James T. Kirk
I felt the need to be with Spock; just being around his presence made me feel calmer. I expected to see him sitting in meditation or writing out a report or something on the lines of that, how ever when I reached his quarters and the doors revealed them to me, the sight wasn't exactly the most expected one. The room was a mess; things out of place, broken, and with a Vulcan sitting amongst it crouched on the floor.
"Spock…" I placed my hand on his shoulder, trying to offer support for what ever was wrong. It appeared his human half was showing today, for what ever reason, and I fully intended to find out what that reason was.
"Jim" He peered up at me, his face wet "you shouldn't be here; leave me" was that anger in his voice? Hurt maybe? I couldn't place the exact emotion.
"Not until you tell me what's going on" I stated as he stood and turned away as if he didn't want to look at me. My stomach began to crawl into itself; I'd never seen him so upset before; had I been apart of it?
"Why did you do it Jim?" he almost snarled
Rand? I instantly thought, but it couldn't be, we'd discussed it before and he didn't seem to have a problem; why now?
"Why did you procreate with her?" was Spock… angry, at me? For sleeping with Arnica? He could have just been his usual curious self. But about something so personal? That wasn't like Spock at all.
"I can't answer that" I stood there awkwardly; a part of me wanted to run as hard and as fast as my legs could take me, but the stronger half kept me right where I was.
He turned to me, his hands grasping both my arms in a futile attempt as he stared into my eyes; his breath hard and deep, just watching before letting go and turning his back to me once more.
"The thought of it… makes me want to murder her" He whispered lowly.
"Spock… this isn't like you… Why? Why do you want to kill Arnica?" I asked.
Before I knew it he was holding me again, more firmly this time, and had pushed me back to the wall so I could barely move.
"Don't you see Jim?" He almost shook me "I would die for you; do any thing for you; I consider you my t'hy'la, and not in a platonic way. We'd been growing so close these last few years, the last few days, I thought…" He let the sentence drift.
"Spock…" I almost chocked on my words "if only…"
"if only what?" he almost shook me again, almost as if presuming I would say if only I felt the same, only I did.
"If only… you had told me that earlier" I lifted my arms and placed them on his shoulders "I never would have slept with her." I paused; staring down at the floor "if only you knew how I felt about this"
I felt his hands slowly slip from my arms, gliding up my chest as the tips of his fingers aligned with the contours under my chin. Instantly initiating a bond and learning every thing there was to learn.
A somewhat smile grew on his face as his hands fell, but it wasn't that big a grin as a humans; as his Vulcan anatomy appeared to be taking over from the jealous human half of him. But I had a feeling I was soon to be taught I was completely wrong. His human and Vulcan half had bonded and come together to create one primal being, one I was almost afraid to embrace, almost. We had past a trellium asteroid field a couple of weeks ago; I knew that some times it could have a poisonous effect and act like a drug on the Vulcan nervous system; taking away their emotional control temporarily. Perhaps Spock had been affected by it, perhaps he hadn't, but either way, some where along the line he'd be fed a bite of emotions and now as my mind connected to his, I knew now that he couldn't get enough of them, as if pon farr had come early.
The words stopped seeping from his lips as they trailed down my neck and torso, inhaling my scent as the soft fabric that covered my body was peeled away from my flesh. A flare of mist sprung in my dark eyes as Spock's lips touched my own. A low hum of breath escaped his lungs as arms were wrapped around my body and pushing me to the mattress under us, my shirt sliding off correspondingly. By the time my best science officer had reached me, there was almost nothing left of me to long after. The Vulcan had whispered in my ear at just the perfect moment, and that moment would never be forgotten.
In here I felt safe for the first time in weeks; I didn't have to worry about frailty or consent, I didn't have to feel like a monster, like my face was melting off and being sculpted into that of the devil.
I lent back into the soft blankets of the bed as Spock worked his way off me, taking the time to carefully avoid squashing me while still staying close enough that I could feel the warmth of his body. My knees bent in freedom as Spock removed the tight black pants from my legs completely. Breathing into my collar bone as he kissed his way up my neck till he finally met my lips. A warm, dark abyss of comfort surrounded my body as my hands glided up the depth of my Vulcan's' spine. Inhaling the aura of his hair as Spock briefly bent down to remove the rest of both our clothing. Convulsing as he lay low onto me and my legs were wrapped around his back side, locking the two of us together, for tonight at least.
"I'm not going any where" Spock reassured me, instantly picking up any thought of doubt that was still impaled in my mind. He pressed his lips to mine gently yet with force as his hands trailed down the chest and abdomen that lay before him.
