Chapter contains a homosexual incestual relationship and sexual content between two women. If you don't like it, don't read it.

Rating: M

Summary: What happens when she gets her wish and Tegan finds herself in an alternate reality where Sara is her girlfriend, and not her sister? Will be a LONG fic, updated often.

A/N: Bear with me as I try to come up with more story and another big plot line. For now, we get fun fluff. Also, thanks to the reviewer who suggested the name 'Tara' I mean to give you a shoutout last chapter, but forgot to. Lastly, to the reviewer who would have liked to make it to the chat: I am more than happy to do another one. You can also get a hold of me by signing up for the site and sending me a PM, or going to my tumblr and sending me an ask. .com. Read. Enjoy. Review!

Disclaimer: COMPLETELY FICTIONAL!

Chapter 33 – My Favourite Place

Sara's POV

I sighed, my chin in my hands with my eyes glued to Dani. She was having some tummy time on her play mat in the living room. At 3 weeks old, she's learned how to lift her head and shoulders off the floor and turn her head side to side. It's the cutest thing ever. She lifts her head up and stares at the Christmas Tree in the corner.

"You love that tree Dani. Is it almost Christmas? Do you wanna see Grandma and Uncle Dallas and Aunt Leah and Aunt Emy and Aunt Lindsey? Aunt Kaki will be there too. Hey baby girl?" I ask in a high pitched voice.

She puts her head down and turns it to look at me. I sigh and reach out, running my hand over her hair. I can't wait until she can talk. Then I remember something and smile. I stand up and head over to the island, keeping an eye on Dani. I open the drawer and grab the small bag I put there with the Fairy dust last week while tidying up. I head back over to Dani and lay back down on my own tummy. I take a pinch and blow it over her. She sneezes and I giggle. I'm not sure what's going to happen, but then I hear it. This adorable, tiny voice in my head.

I like it when you smile mama. I like it when mommy laughs. Mommy. I want mommy to pick me up. Mommy smells safe and is warm. Mama, pick me up.

Dani starts to cry and I immediately pick her up and cuddle her close.

"Oh baby girl, Mommy will be home soon" I say, giving her a kiss and patting her bum. "She's just at work."

I don't like it when you and mommy aren't both with me.

I smile and sigh "What else is on your mind, little one?"

I want to pull down that Christmas tree. Grab a branch and give it a hard yank.

I chuckle and shake my head "You'll leave that tree alone. You're too little to pull it down anyways. You're gonna be my little destroyer, eh? We need that tree for when the family comes over."

Dani sighs against my shoulder and turns her head to face my neck.

Do they have to? I don't like all the people.

"I know baby, but its tradition and they all love you" I sigh. "I'll talk to mommy and we'll make sure we have you most of the time."

Mommy.

Dani lets out the tiniest whimper, her pre-emptor to a cry. I sigh and cuddle her close, rocking her slightly.

"She'll be home soon Dani" I whisper and she calms.

Your voice sounds so nice.

I smile and give her a kiss.

That feels so nice.

I giggle and do it again. I feel her smile against me, and the front door open.

Mommy! It's mommy!

I giggle.

"Hey there champ" Tegan calls out.

I feel Dani's little legs kick and she starts giggling in my head.

"C'mere my big girl" Tegan calls out.

I hand her over and Tegan kisses her, cuddling her close then comes over and kisses me.

"She's missed you" I tell her. "How was work?"

"I missed you too baby girl" Tegan told her. "Good, we moved the family in today."

Mommy. Mommy. Mommy. You give the best snuggles.

Tegan giggles and looks to me.

"Putting the gift to use I see" She says.

I shrug "I got bored. You should know that you seem to be the one thing on her mind like…all the time. Well, you and pulling down the Christmas Tree."

Tegan laughs "I remember a certain twin of mine at 2 years old…"

I laugh and shake my head.

"What? I'm just saying, I know where she gets it from" Tegan told me with a smile. She turned to Dani "Did you have a good day with Mama?"

Mama's voice is nice and she has food. I don't want people, just you and mama.

"I told her about Christmas" I told Tegan.

"Mama's voice is really nice. You can stick with me for Christmas, Dan. Everyone's gonna wanna hold you, but I'll be right there. I've got ya little guy" Tegan told Dani.

Mommy, you're nice and warm. So comfy.

Dani yawned and Tegan chuckled, looking at me. This is too cute.

