AN: Wasn't really dead!
The scenery changed for the better as Vi entered through the gate. It no longer felt like a never ending wilderness trying to test the limits of her sanity. The garden was rather cheery, crowded with hedge mazes, bushels of colorful flowers (mostly red), and trees with roses growing out from their limbs. The grass she treaded on was neatly cut as a golf course fairway was. Close by, Vi was greeted by a royal palace. Demacians would be jealous at its elegant architecture. The garden as it turned out, seemed to make up the mammoth acres of the front yard. The palace was adorned with heart shaped windows and doors and its palette never deviated to far from shades of red.
Everything here sort of sang to Vi, a scene so beautiful that it could go on a postcard or inside a snow globe. The birds chirping, the light breeze, the beauty and majesty of the well-kept garden, the human sized cards with arms and legs painting roses on a shrub…wait…oh…this is going to be one of those times, isn't it?
Three playing cards, arms and legs spouting out from their respective corners. Their heads displayed the splitting images of a royal guard, helmet and all. Their square, two dimensional torsos each had a different number, while they all appeared to be spades; Three, Five, and Eight of spades apparently. They rotated about the shrub, picking the, oddly enough, white roses and dunking them in a bucket full of red paint it seemed before placing them back on and allowing them to dry. Vi had to be honest, she had been caught off guard here. As she approached them, the Three of spades was scolding the eight.
"Hey! Let the excess paint drip into the bucket! Not on the grass! Do you want to get caught!?"
"Well, maybe I would be more careful if Five wasn't rushing me!" The Eight card snorted. The Five card's tone was much calmer.
"Not my fault you work at the pace of a snail."
"Um…hey," Vi said, now standing by them and eyeing their activities. All cards jumped, startled out of their minds.
"Who are you!?" cried the Eight of Spades, "Did the Queen send you!? You rat us out and I swear to whatever god you have the preference of worshipping that it will be the last thing you will ever do!" Vi held her hands out in front of her as if saying 'whoa, cool it!' Again, the Five of Spades came to the rescue with his more reserved voice.
"Forgive my nervous wreck of a cohort, he tends to enter the mindset of a scared child every now and then." Vi glanced at the dripping roses on the shrub.
"What exactly are you doing?" she asked.
"Painting, her majesty, the Red Queen's roses. We had initially expected the roses to bloom in their usual shade of red, but unfortunately they're white. We must've planted the albino seeds by mistake. They must be made red before the Queen notices, she expects perfection," explained Five.
"It's your fault!" pointed Three, "You planted the seeds in the first place!"
"Well, excuse me! I-" The Five card's assertions were suddenly cut off by the thundering trumpeting of horns. Beneath their helmets, all three of the card guards' faces instantly dropped as they screamed in terror.
"Oh, no! The Queen!" they cried, frantically running about in circles.
The doors of the palace opened. Out spilled, in a shuffle like fashion, at least fifty more of the living playing cards. Clubs, Spades, Diamonds, and Hearts numbering all from two to ten. They formed a huddle of epic proportions around Vi and the other three guards (who were now gripping each other tightly and shivering uncontrollably).
The card army around them came to a stop and stood at attention, some of them had spears at their sides with the tips pointing upwards. It was then a portion of them moved aside, creating a path through the crowd. Who emerged in the open among the guards, trumpet in hand and pocket watch hanging from her dress, made Vi's blood boil.
"Jinx…"
The White Rabbit girl blew her horn once more before standing at attention like the guards.
"Announcing the arrival of her majesty, the Ruler of Wonderland; The Queen of Hearts!" she boomed, her posture straightening even more.
The cards broke into a wild applause as a woman entered from the darkness of the palace interior. Her red and heart clad dress rendered her size to that of a church bell and a scarlet cape dragged on the ground behind her. Her scepter and crown dazzled in the light of the sun that was oddly fixed on her. Vi wasn't taken back by standing in the presence of a ruler, it was who she resembled that blew her mind.
"Caitlyn!"
Indeed, the Red Queen was Wonderland's twist on the Sheriff of Piltover and Vi's very own partner herself. Her brows were furrowed and her eyes narrowed, the Queen was looking for trouble.
The White Rabbit Jinx stood proudly before she suddenly felt a light tug at her leg.
