Chapter Five

It's Not That I've Forgotten You, It's Just That . . .

Rin pretended to be asleep when Iroha entered the room they shared well past midnight. She kept her back to the door and her eyes remained shut. On Iroha's part, the girl didn't bother turning the lights on as Rin listened to the rustling of clothes that told her that Iroha was changing into pyjamas. The blonde woman lay stock-still as the bed shifted under Iroha's weight and she slid under the blankets, her back to Rin. They were quiet for a moment before Iroha spoke.

"Are you still awake, Rin?"

She had been asleep a few minutes ago, but she'd had a terrible dream, a mutated version of the day Len died. Now, she was too tired to lie. "Yes."

"Can I ask you for something, then?"

She could feel Iroha's warmth beside her, and between that and Iroha's soothing voice, there was a calming affect to having the girl near. Right now, she didn't want to chase her away. If she only thought of Iroha, she wouldn't have to remember that terrible dream.

"Will you please walk Yuki to school tomorrow?" the woman wondered.

Rin was silent, so the other woman sighed and pressed onward.

"She won't let me walk her to school, and I really want her to make friends. I don't want her to be alone. Can't you imagine if you were alone right now? I know we were never close friends, but you do need me, right?"

Rin remained silent. She didn't want to answer. She only needed Len. And he was gone.

"I'm sorry, just forget that last part. Just, please, will you take Yuki to school tomorrow?"

Rin stayed quiet for a moment longer before murmuring, "Yes."

"One more thing, Rin?"

No answer was offered, but Iroha seemed to realize that she was listening.

"Please, next time you're crying, let me know, okay? Even if it's just from a bad dream."

Rin's heart stuttered at those words. Of course. Iroha knew her very well. She could tell when Rin cried. When Rin cried, she'd speak as little as possible, because she hated breaking out into sobs. And when she did speak, it was strained, just a little, but just enough for Iroha to notice.

But Rin couldn't promise not to cry alone. The only thing she could do was not draw away when Iroha's had gently took hers underneath the blanket, offering the only comfort she could to that reluctant woman.

. . .

Rin woke up early the next morning. Iroha was still sleeping peacefully, her mouth open slightly as she gently breathed in one breath, released it, and started again, over and over again. Rin watched her for a while, remembering the girl holding her hand. She smiled a little at the slumbering woman, wishing she wouldn't but unable to stop it. She gently pushed the woman's bangs out of her eyes and murmured, "I really do need you, Iroha. But you're not Len. You'll never be Len. No one will."

Then, after staring at the peaceful woman a little longer, she stood up and headed over to the room that used to be a guest room, which then became Iroha's room, which was now Yuki's room. Rin half-expected the girl to already be awake and cooking, but, as she peered inside, she saw that Yuki still slept peacefully. However, in her sleep, she had thrown all her blankets onto the ground or halfway there at best. Rin shook her head and rolled her eyes. Stupid girl. She would freeze if she continued on like that. It was nearly winter. Rin sighed and made her way into the room, which was still littered with an endless amount of Hello Kitty memorabilia. She pulled the blankets off the ground and covered up the girl. She was a little startled as she did. She'd never realized how tiny Yuki was. Rin had chosen a very good age, an age when she was still young enough to be cute and innocent but not so young that she was an annoying monster and old enough to have some common sense but not enough to realize that she should hate Rin. Len had known exactly what Rin had wanted.

But I wanted it with you, she argued to him, knowing all the while that he wasn't listening.

After leaving her two unwanted house mates, Rin made her way into the kitchen. She immediately grabbed a bottle of sake. She then proceeded to stare at the bottle for quite a while. However, she decided that she wasn't in the mood for it and stuffed it back behind the orange juice and opted for that instead. She considered tea for a moment but figured that that was too much work. If Iroha or Yuki wanted tea, they could make it themselves.

. . .

"I'm gonna be late!" screeched Iroha from the bedroom as Rin was putting the final touches on one of three bento boxes. She'd woken up way too early, and without sake to fill the hours, she'd had no other option but to make lunch lest she decide to remember her nightmare from the previous night.

"Then you should have woken up earlier," Rin called out to the other woman.

Iroha stormed out of the room and glared at Rin. "Why didn't you wake me?" she exclaimed.

Rin cast her an annoyed look. "It's not my responsibility."

"You're such an idiot sometimes," Iroha muttered.

"I don't give a damn," Rin replied to the woman's departing figure.

As soon as Iroha disappeared into the room, Yuki then exited her room, yawning and rubbing her eyes. She blinked blearily at Iroha across the hall as the woman shouted, "Darn, I forgot about Yuki!" as she ran out of the room again and nearly ran over the child. Seeing that Yuki was awake, she hurriedly said, "Get yourself ready, Yuki, okay?"

"Okay," mumbled Yuki sleepily.

"Can you do it yourself?" Iroha wondered, jumping up and down restlessly. When the little girl nodded, she exclaimed, "Good!" and dashed back into the room, slamming to door shut behind her.

"I told her I'm not going to school today," Yuki mumbled to no one in particular.

