Waking up can be such a blissful feeling sometimes. For those couple seconds or minutes, you forget about your life and live in the dream world you were in just a couple minutes ago. But once you're awake the reality comes crashing back down on you once again harder than the day before and the blissful feeling slips away into one of dread. As you start to get ready for work or school or whatever you have planned that day you feel the dread falling harder and harder and the moment where you need to go into the human world comes closer and closer, until you are standing at the door with your hand on the handle debating with yourself. The dread, the anxiety and the worry all pool in your stomach as you open the door and step out into the world, wondering what bad thing would happen today. As you walk to school or drive to work, the feeling gets stronger and stronger, until it becomes hard to breathe and no matter how hard you try to shake these feelings throughout the day, they stay with you, adding weight, stress and unwanted pressure.

This was my life everyday and everyday it got harder to keep going. My alarm beeped loudly in my ear signalling it was time to wake up, I rolled over and hit the snooze button for the second time and lay back on my back. As I stared up at the ceiling I allowed myself to sink into the dream life for another 10 minutes before I would have to endure the harsh reality. In what felt like only a minute my alarm sounded again. I groaned and forced myself to sit up, looking around the dark room and wishing that I could stay in here for life. Groaning, I stood up and got out of bed, grabbing my towels and making my way slowly to the warmth of the shower. As I stepped into the tile of the shower, I turned on the water letting it cascade over me. My mind was whirring with a million thoughts, majority of them regarding how much pain my ribs were in from the beating I had endured. I made the water as hot as I could possibly bear it without burning my skin off and sat in the water along it to turn my skin red and raw. The water still wasn't enough to quite my thoughts and my eyes flicked toward the metal object on the side. I sighed loudly and snatched up the metal piece quickly pressing and slicing, turning the water red. It was a soothing feeling and as I sliced my mind became quiet. I put the razor down only once my mind was silent and I could think once again. I reminded myself as I lay the razor back down that I couldn't keep going so long without doing it just once or else I was going to go crazy inside my head. With the relief washing over me I finished my shower, careful to avoid the fresh cuts scattered across my wrist. 20 minutes later I was dressed and just finishing straightening my hair, checking my watching and prolonging my the time that I would have to leave for school, I took my time finishing my hair. When I was as pleased as I ever was with my hair I shut my straightener off and stood up, stretching loudly. I looked at my watch for another time and sighed realizing that if I didn't leave within the next 5 minutes I would be late to class and no one would want that. I quickly grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder, yelling a silent goodbye to my sleeping parents and locked the door behind me as I started my walk to school. I put my headphones in my ears and let my mind go blank as I made the mindless walk to school. I ignored the people passing me as I kept my eyes glued to the ground as I walked, trying my hardest to avoid eye contact with anyone. I walked fast, hoping to get to class early to avoid any conflict in the halls. As I walked I kicked some of the dead leaves that had already started to fall off the trees, I sighed knowing now that it was October soon everything would be dead because of winter. I walked as fast as I could until I got to the school.

The schoolyard was full of the different cliques sitting and waiting for the bell to ring. I kept my eyes glued to the ground as I walked, opening the door and looking only and my feet walking along the brown tiles. As I walked I caught the snippets of certain peoples conversations, making me shake my head with some of the things people were saying. Some people in my school were just beyond stupid that they should be ashamed, but of course I didn't say anything. Walking through the school halls was one of the toughest things for me to do each day, afraid of what people were going to say or do and it gave me intense anxiety anytime someone even brushed my shoulder while they walked. As I walked to my first period class I struggled to keep my breath even while keeping my eyes locked to the ground, if I had only lifted my eyes up a couple of centimetres I would have seen the biggest Jock in the school and would have avoided the collision. However that did not happen and my eyes stayed locked to the ground causing me to bump right into him.

"What where you're-"He cut his sentence off as he turned around to see that it was me who bumped into him. My eyes were wide with fear and I was having immense troubles breathing as he looked at me, nostrils flaring and eyes ablaze with anger. "Oh it was you was it? Well listen, I don't like little faggots touching my skin so we're going to have to solve this somehow." He made a fist and cracked his knuckles (how cliché of bullies to do this right) and started to gain on me when all of a sudden a teacher popped around the corner stopping him in his tracks. He couldn't possibly dare to do anything with a teacher watching and for a few seconds I was slightly relief. " Fine we'll settle this after school." And with that he walked away leaving me rattled. I sighed heavily and returned my eyes to the ground, slightly higher than last time, continuing my walk to my class.

I spent the rest of the day in classes or the library to avoid giving anyone the chance of beating me up. However, as I sat in my last class 5 minutes from the bell ringing I started to become very anxious. I would literally have to sprint home in order to beat the bullies and there was no way I would be able to run all the way home since I couldn't run more than a few feet without feeling like my lungs were going to explore. The time ticked away and with each tick my heart sped up. With only 30 seconds until the end of the day I grabbed my bag and slung it over my shoulder, gripping it tightly and getting ready for my mad dash home. The bell rung and the class filed out quickly chatting loudly at the excitement of the end of the day. I was the last one to leave the class and as soon as I was outside of the school building I started running. I pushed my legs making them move as fast as they possibly could without breaking. Within only a couple of minutes my lungs and throat were burning, my legs felt like they were going to give out and my eyes were watering from the pain but I kept running knowing if I stopped now it would only be worse. Finally, after what felt like 2 hours, my house came into view and I broke out into my finally sprint reaching the front door. My hand shook madly as I attempted to stick the key into the hole to open the door. The door sprung open and I shut it behind me quickly, sliding down the door, my whole body burning and shaking. I wheezed and heaved as I attempted to breathe, each breath feeling like fire in my lungs. I had made it home without anyone catching me, making me feel immensely relieved. I knew that tomorrow was going to be much worse since I ran, but that was tomorrow.

When i could stand without feeling like i was going to pass out or cough up blood, i dragged myself up to my bedroom. With each stepped i took my heart beated a little faster and by the time i had reached my door i actually had butterflies in my stomach. This couldn't be good. See Phil and I had been DMing each other for the past couple of week after we had (most Phil because i was a stalker and knew alot about him already) found out that we had a llot in common. As I sat on my bed waiting for my computer to log on and open twitter, i felt my anticipation grow to see what Phil had written. I knew my obsession over Phil wasn't healthy, but he was the only good thing in my life and i was going to cling to him as much as i could to convince myself it wasn't all bad. Finally twitter loaded up my DMs and the blue dot beside Phil's name made my heart lleap a little. Clicking on it, i read it over quickly giving out a huge sigh.

" AmazingPhil: Dan its October 16 ! That means its been almost a month since you said you would do it, so you need to do it NOW! XD"

I sighed again and let my eyes wander around the room, knowing i needed to do what Phil wanted. I quickly grabbed my laptop and placed it on the desk, sitting in front of it awkwardly. This was going to be interesting.

AN: Okay so this chapter is pretty bad because what happened was i had half of it written on wednesday and then yesterday night i finished it but something went wrong with my microsoft and it didn't save so tonight when i got home from work i had to rewrite the whole half of the chapter that i had already written and then the last 4 maybe 5 paragraphs my microsoft kept shutting down with saving any of it so it was just a terrible mixture of computer problems ugh. BUT

Thank you to anyone who said they liked my first chapter, it was really encouraging! Does anyone know what happened on October 16? (: