"Sorry do I know you?" The words left my mouth before I even had time to think about it. I don't know why I said it since I knew exactly who he was. He was Phil Lester, the YouTube sensation and part of the reason why my arm was so destroyed. But as soon as the words left my mouth I instantly regretted it because Phil's face just dropped. He looked upset, but I could tell he was trying to hide it. I bit my lip and shook my head, smiling slightly. "AmazingPhil, how could I forget? How are you?" Phil's face instantly burst into a smile, his face brightening.

"I'm good, you busy? Want to get a coffee?" I looked at my watch quickly to pretend like maybe I was busy and then nodded, what else did I have to do? We walked in silence toward the Starbucks only a couple stores down. As we walked I continued to bite my lip, conflicted in my emotions. On one hand I was happy that Phil and I had run into each other, maybe we could be friends like I had always wanted. But on the other hand, I had so many bitter feelings toward Phil who had forced me to post the video, which resulted in so many new scars added to my wrist. I let my emotions battle with themselves until Phil held the door open for me and then I swallowed my emotions. I would just let the past be the past and would move on to the future. "You go sit down and I'll get you a coffee." I looked at him to make sure and when he nodded, I went and found us two chairs across from each other. I sat watching a couple look at each other longingly while eating a muffin and stroking my arm. I was startled out of my trance when Phil placed two cups in front of me. "I got you a caramel macchiato, hope that's okay." He smiled as I picked up the cup and took a drink. The warm liquid was delicious as it slid down my throat and into my stomach.

"It's delicious, thank you." I smiled at him as he took a sip of his own. We sat in, slightly awkward, silence as we drank, until he coughed and opened his mouth.

"What ever happened to you? One day you were fine and the next you dropped off the face of the earth, never again to be heard of, I got sort of worried." Phil's voice was slightly sad as he spoke and I bit the inside of my mouth. I was going to have to be very careful in my answer.

"I went through a really rough time so it was just easier for me to shut everyone out." I spoke in almost a whisper and Phil started leaning in to hear me. "I never thought about anyone being worried, sorry." Phil swallowed and looked at his hand.

"Are you okay now?" Phil's eyebrows were knitted together as he looked at me. I quickly faked a smile and nodded.

"I'm great now." My thumb ran over my arm, able to feel all of the bumps while I spoke. I felt kind of bad lying, but no one knew yet, so why would I tell, practically, a stranger? I guess my smile wasn't as happy as I thought it was because Phil's lips turned down in a frown before he changed his mind and smiled.

"Good to hear, so what are you doing in the great city of Manchester?" Phil's mouth was slightly to the side as he talked, bringing me back to all those hours that I would sit in my room and watch his videos, memorizing his face. Phil raised his cup to his lip and took a sip, making me wish I were that cup. I shook my head and smiled, there was no way I was falling back into my old routines. I would try to be friends with Phil but no more, being romantically linked with a guy just caused trouble.

"I'm starting Uni." I smiled like I was proud of myself, but really I didn't even know if I wanted to do Uni this year. I knew that studying law in Uni would make me look smart but I had always wanted to be an actor, but when I was young I realized that that would never take me anywhere so I had to do something else.

"Oh what are you studying?" Phil raised his eyebrow inquisitively.

"Law." My voice came out less strong and proud then I wanted it to but Phil didn't notice and only smiled. We sat in silence again for a while, finishing our drinks until Phil looked at his watch and noted the time. "Do you have to go?" Phil nodded slightly and sighed.

"I'm sorry, I have to go meet my girlfriend." For some reason when the word left his lips I felt my heart pang a little with the thought but smiled anyways. "Here put your number in my phone and I'll text you and we can meet up again another day." Phil slid me over his iPhone and I put my name and number in it, smiling as I handed it back. "It was nice actually meeting you in person even if it was a year after we originally planned." Phil smiled as he stood up, walking out of the Starbucks and leaving me to find my way back to the university. It was dark out by the time I got back and Charlie was already back in our room on the computer.

"Have a nice day then?" I asked as I sat down and pulled my laptop toward me. He didn't respond and barely acknowledged me. "Ya I meet up with an old friend today it was nice." I spoke to mostly myself until he put headphones in to ignore me. I sighed; this year was going to be hard if he was going to act like that all year. I shook my head and grabbed out my headphones, plugging them in and opening up the Internet. I hesitated before typing in twitter and logging in. It was weird it had been over a year but yet there was all my tweets and followers and DMs and everything. Apparently while I had been off the internet Phil had DMed me even more times asking how I was, but of course I never got them. I moved my cursor and clicked on the bar and started typing. It was strange trying to get back into the swing of twitter and figure out what I should write.

" Danisnotonfire: Had a pretty successful first day in Manchester hopefully it'll be a good year."