Enter the Swift Scout, Teemo, adorned with a cap, crown, and lord's garb accommodating his Yordle frame. He looked up at the White Rabbit, smile on his face and head nodding in excitement. The Jinx double rolled her eyes.
"Oh, right," she sighed, "And announcing her highness' husband. The King of Hearts."
The little king raised a tiny hand in salute to his subjects. Unlike the Queen, no sports game like cheering welcomed his arrival. Instead, a single member of the guard clapped wildly. This was followed by an unseen patron shouting 'yeah boy!'
Vi was stupefied. The ruler of this Wonderland was Caitlyn. Of course, she knew this wasn't the exact woman she fought crime with back in Piltover, but still. Not only that, but Jinx, their hated nemesis, also appeared to be her squire. Was this what she was late for? Also, why is Teemo the king?
Everyone watched as the Queen marched over to the rose shrub. The three cards who had been trying to paint the flowers bit their nails as she expected it closely. It was a rose that was dripping red liquid that had caught her eye. The Queen lightly brought a finger to it and gave it a light poke. The tip of her gloved finger was then coated with scarlet paint. Her head tilted at this.
"Roses don't leak," she growled before raising her voice, "Who's been painting my roses!?" Her roar caused everyone around her to tense up, even those not involved. Except for Vi, she always found amusement when Caitlyn got mad, her accent really sticks out when her voice is raised (which alone is a rare sight to behold). The Three of Spades sprang into action.
"It was Eight, your highness! It was Eight who is the culprit!"
"No! He lies!" cried the Eight card, "It's Five! It was his idea!" He pointed at the odd numbered card.
"Please, you majesty!" begged the Five of Spades, "We were only trying to help!"
"Silence!" roared the Red Queen, stomping her foot, "Let me see your hands!"
With their mistress' shadow completely engulfed them, the Three, Five, and Eight of Spades held their shaking hands out in front of them, palms open. Upon her brief investigation, the red paint stains upon their graspers caught the Queen's vision. She nodded silently before turning around to her multitude of subjects.
"Off with their heads!" she announced, glee somewhat evident in her tone.
The three Spade guards' screams of horror were muffled by the volume of the other cards' cheers of praise towards their leader. From the crowd, a few Diamond cards emerged and seized the guilty three by their arms and began to drag them off to the palace through the crowd. The painter cards cried and pleaded for mercy as they were forcefully traced to their doom. The little Red King hurried them along as they approached the palace doors.
"You heard the Queen! Off with their heads! Be quick now! Off with their heads as she demands! As does the King!" Poor guy, only trying to make his small self heard.
Now, Vi was the only one within the small circle the guard had trapped her in, still rather confused out of her mind. She had remained directly next to the rose shrub, awaiting an audience with the Queen. The Caitlyn-like ruler gave her chest a rough poke.
"And you are?" she interrogated, her voice now at room volume. Vi gulped, this had to be the final attempt Wonderland would make to drive her insane; taking her best friend and twisting her into a barbaric tyrant in the guise of royalty. The Enforcer was about to speak, but was quickly cut off by the accusing voice of the White Rabbit Jinx.
"I know who she is! She's that strange pink-haired brute that has been following me all day!" She gave a finger point of accusation.
"…at one point you called me Mary Ann," said Vi, remembering the episode at her house earlier.
"Oh my poor Mary Ann!" the White Rabbit girl moaned dramatically, "Don't you dare bring her into this! My house servant passed away in a tragic encounter with a home invading, giant monster!" a brief moment of silence… "What a way to go…."
"…I was also that 'monster'," said Vi, imagining how all this sounded to the Queen.
"Stranger, why do you stalk my squire?" asked the Red ruler. Vi saw fit to fib a bit here. To tell the Queen that one of her staff was in fact a dangerous criminal without any direct evidence would most likely end up with her own head in a basket beneath an axes man.
"I was…just curious to see where she was going…" her answer was spoken with a great deal of awkwardness.
"Well," the Red Queen said, understandingly, "Since you are here…in my garden…trespassing…I have but one question to ask you…" Why did she speak so menacingly?
"Which is?" Vi asked, her fight or die mode about to activate.
