For those of you who haven't seen the episode or any of season 4 of Glee, a few things need to be brought to light.

A) Puck is currently dating Kitty Wilde, Sophomore Cheerleader. and although Puck has been loads of girls 'bit on the side' he has never cheated himself before. sexting Santana will babysitting with Quinn and macking out with the hot waitress after getting stood up by Lauren does not count as cheating.

B) In the actual episode, Quinn and Santana actually do sleep together, so they aren't going to be the focus of this story although i will add snippets of canon tweaked conversations.

C) Why have you stopped watching? Glee is awesome, as was the fourth season IMO, and from the rumors and spoilers out their, S5 is shaping up to be amazing to.

Chapter 2

Upon seeing Finn pace outside the church, looking rather pale and agitated, Rachel fled the car and rushed over to him, leaving both Kurt and Santana alone. Both stared at it each other unblinking, in a silent challenge. It was no surprise that Kurt caved first.

"I need pointers." he declared and a sly smile spread across the Latina's face. "So, I'm asking the master, how do I seduce him?" to be honest, Kurt felt a little embarrassed talking so candidly with Santana, he just hoped that the feisty girl would see it as a realisation of just how far their friendship had blossomed since sophomore year of high school.

"Well, usually I would suggest alcohol, that always turns people into whores, but with Puck, that's a no go." Santana shrugged and opened her compact mirror to reapply for red vixen lipstick and sort out her raven hair which fell into lose curls down her back.

"How come?" Kurt asked in confusion.

The fact that Puck was a lover of Jack Daniel's whiskey was common knowledge within the New Directions. In fact, on the rare occasion that he saw Puck away from the school or at his home visiting Finn, the womanizer was 90% of the time drunk. Kurt had always frowned upon how much the man drank, how he never developed an addiction was anyone's guess. Perhaps he did. Although being in Glee club together and being his step brothers on-off best friend, Kurt didn't really know much about Puck. Well apart from the obvious that he was a womanizing, baby making, ex bully who barely graduated high school. Thank Gucci this was a casual one time thing if things worked out, Kurt mused. Puck was not a 'bring home to meet the parents' kind of boy.

"Should I cut corners and saviour your precious ears or tell you how it is, regardless of how much you blush?" Santana asked with a scoff as she placed her lipstick and mirror back into her purse. Kurt gave her a deadpanned look and she smirked dangerously. He knew she would give the explicit version no matter what he said in reply. "Puck can't get hard when he's drunk, well not enough to do the deed." right on cue, Kurt felt his cheeks tinge in a pale pink blush. Santana said it so effortlessly. Kurt was no virgin, but still. "See the thing with Puckzilla is that, because of the considerable size, it takes A LOT of blood to get it to stand to attention." probably about as much blood that was current travelling along Kurt's pale face, the countertenor decided.

"Considerable size?" Kurt croaked out and subtly (it wasn't subtle to Santana at all) covered his tightening groin with his jacket. Kurt wasn't a size queen, but both Blaine and Adam had had plenty enough to work with, and Kurt liked that in a man. Blaine peaked at 8 inches just before Kurt went to New York and the pale diva had loved it. It didn't make him a size queen or a cock slut, like Santana would brand him, it just made him appreciative of the finer things in life.

"10x8" Santana answered flippantly with a shrug, ignoring the way Kurt gaped at her unattractively. "Have you ever seen Antonio Biaggi?"

"The gay porn star?" Kurt asked with a frown, not understanding why such a thing was brought - Ohhh! Oh dear sweet gaga. "You're exaggerating." Kurt deemed flatly and Santana just shrugged in response. The not vocal reply kind of put Kurt on edge a bit. She was exaggerating right? No one in real life was 10 inches in length and 8 inches in girth, surely?

Kurt tried to cast his mind back into his sophomore days when he had been the Titan's kicker on the football team. Surely if he had seen such a thing in the locker rooms, he would have remembered. And then he blushed and almost choked on his own tongue when he recalled the reason for never noticing. He had always been too busy trying to catch glimpses at Finn Hudson, who later went on to become his step brother. How embarrassing, creepy and nauseating. Definitely something Kurt would rather forget.

