Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.
Rating: M
Summary:. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.
A/N: No comment. Read. Review. Enjoy.
Disclaimer: COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!
In case you missed it: TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER.
Chapter 21 – Show off
I woke up, coughing. That was it. I was sick. I groaned as I rolled off of Sara. She woke up, following me and curling up on my chest, leaving a warm, soft kiss on the bare skin between my breasts.
"you're sick" she pouted.
"No shit" I groaned.
She crinkled her brow and kissed my lips gently, then put a hand to my forehead.
"No fever" she noticed.
"I think this one's just a cold love. I'm just phlegm-y." I crinkled my nose in disgust.
The worst kind of tour sick involved phlegm. Sara didn't seem to find it disgusting though. She took my hand and guided it to her tummy.
"I've been feeling her move. Little fluttery movements. You probably won't be able to feel it, but it's happening. It feels so weird."
I looked up at her and smiled and focused, trying to feel. Like she said though, I couldn't. Still, it made me smile. She's in there. She's moving. I wrapped Sara in a big, bear hug.
"Tegan, when did the bus stop moving?" she asked, looking around the room.
"oh, ummm…I hadn't noticed that" I stated, standing up and pulling on some clothes. I opened the curtain and looked outside. I smiled.
"We're at Grandma and Gramps'" I declared with glee.
It was full blown nostalgia looking at the house. I turned to Sara who was also pulling on clothes. I held out my hand and she took it, as we quickly made our way through the empty bus, and to the front door. Sara opened it and walked in. Everyone was sitting in the kitchen. Grandma sprang up and ran right for Sara. Sara smiled as her belly was very quickly taken over.
"Oh Sara! You're glowing! Hello little one. Hello." She cooed.
Gramps walked over to me. He had this sparkle in his eyes. I've never seen it before. Not even when he told his stories. He smiled at me, holding the stare. Then he did what he's never ever done. He put a hand on my shoulder, still looking me straight in the eyes and gripped my shoulder.
"I'm proud of you, Tegan." He muttered in a thick, French accent.
It took everything I had not to cry. That was the first time those words had left his mouth. He pulled me into a big hug and I sighed as he clapped my back gently. All the musical successes, all the life milestones, graduations, everything and his pride came from this.
"Thanks Gramps. That means the world to me." I choked out.
"She's yours I take it?" he asked, releasing the hug.
I smiled and nodded. "yeah."
He smiled wider, then grandma came over and squeezed me to death.
"Oh Tegan! This makes me so happy! My little Tegan! And with Sara! We all saw it coming. Your mother thought it never would. The years would pass, but I just kept telling her: Give them time. Oh this makes me so happy. So, so, so happy."
"Thanks grandma. I can't wait!' I told her.
"Yeah. Tegan's already got the nursery ready. Rocking chair and everything." Sara pointed out to them.
Gramps nodded "Course she does. This one knows how to take care of business."
It felt weird. Like, like he thought of me as a grandson all of a sudden. A knot started in my gut. That was it. That's why he's proud of me. He winked at me and I felt the knot tighten. Sara reached out for my hand, sensing the new ickiness that spread. Maybe she didn't sense it, maybe I was being more obvious because grandma looked at me oddly.
"Tegan, are you okay?" she asked.
"She just started up with a cold on the way here." Sara noted, moving her hand to my lower back.
"Oh no, that won't do. I'll make you some of my soup and tea. You should be in bed. "
I went to protest "Ah, ah, no whining. Straight to bed."
"Now, Celine, if Tegan says she's fine, leave her be. She's a…an adult now."
He almost said man. Why did that feel so gross? Sara's hand rubbed up my spine.
"No, really I think a nap would do Tegan good." Sara replied.
"You girls head on up. We'll keep the boys entertained and I'll be up with food in a bit." Granma nodded to us, then turned to shake her head at Gramps.
Sara steered me up to the room we shared when we stayed here as kids. She opened it, and the two twins were still there, pushed together. The second the door was closed, she'd pulled me in. I hugged her and let out a big sigh.
"You're okay. I've got you. You're beautiful." She reminded me. I nodded and pushed my face further into her. "I'm so in love with all sides of your gender. You're my woman. No matter how anyone else sees you, okay?" she continued. I nodded against her neck, as she kissed mine. "You define your gender Tegan, he doesn't understand that. Fathering a child to him is what makes someone a man. Just let it roll off. That's his understanding of gender. If it gets to you, grab my hand and remember these words."
I nod. She's right. She's so right. He just doesn't understand how I see gender, and I don't understand how he sees it. This is a marker of manhood. I met this marker, so in his eyes I am a man. I sat with that for a moment. I am a man in his eyes. Why did that feel kind of good now? I gulped and sat on it for a minute, letting Sara kiss my neck and rub my back. When he said it, it overtook me. Like the masculinity transcended my femininity. But after the shock, I can place it next to the female side of me. For once someone saw my maleness. Someone besides Sara. Gramps had just seen the maleness of me, and he accepted it. I think it also felt icky because it feels like it's the only way that he's proud of me. But as I feel Sara rub out some tension in my shoulder, I'm reminded of why she's proud of me. Nothing else matters. Besides myself, she's the only one who's opinion of me matters. I let out a happy sigh, and put a smile on, kissing her cheek.
