AN: Updates are back on a weekly basis. Sorry for the wait (assuming people are reading this).
Vi had hidden herself within the shrubbery nearby while the Tweedles continued their juvenile banter. Eventually the novelty of hearing two fully grown men argue about whose head is bigger wore off. Vi remained in hiding until the arguing died down and the brothers had left. Dusting away the leaves that clung to her, the Piltover enforcer emerged.
"What is wrong with everyone here? This place is just begging to be…no," Vi calmed herself, "It's fine, I'm cool. Totally under control…I got this."
With nowhere else to go, Vi set back down the path and took extreme caution to not deter from it. She gave the occasional head turn as she progressed, not being able to help the fact that she might be followed. In this perfectly good example of a festering manhole of an alternate reality, anything can truly happen.
Moments later, Vi's march ended. She rubbed her eyes to make sure that she wasn't seeing things. Yet another open area within the forest presented itself, and in that area sat a house. It was far too nice and decorated to belong to a woods hermit. In fact, there was even a mail box out in front of the porch. The house itself was pretty much matched the description of a children's book; square shape, two windows, a triangular roof with a chimney, etc, etc. The color also demanded attention. The lower base and second floor of the house were colored ocean blue while the roof was light pink. For the standard of this wonderland, that seemed a little mundane. To the side was even a patch of vegetables, eggplants to be exact.
Vi folded her arms as she walked through the picket fence gate and up to the front door. She really didn't know what to expect, but whoever lived here would probably tell her where she is…or maybe even where she was going.
Before Vi could do so much as lay a knuckle on the wooden door, it flew open towards her. Vi jumped back, narrowly avoiding getting smashed…and blitzed by the certain blue haired rabbit girl who rushed out of the house.
"Onward! Upward! Downward! I must go! I am later than ever!" she yelled as she ran out the door and past Vi.
"Jinx!" the enforcer roared, assuming a boxing stance, "You're not going anywhere!"
For the first time in a while, Jinx actually came to a stop before running out the front gate, she even turned around to face Vi. She blinked a couple of times before her rabbit ears perked up and her brow furrowed.
"Marry Ann!" she pointed, "What are you doing out here?"
"I'm sorry…what?" Vi lowered her gauntlets, supremely questioning what she just heard.
"Dammit, Mary Ann! This is life and death here! This is not a time to be fiddling around outdoors!" Jinx sized her up, her smaller height forced her to glare up at Vi, whose voice dropped a few decibels when she spoke.
"Jinx, I swear, if you think that this is a game-"
"Why are you still here!?" yelled Jinx, "Confound your hallow head! Quick, Marry Ann! Inside now! Fetch my gloves! Now!" A nerve in Vi had been struck. She was a rebel by nature, she hated being told what to do. The fact that it was Jinx, her hated nemesis, added insult to injury.
"Jinx…I'm going to kill-" The white rabbit girl ceased her by the shoulders roughly and spun her one eighty, then shoved her through the doorway into the house.
"Move bitch!"
Jinx slammed the door shut before Vi could try to leave. At that point, she was ready to punch a hole through said door and strangle Jinx with her own hair. However, it soon dawned on her that this house was obviously Jinx's. Vi's theory was that this place was her safe house in this land and maybe she was trying to act ignorant to throw her off and drive her crazy. Maybe that was Jinx's plan all along, lure Vi into a dimension that can diminish her sanity…just like herself. Perhaps, there was a map or blueprint of this realm somewhere in this house. Speaking of house, the inside looked like it belonged on a cover of an interior design magazine. Not a single spot on the wall was left untouched, all adorned with picture frames, clocks, and cupboards. A couch and lounge were nearby with the flight of stairs to the second floor next to it.
Vi went to the upper level. If there was anything of interest, it had to be in Jinx's room. The second floor mainly consisted of a hall leading down to a single door, the master bedroom. As Vi entered, she gave the queen sized bed a light kick. Sure enough, it jiggled. Leave it to Jinx to sleep in a water bed. The room, aside from the bed, only had a window and a dresser.
A top of the dresser was a silver box, about as big as a lock box, with engravings on it (Jinx's name in cursive if you're interested). Vi snapped her fingers, something of use had to be in there. Her hopes were quickly dashed when she removed the lid.