"Go to sleep baby girl, I've got you" Tegan told her, wrapping her free arm around me.

I smiled and laid my head on her shoulder and rubbed Dani's back.

"How was your day?" She asked.

"Good. Got some reading done and just hung out with Dani" I told her, then kissed her jaw.

Tegan kissed my cheek then went and took a seat on the couch, turning on the TV. I headed over to the kitchen to get some dinner started. I started cutting up vegetables for a stir fry, and casually glancing over at my two girls on the couch. Tegan was lounged out with Dani on her chest, running her hands over the baby's little legs as she slept. It's been nice being able to turn on the TV and not just see us on 24 hours a day. Each time I glance up, Tegan was dozing a little deeper. I hummed most of my songs from Sainthood as I cooked, just enjoying being at home with my family. I plated dinner, and set the table, adding a beer for Tegan. It'll be her first one since we'd started trying to get pregnant. If Dani takes the bottle I pumped today, then I'll have one too. I pumped enough for the night, it's just whether or not she'll actually take it.

I heat one to try. Sure enough, as soon as I have the thought I hear Dani start to cry, and hear that little voice in my head.

I'm hungry. Mama. Mama. Mama.

Tegan groans and wakes up, but I'm already pulling Dani up to me. I lean in and give Tegan a kiss.

"Dinner's ready. I'm gonna try a bottle for this one" I tell her.

She nods and blinks her eyes, waking up, as I head back to the kitchen. I take the bottle out of the warmer and twist on a nipple. I put it to Dani's lips.

No Mama, I'm hungry.

"Baby girl, this is food. Come on, try it" I tell her.

I tickled her lips with the nipple, and she turned away, getting fussy.

No, I want you. This thing isn't you.

"Okay little one, hold on" I say with a sigh.

I lift my shirt and drop the clasp on my nursing bra. I move Dani towards my breast and she latches on with a sigh and starts sucking. I run my hand through her hair.

"I guess if I had to choose between eating out of plastic, or getting to snuggle and bond, I'd choose the latter two. No drinks for Mama tonight" I tell her.

I walk over to the table and have a seat.

"She's just smart. If I could eat from your nipples, I would" Tegan says with a giggle.

"Oh really?" I ask

"Snuggles and Sara-temperature food. Perfection" Tegan returns, taking a bite of her stir fry. "I guess I'll just have to settle for your cooking."

I smile and take a bite of my own "This whole hearing her thing is actually pretty cool. It feels…"

"Natural." Tegan adds in

I nod "Yeah. I wonder if/when it goes away."

Tegan shrugs "Kaki said it's good until she starts talking."

I sigh in relief "That would be wonderful. No guessing what's wrong and we can communicate with her."

I take a bite of dinner and hook my foot around Tegan's calf under the table.

"What time is everyone coming Friday?" she asks.

"4, and I think they're staying the night" I respond. "Well, most of them are. Emy and Lindsey are gonna get back to me on spending the night. It's gonna depend on if Emy's parents go away or not."

Tegan nods and takes a swig from her beer "Oh my god that tastes…" she looks at Dani breastfeeding and changes her strategy "I mean ew… that's disgusting."

I laugh and drink my water. "The game's on tonight. Wanna invite the boys over and watch?" I ask her.

Tegan sighs and shakes her head "I want some Sara time, all to myself."

I smile "Aww babe, you're so cheesy sometimes."

She gives me a gummy smile, and I feel Dani unlatch. I hear a tiny sigh in my head.

"Are you full, munchkin? How about a burp?" I ask and sit her on my knee, leaning her into my hand and patting her back.

Dani lets out a good burp, and I keep patting her, as she burps, until I get a sigh.

"I never thought I'd ever be so happy to hear burps" Tegan notes, taking another bite of her dinner.

"And I never thought my nipples would be so gross looking" I tell her, putting Dani in her seat on the table so I can eat.

"Have you been using the cream?" Tegan asks.

I nod and spear some vegetables with my fork, putting them in my mouth.

"With the way she eats though, they just don't get a break. And she won't take a bottle" I mention.

Tegan tickles Dani's tummy making her smile, and giving the baby her hand to play with.

"Would a super gentle Tegan rub-down do you good?" she asks.

I feel my heart well up and nod "Always."

"Your body's been working so hard for the past 10 months, if I can take the edge off, I will" Tegan told me.

