AN: This chapter will make up for the lack of content next week since its kind of a no show for me. Regular updates will resume next, next week. (Not this coming week the week after that week). K? :) So forgive me, if this chapter seems rushed.
The boot prints became more faded as Vi followed them down the path through the woods. Said path would often times twist and turn and never seemed to go in a straight line. Vi could swear that she was going in circles half the time, but the directions she took didn't seem to add up to that conclusion. By now, Jinx's prints were no longer visible, but the enforcer just kept pushing on.
After a brief rise in the path, it went straight through the trees themselves rather than staying out in the clearing. It didn't deteriorate Vi, she simply began pushing through the leaves and branches.
All at once, Vi suddenly smacked into something that felt far too hard to be a tree trunk. She groaned in pain as she rubbed her head and waited for the tiny, chirping bluebirds to stop circling. She had passed into the clearing once again, but she wasn't expecting to run into something so…spontaneous and yet somewhat familiar.
Two statues stood at the side of the path, one standing slightly taller than the other. Both were posed in straight stances with their chests inflated and hands behind their backs. They were dressed in sleeveless tunics with a red and white stripe pattern with matching trousers and plain red shoes. Small circular caps of the same palette adorned their heads. The main difference between the two was their facial features; the taller one had a single scar running down his face with a look of disdain while the other had a variation of the handle bar mustache with a maniacal grin. Vi could feel something familiar about them. They kind of looked like those two brothers from Noxus. Their names escaped her since she's only seen them on the Rift and has never personally been to Noxus. Nonetheless, she couldn't help but be impressed with the detail the creator included. How had he managed to include their color rather than leave them gray and plain?
"Cool statues," Vi commented aloud, looking over the first one. It was nice to see something somewhat normal in this odd reality. She felt uneasy as she moved over to the second one with the strange grin. Vi shuddered at it.
"This one's…kind of creepy," she said.
The eyelids of the smiling statue suddenly blinked and his smile turned into a frown. Vi jumped back as he began to move its arms out.
"Creepy!?" he repeated, offended, "I believe the word you're looking for is-"
"Ugly, repulsive, hideous," the other statue suddenly chimed in as he too began to move, taking a step forward.
"Oh, shut up!" the one with facial hair said, "You've always been jealous of my looks!" he then turned to Vi, "And you…you're one to talk you chubby handed golem!" Vi felt bitter nostalgia as the same confusion he experienced with the door once again returned.
"One second ago, you two were statues…" she said, awkwardly. The taller one gave her a skeptical look.
"Statues?" he laughed, "No, we live and breathe as you do? Couldn't you tell?"
"No," Vi shook her head, "You were standing so still. I don't think you were even breathing." The shorter one folded his arms.
"Well, if you wanted to know if we were alive so badly all you needed to do was ask," he said. Vi paused in silence.
"Who are you two?" she asked, wondering if it was a good idea to explore a bit more.
"Ah, yes!" the larger man clapped, "Names, the most important element in proper introductions. I am Tweedle-Dari." He gave a bow, the other man followed the action.
"And I am Tweedle-Drav," he said. A bell rung in Vi's head.
"Darius and Draven!" she cried out, their names coming back to her. The two brothers scratched each other's heads.
"That's your name?" asked Tweedle-Dari, "How can you have two when there's only one of you?"
"No, those are your names," said Vi.
"Are you deaf, girl?" questioned Tweedle-Drav, "We just told you our names were Tweedle-Dari and Tweedle-Drav."
"I know, but-"
"Now, tell us yours," Dari didn't give her a chance to finish. Vi sighed in defeat.
"Vi," she simply said. Both Tweedles blinked in confusion.
"Vi?" questioned Drav, "As in 5? Your name is a number?" Vi raised a finger, only to have Dari talk over her.
"Well, wait! Your little face tattoo says 'V.I' therefore your name must be 6 and not 5!" he pointed out.
"No," said Vi, "That's how it's spelled. My name is Vi, and it's spelled-"
"Good grief, woman!" cried Drav, "First you don't know what your own name is and now, you tell us that you can spell out numbers!? You can't spell out 6! You can only count to it!"
"Actually," said Dari, "You can! S-I-X."
"You can!" Drav gripped his temples and gave a cry of anguish, "Everything I know is a lie!"
