Warnings: TRIGGERS IN THIS CHAPTER!TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER. Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

Rating: M

Summary:. What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

A/N: I would like to take a moment and just state how sexy Sara would look pregnant. Like…really sexy. If you read the A/N then here's a tidbit: I write from Tegan's POV a lot because clearly Sara's my favourite, and I get to vicariously sleep with her like this. Also, super bummed about the lack of reviews lately. Seriously, those motive the fuck outta me. Where did all my reviewers go?PLEASE Read. Review. Enjoy.

Disclaimer: COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

In case you missed it: TRIGGER WARNING! CONTAINS SCENES OF DOMESTIC VIOLENCE, RAPE, AND MURDER.

Chapter 22 – Thank God for You

Sara's POV

I exhaled through a smile, as the last chord rang out. The audience cheered and Tegan ran over, kissing my cheek. I spoke into the microphone.

"Thank you so much. Now I'm going to ice my feet." I tell them with a chuckle.

We walk off stage and drop our guitars with two of the many guitar techs. We high five with the band. Everyone's all sweaty. I feel my head rush with the high. This felt so good. Like I was on top of the world. I look over at Tegan, who's experiencing the same thing. I can see it in her eyes. Her body looks like it's vibrating. I took the moment to quickly stretch, then felt arms around me as I yawned. I groaned into the hug.

"I really don't want to go take pictures and sign autographs." I groaned, inhaling her smell deeply.

It sounds disgusting, but I loved the way she smelled when she sweated. She rubbed my back.

"Then don't. Go relax." She encouraged.

I sighed and shook my head "I can't let them down"

I took a deep breath and let go of her, heading towards the side exit door. I could feel her behind me, and we walked down the hallway into the lobby. Fans screamed and cameras flashed behind the barricades, as we made our way to the meet and greet table. We sat down and started to greet fans.

The first few to come up were frozen, in awe. We signed their CDs and let them take pictures. The next couple were a bit rowdier.

"Oh my GAHHD! Can I touch your stomach?" One girl asked me.

I gulped and Tegan was quick "No. Please don't. But we will take pictures with you. And I see you've got a poster. We can autograph that" she topped it off with a smile, but I took her hand under the table feeling the tension running just below her calm exterior. I rubbed the back of her palm with a thumb, and smiled at the girls, signing their poster and smiling for a picture.

Two hours later, the line was still long. Tegan kicked me out, and this time I didn't protest. I dragged myself back to the dressing room as Tegan finished up with the last of the fans. I collapsed on the couch. Three weeks of touring so far was taking its toll. I curled into the fetal position and whimpered, as I came down from the high. My lower back was on fire, my breasts were really sore and tender, I was so hungry, my stomach hurt from constipation, and my feet ached. I sat there in my own little world. How much more of this could I take? The tears started to roll down my face. The fans started to hate me. I know they did. I was moody, I was getting fat, I was ugly. I was always sore and complaining on stage. God, why does my whole body ache? I started sobbing as the tears fell. I just want the hurting to stop. I pulled my knees up, tighter into me, creating a cradle for my cantaloupe sized belly. There was a soft knock on the door. I didn't answer. The person walked in.

"Sara?" Ted asked, worried.

When I didn't answer, he walked over and sat down on the couch next to me.

"Are you…crying?" he asked.

I still didn't answer. I didn't have the energy. I didn't want to explain, I just wanted to sit here, in my pain.

"What happened?" he asked.

I just shook my head. I just want Tegan. I just want to feel the warmth of her around me. I want her to massage out all the kinks, rub out all the pain. I just want to curl into her.

"I'm going to get Tegan" Ted said, gulping.

I hated worrying him, but my voice would hurt if it came out, I just knew it. I kept my face buried in the darkness I'd created in my arms. I felt like a ball of ick. I heard the door open, but the pain had taken me over. I'd completely forgotten about Tegan coming.

"Hey, baby. What happened?" asked a soft, warm voice.

