gave me a gummy smile over the rim, and took a sip. I was rewarded with a kiss on the cheek as the microwave beeped.

"We really should rehearse some more after we eat" she noted.

I nodded and grabbed the plate from the microwave, picking up a slice and holding it to her lips. She stuck out her tongue, tonguing the cheese. I gulped and she chuckled, taking a bite, then grabbing the slice from me.

Sara turned and skipped to the couch, plopping down. I followed and sat next to her, putting the plate on the coffee table and turning on the TV. I grabbed a slice, and we ate, laughing at our fellow Canadian!