"For the last time! My name is Vi!" the enforcer yelled, beginning to feel that she was fighting a losing battle.
"Oh, so now its 5 again?" asked Dari. Vi pinched the bridge of her nose. At least she tried.
"Ok, fine, it's Six. My name is Six. There, happy?"
"Oh it is?" asked Drav, "Well, why didn't you say that in the first place and save me the migraines? Anyway, nice to meet you, Six."
"Yup," added Dari, "Happy day." Lunatics thought Vi. She preferred them both as the bloodthirsty Noxians they were before.
"Well, this has been fun, but I gotta go," Vi began to walk away, "Psychopath on the loose and…you know how it is." Tweedle-Dari quickly intercepted her.
"But we just met you! Don't you want to stay and visit?" he asked. Vi's answer came instantly.
"No." Tweedle-Drav suddenly appeared at her other side.
"Well, we'd be bad hosts for letting you leave so soon, so please stay! We insist!"
"But I-" Vi was then lifted off her feet as the two men carried her over to a nearby log and sat her down. Tweedle-Dari then placed her on his lap as if he was a mall Santa.
"Now," he said, putting an arm around her, "How do you feel about word games?" Vi's answer was slow and awkward.
"Um…I don't like them too much."
"Wonderful, I suck at them myself. I mean I can't do a crossword to save my life."
"Oh!" chimed in Drav, "How about poetry?" He then proceeded to pull out a mile long roll of paper from beneath his stripped hat. He cleared his throat as he read aloud.
"Ode to the Mess of Purple Gunk I found in the Drain of my Bathroom Sink one November Morning…"
"How about no?" Dari stopped the dramatic reading, "We need something more like…a…I know! A story ought to liven the spirits!"
"Yes! A sound idea!" agreed Drav, "What do you think, Six?"
"I think that this counts as a hostage situation," deadpanned Vi. Dari set her down and stood up with Drav.
"Now, this is a story that our mother used to tell us when we were very small," he announced, "It's about right, wrong, love, hate, dark, light, good, evil…"
"It's about infanticide," cut in Drav, who received an elbow in his side.
"Shh! Spoilers!" hissed Dari, "It's called 'The River King and the Explorer."
"Or, 'The Story of the Morbidly Obese Catfish who Committed Mass Infanticide for Absolutely No Discernable Reason." Tweedle-Drav added.
Vi sat uncomfortably on the long as the captive audience.
….
Once upon a time…
….
"Oh, no, no," interrupted Tweedle-Dari.
"What?" asked Tweedle-Drav.
"Not 'Once Upon a Time', how many people have heard 'Once Upon a Time' at the beginning?" Drav paused in thought.
"You're right. Stop the story, we're not doing that; here's what we're going to do…"
…..
The sun was shining on the snow
Shining with all her might
She did her very best to make
The icecaps smooth and bright
And this was odd because it was
The middle of the night
The River King (Tahm Kench) and the Explorer (Ezreal) were walking down the Frejord. The white mass of frosted water climbed up to their knees as they trudged on to destinations unknown. The life of wanderers was mystery with everyday bringing new uncertainties. The Explorer swung his goggles around in circles by the head band while the River King puffed on a cigar.
Mr. River King
Said the Explorer
My brain begins to perk
We'll sweep this clear
In half a year
If you don't mind the work
The River King coughed up black smoke after a rough inhale that went down the wrong pipe. "Work!?" he repeated, how he hated hearing that word.
The time has come
The River King said
To talk of other things
Of shoes and ships and sealing wax
Of cabbages and kings
And why the sea is boiling hot
And whether pigs have wings
Calloo-Callay
No work today!
We're cabbages and kings
"You lost me at sealing wax, sir," said the Explorer.
"Don't listen to the words, son, just enjoy the poetic flow," answered the River King. The Explorer shrugged.
"It's because of an attitude like that we have to sleep in the carcass of a boar every night."
"Don't question me! I wear a suit and top hat!" If the Explorer had a nickel every time he heard that…
The light haired boy continuing walking ahead while the River King lumbered behind. The Explorer suddenly stopped in his tracks and called for his companion. When the River King saw what the matter was, he licked his lips.
The two had come across a Poro nesting ground. The little balls of fur bustled about in the deep snow while the largest one with a tiny crown, the king, watched over them.