I smiled, knowing that it was going to be a happy ending type massage. I felt myself get wet and bit my bottom lip.

"I know what that face means, Dani. Your Mommy's gonna have a good night with Mama" Tegan tells our daughter, who was still fascinated with her hand.

What is this? It feels nice when it holds me. It looks like mine, but bigger. It's soft, but scratchy in some parts.

I look at Tegan and we laugh "Baby girl, that's my hand" Tegan tells her.

Tegan leans in and gives her a kiss, then clears her plate. I make a face at Dani who smiles.

Do it again.

I do.

Again.

I make the face again.

Again.

"Dani, mama's gotta eat. How about some tummy time with Mommy?" Tegan tells her, coming back over.

No, mama.

"Mama's gotta eat" Tegan says.

Ocean song mommy.

I giggle and scoop some rice into my mouth as Tegan laughs and goes to her study to get her guitar. I start to notice a tingling in my left breast, which quickly turns into a burning. I groan from the pain and put my fork down. Tegan walks out, singing The Ocean and I stand trying to walk off the pain. I bring my plate to the sink and start to feel nauseous, then a wave of exhaustion rolls over me. My hand goes to the breast in pain and I start to massage it, feeling a lump. I swallow hard and my eyes go wide. I lean against the counter, and take a few breaths. I suddenly hear Tegan stop playing and she turns to look at me.

"Sara?" she inquires, worriedly. "You okay?"

I shake my head "I don't feel well."

"Are you getting sick?" she asks.

"Tegan, my breast is really sore" I tell her and turn around.

"The one she just ate from?" she asks again.

I shake my head and she put the guitar down, walking over.

"Let me see" she asks.

I nod and lift my shirt, then bra, my breast now exposed. We both gasp as we see the bright red colour and how swollen it is. Tegan eyes the lump, and gently touches it. She gently cups the breast with her palm.

"It feels hot. I'm calling Emy" she says.

I nod "I think I'm going to lay down."

She nods and kisses my forehead, quickly replacing her lips with the back of her hand.

"Babe, you've got a fever" she tells me.

I groan and head down the hallway. I hate being sick. The colour and swelling of my breast are really worrying me though. I can still hear Dani, even from the hallway.

What's wrong with Mama?

She starts to cry, and I open the door to our room. I hear Tegan console her.

"She's not feeling well. It's okay, I'm calling Aunt Emy" Tegan tells her, as I walk into the room

I start feeling the chills and go to Tegan's closet, grabbing a pair of her sweats and a sweater. I put on some fuzzy socks, and crawl into bed, pulling our down duvet over my body. I'm expecting to warm up, but just keep shaking. Why can't I get warm? I closed my eyes, but when it was too much, there was only thing that would make me feel like I wasn't dying:

"Tegan" I whimpered.

She came running into the room with the phone in one hand, the baby in the other. She sat on the bed next to me, and pulled my head into her lap, using her shoulder to hold the phone.

Mama. Give me cuddles. This is scary.

I reached out and took her from Tegan, laying her in my arms as Tegan ran a hand through my hair, bundling the blankets up on me, and continuing to talk to Emy.

"It feels hot and she's burning up." Pause "Yeah, there's a hard lump. Emy she's in a lot of pain. Mast-whatis? How do I help?" Pause "Okay. Yeah. I'll leave the front door unlocked. Come right in. Thanks Emy" Tegan finished, hanging up the phone.

She ran a hand along my forehead "The last time you burned up like this, it was our first day here. You were so sick."

She sighed and I whimpered in her lap "Oh Sara, your poor body" she empathised. "Emy's bringing you some antibiotics. She says that this is common in breastfeeding mothers. Mast-lightus or something like that" she continued.

I gave Dani a little squeeze, but handed her back to Tegan. I hugged Tegan's midsection as she whispered a song both to Dani and I.

Ocean song mommy.

Tegan changed the song, and Dani dozed off.

"I'm gonna go put her down then I'll be back to take care of you" she told me.

I nodded and moved off her lap. Tegan got up and walked out of the room. I winced as the pain in my breast got worse. My toes curled, and I shivered from the fever. I just want Tegan. She makes everything better. Just Tegan's arms around me.

"On your back" the voice called.

I obeyed and felt her warm, loving hand on my stomach, slowly pulling up my shirts. She reached behind me and took off my bra. My breasts were slowly exposed to the air and she put down a towel and cupped the infected breast in both her hands.