Candy, and a lot of it, was all the box had to offer. Small mint shaped candies filled it to the brim. "Damn," Vi deadpanned, "Well at least I still get to punch Jinx in the face."
She was about to leave the room, when she reached down and scooped up a handful of the candies. Call it a natural reflex, opening a candy box and taking whatever was inside, or maybe Vi just had a minor case of the munchies. After swallowing, an all too familiar sensation came over her. Vi's heart of wood sank, she knew what it was and proceeded to place a hand over her head and brace for impact.
As she had feared, her head smashed against the ceiling. Small dust clouds of plaster showered down on her hair, leaving grey spots in the pink. Vi brought her knees up to her chest as she sat down. She wrapped one of her arms around them. Her other was out of commission as it had crashed through the window and dangled outside. The room around her had tightened around her to the point where she could barely fit at all. Vi snorted in annoyance, aware of the fact she had once again eaten something that caused her to grow.
"Great, this again," she sighed, feeling as if she had squeezed her way into a dollhouse. The door suddenly erupted with pounding; loud, sporadic, and rapid.
"Mary Ann," called Jinx, "I'm respecting your privacy by knocking but asserting my authority as your mistress by coming in anyway."
The door was then knocked off its hinges and fell to the floor, with Jinx on it. The rabbit girl picked herself and needed only to take a few steps before slamming into one of Vi's boots. She gave it a quizzical look before slowly staring up at the giantess which was stuck in her room. Vi gave her an acknowledging stare.
"Ok, trust me, this isn't the worse position you've ever caught me in."
"AAAAH!" Jinxed screamed in terror, "Monster! Monster in my house!"
She turned heel and ran, screaming at the top of her lungs and knocking down every picture on the wall as she passed by. Vi simply shrugged and laid slightly back against the now fragile wall. There was suddenly the sound of shattering glass then a thud. Vi glanced down the hallway and could see a broken window at the end.
"And…the lunatic threw herself out the freakin' window…"
Jinx's screams still continued outside. Vi could watch her from the window as she sprinted down the path and out of sight in the woods. All the while screaming, "Help! Help! There's a monster in my house! A hideous, nasty, pink haired brute of unrelenting destruction!" Vi could remember one point in time a Demacian describing her as the same thing.
Nonetheless, she sat in silence, staring up at the ceiling inches away from her face, and blowing the plaster away from her mouth.
A short while later, Vi could hear Jinx coming back towards the house. It sounded as if someone else was now with her.
"Oh, it's awful, Mr. Archduke! It really is! You must see!" Jinx yelled.
"Archduke?" questioned Vi. She looked out the window and could see that Jinx was practically dragging someone by the hand. A humanoid-dog figure that greatly resembled Nasus, the champion from Shurima. Only now, he was wearing a monocle and even a fake mustache. He also ran the extra mile in wearing a suit and top hat (just what we need for this fanfic, another character with a suit and hat, trust me this is the last one). He moved and spoke much more relaxed then Jinx did.
"Yes, of course, neighbor. What seems to be the problem this time? Have the fire ants returned to the cupboard? Has the sink overflowed again? Oh, had your backyard once again become the site of sexual encounters between strangers?"
"It's a monster! And it's inside my house! Look!" Jinx pointed to Vi's giant arm sticking outside the second story window. The Archduke adjusted his monocle at the sight and gave a nod.
"Yes, that is troubling, indeed," he said, "But you have no need to worry. It seems that your house has just grown a limb, perfectly natural. In fact, my estate just grew a leg out the chimney just last month."
"No!" screamed Jinx, "That's the monster's arm! It's in my house!"
"Jinx," Vi finally spoke up, "Whose out there with you?" The white rabbit girl gasped.
"See!? It speaks! Don't listen to its frothy words! It only seeks to consume your very soul!" Jinx dropped to her knees.
"Yes, well," spoke the Archduke, "This is indeed a situation of the foremost urgency and you were right to fetch me. I will attempt to exorcise this beast from your home. And I will do so by using the most prestigious of methods."
The Archduke trotted under Vi's arm and gave it a poke. Vi twitched her hand in response.
"You!" the Archduke called.
"Yeah?" responded Vi.
"Outta this house!"