"Do you know what this means?" the River Kings asked the Explorer.
"Yes, Poros are experts when it comes to food-gathering. Perhaps we might be able to befriend them with acts of kindness, then maybe they'll share their food with us." Not the answer the River King was looking for, but he took it anyway.
"Ok, sure, let's do that." Idiot.
The River King entered the nesting grounds, cigar in mouth and strutting in a very gentlemanly manner. The Poros gazed up briefly before letting out squeaks of alarm and burrowing into the snow. The catfish gave a hearty laugh as he spoke.
Oh, uh, Poros, come and walk with us
The day is warm and bright
A pleasant walk
A pleasant talk
Would be a sheer delight
The Poros rose from the snow slightly as the honeyed words seem to draw them in. The Explorer then spoke up.
Yes, should we get hungry on the way
We'll stop and, uh, have a bite
Cue the Poros becoming alarmed and diving right back into the snow. The River King glared at the Explorer.
"Hey, son, come here. You have something on your face." The Explorer leaned in, only to get fin-slapped across the face.
"Shut your voice hole and let me do the talking!"
But King Poro winked his eye
And shook his light head
He knew too well this was no time
To leave his nesting bed
The nest is nice
Take my advice
And stay right here
The Poro King said
The River King stepped in front of the crowned Poro and kicked him aside, sending him flying into a nearby snow bank and out of sight.
Yes, of course but
The time has come my little friends
To talk of other things
Of shoes and ships and sealing wax
Of cabbages and kings
And why the sea is boiling hot
And whether pigs have wings
Come, run away
With cabbages and kings
The Poros continued staring up at the River King, so confused as to what he just said. He had lost them at sealing wax.
"Just listen to him," said the Explorer, "He's wearing a suit and a top hat." Good enough for the Poros and they didn't hesitate in following the River King out of the nesting grounds.
The duo led them to a nearby cave where the Explorer had quickly set up a crude camp ground. He started a fire and melted snow into boiling water for warm drinks to go around. The River King sat the Poros around him as he once again licked his lips. The Explorer then set the boiling water down in the middle and sat down with them.
Well, now, uh, let me see…AH!
A bundle of icicles is what we chiefly need
"Oh, good idea," said the Explorer, "We can have popsicles!" He then left the cave in search for such. With him gone, the River King rubbed his hands together and gathered the Poros close to him. The little creatures, who had once been so comfortable, became uneasy.
Now, if your ready, Poros, dear
We can begin the feed
Feed?!
Oh, yes
The time has come my little friends
To talk of food and things
The Explorer returned to the cave momentarily, a bundle of icicles secured under his arm. Before he could sit back down he noticed the River King, rubbing his belly and sucking his fingers one after the other.
I weep for you
I deeply sympathize
For I've enjoyed your company
Much more then you realized
"Uh…where are the Poros?" asked the Explorer.
But their answer, there came none
And this was scarcely odd because
They'd been eaten
Every one!
The Explorer stared down at the tiny white hairs that lay on the cave floor with the tiny bits of little horns. Utterly stupefied, he turned around and faced the River King, who was trying to leave the cave without being noticed. The Explorer gripped the icicles like they were daggers.
"I can't believe you did that…" he murmured.
"Now, let's not do anything extreme…" stuttered the River King, "Cabbages and Kings, remember?" The Explorer began approaching him slowly.
"Oh, you see…I'm going to have lunch too…and the main course is catfish!"
"Wel…uh…the time has come!" the River King cried and sprinted out the cave with the Explorer in pursuit, waving around the icicles like butcher knives.
Eventually the chase across the Frejord led them to a cliff. The River King stopped at the edge that overlooked the frozen lake below. He was suddenly tackled by the rampaging Explorer and both fell off the ledge to the ice below. For hoots, let's add the Goofy scream as they fell.
….
"The end!" Tweedle-Dari and Tweedle-Drav announced as they posed dramatically. They paused, expecting an applause of some sort but none came. They soon found out that they were talking to a blank log.
"Hey! Where'd Six go?" asked Dari.
"Oh," recalled Drav, "She left the second we began the story."
"She did?"
"I thought you knew." Dari then buried his face in his hands.
"See!? I always keep telling you that story was stupid! Goddamit! Why do I always listen to you!?" Drav scratched his chin.
"I don't know…why do you?"