CHAPTER FORTY EIGHT:

Dear Melissa,

This is my last letter to you and the family. I believe whatever that was needed to be said was said a few months ago back in Wales … I also think that whatever that was needed to be ended was ended then, too.

I want to start anew here in Los Angeles with Mulder. So, before I completely leave it at that, let me tell you this, and do share it with Bill and Charles:

Thank you. I have never thanked you before for what you have done … but now, I think I am big enough to accept what had happened and to finally thank you for protecting me that last night. You may not say it a lot, but I know that you three love me just as I love you. I looked up to you, Melissa … to you and your demeanor, your maturity, your strength. Bill has always been ready to take me out of the house when I felt I needed some air from your father, Duanne, and Charles was constantly ready to remind me that I was still a child. I love you all so much it hurts that I felt so alone, as if none of you ever acknowledged what Duanne and Donnie had done to me. I know you had your reasons. Just like I had mine when I decided to leave Wales.

I could never take back the life of my babies, I could never turn back time to fight back against Duanne or Donnie, I could never turn back time to stop you three from shooting that fatal gunshot. We can only move forward with what we were left with. I had to move forward, Melissa, and I couldn't do it there. Wales will always be special to me, but it will never be home, you see. I'm not sure if I can ever truly feel home anywhere.

But maybe it is time for me to try.

I gave birth a three weeks ago to our baby boy. Melissa, you should've seen Mulder's face. He was so happy - I told him that he looked happier than when I agreed to be the star of his movie! He laughed at that, and then looked at me with his hazel eyes so clear they were like liquid diamonds. I understood, as I watched him coo the baby to sleep at night from the hospital bed, that I was still meant for good things in life. That this blessing, this man and my new family, was something I truly deserved.

I have never felt like this before, Melissa. I have always thought no matter how far I run away from my past, it would always catch up on me in one form or another. I have always felt that the darkness would find me. Mulder continues to disprove that belief every single day.

I named our baby William, after Mulder's father – a man that my husband admired so much. We now want to fulfill his father's wish for him to have a big family. We may not have white picket fences in the Mulder Manor, but we are guessing that the "clan" we're planning to have together would more than make up for it.

I'm moving forward, Melissa. I have begun therapy for my past and I'm doing very well. Mulder and I are getting married in June; it's nothing big, just a quiet ceremony with close friends and family in Quonochontaug, Rhode Island. That's where Mulder's daughter, Emily, was married. It's what his father would have wanted, what I want, and we can also keep the paparazzi at bay there where it's private. It is my choice that no one gives me away – Mulder and I will walk the aisle together. William will be a very young ring bearer; can you imagine that? We're also planning to stay there for a couple of months while the Manor is under construction. We want additional rooms for the future of our family. This feels right, Missy. This feels good. I belong in Los Angeles; more than that, I belong with Mulder and our son.

Melissa, I hope that you find it in your hearts to forgive me, forgive your Dad, and forgive yourselves. We all deserve good things in our lives, together or apart.

I'll keep you in my prayers, chwaer. Always.

Love,
Dana

END OF CHAPTER FORTY EIGHT