Chapter Eleven

If You Leave Me, I'll . . .

They walked home in silence, and Iroha felt the heavy weight weighing down on them both. She looked down at the little girl who held her hand, but that child wasn't looking at her. Her crestfallen gaze was on the cement below her, watching the leaves blow gently in the wind, crinkling along the grey stone below. Iroha resisted the urge to sigh. She wished she could do that, too. She wished she could let her anguish show, like Yuki tried so hard not to, but she was meant to be the adult. She had to take care of Yuki, especially for Rin's sake. She knew Rin would regret it if she lost Yuki. It was the last tie she had to her fiancé.

"Yuki isn't your daughter."

"I know she isn't, but she needs a mother."

Why had Miki had to interfere? Iroha knew it was for the sake of both her and Yuki, but Iroha understood how things were. She knew Yuki wasn't her daughter. She was only Rin's. It wasn't even legal for them to both hold custody over the child.

"Rin is her mother."

"Yes, she is, but a child who's been on her own for so long needs something more."

Iroha's heart ached as she recalled that horror in Rin's eyes when the girl had awoken from that horrible nightmare, the name she'd murmured in terror. Iroha hadn't been prepared for it, not at all. Hearing Len's name, as painful as that always was, would have been better. She was happier with Rin thinking back on lost memories of her beloved than thinking of that person.

"A woman named Hatsune Miku visited me the other day."

"Why?"

Poor Rin. The world couldn't seem to stop coming after her. That girl had always been followed by such horrible heartache, right from birth. She'd had a twin. She'd told Iroha about it once, in one of her moments of terrifying weakness when she curled in on herself on confessed what was on her mind. She'd had a twin brother who'd died a birth. She'd never truly known him, but she could still feel the pain of that loss and constantly wondered how her life would have turned out if he had been born.

"She wanted to be sure that Yuki was doing alright."

"And what did you tell her?"

Would Rin ever find peace in this world? Iroha had done her best to help, but there was only so much that Rin would let her do. Iroha continued staring at the little girl. She'd hoped Yuki could help Rin heal. That was why she hadn't tried to explain to Miku that Rin couldn't take care of Yuki without Len. She'd drawn poor Yuki into this mess, too. How could she ever be forgiven for that?

"I told her that she was doing fine at school, but I was worried about her relationship with Rin."

"Why would you say that? Don't you know that they could take Yuki away from her?"

Iroha vividly recalled slamming her hands on the table and standing up to glare down at Miki, who'd remained calm as she stared sternly at the coral-haired woman. Even now, panic rippled through Iroha as she thought of that. She didn't want Yuki to be taken away from Rin, and not from herself, either.

"She said there's someone else who had expressed a desire to adopt Yuki, who had a little boy of her own so that Yuki wouldn't be alone. If I'm being perfectly honest, I think Yuki would be better off with someone else."

"Yuki is the only thing Rin has! Don't you understand that? She just lost her fiancé! Of course she's bound to be a little unresponsive, but she's doing her best!"

Yuki's hand tightened its grip on Iroha's. The woman wondered what it was that Yuki was thinking of. Whatever it was, the girl looked panicked and troubled. Iroha wanted to ask her, but she was too caught up in her own troubles for that moment.

"You have to realize, Iroha, that my responsibility is to be sure that Yuki is being properly cared for. It's the same for Miku. She's a little girl, and she needs someone to care for her. She needs parents."

"And what about Piko, huh? Where are his parents?"

Iroha pulled Yuki into the park, feeling the need to stop and take a breather. She took a seat on a bench, lifting Yuki up beside her, and stared at the girl that still refused to meet her gaze. That poor girl had been through so much in just nine years. Perhaps she truly was a perfect match for Rin, after all. Iroha hadn't known Rin at that age, so she wasn't certain if Rin had been such a martyr as Yuki, but she knew that, in middle school, none of Rin's pain ever showed. It wasn't until she lost Len that she finally broke.

"You can think me a hypocrite as much as you want, but I'm the only one there for Piko. No one else will take him in, but there's someone who will take Yuki in in a heartbeat. And, before you try to argue moving her again, I'm told that she'd still be going to this school. The boy who would become her brother is already attending our school in the kindergarten class."

"Still, moving Yuki away from the home she's grown accustomed to would just be cruel! Do you have any idea how lost she'd feel, how abandoned? If we gave up on her so quickly after taking her in, how would that affect her?"

Iroha wanted to hug that young girl, draw her close and whisper that everything was going to be okay. Yuki had no idea that this threat loomed, however. If Iroha mentioned it, she'd do nothing but worry the poor child, and that was the last thing she wanted to do. Still, the yearning tugged on her heart as she stared at Yuki, tears pricking her eyes.

"Have you stopped to think about the side-effects of living in an abusive home that Yuki might have? I can see those cuts, Yuki, and I know they weren't from you or her classmates."