A loud tapping noise snapped Kurt out of his reminiscing and he and Santana both looked out of the window to see an inquisitive looking Mercedes standing there impatiently. Santana opened the door and smiled brightly. "Hey Wheezy, long time no eat. How have you been?" she asked politely to the overweight black girl. Kurt frowned disapprovingly, but then again, coming from Santana, it was probably compliment enough to even be acknowledged, or remembered.

"Hey, would you two wrap it up, the wedding's about to start and I need my arm gays!" she snapped, but the smile that spread across her face proved that there was no malice in her words. And then she frowned. "I didn't interrupt something did I?" she asked with a cheeky wink. Kurt rolled his eyes and climbed out of the car with Santana soon behind him, the latter was wiping imaginary stuff off her lips as if to imply she had just given Kurt a blowjob and swallowed the load. "You do realise how trashy blasphemous this is right?" she asked with a smile.

"Oh Mercedes, everyone hooks up at weddings." Kurt countered and shared a knowing look with Santana that made it extremely hard to keep a straight face. Kurt agreed, her pink dress that cut off at the knee looked divine on her. L.A seemed to be treating his former best friend well, and for that, Kurt was glad.

"Mmhmm, let's go, this outfit needs an audience." Mercedes declared as she linked their arms in hers and dragged them towards the others.

Kurt wasn't sure how Santana was able to do it. The Latina was strutting, full of confidence, right up to the group that included the girl she was about to seduce. Kurt was practically having a silent heart attack as he tried to keep his composure with every step he took towards them. The first thing Kurt notice was Puck, obviously, but more importantly, his hair. Long gone was the skunk Mohawk that he sported in school, now, the whole top of his head had hair, albeit it was short, but it was still there. Kurt thought it suited him very much indeed. The second thing he noticed, completely by accident of course, was Puck's bulge. Puck was still in the same position as before, leaning against the wall with his leg hiked up against it, looking like a model from a high end fashion magazine in his black tuxedo that fitted perfectly. With the raised leg, Kurt could pretty much see the definition of Puck's package that was concealed by the rebel's black pants. Kurt's mouth went instantly dry. Noah Puckerman was indeed a very attractive man if you took away his personality. And by the looks and sounds of it, his cock was one to be worshipped. Something Kurt's tongue, palms and ass were very much looking forward to, if given the chance.

"We all ready?" Finn piped up, sounding nervous, and with a hell of a lot of struggle, Kurt's eyes left Puck's bulge and shot up to the group. Santana was smirking at him from where she stood, arms already linked with Quinn's (Bitch had the advantage of being best friends with the girl for 5 years) and to Kurt's utmost horror, Puck was looking at him with a frown. Fuck a Duck, Puck had seen him ogling his cock! Thankfully, Finn's tall frame hid the blush from Puck's view as the best man took Kurt into a tight hug. "Good to see you again, Little brother."

Kurt clung onto Finn more than he usually would, waiting for his blush to die down. He was so embarrassed. Never had he so openly stared at a straight boy before. In his years in Lima, especially before Blaine, Kurt had perfected to art of subtle glances, but now? Dear Gaga, this wasn't starting well. Even more so, considering Puck's reaction. Not even a trademark smirk that let people know that he was on to them, but instead, a frown. A frown could mean anything from annoyance to confusion to deep thinking. It was unnerving, and Kurt was about a second away from backing out of his stupid, ill timed, unplanned scheme when Rachel Berry trapped him even more so.

"Oh Kurt, change of plans." she said, in front of everyone and Finn choose that moment to pull out of the hug, looking even more uncomfortable than before. "Finn's kind of nervous, so I'll be sitting up front with him." Kurt didn't get it, why did this concern him so much? "So you'll be sitting with Brittany, Sam and Puck."

Oh Bullocks!

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