AN: Well hello long time no write! I was on vacation so ya haha, this is unedited because i didn't have time or energy or health to edit it so sorry, but enjoy !
I walked around my town, it was 3 in the morning so everyone was sleeping which allowed me to think clearly. I thought back to my room where everything was packed already, all my clothes and my personal items. Tomorrow was the day, the day in which I will never have to see this town again if I don't want to. The day in which I forget my old life and start all over. The day that I start Uni. As I walk down the desolate streets my heart started racing. I had so many fears surrounding tomorrow that I couldn't even fathom. What if it was like high school, but worse? I sighed and started to run, I ran for as long as I could without feeling like my lungs were going to give out. I knew I would be leaving behind everything that existed in my life here, including my parents, but I couldn't help feel like things could go terribly wrong there nonetheless.
When the sun had started rising I started to make my way back to my house for probably one of the last times. As I got close to my house I stopped, just staring and taking in everything that I saw. I stared until I thought that it was committed to memory and that I would never forget it. He's getting sentimental, you ask? No, I'm just trying to remember all of the terrible things that happened to me here so that no one, ever would have to face this the way I did. When I entered the house, my parents were up and sitting at the kitchen table reading the newspaper.
"We are leaving in half an hour, make sure everything you need to bring is packed." My father didn't even look up from the newspaper as he spoke, but I nodded all the same. I slowly climbed my stairs for the last time and entered my room. Over the past year this had been my sanctuary, allowing me to stay hidden. A place where I could forget what was happening and allow all of the terrible things to stay outside of the door. I did a final sweep of the room to make sure nothing important had been left behind, this is when I had found my razors. I stared at them, my hands shaking, the metal seemed to glint in the light making me feel sick. As I looked down at my wrist I suddenly imagined all the blood pooling at the bottom of the floor, dripping off my wrist as I slice and slice and slice and slice. My eyes flash back to that terrible day, the last day I had cut. It seemed like a lifetime I go but really it was only a month ago that I sat on my bed, the razor pressed to my skin ready to cut so deep that there would be no possible way to repair me. I sat on my bed the tears rolling off my chin onto my bed, my whole body shaking, with the razors pressed to my skin. I made one cut, the tiniest cut that I had ever made, and my body collapsed into sobs. That was the last time that I had used the razors, but I threw them into my backpack, just in case. When my room was clean, everything put into the boxes, and my bed was stripped, I sat on the edge of my bed looking around the room.
I never thought in my childhood that I would be sitting here, no friends, no parents, no significant other, no anything to celebrate or be sad about my going away. I never thought in my childhood that I would be here scars destroying my wrists. And I never thought that I would be here wishing to get away from here, hoping that anywhere in the world is better than this place. Because I had a good childhood, one with loving parents and a lot of good friends who would stand by me through anything. It wasn't until the rumours started flying that the good in my life turned to bad, the love in my life turned to disgust and the friends turned into enemies. I couldn't really be that mad at the person who started the rumours because I am bisexual, so they were right there, even helped me discover it. I was never bitter about my childhood, never once nostalgic, but as I sat in my room looking around I felt a wave of sadness sweep over me. I blinked away the tears quickly, not giving myself the option to cry.
"Daniel, let's go." My parents appeared at my doorway looking expressionless like always. They each grabbed two boxes and started to make there way downstairs. I followed their lead, grabbing two boxes and walking down. My parents put the boxes in the back of the trunk and went to sit in the car. I sighed knowing that there was still another two trips for me alone. I put the boxes I was carrying in and started my way back up again.
By the time that I was holding the last box, I was panting and sweating. I held the last box in my hand and looked back at my room one more time. It looked empty, bare and depressing. I smiled slightly and all the memories in my room and inhaled deeply. As I shut the door, I knew that I would never see that room ever again and strangely I was okay with that.
The ride to the university was quiet. My parents did not talk nor did I. As we drove I watched the sights drive by. I had never been to Manchester before so this was going to be a new experience making me slightly excited for the trip. It was a strange feeling, after being so isolated from the world this past year and now I was going to try to be integrated back into society. As I watched the school come into view, butterflies flew into my stomach and my throat started to tighten. I looked at the school with wide eyes so amazed at how castle like it looked.
"Well here we are, we'll help you bring your boxes upstairs." My parents parked the car and quickly got out, probably trying to finish as fast as they could. We each grabbed a box and made our way up to the table where we learned what room I was going to be in. Once I got my room assignment and key, we started to make our way upstairs. As we got close to my room, I felt butterflies at who I was going to be roomed with. What if they were even ruder then the people I used to have to deal with? I stuck my key into the hole and turned, hearing the click of the lock as the door swung open. Inside was a boy who looked maybe a year older than me who was already unpacking his stuff, he looked up as we entered.
"Hey mate, the names Charlie." He stuck out his hand for me to shake, so I quickly put my box down on the ground and gripped his hand.
"Dan." He smiled slightly and nooded.
"I didn't know what bed you would want so I waited for you." I looked around the room and noticed just how tiny it was, with two beds, a desk, a night table, two dressers and a little extra moving space. The walls were also a dreary, depression beige colour that we would need to cover up asap. The beds looked to be in both equal places so it didn't quite matter to me, so I shrugged.
"Doesn't matter to me man." I heard my father cough behind me.
"Daniel, let's go get the rest of your boxes, me and your mother need to leave." I nodded and turned around, making my way back down the long stairs. About 15 minutes later all of the boxes were moved into my room and my parents were standing awkwardly in my door.
"Well goodbye." My dad waved a little, a small smile on his face and turned away. My mom nodded at me before turning and following my dad out.
"Your parents aren't very affectionate are they?" I shook my head, not wanting to go into details. While I had been moving in boxes, Charlie had chosen his bed and his dresser and had started unpacking. I followed his lead, folding my clothes carefully into their proper drawers and making my bed. Once mostly everything had been unpacked, I stared at my boxes. In one of the boxes there was just one thing: my razors. I knew that I should have just thrown them out, but it was too late now. I grabbed a pair of socks and stuffed them into the socks, shoving them to the bottom of my sock drawer and away from temptation.
"So where are you from?" The silence of the room had been getting to me, pressing upon me to the extent that I had to make small talk.
"Pudsey, you?"
"Berkshire." With that our conversation ended and we sat in silence again. The silence was an awkward silence and made me feel uneasy. "So what are you majoring in?"
"English Lit, you?" Charlie talked in short sentences not giving me much chance to comment.
"Law." He nodded his head and went back to unpacking. It took us about an hour and a half to unpack everything and make our room livable. Once we had, Charlie got up, grabbed his key and left the room. I sighed, knowing very well that I had left behind one bad life to enter another. I waited about 15 minutes or so to see if Charlie would come back and when he didn't I followed his lead and left the room to explore the town. I walked around the town of Manchester, exploring all the little shops and streets. I was walking with a starbucks in my hand when I heard my name being called, uncertain.
"Dan?" I continued to walk, unsure of who was calling me or if they were calling me. "Danisnotonfire is that you?" I stop at the name of my twitter username and my old youtube name bringing back all the bad memories. I turned around on my heel to see none other than Phil Lester walking toward me with a smile on his face. "Wow it's been a long time."