CHAPTER FORTY THREE:

1 August 1986

Dear Melissa,

I know I have not written for quite some time. For that, I apologise. Promoting the movie has kept me busy – I've been flying from one state to another and though it has been fun, I've been extraordinarily tired. Sometimes, I feel as if I cannot keep up anymore. I go out and wave to the crowd, the fans (apparently, I have fans now), but I feel as if I'm floating on thin air. My body's there in front of them but my mind's somewhere else. Usually, my mind is in my bed.

Mostly, I had Mulder with me and he's been such a comfort. When he's on stage or in a studio with me, it feels right. It feels as if I could put my feet back on the ground and concentrate on being this persona … this "Dana Katherine Scully" (this is the screen name they've chosen for me to use) who could smile and wave at the people without any problem. When he touches the small of my back to lead me from one photographer to the next on a red carpet event, I feel energised. I feel as if I could get through anything.

However, he couldn't be there all the time. He has different commitments as a director, as I have my own as an actress and dancer. I usually travel with my co-star, Pendrell, and we get along fine, but he's talking with his girlfriend, Leyla, who could tag along with our many trips. Mulder's busy schedule keeps me from talking to him constantly on an available phone. I wouldn't wish it any other way, but I wish I could talk to him more so that I could feel real.

Don't get me wrong, Missy. I love what I'm doing here and everyday is a confirmation that I'm right where I should be. It's just that … my body's not cooperating. I'm young enough to keep up with all this madness, but I know enough to understand my body and to accept that change is about to come.

I think I shall see you soon, Missy.

Mama, byddaf yn eich gweld yn fuan.

Yours,
Dana

END OF CHAPTER FORTY THREE

A/N: This chapter is for the fanfic writer Nancy who was first a reader of this story and then became one its toughest beta. She always wished I finished. Here it is, Nancy!