"Are you able to play croquet? I'm having a match today and we're short a player."
"Not sure…" Vi shrugged at the odd question, "I've never played before."
The Queen of Hearts smiled and slammed the bottom of her scepter against the soil. "Good enough! Prepare the garden! We have a game!"
The card guards around her once again erupted into cheering and orderly lined up behind the Queen in an escort. Vi, the White Rabbit Jinx, and the Red King Teemo walked alongside her as they made their way to the palace's mammoth backyard.
"Your majesty, you cannot be serious!" the White Rabbit Jinx tugged on her mistress' sleeve, "To allow this outside to take part in our games! She clearly has a dark side, she shouldn't be trusted!"
The Red Queen gave her squire a rough bop on the head with her scepter, shortly after, the little Red King also leaped up and also struck her in the same spot with the scepter of his own.
"Don't question me, Squire!" barked the Caitlyn Queen, "I am the one with the crown!"
"Obey the royalty!" the Teemo King chimed in.
Vi couldn't help but giggle at the brief pain the White Rabbit experienced. Even when she was shot a glare by the girl rubbing her head, her amusement continued. Perhaps this was all worth it.
"So…your highness," Vi constructed her words carefully, the Red Queen was like a firework that could go off at any moment, "Does the name Caitlyn ring a bell of any kind?" Worth a shot.
The Queen didn't stop walking, but she took a pause before responding, "No, I can't say that it does…though I must admit, it is a rather pretty name…"
Should've guessed. Vi remained quiet until they reached the palace's backyard. Beyond the neatly set patio and balcony that hung above it, was a baseball sized field. The floral life was lessened among this area, making room for the neatly cut grass where sporting events would be held, in this case; croquet.
"Vi? Is that you? Salutations!" The Enforcer was suddenly taken aback by the familiar voice coming from a table on the patio deck.
The Wonderland Duchess, Sejuani, rose from her seat and approached her.
"You can't tell how pleased I am to see you," she said, wrapping Vi in a happy embrace. Again, so unlike the real Sejuani.
"Oh, hi," Vi said, giving an ironic snicker, guess the Duchess had a membership in the bi-polar club with the Mad Hatter, seeing how she was never this happy. But she didn't have to deal with the constant crying of her 'child'. The Red Queen raised a brow at the two.
"Duchess, you know this stranger?" she asked.
"Yes, my friend, she visited me earlier today. Charming little child, isn't she?" Who is this and what has she done with the Duchess?
"Now that we are all here," the Queen clapped her hands together, "Let the game begin!"
The Card Guards saluted before scrambling to positons they were assigned. Some headed out into the field while other remained where they were, serving as spectators.
"Bring forth, the mallets and balls!" ordered the Queen.
Two guards came forward; one was walking four flamingo like creatures by leashes attached to collars around their necks while the one that walked beside him held a basket full of rodents like porcupines. If this wasn't odd enough, all of the animals appeared to be in pairs of different colors. There was a green, blue, yellow, and red flamingo accompanied by a porcupine of the matching color.
"Setting up a petting zoo here, or something?" Vi asked humorously, motioning to the animals. The Queen gave her a funny look.
"Why, those are the mallets and balls, girl," she retorted, "Were you raised under a rock?"
The Queen and Duchess both grabbed a flamingo by their legs, the Queen taking the red one and the Duchess with the yellow one. The two women handled them with such mastery, they held them upside down with the flamingos' heads inches from the ground, kind of like the heads of croquet mallets. The two flamingos even straightened their postures as they were suspended, giving their narrow bodies the shape of shafts.
Vi was handed her flamingo, the green one. She awkwardly held it by its body like bagpipes as it dangled in her hold. A small part of her didn't even think that this flamingo was even conscious anymore when it entered her arms. At least, she wasn't the only one struggling. The White Rabbit Jinx, revealed to be the fourth player, was currently locked in a match of mortal combat with the blue flamingo. The bird snapped its beak at her while she threw punches at its head.
"Foul beast!" she hollered, "Submit to me at once!"
The blue flamingo squawked loudly at her, the White Rabbit girl then covered her mouth in offence.
"Oh! Leave my mother out of this!"
"Let the game begin!" announced the King, taking the role of the referee, "Everyone to their places!" He was suddenly struck on the head by his wife.
