Chapter Three

Don't Worry, the Most Important Person to Me Is . . .

The phone was ringing loudly, the trilling notes like drills to Rin's already-pounding head. She groaned and covered her head with a pillow, stuffing her face into the couch and doing her best to cover her ears. She let out a sigh of relief when it stopped, but she could feel someone's presence beside her a moment later.

"Go away," Rin grumbled to Yuki.

"Phone," Yuki replied.

"Hang up."

"But it's Iroha."

"Hang up."

Yuki murmured in her annoyingly soft voice. Rin didn't know if she was talking to her or to Iroha, but she ignored her either way. After another moment, Rin could still feel her standing there. She could tell the girl was too stupid to leave and would wait until Rin took the phone. Rin tossed her pillow aside and gazed sourly at the girl, who stared back at her with an expression Rin couldn't decipher. Rin snatched the phone. She'd planned on hanging up as soon as Yuki left, but the girl didn't seem to have any plans on moving, so she sighed resignedly and spoke into the phone.

"What?" she snapped.

"Why is Yuki at home? She should be at school!" shouted Iroha.

"She didn't know how to get there," Rin mumbled, cringing at Iroha's squealing.

"Then you should have taken her there, Rin! You're her mother now!"

"No, I'm not," Rin growled. "I'm responsible for no one but myself."

"Stop being a sourpuss! Len wanted Yuki to be your daughter! You should honour that and take care of her like she really is your daughter!"

Rin grew tense. Like Iroha understood. The woman had no reason to judge her. Rin hated her so much. She didn't want her in her life. She didn't want anyone in her life. Iroha had never lost anyone before. She had no idea how much it was to lose. Letting someone close was just waiting for disappointment. She could never be that close to anyone again. It was too much to lose.

She gazed at Yuki. Besides, she'd never let anyone replace Len. Accepting Yuki was accepting that Len was gone. She'd never let the girl in, no matter what Len's plans for them had been. Besides, it had been plans for them, Rin and Len, not for her, just Rin.

"Leave me alone, Iroha. I hate you," Rin mumbled into the phone.

"That's starting to lose it's meaning, Rin," Iroha replied sourly, though it was obvious that the words had hurt her. Rin smiled. Good. Let it hurt her. Maybe then she'd grow tired of Rin like everyone else and finally leave her alone. "Walk Yuki to school. Now. And apologize for her being late."

"No. Do it yourself," Rin retorted.

"I can't miss work today, Rin! You know that!"

"If she's so important, you should be willing to skip work to walk her to school." Rin stared right at Yuki as she said the words, hoping to make the girl realize that even Iroha didn't truly want her. Surely Yuki could convince Miku to take her away once she realized this was an unsuitable home.

"Rin, I can't!"

Rin pulled the phone away from her ear and told Yuki, "You're such a burden, even to Iroha. Can't you just leave? Get to school by yourself."

Yuki flinched, and Iroha shouted into the phone, "What the hell, Rin? What's wrong with you? Yuki, don't listen to her! She's just grumpy! I'll be home in half an hour to walk you to school, okay?"

Yuki tentatively held out her hand, asking for the phone. Rin rolled her eyes and handed the phone to Yuki. The little girl held it to her ear and murmured, irritatingly quiet, "That's okay, Iroha. I can get there myself. You don't have to worry."

"But I thought you didn't know how," Iroha voice came, muffled and quiet, to Rin's ears. Rin rolled her eyes. Stupid Iroha. Let the kid figure it out for herself. Why was she so worried about a child she wasn't even responsible for?

"Are you sure, honey?" Iroha asked worriedly.

"Uh huh. I just forgot how to before. I know how now. I'll be okay." Rin rolled her eyes and mouth to Yuki, "Liar." Yuki stared back guiltily.

"Okay, if you're sure . . . ." Iroha said hesitantly.

Yuki nodded. "Mm hm."

"Could you put Rin back on?"

"Okay."

Yuki held out the phone. Rin considered knocking it out of Yuki's hand, but, for fear of being charged with child abuse, she accepted it. Yuki stared at her feet now instead of at Rin, but she still didn't seem to plan on moving.

"What do you want?" Rin questioned.

"Make sure she gets to school, alright? Please?"

"No."

"Rin, come on. Have a heart."

"I had one. But I gave it to Len. And now he's gone."

"Rin, quit it. You can't play the victim forever."

Rin's eyes flashed angrily. "I'm not playing the victim, Iroha. I am the victim. Or are you saying it's my fault Len's dead?"

"No, I'm not saying that, but Rin—"

"I hate you. Goodbye."

