To all you Destiel shippers out there: HAHA WHAT LOVE CONFESSION?! THAT NEVER HAPPENED WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT

Dean woke up with two fingers pressed to his forehead and Castiel looking down at him with a look of concern. It didn't feel real though. It didn't feel legitimate. Dean sat up and looked beyond Castiel. Oh no…

"You did it?" Dean scrambled away from Castiel. The devil's trap only let him go so far.

"Yes."

"You idiot."

"It's what I had to do, Dean."

"Just leave me here to rot."

"No." Dean looked at him confused. "You are Dean Winchester. You Winchesters are crafty. If I were to leave you here alone or with a guard, you'd charm or kill your way out. And then you'd try to stop me from under my nose. No. You're coming with me; you're never leaving my side. That's the only way I can be sure that you don't sabotage me."

"You're not gonna last long enough for me to sabotage you," Dean scoffed.

"I am stronger than you think."

"How many times do I gotta explain this to you? I have been here before. I know exactly what's gonna happen, and it ain't pretty."

Castiel ignored him. "Come, it's time to leave."

"I am not leaving with you!" Castiel pressed his fingers to Dean's forehead, knocking him unconscious.

Dean woke up to Cas. "I am your new God. Bow down and profess your love unto me. Or I will destroy you all."

There was a ringing in his ears. That didn't usually happen when Cas zapped him somewhere. Other than the bowel movement complications, it was generally a smooth ride. Dean stood, feeling horribly tipsy. Those damn Leviathans…"You're no god," he mumbled. Bobby, Sam, and Dean (his past self) stared at him in awe, probably wondering who he was and how he was there. Castiel turned around. Dean shuffled around for balance.

"You are no god," he repeated. "You are just a pathetic angel who's trying to contain a plethora of primordial goo with a god complex. They're slipping through, I can see it. The arrogance, the bloodlust, that feeling of more-more-more. You're losing the fight. It's too late. This is the beginning of the end."

Castiel gave Dean a patronizing smile, which made his blood boil with anger. He struggled against the the chains. Castiel waved his hand, and Dean found his lips sealed together.

The other Dean took a step towards the poisoned angel. "Cas… is this true?" Castiel turned back towards him. Behind his back, Dean nodded.

"No, Dean. I am in control." Dean rolled his eyes dramatically and shook his head.

"Who's that?" Sam asked.

"This is my prisoner. He tried to stop me." Castiel said. "I cannot kill him, so I must take him with me."

Dean rolled his eyes again. He pointed at Cas, shook his finger, pointed to his ears, and pointed to himself. He pointed at the angel again and twirled his finger by his ear. What he was attempting to say was, "He didn't listen to me; he's an idiot."

Sam gasped for breath.

"Not doing so well, are you, Sam?" Castiel asked. Dean growled.

"You said you'd fix him!" the other Dean shouted.

"I said, if you stand down. Which you didn't. You tried to kill me. But still, enjoy my mercy. I could have cast you into the pit. I could kill you all for your infidelity. But I have no reason to kill you. You were once my favorite pets, before you turned around and bit me. The sentiment remains, and I would find it quite hard to kill you." Castiel's calm, complacent tone irritated Dean. He kicked him in the back of the knee.

Castiel turned around so quickly that Dean didn't realize that he'd been knocked out...until he woke up.

He woke up in a cluttered living room. It took a few moments to realize: this was Bobby's house! He was tied to a chair inside of a devil's trap. The handcuffs had been left on.

Dean's past self sat in a chair, supposedly watching him, except he'd fallen asleep, resting on his hand.

"Castiel is going to come for me," he warned. "I imagine the only reason he didn't take me with him was because you can't sneak a demon into heaven, no matter how hard you try."

Dean 1.0 woke up suddenly. "What?"

"I was warning you that Castiel is coming for me once he finishes killing his brethren in Heaven."

"Is that what he's doing?" Dean 2.0 nodded.

Dean 1.0 grimaced. "Let's stop talking about him. Let's talk about you. Who are you?"

"Name's Winchester. Dean Winchester."

The other one rolled his eyes. "Okay, Bond. How'd you get here?"

"God sent me, to undo what's happened in my time."

Past Dean nodded. "You've come from the future to prevent it from happening? You're doing a great job, I must say."

Dean snorted. "Oh, 'Godstiel' and the Leviathans? Don't worry about it. The 'Godstiel' crap's only gonna last a couple days. He'll realize I was right and come crawling back to you to undo it all. Much worse things are going to happen in the next few years."

"Like what?"

"First, a Knight of Hell. Then, all the angels get locked out of heaven. Next, we work with Crowley and get the Mark of Cain. Then Crowley's mom got involved, and...well like mother like son. She helped get the Mark off of me, which released the Darkness. Then everyone died. The end." Dean tapped his hands on the arms of the chair. "Any questions?"

Dean 1.0 asked, "What happens to Cas?" Dean 2.0 smirked. His past self rushed forward and gripped his shirt. "WHAT HAPPENS TO CAS?!" he shouted.

"You know, I see now why people think we're lovers." His past self tightened his grip, his fingernails digging into his chest. "Okay! He dissolved in the river. You really think one angel can handle all of Purgatory?"

Bobby entered. "What are you doing, Dean?"

"Interrogation," Dean 2.0 answered with a curt nod. The other Dean let go of him and told Bobby what he knew.

The room shook. Dean squirmed in his chair. "I warned you. He's gonna take me. This is gonna hurt…" He braced himself. The shaking changed to a jarring, nauseating, moving-up-and-down-several-feet quake. Dean landed face down in a sandbox. He propped himself on his elbows and puked out all the bile in his stomach.

"Hello, Dean."

"Castiel," he croaked.

Castiel didn't speak. Dean struggled to stand. He swayed on his feet and looked around. This playground was familiar. The post-teleportation sickness clouded his thoughts, so he couldn't be sure. He thought that this was the same playground that, in a couple years, would serve as the permanent door to heaven.

Not if I have anything to do about it.

Castiel cocked his head. "Let's go, Dean. Our work is about to begin."

"Your work. I got nothing to do with this." Castiel sent him another patronizing smile.