"Wait a minute!" the Red Queen scolded him, "I'm the Queen! I'll everyone when the game begins…" she took a pause, during which a cricket chirped, "Ok, Let the game begin! Everyone to their places!"
A select few of the card guards (card guards, that's fun to say) rushed out onto the field and arranged themselves in a line. They promptly dropped into a plank position before arching their backs, mimicking the appearance of croquet wickets. The Red King then assumed the role of the referee.
"Rules are simple; hit your ball through all the hoops to win," he announced, "As is Wonderland tradition; the Queen of Hearts has the honors."
Applause accompanied the Queen as she made her way to the starting point. Her flamingo hung over her shoulder in submission while she held the quivering porcupine like a stress ball. She set the rodent on the ground and took aim with the bird. With a golf-like execution and follow through, the porcupine was off. The 'ball' swiftly shot through all the 'wickets', give it that some of the posing card guards moved a bit in order to make it so. Guess they didn't want to lose their heads.
The Red Queen Caitlyn bowed before gracefully stepping down from the starting line. Still, struggling with her own flamingo, Vi sighed as she waited for her turn. A few couple rounds on the Rift sound really good right about now…
….
For the entire hour of the game, the Red Queen and Duchess were in steady competition. In fact, they seemed to be the only ones capable of playing. Many tie breakers had to be held. Vi had given up mid game, since her flamingo never seemed to cooperate with her and even when she did cut a break and manage to actually hit a good shot, the card guards would always move out of the way before her porcupine could go under them. Meanwhile, White Rabbit Jinx could only do so much to help her standing in the match as she was highly focused on winning her feud with her assigned flamingo. Even with the game over, the two continued their conflict. From where she sat, Vi watched the rabbit girl and the bird do battle that carried the same weight as two kindergarteners arguing.
"Back! Back I say!" the Rabbit Jinx held up a javelin she had randomly acquired in the flamingo's direction.
The bird let out a defying screech before ripping the weapon from her grasp and flinging it away. It squawked in an insulting tone. The White Rabbit Jinx suddenly brought her hands to her chest, gasping in shock.
"They just haven't grown in yet! I have a hormone disorder!"
Another squawk from the flamingo.
"Oh! It's on now!" The blue haired girl lunged at the bird and tackled it to the ground as they began a very unorthodox form of wrestling.
Vi again chuckled at the sight. But despite small moments of victories like this, she still felt defeated. It was all a lie, a wild goose chase. The Jinx that resided in this twisted plane of existence wasn't the super criminal she had encountered so many times. It was at this point when Vi had no more questions. Majority of them she had figured out herself and the others, she didn't want to know.
I want to go home Be it out loud or mentally, the Piltover Enforcer had never said that phrase since the time she was caught in her first shoot out when she was but a scared pre-teen. Her head rested on the knuckles of her left gauntlet.
"Oh, there you are…" a cracking and familiar voice purred above Vi. She didn't have to move an inch in order for the Cheshire Ziggs to materialize atop of her head.
"Cheshire," Vi simply said, allowing the cat/Yordle hybrid to leap from her pink hair and onto the patio table she sat at, "What are you doing here?"
"I heard you were playing croquet with the Queen," he said, "Few have that honor. I came here to cheer you on…but it looks like the game is over. Did you win?"
"No," huffed Vi, "It's not exactly the easiest thing when you're playing with a fully grown flamingo as a stick." The Cheshire Ziggs nodded.
"Oh, see that's the problem. You have to use a Dodo bird, you get more power and the swing goes through much easier." Vi didn't say anything.
"So, did you ever find the White Rabbit?" The Cheshire Ziggs then noticed the Wonderland Jinx off to the side still in a violent confrontation with her flamingo. Currently, she was trying to convince the bird that no matter what it said, she would not go make love to a cactus.
"So you did find what you're looking for…" purred the grinning cat/Yordle.
"Yes and no," said Vi, "She's not who I think she is. Neither is the Queen, the Duchess, or even you. I've been chasing a freaking chamberlain this entire time. I really don't know how much more of this I can deal with here…I just want to go home."
"You don't have to be sad," laughed the Cheshire Ziggs, "Here, this will cheer you up!"