There was no where in the universe I could hide, no place that lay in secret when I was with this man, nor did I feel the need to do so. I was every thing and nothing else mattered but us. He let his hands wander further still, watching as the body under him jolted, the hold my arms and legs held growing tighter; as if all the strength I had locked inside myself was escaping with each subtle yet bold move.
My eyes stayed closed as his hand took hold of my own, Spocks own eyes becoming covered in a layer of darkness and depth as slowly the bond between us was completed, and I learnt why humans were so attracted to the seemingly dispassionate Vulcan race.
Janice Rand
When I woke, he was still lying beside me, breathing softly as he slept. I could faintly remember what happened last night, how he helped me down the corridors and patted my back as I puked everything into my bathroom sink. And how he'd watched over me when I carelessly rolled around on my bed in my own drunken numb body.
I managed to pull myself up, even though it felt like there was a screw driver drilling continuously through my head. I ran my fingers over the side of his face, watching as he continued to sleep.
Sometimes it's so hard to keep track of what's real or not. Some days I wake up not knowing who I am or what I'm doing here. Some days its Monday, others it's Saturday. Some days it takes me hours to get my bearings back, and even then, I still don't know if I'm dreaming. But when I looked down at him, I was so sure of what my purpose was, who I am and what my name was; and that I don't need alcohol to escape my problems, only his counsel.
"Janice" He whispered.
I quickly withdrew my hand before he would notice, but I was too late.
"It's all right" He pulled himself up as well "How do you feel?"
"I've been better" I folded my legs and pressed my nose in between my knees.
"Would you, like me to get you something?" He offered.
"No, thank you" I swallowed hard, standing up from the bed and making my way to the bathroom. There was evidence I had been sick in the room; everything was out of place and there must have been a dozen cloths and other pieces of clothing lying around that were wet and dirty. I could still barely remember it, but I know I had been sick long before I had met him in the corridor, in fact I think I had left my quarters in order to search for him.
Quickly I slipped off my grotesque uniform and pulled over my head a loose gown that was slightly too big for me. Sighing as I took a glimpse at my skinny and sunken form in the reflection of the mirror, I covered it up with a towel while washing my face and brushing my teeth in an attempt to wake myself up. Running a comb through my knotted hair, I almost forgot McCoy was in the next room, waiting for me.
Leonard McCoy
She was taking her time, or she had forgotten I was here, either way, for the moment I was alone. She hadn't had to use that bowl I set beside her last night, or more this morning, and quite frankly I was glad. If she had taken one more plunge down the road of emptying her stomach, no matter how much she refused, I would have taken her to sickbay. She may appear to be alright now, but I bet she has a massive head ache. Perhaps it would be best if I just left, but for some reason my legs just refuse to move. I couldn't get my body up; something was gluing me to my perch. It was her face, her smile, her glow that was keeping me here. Although I knew I was meant to be in sick bay, she was more important; more in need of a care taker than any one else.
"Doctor…" I felt her finger tips run along my shoulder. I looked up and met her eyes; staring back at me. They weren't at a distance like they always were when I saw her; they were here; with me in the present.
"We should, probably get to our posts" She suggested.
"There's no rush" I pointed out, though every star fleet officer knew that a red alert could fill the ship faster than an epidemic, and it's personal had to be ready on their feet. I just didn't care; I couldn't. Not with her smiling down at me for the first time in weeks.
Her hand ran down my arm as I stood up, taking note she was slightly shorter than me as I was now the one smiling down at her.
Janice Rand
We stared at each other for a long time, asking each other silent questions and giving answers back; but neither of us actually saying anything. I ran my fingers over his collar bone till they settled at the base of his neck; he grasped them with his own and kissed the top of my hand with his lips.
"I'm glad you feel better" He whispered.
"Now I do, thank you for staying with me" I whispered back, drawing closer to him, my grip on his palm tightening as his hand snuck around my back side and pulled me close. I drew in a deep breath as our lips touched and he brushed his tongue along my own. I regretted wasting all that time in the bathroom, when I could have been out here with him.
A tingling grew in the palms of my feet as I twirled my toes together. A gag of muscle tightened in the back of my throat and a tear almost slipped from my closed eye. His hands ran over the bones of my rib cage and up my neck, feeling my breath on his skin as they touched my open lips. His eyes were closed, his breathing gentle as a hand cupped my own, lips capturing mine in a soft touch as our naked bodies pressed together. Wrapping me up in a silk lullaby, he daintily bonded us, and this time a pearl tear did seep from my eye.
