Chapter Nineteen

I Don't Need an Apology, I Only Need . . . .

"I'm sorry," Yuki hiccupped, wiping her arm across her eyes to force away the tears that kept coming. She felt Miki still stroking her hair, Piko still holding her hand, but their comfort meant nothing to her at that moment. She felt terrible for yelling at Rin and Iroha. She'd overreacted, hadn't she? But they'd looked so serious, and she'd suddenly become so afraid. If they let that man adopt her, she'd lose everything she'd had until now, even her last link to Len. "I'm so sorry."

"Yuki," said Iroha from nearby. Yuki jerked away from Piko and Miki and fell instead into Iroha's arms. "Shh, it's okay."

"I'm sorry," Yuki repeated desperately into Iroha's shirt, keeping her eyes firmly shut. "Please don't send me away. You promised. You promised."

"Shh, Yuki, we weren't ever going to," Iroha promised, holding the little girl incredibly close to her. "We'd never do that. We love you too much."

"Don't leave me all alone again," Yuki whispered, hiding in the woman who she'd come to see as a mother. "Don't leave me like my parents did."

"No one's going to leave you, Yuki, okay?"

Yuki's nose was running uncontrollably, so she found herself sniffling as she said, "Okay."

"That was Len's father, Kiyoteru. He was coming to check up on Rin and I, and you, too. He didn't know if Rin could handle taking care of you, so he was trying to help out. That's all, okay? We'd never even consider giving you up."

"Okay."

"We love you, Yuki, and we're a family now. Don't ever doubt that, okay?"

"Okay."

Iroha laughed and lightly tapped her knuckles on Yuki's head. Yuki looked up at her with teary eyes and blinked, not understanding why Iroha was smiling like that. "Don't revert back to that, Yuki." As Yuki continued to stare blankly at her, not understanding at all what the woman meant, Iroha explained, "You did that when Miku first brought you to us. All you'd say to anything was 'okay.' Don't start doing that again, alright?"

"Okay." Iroha scowled playfully at her, and Yuki felt the corners of her mouth lift up in a smile. With a short giggle, she quickly offered, "Sorry."

Iroha laughed and ruffled the hair atop her head. "Okay, Yuki. Let's go inside now, alright?"

"Are you sure you're okay, Yuki?"

Piko's voice startled Yuki. She'd forgotten that he was there. She looked toward him, and he was gazing at her worriedly. She knew he wanted to do more for her, to comfort her, but, at the moment, it wasn't him she needed, but it wasn't Iroha, either. So, she shook her head.

"No," she said, and she looked toward Iroha. "I can't go inside yet." She turned her gaze to the stairs that Rin had escaped from and said, "I need to see Rin."

"I don't think that's the best idea right now," Iroha said hesitantly, but she loosened her grip on Yuki to give the girl the freedom to run if she so wished.

"I disagree," Miki stated, staring evenly at Iroha. Yuki looked at Miki, confused. As far as she could tell, the teacher had a strong distaste for Rin. She would've thought that Miki would think it best that she stay away from Rin. "If you plan on caring for Yuki as her mother, both you and Rin, you must learn to handle yourselves in times of great stress. This is one of those times." She and Iroha shared icy stares as the woman dropped one last comment. "But if Yuki comes to school with any marks of violence on her tomorrow, please know that I have Miku's number, and I'll call her in a heartbeat if it is detrimental to Yuki's safety." Then, she grabbed Piko hand and hauled to boy down the hallway. "Come on, Piko. This is something that you're not a part of."

"Yuki, please feel better!" Piko desperately called back to Yuki, deciding not to resist his sister for once. "I promise that we'll find out what's wrong with Ryuto, okay, so don't worry about that, either! Good luck!"

Yuki smiled and waved goodbye to him with a quiet word of thanks. Then, she looked to Iroha and wondered, "Is it okay to go to her?"

Iroha sighed and released her completely, raising her hands in surrender. "That's entirely your business, Yuki. I can't do anything about what you choose to do."

Yuki hesitantly took a step back, studying Iroha quietly, before she murmured, "Then I'm going after her."

Iroha turned around then and said, "Okay, do what you want. I won't watch."

Yuki stared at her for a moment longer before taking a few more steps back and then whirling around to dash downstairs. She heard Iroha curse as she left, complaining about her keys or something, but she didn't turn back. She stopped when she arrived at the bottom, looking back and forth, but Rin was nowhere in sight.

"Hey, Yuki, how would you feel if I adopted you?"

Yuki blinked as Len's words rang clearly in her head.

"Really? You'd do that? For real? You're not just teasing me?"