Casually, he lifted his head from his shoulders and slowly rotated it around making a 'wee' sound to really sell it. Amusement never presented itself to Vi.
"Well, that work?" asked the Cheshire Ziggs, placing his head back onto his body, "Works all the time on kiddies and adults alike."
"No," deadpanned Vi, "If I was a kid I'd probably never go near a cat again now…I think you just ruined cats for me…" For the first time, the Cheshire Ziggs frowned but only for a second.
"Is the part where you ask me how you can get home coming up yet?" he asked.
"I wasn't going to-"
"Yes, you were," he countered, "You're too predictable, asking everyone about everything regardless of who they are."
"Well, do you?" asked Vi.
"Do I what?"
"Do you know how to get me home?"
"Of course, who doesn't?" the Cheshire Ziggs then cleared his throat, "In order to get back to the place you call home, is to…"
The cat/Yordle was cut off by the back door of the palace flying open. He vanished into thin air, sensing that danger was on the way. Vi was about to yell at him to come back when high pitch screaming silenced her.
Out from the palace, ran yet another member of the Queen of Hearts' court. A little girl in a heart decorated dress and a teddy bear under her arm. Her eyes were flooded with tears as she ran for dear life. When Vi rose from her seat, the girl wrapped herself around her leg. Her voice was shaky and she trembled wildly. The Enforcer attempted to calm the child. The bear was a dead giveaway on who her Valoran counterpart was.
The Red Queen Caitlyn herself then emerged from the palace, guards at her side. Her eyes had that same rage from when Vi initially met her…someone was going to lose their head. The Queen pointed at the girl hugging the Enforcer's leg.
"She! She's the one! She did it! She is the one who stole my tarts!"
"No!" cried the girl, "It wasn't me! Honest!"
"Do not lie to your Queen, girl!" snapped the Red Queen, "Off with her head!"
The girl with the bear raised her head in a scream with accompanying sobs. Guards began approaching her. She clung to Vi's leg even harder and pounded at her knees in desperation.
"Help me, Miss!" she cried, "Help me! Don't let them get me!" Protector instincts kicked in and Vi scooped up the child in her arms.
"Wait!" she held a hand out in front of her and the card guards stopped, "Is that it? You're just going to behead a child!?"
"This is none of your concern Vi," barked the Queen, "She is a thief and must be punished. The sentence for stealing from the Queen of Hearts is death."
"C'mon, there must be some other way! She's just a kid!" Vi argued.
"Unless you want to join her as well, then I suggest you back off." The Queen stood by.
"Well…" Vi had to tread carefully here, "What…about a fair trial? Doesn't she get that? I mean she did say she didn't do it. She should get a chance to at least defend herself."
"What in the name of me is a trial?" The Queen cocked her head. Oh boy…
"You know…a courtroom trial. Where the accused gets a chance to defend him/herself before facing prosecution…" Vi said.
"I don't know," the Queen said, "I really just like a good execution, not too much thinking involved."
"Actually, I think a trial is a good idea." Spoke the Teemo Red King. The Queen slowly shifted her gaze down to her husband.
"…I don't think I asked for your opinion," she growled.
"Haha, no one does…" the King moaned.
"You can be the judge," Vi offered, "You get to use a tiny hammer." The Queen raised an eyebrow.
"Done!" she was sold, "Assemble the court, we have a trial today!"
The Queen led her subjects back into the palace. Once they were gone, the girl released herself from Vi's hold after nearly hugging the life out of her.
"Thank you, Miss. I'm grateful, so grateful. Do you really think that you can save me?"
"Yeah," nodded Vi, "If you say you didn't steal the Queen's…whatever it was then I believe you. We just have to convince the Queen."
"Oh, I actually did steal the tart…Tibbers was hungry," The little girl, confirmed to be the Wonderland take on Annie, motioned to her bear, "See you at the trial, Miss." She then skipped away into the palace, humming the tune to 'Baby Bumblebee'.
Vi was left alone in the courtyard. She nodded a couple of times before an ironic smile spread across her face. As she entered the palace, she came across a card guard just beyond the door. She took off one of her Hextech gauntlets and handed it to him.
"Here, hit me as hard as you can."