He cleared it away with a warm stoke of his finger, reassuring words seeping from his lungs. Like a bow passionately wavering against a string, his voice vibrated up my spine, nesting in the back of my mind as his smooth skin past over my own. With my hands sprawled above me, and loose hair entwining around the bedding, his soft lips covered my body like melted butter, feathering down my shoulders and back as if a trance was over taking them.
He captured my lost state of mine with his own safety net, pulling me out of a sea of bitterness and anger as he stroked the sides of my face. My chest exhaled a deep breath; oxygen sending my spirit clean knowledge that this man was everything tonight, and I to him.
No infected image of the past, no disillusion of the future, only here and now in this tender moment was I truly alive.
My hands clenched together. 'No' I kept telling myself "no, no way" I was begging to panic, and not in a good way "It can't be"
He had only left less then an hour ago and already I was feeling lost again, entering that different dimension that defines the line between reality and the dream life. A growing feeling of sadness was swelling in the back of my throat. I would have to speak to the captain if I was to go through it, but I'd also have to confront the doctor.
"No, no, no, no!" I threw my hand at the sink, before I knew my knees had hit the floor and I was curled up on the tiles, pearl tears of depression cascading down my face.
"Doctor" I walked through the doors to sickbay "I need to talk with you"
"It's doctor now huh…" He strolled over to me "What is it?"
"May I have a word with you?" I asked, my stare not leaving his "in private"
He contemplated it for a moment, before answering "Alright, follow me"
He led me to his office and closed the door behind him. Leaning against his desk, his arms folding as he awaited my answer.
"I need…" I swallowed hard again, I could feel the tears prickling my eyes "I need… to leave the ship"
His hands feel to his sides, no longer leaning against the table "May I ask why?"
"I just, can't be here" I reasoned "It's too hard; every where I go I'm bombarded with memories; bad memories; things I want to forget. But I can't when I'm being reminded of them when ever I open my eyes"
It seemed like a few minutes past before he finally gave his answer "Have you spoken to the captain about this?"
"I thought it would be best to speak to you first, you are the ships doctor"
He inched a step closer "Janice… are you sure?"
I gave a small nod, his hands covering my shoulders
"If it'll help you to get through this, then ok" He gave a sad smile "But... I'll miss you"
"I know" I took his hands in mine and kissed his palms "I will miss you too"
I stepped onto the main bridge; all the officers were sitting in their chairs at their posts as expected; Kirk leaning over the science station near Spock as they debated some issues that the sensors had picked up I suppose.
Taking a deep breath in preparation, I anticipated he would either be very glad I was leaving, or the complete opposite. I got neither reaction from him.
"Captain" I called his name, standing close but not too close behind him.
He turned from the station and looked at me in waiting. I held the PADD our in front of him for him to take, which he did.
"What's this?" He briefly looked it over.
"My resignation from my current assignment" I answered "Doctor McCoy thinks it would be best if I resume my treatment some where else. There's a star base three light years from here, by altering course, you'll only loose a few hours. All you have to do is sign it."
"Janice" He stared at me in question "Are you sure you want to leave the Enterprise?"
"As I said Captain" I continued "All you have to do is sign it"
He sighed and ran a hand through his hair "Alright" He took the pen and added his signature. He handed the PADD back to me without a second glance and returned to studying the data on the science stations screen.
I inwardly scoffed at him and turned to leave the bridge, not one word of good bye leaving my lips, just as none left his.
Leonard McCoy
We all stood around the transporter room, my eyes not leaving her for a second as she entered the room and halted in front of me.
"Thank you Leonard" She briefly leaned into and pressed her lips to mine one last time "I don't know what I would have done without your help"
I simply smiled at her as she stepped onto the pad. There would be no late night encounters, no early morning check ups, no laughs over lunch, just the empty void of silence she was about to leave behind. Despite the fact I was a healer, and I hated seeing her in pain, I would miss taking care of her, miss her smile when she grew better enough to give me one. We had only one of her on board the ship, and now she was leaving us for good. This time might have been the last time we all see her for years to come.
James T. Kirk
I tried not to stare at her as she stood in waiting on the transported pad, but I'd lost control of my sight. Janice and I had developed a friendship over the years, we may not have been as close as we could have been, but we did share something together. And now that something was leaving.
"Energizing" Spock announced as he activated the machine, and Janice vanished before our eyes.
Bones left the room after a few seconds as well as the other personal that had come to send their regards.
"Good bye" I whispered to the empty room, feeling Spock at my back as he leaned over me in comfort.
"Jim" He wrapped his arms around me "I'm sure this won't be the last time you see her" He tried to reassure me.
"I hope so" I turned and pressed my lips to his "I never got a chance to tell her how sorry I am"