She walked over and sat down next to me, pulling me to her immediately. The moment my head hit her chest, I melted. She wrapped me in warmth and love, and intimacy.

"Hey, hey it's okay. I'm here, Sara. I've got you."

I just cried into her, my hands balled into fists like a baby resting on her chest. Her hands went straight to my lower back and started a gentle massaging. I let go of the worry and the pain and reveled in the moment of relief. Like butter in her oven of mmmmm.

"Are you hurting?" she asked.

I just nodded against her, the sniffling stopping, but not the tears. She kissed the side of my neck, and continued the rubbing.

"Oh, baby I'm sorry. What can I do?" she inquired.

"This." I mumbled in barely a whisper.

I was answered by another kiss on my neck, and her massaging a bit harder. There was a moment, where all the pain in my lower back dissipated. Like a border she'd crossed. I let out a low moan and my body relaxed. Tegan must have heard it, because she stopped the massage, and laid her palms flat on my skin, keeping the area warm. Her breath tickled my ear.

"Lets get you back to the bus. I'll get you your heating pad, and I'll give you the full body treatment."

I groaned "I want to be home, in our tub right now."

"I know, love, I know. Two more weeks." She reminded me.

I nodded and wrapped both of my arms around her neck, hugging her tightly.

"I want to crawl inside of you. You're so warm." I mumble.

She smiles and hugs me back. I feel her lips on my cheek and the warmth radiates. I sigh, wishing she could carry me all the way to the bus. But I'm fat, and she's tiny. I sigh and she immediately wiped my tears. I smile.

"I think I just lost any street cred I had left with Ted." I tell her.

She chuckles "I think you lost all of that a long time ago. He was really worried about you though. You kind of freaked him out. Understandably. You're not usually the crier. I don't think he's ever seen you cry before."

I sigh and groan as my tummy started to hurt again. I grab it and let my head fall back onto her shoulder.

"Stomach?" she asks

I nod.

"have you pooped lately?" she asks again.

I shook my head.

"I'll send one of the roadies to pick up some prune juice." She pulls out her phone and starts to text.

I flush with embarrassment, making her chuckle.

"Don't worry, I told him it was for me" she rubs my arm.

I smile "This is why I love you."

"C'mon, lets get you to the bus." She wraps an arm around my waist and we slowly stand up. "I'll get someone to come by and pack all our stuff up."

On our way to the bus, we pass a bunch of paparazzi and fans who'd managed to get out back. Luckily security was holding them back. I didn't want them to see my tear stained face, so I buried it into Tegan, who held me a little tighter and walked a bit faster. Once we got to the bus, she shut the door and locked it. The boys weren't on board yet, but she brought me to the back, where our room was. I was never so happy to see a bed before. I laid right down. Tegan sighed and took my shoes off.

"I'm gonna get the boys on board so we can get going and heat up your heating pad. Just relax." She instructed.

I nodded and didn't move. I heard her walk out and was relieved when I could hear the murmurs of her voice as she called each of the boys. We're scheduled to go to a hotel tonight in the next city. I think it's New York. We're in Philly tonight. I closed my eyes and groaned, rubbing my stomach. Oh baby, I love you but please stop hurting me. I heard the microwave beep and Tegan stop talking. Thank god, she was coming back. She walked in and put the heating pad down on the bed, then kicked off her shoes.

"The boys are on their way back." She loosened her tie, pulling it over her head and undoing the top few buttons of her button up, then straddled me just below my belly on the bed. "And we'll be on the road shortly." She leaned in and kissed me gently, then pulled away "I'm going to strip you" she kissed me again "give you the best full body massage ever" she kissed me again "and a happy ending." She leaned in and kissed me full on this time, as my fingers found her buttons quickly undoing them. She smiled and unbuttoned my jeans. Her lips were soft but focused on mine, kissing me with a laser like precision that made my center pour out. She smiled against my lips and let me take off her shirt, but quickly stood up and stripped me of my pants. I smiled up at her, sitting up and lifting my hands to the ceiling. A sly grin covered her face as she shed my shirt, then moved in, dipping her head down to kiss me. I felt her hands snake around and undo my bra. I whined as my now heavy breasts fell out. They were really sore. Tegan she me of the fabric and tossed it aside, then stopped kissing me. She gently pushed me back on the bed, cradling my head until it was atop the pillow. I stared up at her, my body once again letting its pain be known. My eyes glossed over with tears. Her eyes met mine and I saw her heart break.