She closed her eyes, imagining Len's smile, his kind eyes, the sound of his voice. Len was the father she was meant to have, but things hadn't worked out the way she had planned. Now, instead, she had two mothers. No matter what, she had to take care of Rin. Rin had told Kiyoteru off earlier. Surely that meant she wanted Yuki as a daughter. She was the Rin Len had told her about so many times before.

"I'm completely serious. You could live with me and Rin."

At that moment, nothing seemed more important than seeing Rin, right then. If Yuki had to cry, she wanted to cry with Rin. She wanted to cry with the woman she'd been hearing about for over two years from Len. She wanted to take Len's place just a little, to be the most important person in Rin's life. Maybe it was a little selfish, but it was the one thing she wanted most in the world.

"Your girlfriend?"

Yuki decided to go for the front door. Rin had already been wearing her shoes, so it was a reasonable assumption, right? Pushing through the glass doors, her feet slammed against the pavement, and she looked around wildly. Now where was she supposed to go?

"She's more than just my girlfriend. She's my best friend, the love of my life, my soul mate. If I didn't have Rin, I don't know what I'd do with myself. She means more to me than anything else in this world."

She found her feet taking her in the direction of the park. That was where Rin could most often be found when she disappeared. It was where she and Len had gone on their first date, the path they'd taken home from school each day, the place he'd proposed. There was no place that had more of Len in it than there.

"Even more important than me?"

Her feet propelled her forward, pulling her along faster than she'd ever ran before. She needed to see Rin right now. If Kiyoteru had hurt her, then she'd comfort her. If not, she'd tell Rin everything, how much she meant to her even if Rin didn't feel the same. She'd tell her everything.

"Well, maybe, but you're a close second."

With those last words resounding in Yuki's ears, she crashed full force into Rin, having failed to notice that the woman had been walking toward her. Before she could fall, however, Rin steadied her and stared at her with her usual blank expression. Still, a billion thoughts raced through Rin's eyes.

"What where you're running, Yuki," she ordered, but it was softened as she smiled. Yuki's heart was racing, her face red from running, her breath leaving and returning at an accelerating rate, but she beamed up at the beautiful woman that was Len's beloved.

"Sorry," she huffed, unable to stop herself from smiling. Rin had told Kiyoteru earlier that she was Yuki's mother. She was Yuki's mother.

She didn't know what she was meant to do when Rin crouched onto her knees and kept her hands on Yuki's shoulders to stare her in the eyes. Slowly taking in a breath, she wondered, "If I said I had something very important to tell you, would you be willing to listen to me, even after everything?"

Yuki felt like she was suffocating on joy, so she was only able to nod vigorously before Rin continued talking.

"Yuki, I'm so sorry for the way I've treated you.

"When you came into my life, I was a mess. After loosing Len, I felt like life was worthless. I was terrible to you, to Aria, to Iroha, to everyone who tried to help me. You never did anything to deserve the way I treated you. You did the exact opposite, actually. You proved time and time again that you didn't deserve that hatred, but I treated you horribly, anyway. I'll never forgive myself for that.

"When you came into my life, I felt like you were trying to replace Len. And you did, in a way. He used to be my most important person, but, Yuki, you've taken his place. I never wanted to let you into my heart, though. I've always said, over and over, that I don't want you. I only want him, I'd say. I'd go to his grave, and I'd tell him, 'I don't want her, I want you.'

"But I want you, Yuki.

"I want to be the one you look up to, the one you run to when you need to cry. I want to take the place in your heart that was left by the mother who abandoned you. I want to be the one you call Mama, be the one who you look up at with those adoring eyes. I know I don't deserve any of that, but I want it more than anything.

"Yuki, time after time, you've forgiven me. You've never once looked at me with anger for what I've done, even when I've said such horrible things to you. I threw a freaking plate at you, Yuki, but, even after that, you still forgave me and asked me to come shopping with you and Iroha. Even though, after everything, you should hate me more than Aria does, you still look at me with those kind eyes. You should hate me more than anyone, but you still smile at me when I speak even a single lukewarm word to you.

"You deserve much better than the woman I've been, Yuki, which is why I'm going to try to be the woman Len loves, the one he wanted to take care of you. I know I don't deserve it, Yuki, but, can I ask you one more thing?"

Yuki nodded, staring, transfixed, into Rin's sapphire eyes. Rin smiled softly and uttered the one question Yuki would never have thought twice about answering.

"Can I be your mother?"

Yuki knew she was crying, but she didn't try to hug Rin. She wanted to stare into those beautiful, kind eyes forever. So, she nodded vigorously and managed to choke out, "Yes."

Rin's face broke into a smile, and tears pooling in her eyes slid down her cheeks. She tugged the little girl close to her and whispered to her, "Thank you so much, Yuki. I love you so much. I'm so sorry for everything. I'll try to be the best mother you could ever ask for."

Yuki closed her eyes with a smile and softly said, "I love you, Mom."