"It's funny how I think my best when I'm in your arms. I love you." I tell her and kiss her gently.
She chuckled "I love you too, love. Process that?"
I nodded. She smiled. "Good." She muttered, then kissed my cheek. "I'm serious though Teegs, you've gotta kick this cold. Get in that…" She paused, freezing and putting a hand to her stomach.
"What?" I asked, my eyes as wide as saucers.
She took a deep breath "Still not used to something moving inside of me. Sorry. Caught me off guard."
I smiled and got down on my knees. I gently lifted her shirt and kissed her belly "You, little one. Settle down so mommy can sleep. I love you. Do you know that? You will. I'll never let you forget it. I'm going to say it so much that you roll your little hazel eyes at me." I whisper, and Sara runs a hand through my hair before I give her belly another kiss and stand up, walking over to the bed.
"I feel like there's gonna be a lot of sleeping on this tour. It's like all I've done so far."
"This is a good thing" Sara reassured me, kicking off her shoes and laying down next to me. She wrapped both arms around me, spooning me.
"I like being little spoon with you." I told her.
She smiled against my neck and rubbed my tummy. "Tegan, are you sure you never want to be pregnant?" she asked.
"Yes! You can have all the babies, love." I tell her, patting her hand on my stomach.
She chuckles and nods "Alright."
I cough and groan, starting to feel myself stuff up, as I turn around and tuck my head under her chin. She shifts her face down as I look up.
"Do I need to bust out the Nyquill?" she asks, kissing my forehead.
"More like Sara snuggles" I moan, and bury myself back into her, closing my eyes.
She sighed and hugged me tighter "I hate it when you're sick." She whispered as she wrapped her legs around me.
I sighed happily as I tucked myself further into her, and she left a kiss on the bare nape of my neck. There were always lots of body kisses with us. I've never been with someone who was so physical with me before. Sara knew every dip and curve of my calf, not just my face. She was always kissing me, hugging me, and I was to her. It was like I wanted to learn every inch of her, over and over and over again. Like I would love any part of her she'd share. When I saw that knuckle, when she saw my neck, that's what we did. We showed our love. Nothing's ever reaffirmed me more that she was here and that she cared.
"I'm madly in love with you" I whispered into her chest.
"and I'm heart deep in love with you" she whispered back "That's a lot deeper than balls"
I chuckled and yawned. She rubbed lazily up and down my back.
"Sara, please get some sleep too. Don't stay up and worry about the show, promise?"
"You caught me. Promise" She replied, and I felt her sigh. "I've fallen like a fool for you every time you breathe." She whispered to me before I drifted off.
I woke up to the smell of grandma. I immediately looked up at Sara who was wide awake.
"I promise I slept" she said, defensively.
I sighed and she sweet some hair off my forehead before unsticking from me. I sat up and saw grandma, a rush of embarrassment hitting me. Then, I remembered that it was okay. I took a breather and Sara rubbed my back. Grandma smiled and brought me a tray. Sara sat half behind me and laid her head on my shoulder.
"Now, you girls eat your chicken noodle. Sara, I brought you your blueberry white tea, and Tegan, you get ginger. Chase that nasty cold away. Sound check's in an hour." She reminded us.
I nodded and eagerly picked up my spoon.
"Oh, and your mother called. I let her know what was going on. Had to convince her not to fly out." Grandma chuckled "She's always been a worry wart. Anyways, I'll leave you two alone."
"Thanks grandma" I told her, smiling. Oh no, my voice sounded really raspy. I gulped and took a sip of tea, wincing at the bitter and hot ginger. Sarah Sighed and took a spoonful of her own soup.
She turned and looked at me. "What?" I asked.
"I don't know why, but it's so hard to keep my hands off of you. For some reason I just…always want to be touching you." She replied.
I smiled "And that's a problem? Besides, it probably has to do with the baby."
I wrapped my arm around her, and she snuggled into me, bringing her bowl with her. She sipped the broth as I took another spoonful.
"Sasa, you can touch me all you want. Trust me, I won't mind." I tell her with a smile, and she feeds me a spoonful of her soup.
I giggle and kiss her forehead, going back to my food.
An hour later, we're on stage in an empty arena. Now, when I say arena, I mean an arena. Tonight, we were playing at the Scotiabank Saddledome, where the Flames played. We'd just gotten all setup and I stepped up to the mic, looking over at Sara.
"What song do we wanna S.C. on?" I asked.
"Back in your head" she replied immediately.
I nodded and we dove into it. Sara stumbled a bit, but recovered. Once everything was to our liking, I walked over to her. She wasn't breathing.
"Don't hold your breath, love. You were fine." I tell her.
"I don't want to be fine I want to be fucking fantastic!" She shrugged off the hand I'd placed on her shoulder.