Rin hung up the phone and tossed it aside. Yuki scurried to pick it up and placed it back on its holder as Rin swung her feet over the edge of the couch and pulled herself up to her feet. Yuki watched her curiously.

"Are we going to school?" she wondered.

"You can do whatever the hell you want," Rin replied, doing her best to sound disinterested despite her curiosity as to whether Yuki would sit around all day and wait to get Iroha's help tomorrow or decide not to be a burden and to find her own way. "I have other things to do with my free time, so I'm leaving now."

She left Yuki without a glance back, feeling the girl's eyes on her as she walked away.

. . .

"I won't accept her. I don't care if you wanted her to be our daughter. I'm not going to pretend nothing ever happened and let it go. I loved you, and you were taken away from me. Accepting her is like saying I'll let her take over the part of my heart that belonged to you, but I won't. I won't ever accept her, as my daughter or otherwise. It's not fair what happened. Gad can't repent for it, no matter how He tries. Miku can take Yuki away for all I care. The one I love is you. It's always been you, and it always will be you. I'll never let anyone into my heart. If I do, I might forget about you. I won't let Iroha come any closer to me. I won't let Yuki be my daughter. I went let your memory die. So, please, stay with me a little longer."

On her knees at Len's grave, Rin spoke to his name carved in stone, hoping that he could hear her. She still came to his grave every day to assure him that she'd still be by his side, no matter what. It offered her some comfort in this cruel life, the comfort of knowing he was still with her, somehow, and that he still loved her, just as she still loved him. She ran the tips of her fingers across his carved name, closing her eyes and imagining that she was touching the real Len, the one she loved.

Then, she pulled herself up and dragged herself away from him. Life refused to let her stay with him. It pushed her forward, leaving him behind, no matter how hard she tried to stay near him. She looked back at his grave longingly but forced herself away, feeling the wheels of time pushing on her back, urging her forward, back home, where no one waited for her.

She checked each room in the house, but Yuki was nowhere to be found. She must have decided to try her luck in finding her way to school. The route wasn't very complicated. Anyway, even if it was, that wasn't Rin's problem.

Rin fell onto her couch with the bottle of saké she'd picked up on the way home. At least she could enjoy it in peace now.

. . .

Rin stared at the clock, startled to see how late it had gotten. She must have dozed off. Sure enough, when she looked outside, the sun was setting. Iroha was late tonight. Rin pulled herself up from the couch, cursing as she spilled the contents of the bottle still gripped in her hand onto her arm. She lifted the bottle upright and set it down on the coffee table. Then, she walked through the house, searching for a sign of Iroha, or even Yuki, but it seemed that no one was home. She scowled. She wasn't drunk yet, and, as such, was hungry for once. The alcohol didn't seem to affect her much anymore, which sucked since she couldn't afford any more. She'd just have to allow Iroha to feed her.

Rin frowned. But if Iroha got home, and Yuki wasn't here, she'd get mad at Rin and probably wouldn't allow her to eat until Yuki was found. Rin sighed. Finding Yuki was the only option.

So, Rin went outside and searched the streets, calling out for the kid. She turned down every alleyway and asked a few people if they'd seen her, but no one had. She started losing patience as it grew dark. Stupid kid. She was wasting her time looking for her. She'd told her that she was a burden, but Yuki had still decided to be an annoyance. Now, Rin had to waste time that could have been spent doing . . . something more important than this, searching for the girl.

Then, Rin caught sight of the pigtails tied in red elastics, sitting on a bench, teary-eyed and terrified. Rin froze. Yuki looked so weak, so defenceless. Rin felt the overwhelming urge to come to the girl's rescue, to comfort her and tell her that everything would be alright.

Yuki looked up and caught sight of Rin. The joy in her eyes as she bounded off the bench and ran straight to Rin, wrapping her arms around the girl's stomach, was enough to put tears in Rin's eyes. But Rin pushed them back as Yuki sobbed into her shirt. Sharply, she put her hands on Yuki's shoulders and pushed her roughly away. Yuki stared up at her, lost and confused. Rin stared back at her coldly.

"No," Rin told her. "I don't care how scared you were, Yuki. Stop being such a burden." Rin looked away from her. "You can never replace Len, you got that? I don't want you in my life. But, until I can convince Miku and Iroha otherwise, I have no choice but to take care of you, so hurry up and follow me home."

Yuki said nothing. She simply stared at the pavement at her feet the entire time she walked home.

Author's Note: Phew, my room is a mess of papers and I have the majority of this story written out in a booklet but I couldn't find it in the mess. Then I found it, so now I'm happy again. Feel free to let me know if there's any characters you'd like to see in this fic. Anyway, um, yeah. Not much to say. Review?