"Yeah you are," replied Rin from the couch. She pretended not to notice Yuki's shocked expression. "I'm walking you, so hurry up and get ready."

"Bentos . . . ." Yuki started, gazing toward the kitchen. "I forgot to make them."

"I made them so just hurry up so we can get going," snapped Rin, already having used up the tiny amount of patience that she had for the girl who was trying to replace Len.

"You made me a bento, Rin?" Len wondered as she proffered a tiny metal box to him as he spun his desk around to face hers in the classroom they'd shared during the second year of high school.

"Yeah," Rin mumbled embarrassedly, then her gaze had grown fiery and she ordered, "And you'd better eat every bite because I worked hard on this!"

Len laughed at her. She watched him tensely as he took an octopus sausage by the body with his chopsticks, slowly, dramatically, lifting it to his mouth, taking a bite, chewing in careful consideration, and finally swallowing it. Then, completely serious, he stated, "I think we should break up. I need someone who isn't trying to poison me."

"You idiot!" she snapped, her face the colour of a tomato in her anger. "Let me try that!" She snatched the chopsticks from his hands, grabbed an octopus sausage, and shoved it in her mouth. She felt sick immediately, but, under Len's amused gaze, she forced herself to swallow it. Then, she whined, "I think I have to go see the nurse."

"Told you," he stated. "Promise me you'll pay more attention in cooking class, okay?"

"Okay," she moaned.

He was smirking at her as he said, "Hey, Rin?"

"Yeah?" she replied hesitantly.

"That was an indirect kiss." He nodded to the chopsticks she'd taken from him. Her face went bright red in embarrassment, even more so when he leaned over the table and placed a proper kiss on her lips. "And now we've actually kissed."

She looked down, embarrassed, as he smiled at her, a rosy blush on both their faces.

"I'm ready," came a voice.

"Huh?" Rin mumbled, having been so caught up in her memories that she hadn't even noticed the little girl, now standing before her, leave. "Oh, hi there."

Yuki tilted her head to the side. For a moment, Rin found it endearing. She was about to turn around and tell Len and comment on how cute she was when cold ran over her as she recalled that he wasn't there. Instead, she glowered down at the girl, who didn't react.

"Okay, guys, I have to go now!" cheered Iroha, lifting Yuki off the ground with a hug that the little girl hadn't been expecting. The woman then hugged Rin, who stood there stiffly. Iroha turned back to the child. "You'll be okay to get to school, Yuki?"

"Rin said she's gonna take me," Yuki replied with a sickeningly joyful smile on her face.

Don't smile like that, I'm begging you.

"Really?" Iroha looked astounded, but she was clearly overjoyed as she looked to Rin, who refused to meet her gaze. Iroha seemed to have forgotten that she was in a rush.

Please don't act like you need me.

"You're gonna be late," Rin mumbled. "Your lunch is by the door."

Please don't need me.

"Oh my gosh, you're right!" exclaimed Iroha. Then, to Yuki she said, "You don't have to make lunch everyday, Yuki, okay? That's our job."

Don't need me.

"Rin made it," Yuki replied.

Don't act like I mean something to you.

Iroha blinked, unable to process all this. Then, she gave up and cried, "Gah, I'll think about all this later! See you tonight! Bye!"

You're not Len.

Iroha ran outside without another word. Rin counted to three, resulting in a curious expression on Yuki's face, and then, right on cue, Iroha ran back in the retrieve the bento box she'd forgotten on her way out.

You'll never be Len.

Once she was gone, Rin said, "Let's go."

So please, he's the only one who needs me, so you're not allowed to need me.

Yuki smiled so brightly for her that she felt her heart breaking.

I don't want to need you, too.

. . .

Once Yuki had gone off to meet her classmates, Rin turned to leave, feeling no need to stay any longer. However, the teacher, a terribly optimistic-type person, stopped her with a joyful smiled and said, "I'm Miki, Yuki's teacher."

Rin stared at her before saying, "Great, well, I'm sure we won't be seeing much of each other so there's no use becoming acquaintances."

"Why is that?" Miki wondered, taken aback by Rin's cold attitude.

"I'm only here to pay back a debt I owe to Iroha," Rin replied, absolutely serious. "Yuki will be making her own way here from now on, or Iroha will take her, but I never plan on seeing you again."

"Oh dear," was all the teacher could manage to say.

Rin turned to leave, but she couldn't manage to without saying one last thing. She kept her back turned and, unable to believe that she was speaking the words at all, stated, "She's not Len, and she never will be. However, he chose her, and, in honour of his memory, I will not let her be harmed while she is under my charge. If you let anything happen to her, I will sue this school for all it's got." She glanced back at the startled Miki. "You got that?" Miki nodded. "Good."

Without another word more, Rin left.

Author's Note: My brother warned me that people might try to psychoanalyse me based on my fics. I dunno, they're all really, really different. I feel like I have horrid mood swings during the week considering I'm going from this fic to a hopelessly random, cheerful fic. Anyway, I love reviews, and you obviously love to read, so let's make a trade, 'kay? Oh, and you'll see this next chapter, but three of Yuki's classmates are Piko, Neru, and Haku.