Chapter Twenty-Four
I Want to Tell You . . .
There was laughter coming from Yuki's room as Rin ducked down to search for soy sauce in the fridge. She listened to Yuki and her friends' laughter absently, making a mental note to buy more vegetables tomorrow. Then, she pulled herself up and closed her fridge, the bottle she'd been searching for before now in her hand. With a sigh, she looked at the pile of vegetables on the counter. Yuki had her friends over, and Neru and Haku were going to stay for the night, so Rin knew it was her responsibility to make supper since Iroha was still at the office. However, the only dish she'd even consider making in such a quantity was fried rice, which required a painful amount of vegetable chopping.
She stared at the vegetables for a moment, unsure whether she was attempting to use psychic powers to will them to be chopped or if she was merely procrastinating her work. In any case, in the end, she resolved to her fate with a sigh and began to wash the bell peppers she'd gathered. Just as she was about to start chopping one, she heard the front door open, and a voice called out to her.
"Rin, Yuki, I'm back!" Iroha called, shedding her coat and winter boots before peeking into the kitchen and joining Rin. She gazed at the piled vegetables and wondered, "What are you making?"
"Fried rice," Rin replied, glowering down at the cutting board. Why couldn't they just come pre-cut?
Iroha tilted her head to the side and wondered, "Oh, you went grocery shopping?"
Rin paused and looked to Iroha curiously. "No. I'm just using what we have."
Iroha rolled her eyes with a grin and remarked, "You don't have much memory for this kind of stuff, do you, Rin? We used up the last of the rice yesterday, remember? You said you'd pick some up on your way home from work on Monday."
Well now Rin remembered. Suddenly, an idea grabbed onto her mind, and she placed her knife back onto the cutting board. "I'll go get the rice," she offered, hiding her triumphant grin. "Can you chop the vegetables and watch the kids while I'm out?"
Iroha sighed, though, immediately identifying that Rin's intention in this plan was to get out of the tiresome stage in this recipe. Rin had assumed she would; Iroha knew her well, after all. "I just got home, Rin," she complained.
Rin put on her best pout and begged, "C'mon, Iroha! I've been watching the kids all day! I just want some fresh air!"
"I've been working all day," argued the woman, though she'd already taken the knife in hand and grabbed a carrot.
"I'll bring home some cake for everyone," Rin promised, despite that making absolutely no difference on the current situation. Still, Iroha had begrudgingly begun to dice the carrot, so Rin beamed and said, "You're the best, Iroha! I love you!"
"Just hurry up and get back," Iroha sighed, but it was obvious that she was holding back a smile.
"I will," Rin agreed, quickly departing from the kitchen and pausing at the entrance to stuff her feet in her boots. She took a moment to consider whether wearing Len's old muffler would be a good idea and called to Iroha, "Hey, Iroha, how cold out is it?"
"I knew it!" came the reply that wasn't Iroha's. Rin felt her smile melt into a frown as she glared at the child who'd exited the room, a little blonde girl whose eyes shone with a challenge as she pointed at Rin, the other kids peering out of Yuki's room to see what was going on. "You're trying to run away, aren't you? I thought we were going to settle this once and for all with a game of Old Maid!"
"That's how you're going to settle it?" Piko mumbled behind her. "A game of Old Maid? That's so stupid."
"What exactly does she have to settle?" Haku whispered to Yuki, who shrugged.
"You're stupid," Neru barked back to Piko, but she refused to give up the gaze she'd locked on Rin's. "So, are you running away, old lady?"
"Just wait and see, shrimp," Rin replied with a scowl. "I'm heading out to run a couple errands, but I'll be back in due time to settle this." Rin had no idea exactly what they were settling, either, but she knew that there was no way she was going to tolerate this child's attitude.
Yuki had been looking around, and she now noticed Iroha and wondered, "Oh, Mama, when did you get home? Welcome back."
"I'm back," Iroha replied with a light chuckle. "I haven't been for long. Rin's just going to run some errands for me, so you four go back into Yuki's room and continue whatever you were doing while we finish supper."
As Neru released a hefty sigh of relief, her face lit into a smirk. "That's good," she remarked. "I wasn't sure I could trust the old lady's cooking."
Rin's face caught in flames of anger and humiliation. Sure, she wasn't the best cook around, and it took her quite a few tries to even get something to taste decent, but she'd improved a lot since high school! But, instead of arguing, she took the high road. She slipped into her winter jacket, stuff gloves and a hat into her pockets, and wound the muffler around her neck. "I'm going now," she said, mainly to Iroha.
"Take care of yourself," Yuki replied as she followed her friends back into her bedroom. Tossing a final smile at Rin, she disappeared inside, and Rin disappeared out.
When she made it outside, she was startled by the sharp bite of the cold. A fresh blanket of ice had settled along the browned snow of the parking lot, indicating that they must have had freezing rain. It still wasn't too late out, as well, but the sky was turned an ashen grey with storm clouds in order to block out all remaining flashes of sunlight. Tugging her hat over her head and ears while yanking gloves over her fingers, she cast her eyes about the sullen greyness of her scenery, contrasting sharply with those few brightly-coloured cars among the blacks and silvers of the others.
"Dammit," Rin muttered to herself as she began to walk. It was hard to tell who had gotten the better side of the deal, her or Iroha. In any case, she was stuck with this job now, so she might as well get it done quickly.
The streets were relatively busy, considering the weather. There were less people out than usual, at the very least, so, luckily, there were fewer people to witness the shameful moment when Rin slipped on the ice. Scowling to mask her embarrassment, she scrambled back up on the slippery surface and continued on her way to the grocery store.
She didn't make it to the grocery store, though. She froze right as she was about to enter when she heard a familiar voice. A sense of dread ran over her, and she squeezed her eyes shut. She didn't want to see this person, not now, not ever.
Then, Rin paused and opened her eyes. What was she thinking? This was a sign, a rare opportunity. It was embarrassing, humiliating, yes, but it was something she'd hate herself forever for if she didn't do it. So, releasing the handle to the grocery store's door, she turned toward the voice, her heart skipping a beat as she recognized the figure. Yes, it was her. So, after taking a breath to steady herself, Rin began to walk briskly toward the woman who'd caught her sights and called, "Aria!"
The aforementioned woman froze and glanced back, a phone glued to her ear as she continued talking. Her eyes narrowed when she spotted Rin, so Rin tried to offer a smile, but Aria looked away and continued walking, picking up her pace. Rin scowled, speeding herself up as well. She could understand completely why Aria hated her. She deserved it, after all the things she'd said to the woman when she'd been caring for Rin after Len's death, but Rin was trying to make up for it. She wasn't that woman anymore. She wasn't the woman Len had known, either, however, or the one Aria had known all these years. A seed of doubt began to bloom in Rin's heart, so her pace slowed, unlike Aria's.
No, Rin, what are you doing? she argued with herself, shaking off the cobwebs and picking up her pace again, determination shining in her blue eyes. Angrily, she called to Aria, "Aria, get your ass back here, or I'll tell Leon about everything you did that night you got drunk at Len's house!"
Aria glared over her shoulder and began walking faster, covering the speech receptor on her cell phone to growl back, "You don't even have my goddamn number, Rin, and I'm not ever going to give it to you, so stay the hell away from me."
Rin flinched. Aria's harshness was the harshest bite Rin had ever experienced, but she knew that she herself had been far worse in those weeks after Len's death. She'd been far worse to Iroha, to Yuki. They had no reason to forgive her, nor did Aria, but Rin wanted to at least be able to apologize. So, pretending that the words hadn't hurt as much as they had, Rin brought her speed up once more and called to Aria, "I heard from Iroha that you and Leon moved to England! What's that about? How are you liking it?"
Aria stopped then and whipped around to face Rin, who nearly crashed into her. Eyes flaring with hatred, Aria wondered, "What right do you think you have to talk to me after everything, Rin? I did my best to be there for you after everything. I was there for you after Len died for as long as I could bear, and I was there for you when . . . when . . . ." She didn't seem to be able to force out the words, her eyes brimming with angry tears, but Rin knew exactly what moment she meant to say.
"I know," Rin stated, keeping quiet after that. She knew Aria. Aria had once been her best friend, after all. She knew that Aria had to yell when she was angry, that she had to let it all out before anyone could talk to her. She didn't want anyone to understand, not really. She didn't want an apology. She just wanted them to listen.
"I get it," she snapped, finally releasing all the anger she'd pent up since Len had been killed. "I get that Len is dead. I get that it sucks. I get that you feel for him just like I do for Leon. I get it, I get it, I get it. But it doesn't give you an excuse to act the way you did! I'll never forgive you for any of the things you said back then, and I'll never understand why it is she let you talk to her that way!" Iroha, she meant. "You should have been left by yourself to do whatever you goddamn wanted to after he died! You should have just died if you wanted to, Rin, instead of hating anyone who tried to help you! You should have just died with him! You would have been happier that way, wouldn't you?" Her rage only made the glimmering tears in her eyes seem harsher, allowing no weakness to shine through. "All I goddamn wanted was to make you happy again, Rin, but instead you just decided to make Iroha and I miserable, so why didn't you just die instead and save us the wasted months?" She offered no mercy to Rin, who wanted nothing more than to look away. She stared Rin right in the eyes and said, "You told me to go die so many times, Rin. Do you understand how that feels now? Do you know what it's like to have you best friend say that you'd be better off dead?"
"I understand," Rin told her, trembling now. The relationship between them had been riven, then, when Rin had told her those things, and there was no way to mend it? She felt sick, but she didn't let it show. If she broke down, it would all be for nothing. It was Aria's turn to break down, not hers.
"Don't apologize," Aria commanded, just a little softer now as the flames in her eyes began to die down. "It's obvious in your eyes that you're sorry now, but you weren't back then, so it makes no difference." She paused for a moment to flip her phone shut, obviously having forgotten that she'd been on a call in the first place. Whoever it had been must have gotten and earful. "I didn't mean it though, Rin. I don't want you to die, and I never did, so please don't die, but, please, don't ever try to contact me again."
"I understand," replied Rin quietly, unable to mask the severe pain stabbing her heart. I shouldn't have said anything, she told herself, now regretting acknowledging Aria's presence. She would have been happier knowing that, maybe, one day, they could have been friends again. She thought of Aria's smiles back in high school, her laugh, all the times they'd stay up late together talking on the phone on school nights. She thought of Aria coming over to go out drinking after her first day on the job after college, thought of every single moment she'd spent with Aria. Knowing that she could never have another moment like that was just so painful.
And she wasn't even allowed to apologize.
"Good," Aria said, turning away before Rin could read her expression. "Then we're done here."
"Yeah," Rin replied, trying not to sound too upset. She had no right to make Aria feel guilty. "Bye, then."
"Bye," Aria replied, and she walked away without another word.
Author's Note: And we finally meet Aria. Present-time Aria, that is.