"I can't, I'm too big," said Vi. The Archduke nodded knowingly before turning to Jinx.
"The beast speaks in a dialogue which I cannot fully understand," he told her.
"Um…I'm speaking plain English here," said Vi.
"Ah, yes, I understood that. The beast states that she had no desire to leave the house and requests that you, and I quote, 'suck a big one'." The Archduke informed Jinx.
"I'm, uh, really starting to not like you, whoever you are." Vi growled.
"So, it won't leave!? What shall we do!?" cried Jinx. The Archduke gave her a fatherly pat on the head.
"Worry not, my neighbor. There is but one solution," the Archduke paused impressively, "We must burn the house to the ground."
"WHAT!?" Vi and Jinx shouted in unintentional unison.
"But you can't!" the rabbit girl protested.
"No, I must," said the Archduke, "It is the only way to rid a monster of this scale. You must trust me, I deal with things like this on a regular basis and I am so not making this up as I go along to seem impressive and not a stupid hack with a scatterbrain. Now, do you have any-" he eyes the wooden front door, "Ah, that'll do nicely."
He then proceeded to rip the door from its frame and break it down into small wooden scraps. He then began rubbing two sticks together over the pile in attempt to start a fire. All to Jinx's protests.
"But it's my house!" she argued.
"Yes! It's her house!" Vi chimed in. The Archduke continued with the sticks.
"Firstly, monster that inhabits this house, watch your language."
"But I didn't-"
"Secondly, it's not a big loss. You can simply obtain a new house."
"How!?" asked Jinx.
"You plant a seed in your garden, water it and give it sunlight." The Archduke explained.
"How many toys are in your attic?" Vi asked the obvious madman. The Archduke stirred again.
"Giantess, if you don't learn to form sentences without the use of profanity, I will personally wash your mouth out with soap," a spark emitted from the two sticks, "Ah, shouldn't be long now."
Vi's eyes darted around the miniature room for something, anything, that could shrink her down to size. Nothing was within her reach in the house, but there was the eggplant patch.
Vi quickly lowered her arm that was outside down to ground level and reached for an eggplant from the patch that was right below her hand. It was like picking up a bread crumb with a wire cutter, but she managed to pick one. Vi didn't waste the precious seconds to chew it, she just swallowed it whole.
Outside, the Archduke had put together a makeshift torch while Jinx watched with mixed opinions about this whole ordeal. She was somewhat startled by a ringing sound from her dress pocket. The source was her pocket watch, the device known for causing her so much anxiety. And that's just what it did, she gave the mini clock face one look and just like that; panic was evoked.
"Damn!" she cried, "Thanks to this monkey shine, I've forgotten how late I am! Why I'm even later then I was before! Oh, I might just set a record for being the latest, in fact! I must go at once!"
Jinx once again resumed her frantic run to wherever it was she was going, down the path to the woods.
The Archduke had finally gotten the torch lit with a flickering ball of fire. However before he could set fire to the house, he noticed that Vi's arm was no longer sticking out the window. The Piltover Enforcer, resized to all her glory, then rushed out of the doorway and past the Archduke. So fast that the torch was blown out.
"Jinx! This isn't over!" she yelled as she ran into the forest after her target, "Not by a long shot!"
The Archduke was left alone by the now empty house. Sighing to himself, he got back onto his knees and began to rub the sticks together once more.
"I'm burning this house down even if it's the last thing I ever do."
….
Vi continued running through the woods regardless of the fact that Jinx was no longer in her sight. And to think that she had come so close.
As she ventured deeper through the foliage, Vi couldn't help but feel that the trees were somehow getting taller by the second. It came to her as a strange suspicion at first, then gradually grew to a terrible realization; she was shrinking still, little by little.
"Crap!" shouted Vi as she shrunk down to the size of an insect. Now, the blades of grass even seemed to outgrow her.
She had stopped running by then, now in an ant sized state. She wasn't so sure if she had a chance anymore. She thought she had this place figured out, but it threw her a curve ball. If this forest didn't stretch on forever (Vi bet it did, given this land's maddening nature), then it was a heart stabber to think of how long it would take her find Jinx at this size let alone find a way back home.
Vi's spirit wilting was interrupted when she suddenly caught the scent of burning tobacco accompanied with the smooth recitation of Haikus.