"Emy said that unclogging the duct will help with the pain" Tegan's voice spread across me like butter.

I nodded and closed my eyes, feeling her hands working in tandem: one was right on the lump, pushing it down towards my nipple, the other was on my nipple, trying to expel it. I winced and grabbed her knee. She stopped.

"Want me to wait and let Emy do this?" she asked, barely above a whisper.

I shook my head and she continued. I gulped as I felt the mass break up and the pain lessened.

"There we go, love" Tegan praised.

I looked down at the towel and almost vomited. There was pus, blood, and lumpy breast milk. Tegan didn't flinch. She kept massaging and expressing until my breast was empty.

"Better?" she asked, giving my tummy a rub.

I nodded as she took the towel and got up, out of the bed. I still shook and was still freezing. I was too cold and tired to even cover myself back up with the shirts. She came back and got under the covers with me, pulling my shirts down. I felt those arms around me and just curled into her. Tegan wrapped me up and rubbed down my arms as I shook.

"Tegan, I'm so cold" I told her.

"I'm trying to get you warm, but you're on fire and sweaty. Just close your eye, love" she tells me.

I do, and just whimper, my body starting with the achiness that comes with a high fever. Tegan's right: it is reminiscent of that first day. Funny how things can be so similar, yet so different. That was one of the best days of my life: the day she was finally mine. She took such good care of me. I didn't leave her arms for most of that day. I will still never get her riding me out of my mind. It's one of my favourite memories. Lips found my temple and I clenched my jaw, burying my face into her chest. She rubbed my back.

"I wish I could help. I hate seeing you like this" she whispered. "All I can do is thank you for giving me the gift of our daughter, but I think this is it for us kids-wise. I can't bear to watch you go through it again" She whispered.

I nodded. She's right. I had a horrible pregnancy. I loved it, it was a great experience, but I don't want to do it again. Besides, I don't think I could ever love another child as much as I love Dani. I feel myself start to fall asleep, and am almost there when Emy walks in.

"You just can't catch a break, can you, Sare?" Emy asks.

I open my eyes and shake my head.

"Alright, lets take a look" Emy tells me.

I can't even lift my hands to lift my shirt. Tegan sees me trying and eases me onto my back, and lifts my shirt for me.

"Yup. That's mastitis. Did you get the lump out?" Emy asks.

Tegan nods "I emptied her breast like you said, too" Tegan replied.

"Good. Sara, I'm gonna check your lymph nodes" Emy told me, while raising my hand and feeling around my armpit.

I whimpered and felt Tegan take my hand. Emy put the back of hers to my forehead, then handed Tegan a bottle of pills.

"Antibiotics. Make sure to empty the breast every few hours, and apply a cold compress to it after feeding. Dani can still nurse from that side, no problem, but it may taste funny so she may not want to" Emy told Tegan, then turned to me "Might want to forgo a bra or get a looser one. Also, no more tummy sleeping for you. I think it was the pressure on the ducts that caused this, so lets try taking some of it off."

I nod and Tegan whispers "Thanks."

Emy nods "Feel better, Sare."

I groan and Emy walks out. Tegan hands me a glass of water from the nightstand and one of the pills. I take them, then curl back up in her lap.

"No more kids" I tell her.

She smiles and nods "I thought so."

Tegan lifts my chin and gives me a soft, sweet kiss. She slowly pulls away and looks into my eyes.

"Do you want me to distract you?" she asked.

I took a minute and thought about it. The queasiness had stopped, I was just cold and achy. But I think it would help. I smiled and nodded. She mirrored my smile and kissed me again, this time holding my face between her hands and gliding her tongue over my lips. I let myself melt into her, giving myself over to her completely. Arms wrapped around me and fingers ran over the bare skin of my back. Now I shivered, but for a different reason. Fuck Tegan, what you do to me. I take a deep breath and wrap my legs around her. I roll her on top of me and kiss her deeper. I roll my hips into her and moan. This is quite distracting. I suddenly need her. The fever and chills are forgotten, and there's just Tegan. As if reading my mind, she places her thigh against my center and grinds down into me, making me moan into her mouth. I feel myself gush, and consequently roll my hips into her. I feel my connection with her surge and my emotions well up. My heart races and I try to catch my breath. I gently push her away.

"I love you" I tell her, looking into her eyes.

She smiles "I love you too."