"It's okay love, my breasts are just really hurting tonight." I let her know.

She nodded, and reached over to the nightstand, grabbing the massage oil we now kept there. She grabbed the heating pad and came over, lifting me, and sitting behind me.

"Rest against me, Sasa." She instructed.

As I obeyed, she placed the heating pad against my lower back. God that felt good. My head fell back to the right side of hers, allowing me to completely relax against her. I sighed and closed my eyes.

"Tegan, I don't think I'm quite up for sex tonight" I admitted.

I was answered with a kiss ontop of my head "Okay love, whatever you want. Still want a rub down?"

"God yes!" I answer, enthusiastically.

I feel her chest quake as she chuckles, and put some oil in her hands, warming it between them. I smelt the lavender, and smiled. I was going to sleep well tonight. Hands covered my breasts, and at first pain spread. Then, as she added pressure, I moaned so loudly, I'm sure the boys thought we were having sex.

"Feel good?" the familiar voice behind me asked.

"You have no idea. They've been painfully tender all day. How do you know just the right pressure?" I asked.

She kissed my ear, then whispered to me "This magic called love."

I smile and turn my head to touch my nose to her neck. I snuggle into her. Her smell. Better than any other aroma on this planet. Better than cookies baking, better than gasoline, better than freshly cut grass, better than the perfume she wears on special occasions. I can't help but want to taste. I gently lick over her carotid and feel her shiver. I follow up with a quick kiss and smile against her skin, knowing she can feel it. I feel her head drop to rest on top of mine, her massage of my breasts not stopping.

"You're too perfect, Sara." Tegan admits.

"Even fat and bloated and ugly?" I ask

She laughs. Not a subtle laugh, but a big, hearty, knee slapping laugh. "Yeah right. Come on. I think the world knows that you're smokin' hot."

I shrug.

"Oh love." She starts to notice my perspective on myself and she softens. "Sara, your baby bump drives me wild. It triggers something in me that just… if I could fuck you all day and night I would. Remember how you mentioned that you couldn't keep your hands off of me? Well, love that goes both ways. Every time I see you, I want to wrap you up and just hold you. And every time you show that belly, I want to kiss it and massage it, and feel it against me. That's my baby in there. Sara, you're growing our child. Nothing is sexier to me."

These words light me up from the inside. They inundate my thoughts and wash away all the worry and doubt and self-deprecation.

"And now, I want to sleep with you" I confess, smiling.

She chuckles, and finds my lips, kissing me gently.

"Not tonight. I'm feeling too cuddle-y." She responds, stopping her massage of my breasts to gently hug me, wrapping her legs around mine so that her feet hook into my knees, and dropping her head on mine again. "Plus, I started today, so this heating pad is doing double duty on my cramps."

I laughed. "You're too funny."

With a sigh, we settled down, back into our position. "feeling better?" she asked

I nodded. "So much. Thank you."

"Anytime, love." She answered, her hands now rubbing up and down my belly.

"I can't wait to meet her." She whispers to me.

I sigh and nod "We should give her a name."

"Tomorrow? I'm tired, and heating pad mixed with Sara cuddles are putting me to sleep." She mumbles, and I can tell her eyes are already closed.

I nod, and reach over, hitting the remote to turn off the light. She makes no attempt to move.

"Are you comfy like this?" I ask

All I get is a nod, and I smile, snuggling in, bringing the blanket up over us. I turn on my side and move her leg in between mine, to take the pressure off my hips. Half my face presses to her bare chest and I sigh happily. I love falling asleep in her arms, skin on skin. I've never felt so safe, so loved, and so damn comfy.