"Hey!" I got in front of her, breaking her stride. "Look at me" she did, right in the eye. "I'm not the enemy here. Just take a minute and think about your feelings."
She did, then sighed "Sorry. I'm just…"
"Stressed and frustrated" I replied with a smile "Amplified a hundred times by hormones" I rubbed her arms. "C'mere" I pulled her into a hug and she relaxed, hugging me back.
"You're right." She mumbled, laying her head on my chest.
"Lets go get dressed." I tell her, taking one last look at the empty arena, then heading towards our dressing room.
Not having to share a dressing room with the guys is amazing. No more zombie sneakers. She walked in and went to the bathroom, while I looked through some of the clothes we'd brought. What do I want to wear on stage tonight? I smiled. I could just go naked. Get the fans riled up, and Sara going. Damn that was sexy earlier. I'm so excited for these pregnancy hormones. It's a good thing we're touring now. I really don't think we'll end up leaving the bed much once we get home. Maybe I should think about a grocery service. That's really the only reason to leave the house currently. Our recording studio's in the basement, we've got a gorgeous lake to ourselves. I've got Sara. She came out of the bathroom and I smiled, my eyes going to her baby bump. God that looked so good on her. I smiled, staring. She must have noticed because she took her shirt off and walked over. Now THAT was even sexier. Not many people realized exactly how sexy Sara's body is. She keeps it covered up a lot. From everyone but me. She walked over, nonchalantly, completely aware she was teasing me.
"Hmm…should I wear a button up today? Maybe a tight t-shirt. Really show off my belly. Oh, maybe a tube top." She chuckled when I didn't respond.
She lifted my chin to look into her eyes. "I said maybe I should wear a tube top"
I laughed in her face and turned back to the wrack. "That's more like it" she said, then responded sing-song "You think I'm sexy. You know you want some."
I chuckled and nodded, and turned back to the wrack myself. I pulled out a sleeveless t-shirt and some jeans. "There we go." I turned to Sara and kissed her cheek, before changing into the outfit. I left my sweats on the floor, and walked over to the makeup vanity. She walked over a few minutes later, wearing a t-shirt, with a knit shawl and jeans.
Soon, we were on stage. I walked out and my jaw dropped at the arena full of screaming fans. This was our show, these were our fans. We didn't even have an opening band this tour. Just 3 hours of us, on stage. I gulped and looked at Sara who looked nervous. I took her hand and she squeezed mine before we picked up our guitars and walked out. They saw us and screamed louder. I walked up to the mic.
"Well hello to you too." I huskily announced. "Umm, I'm Tegan and this is Sara. We're gonna play some music for you guys, I guess?" A roar answered me. I smiled and turned to Sara. We were starting on a real oldie The First, one of my songs. We dove right into it, and Sara was paying careful attention to her playing as I pretty much rapped. The fans ate it up. I smiled wide. This is amazing. This whole arena, for us. I wish Sara could relax and appreciate it. We finished the song and applause rang out. I chuckled into the mic, trying to catch my breath.
"So, this is our first tour back in a while" I waited for the applause to die down "And we've finally ditched the bunks and got an actual bed. Like guys, a real bed on the bus."
Sara chimed in "and not a dinky bed either. It's like a gigantic California King."
I raised my eyebrow "A "California" King?" I used the airquotes and everything.
She nodded "Yes, Tegan, a "California" King"
"I highly doubt California has a different King sized bed than Vancouver" I rolled my eyes at her. It felt good to banter on stage again.
"It's just what they're called. You can buy them anywhere. It's like 6" longer than a normal king or something."
"Only in California would they need 6 extra inches." I huffed.
Sara chuckled and I got the joke "Oh jeez. Just play the damn song."
I laughed as Sara launched into Frozen. She seemed to settle down after the banter started. That's it love, just you and me back in that coffee shop way back in the day. It's just a really really really big coffee shop…with no coffee…and people are actually paying attention. She finished and looked at me.
"You have the smuggest grin on your face. Still thinking about the 6 inches?" she teased.
I shook my head "No, just about all those years ago when we played in coffee shops."
She laughed. "Miss that?"
I shook my head. "Hell no. Even if I did, you could brew some coffee at home and we could invite all of you over and play really bad covers and horrible originals in our basement. What do you guys think of that?"
The crowd roared, and I saw a few people crying.
"I see some tears out there. That's more like the coffee shop days. Tegan used to wail out songs that caused many a person to burst into tears." Sara was really on a teasing kick. "No, but seriously. No tears guys, it's okay. Unless your cat died or something. Or your mom."
"What?" I asked.
"Okay, yeah. Not the right thing to say. I retract" Sara sighed.
"Forgive her guys. She's got baby brain. Oh yeah. Sara's pregnant, in case you didn't know. I'm gonna be a daddy." I announced, and they screamed louder than before as Sara blushed and I walked over, kissing her cheek, and rubbing her tummy. She chuckled and whispered in my ear "You just had to, didn't you? Show off." I smiled and winked, then went back to my mic.
Yes. This is going to be a wonderful tour.