"Make love to me?" I ask.

I watch as her face softens and she nods, leaning back down to kiss me. My back arches and I feel her hand slip to my spine, her lips caressing mine, making me dizzy. I wrap my arms around her neck and thread my fingers through her hair, pulling face closer to mine and deepening the kiss. Kissing her is exquisite. I could do it for the rest of my life. My Tegan. I sigh into her mouth and feel the tears. My Tegan. She breaks the kiss, looking down at me worriedly.

"Sara?" she whispers.

I swallow "I'm just having one of those moments, where this doesn't feel real. I'm so grateful for you" I tell her, reaching up and cupping her cheek. "You're MY Tegan. You're mine."

She sighs and leans in to give me a quick kiss "And I'm grateful that you have moments like this with me. You being emotional around me is…one of the greatest gifts. I know that nobody but me gets to see this side of you."

I nod "This is all yours. I'm all yours" I tell her, reaching back up and bringing her back in for another kiss.

Tegan moans into me and takes off her shirt, breaking the kiss just long enough to remove it. She lifts mine so that her tummy is pressed to mine. Skin on skin. I moan and let my leg crawl up and brush against hers. Tegan slid a hand down and grabbed my ass. I giggled into her lips and felt her smile. Her hands then both ran up my sides, under my shirt. I liked visuals; Tegan liked sensations. Her hands feels so good on me, burning trails in their wake. I never want her to stop touching me. Just as soon as they reach my armpits, her hands traveled back down, her thumbs looping just under the waistband of my sweats and underwear. She looks at me and I nod, giving her permission as she inches them off. We've been together for almost two years now, we have a baby, and yet she still makes sure to get consent. She still makes sure I want it. I'm so in love with her.

One my bottoms are gone, she kisses me again. Now I become hyper aware of last week, when I bent her over. I didn't really kiss her. Was that okay? I feel myself start to panic and I break the kiss.

"Hold on" I tell her.

She stops and looks down at me "Are you okay?" she asks.

I nod "Are you?" I inquire.

"Why wouldn't I be?" she counters, smiling and giving me a peck on the forehead.

"Last week, when I…when I fucked you" I gulped. "Was that okay? I didn't really kiss you or make you feel special. I don't remember asking for consent."

I felt the panic set in as I started remembering. I heard her sigh and she ran her thumb over my cheek.

"Sara, it was perfect. I loved it. You did ask for consent though. You always do. And I gave it. Oh love, don't worry about that. If I wanted something to happen differently, all I have to do is ask. I know that. Just like all you have to do is ask and I'll stop and we can do something differently. I trust you and I know you love me. You always make me feel special. Fuck, you bending me over and taking me like that made me feel so special. It was so sexy."

I let her words sink into me. I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. She leaned in and gave me another kiss. She rolled off of me, and onto her side, pulling me into a hug.

"I just…I get so worried sometimes that I don't make love to you enough. That I just fuck you. I don't want it to be like that" I whisper to her.

"Sara, you make love to me all the time" she says, smoothing my hair back. "How we have sex doesn't affect how I feel about you either. I love it when you fuck me. It doesn't make me think you don't care or you love me less. It makes me think "Holy fuck my wife is sexy and this feels fantastic" and if it makes me think anything else, you'll know because I'll stop you. And there's no doubt in my mind that you'll stop."

I nod and gulp. I just feel icky. The malaise from the infection starts creeping back into my mind and I whimper into Tegan.

"Not distracted anymore?" she asks.

I shake my head and she rubs my back.

"I'm gonna grab the second blanket from our closet. Hold on, love" she says, pulling my pants back up.

I kind of still want to have sex, but would rather just be cuddled. Tegan comes back and adds our second, summer duvet to the mix. She ditches her pants and pulls me back in, wearing just a pair of my boxers. I put my face in her neck and nuzzle the skin there.

"I love Dani, but I hate what she's done to your body" Tegan whispers to me.

I nod against her.

"When she's done breastfeeding, and we can leave her alone, I'm calling Mum to watch her and am taking you on vacation. We'll spend a week in a house on a beach somewhere warm. I'll make sure it has french doors that open up to the ocean, so we can make love with the ocean mist on our faces" Tegan tells me.

"That sounds nice" I remark.

"Only the best for you" she replies, kissing my cheek. "I love laying with you like this. I love the way you feel in my arms" she says.

I smile "It's my favourite place in the world."