I sighed at how cheesy that sounded but tweeted it anyways. I quickly got off that website and onto another one. It had been even longer since I had gone on YouTube, the last time being to delete my terrible video, but the website was still so familiar to me. I hesitated slightly before typing in Phil's username. I hit his first video he ever made and settled in for a long night. I watched almost three hours of Phil's videos before deciding that I needed sleep.

That night I dreamt that I was back in my old room, the computer screen on and my horrible video on replay. Every time it replayed comments would flash across my eyes, horrible comments made by Phil himself. When the screen finally shut off, I looked up to see a crowd of people from my school with Phil at the front. They were yelling insults at me, each one getting harsher and harsher as they did until finally Phil stuck his hand out for silence. He opened his mouth to speak but no words were coming out, the only thing was blood. Phil started coughing and spluttering, as blood poured from his mouth down his lips and onto his chin, down his throat and eventually dripping onto the ground. I stared as Phil started coughing up something, more blood falling to the ground along with something small, grey and metal. I moved closer to the object to find that it was razors, Phil was coughing up razors. Phil looked at me and whispered something that I didn't quite understand. "You did this to me." He whispered again, smiling with his teeth covered in blood. My eyes grew large before Phil fell to the ground, blood pooling. The insults started flying again, louder and louder until I couldn't take it anymore. I woke up with a start, a layer of sweat making my fringe cling to my forehead.

"Honestly mate." Charlie mumbled from his bed across the room.

"I'm sorry." I grabbed a towel, my toiletries and a clean pair of pants, slipped on my shower shoes and walked toward the shared bathroom that was only a couple feet down the hall. The bathroom was empty and I realized that I hadn't even checked what time it was before I left. I shrugged and placed my clothes on the bench beside the shower and climbed in. I let the water run over my body and wash away all of the sweat from my nightmare. The picture of Phil smiling with blood on his teeth was stuck in my mind, burning a hole in my eyelids. I ran my fingers through my wet hair, allowing the shampoo to lather and wash away any final traces of sweat that had clung to my hair.

When I was finished my shower I got out and went to look at myself in the mirror. My eyes already had bags under them from the previous year of depression, but I had never looked as bad as I did now. The nightmare was haunting me, grabbing hold of my mind and not letting go. I sigh, sitting down on the bench and holding my head in my hands. What had the dream even meant? Was it just because I had seen Phil, bringing back all the bad memories in my life? Shaking my head, I got up and pulled on my boxers and pj pants. I looked on the clock hanging on the wall to see that it was already 5:30 in the morning, either I had slept longer than I thought or I had spent longer in the shower than I thought; the latter more probable. I didn't have classes for another week so I didn't have anywhere to be, but I knew that I had absolutely no chance of getting back to sleep. So when I returned back to my dorm room, I did the only thing I could think of; I grabbed my laptop and left off where I had been in Phil's videos. By the time that Charlie woke up I was almost up to where I had left off almost a year ago, I was excited to see Phil's new videos, but I was also nervous to think about anything that Phil's new videos could stir up in my subconscious.

"Next time, can you not wake up?" Charlie's voice was flat and rude as he left the room, leaving me to sit looking at his messy bed. I had just started Phil's next video when my phone buzzed beside me. I quickly picked up my phone to see that an unknown number had texted me.

From: 076828106 9:34 am.: Hey it's Phil, lunch today?

I found myself smiling while looking at my phone. Shaking my head, I wiped the smile off my face and texted Phil back. No way was I going to be a schoolgirl with a crush.

The next video I started to watch was one that I had never seen, one about two months after I had disappeared off the face of the earth. It started with Phil's usual greeting but he looked sadder than usual.

"Hey guys, how are you?" Phil coughed slightly, his eyes sad. "I'm okay, but I have to tell you guys about something that happened lately. I lost a great friend, I mean we never even met in person but we used to have these great chats on twitter or youtube or other sites. Every night we would talk about little trivial things, things that you would think would never matter. But now that they're gone I miss them a lot you know? I keep checking everything just to see if maybe, just maybe he'll respond and everything will go back to how it used to be, but nothing. He just disappeared one day, taking with him our friendship and what feels like a great part of me. I don't know if you guys know this but I don't have that many friends, I mean I have some but not a lot of best friends, but he was like a best friend to me and now he's gone. I don't know if you guys even understand what I'm talking about what I had to tell someone that I miss. So Dan if you're watching this please just come back to me, please. Well that's really about all that's happened to me, bye guys."

The video went black and I felt my stomach dropped slightly. I hadn't realized how much my disappearance had affected Phil or his life. I never even guessed that someone would even feel even remotely attached to me. I blinked away some tears that had kind of collected in my eyes and shut the laptop, I was going to try and make it up to Phil.