"Look, just stay out of our business and let me take care of her."

Yuki looked up at her then, her deep brown eyes asking a billion questions as her lips hesitantly formed words. Miki's last words rang through Iroha's words, the last words she'd heard before storming out.

"Is it you who'll be caring for Yuki, then, or Rin?"

"Mama?"

Iroha jumped at the sound of Yuki's voice and placed a smile on her lips before looking down on those big doe eyes. "Yes, sweetheart?"

Yuki stared at her imploringly for a moment, opening her mouth as though to speak before closing it and looking down. Then, clutching onto the fabric of Iroha's pant, she stared bravely up at the woman and wondered, "Is Miku going to take me back? Did she tell Miss Utatane that?"

Iroha wasn't sure why she asked, "How did you know about that?"

"Piko told me that she went to their house," said Yuki, her eyes beginning to tear up as her strength wavered. "Are they going to take me away, Mama?"

Iroha froze at the horror in Yuki's eyes, thinking of Rin that morning and of Miki's words. Realization dawned on Iroha as she was forced to understand Miki's words, no matter how much she wished she didn't. A child shouldn't have had to face Rin's rage. A child shouldn't have been placed in the care of a woman who couldn't even take care of herself. That was what Yuki was: a child. She was a mature little girl, for sure, but she needed stability in her life, and Rin was anything but stable. Perhaps it would be best for her to be with that other person, the one who already had a child. Quietly, softly, Iroha questioned, "But wouldn't that be okay? You could still go to school with Piko and Haku and Neru, and you could have a little brother."

"I don't want a brother!" Panic flashed in Yuki's eyes as she pulled herself up, into Iroha's face. She hadn't gotten the answer or the reassurance she wanted, but Iroha knew that she had to go through with this. "Is Miku going to take me away?"

"You can't be happy living with Rin and I," Iroha argued, hating herself for doing it but knowing that Yuki deserved better. Iroha was the adult. Yuki had to come first, even before Rin. "You should be with a proper family."

"But she's Len's fiancée!" exclaimed Yuki, shaking Iroha by the shoulders with amazing force. Her breathing was coming in sharps intakes as panic flared harsher and harsher in those brown eyes. "I want to be with you and Rin, not some random person! Len talked about her all the time! I have to make it up to him! I have to make her better for him!"

"Yuki, calm down," requested Iroha, forcing herself to stay absolutely still and as calm as she could manage even though seeing Yuki so terrified made her want to cry herself.

"Do you not want me, either?" the girl questioned, verging on hysteric now as those brown eyes bore into Iroha's yellow ones. "You don't want me, do you? You're like my real parents. They didn't want me, either, and now you don't. Why? Why don't you want me?"

"Yuki, I do want you," whispered Iroha, wanting desperately to hold on to the girl and console her, but a part of her said not to. Yuki was always quiet, holding herself carefully together. Everyone needed to break once in a while, even a child, right? And this poor girl had been through so much.

"You don't!" shouted Yuki, pushing herself sharply away from the woman and stumbling to her feet off the bench. Eyes shut and arms clenched tightly to her sides, she shouted, "You don't want me! I'm just a burden! I took over your room, took over your life! You were already helping Rin out, and then I came along and made it even harder! You want to get rid of me, pawn me off to the first person who offers!"

"Yuki, letting you go is the last thing I want to do," interrupted Iroha, but she couldn't get much more than that in between Yuki's explosions.

"Len was the only one who ever wanted me, and now he's dead! The only thing I can do for him is help Rin, but you won't let me do that! I can't do that if you give me back to Miku! I can't do that with that other person and some stupid little brother! I need to be with her; I need to help her! If I don't help her, he'll never forgive me!"

The little girl's shoulders were shuddering as she broke off there and slumped on the ground, hiding her face in between her knees and stomach as she broke into sobs. Iroha rushed onto her knees by the girl and hugged her weeping form to her chest. She made soft noises meant to soothe the girl, doing all she could think of to calm her down. She stroked the girl's hair that still lay loose from this morning, stroked her back, kissed her head, but nothing could calm the girl.

"I'm so sorry, Yuki," Iroha whispered, heartbroken as she watched that girl fall apart. She'd meant to let the girl let of steam, not to shatter her. "I'm so sorry. We're not letting Miku take you back, okay? I'll do everything I can to keep you with us, okay? I love you, Yuki. You're not a burden. I love you too much for you to even have to consider that."

Then, through Yuki's sobs, Iroha heard the girl murmur, "It's my fault Len's dead. She'll never forgive me."

Author's Note: Poor Yuki was definitely due for a breakdown, especially with the burden she's been carrying. And I'm adding Iroha's view in here because she's there just as often as Yuki and Rin so I thought it fair. Anyway, this won the poll, so it'll be updated nearly every weekday until complete. Please keep supporting me and review if you have the chance because getting feedback always inspires me to write more. Thank you, everyone!