Author's note: Sorry this one took so long! I finished it awhile ago but I've been trying to find a Beta and a lot of people were not getting back to me and asfhlwi4uoeiljf yeah. So, here it is! Sorry for the cliffhanger ending*
"No." Lily said simply, sidestepping to move past him.
Snape mirrored her, lifting his hands up in a show of surrender, "Please, Lily." His voice broke and his eyes were wide, his eyebrows drawn together to form a thick wrinkle in between his eyes. For a moment, he looked like her Sev, the way he was when they were children. Adorable and slightly awkward, unsure whether or not she actually liked him.
She crossed her arms, shoving the thought from her head, "What do you want?"
He cleared his throat, sticking his hands into the pockets of his jeans and scuffing the toe of his shoe against the floor, "I-" He stopped, sighed heavily, glanced back up at her, "I'm sorry. I miss you."
Lily snorted, rolling her eyes, "As if." She narrowed her eyes at him and he recoiled, his shoulders slumping in around his chest, "You used up all of your chances, Snape. I forgave you once, at the end of last year, don't you remember?"
His cheeks coloured and he broke eye contact, staring at a spot above her shoulder, "'Course I do."
"Then you don't need me to remind you of the fact that the temporary truce was shattered after a mere two hours," Lily nearly snarled, "As soon as your Slytherin friends saw us together, you took off running, telling me to never speak to you again."
They had been out on the grounds, near the Black Lake, simply talking. Severus had apologized profusely, nearly sobbing with the effort. She had forgiven him, of course, because he was her Severus, the boy who had been there when her mother died, who had shown her that she wasn't alone. She had taken him back into her heart without a second thought. But then the likes of Mulciber and Rosier strolled down the grass towards them and began to sneer.
After a moment, Severus had leaped up, leaning down over her to snap, "This was a mistake. Don't speak to me. Mudblood." Then he had ran to them, shaking his head and yelling something about a huge lapse in judgement. She had sat at the water and sobbed, crying and shaking into the palms of her hands until Alice had come, sliding her thin arm around Lily's shoulders and leading her back to the dormitory. Marlene had cut into her, yelling at her for trusting Snape again, telling her that it was the stupidest thing she had done. Hestia had simply looked at her, raised an eyebrow and said, "Really?" Mary on the other hand, had not said anything, because that was who she was, if she thought that it was in any way none of her business she said nothing.
That was the last time Lily Evans looked twice at Severus Snape.
"I'm sorry," He was saying, clasping his hands together in front of him, "But they're-" He cut himself off, clearing his throat and tugging at his shirt, "They're not the people I want to be."
"You chose them." She snapped, "You made the choice to call me a mudblood in public and end our friendship." Lily gathered herself up, meeting his eyes easily. Severus did not have the height of Remus or James, and he definitely did not hold a candle to Sirius' impressive stature. She tilted up her chin, looking at him through half-lidded eyes, "Lie in the bed you made."
She moved around him, stalking off and not turning when he yelled, "They're into things, Lily! I don't want to be them! I don't want this!"
She ignored him, rounding the corner at a lightning pace, clutching her letters tightly in both hands. She was scared of ripping them, actually, because of the great force with which she squeezed them, crumpling the paper underneath her fingertips.
Lily nearly ran over a couple of first year Ravenclaws in her rush to reach her dormitory, and when she did she locked herself in and threw her letters into her trunk, in no state to respond to any of them. She wished she could forgive him, wished that they could go back to the way things used to be, before magic and social statuses came into the equation. It was easy with Sev, sure Marlene and the others insisted that he had been in love with her, but she didn't believe them. They had simply been friends, close friends. He showed her that she was not alone, that she wasn't a freak, that she was worth something. But, despite that yearning, she was still so angry with him. He chose rude, elitist friends that didn't like the consistency of her blood or the colours on her tie, so he decided that she wasn't good enough for him either. She had no idea what she was supposed to do. Did she believe him and risk getting hurt again, or did she brush him off and risk him actually being unhappy with Rosier and Mulciber and their whole gang?
Lily stretched out on her bed, staring blurry eyed at the dark red of her four poster canopy. She didn't have the time or the energy for any of it. She was already busy with James' infuriatingly high expectations for her behaviour and his current anger with her, her guilt at separating Remus from his friends and now Sev was sobbing that he doesn't get along with his new friends, that they're "'not who he wants to be'". She didn't know what she was doing. She was a sixteen year old girl for Merlin's sake! Why couldn't blokes simply expect normal girl things from her? That would solve all of the Marauder-related problems and if Sev hadn't of gotten mixed into the wrong crowd, if she could have stopped him, they would still be friends and everything would still be easy.
The light tapping on her window caught her attention and when she turned her head she saw a massive horned owl, perched on her windowsill, clutching a letter in its beak. She rolled off the duvet and onto the floor, padded over in her socked feet. She pulled the window in and the bird fluttered in to land on Hestia's bed, the one closest to the window. The bird dropped the letter onto the duvet and soared off again through the open window; with a sigh, Lily pushed the window shut and moved over to scoop up the sealed envelope.
Her name was written in smooth cursive on the front and there was even an official Hogwarts seal plastered onto the back. With slight anxiety she peeled the red wax off and slid the letter out of the envelope:
Ms. Evans,
I require your presence in my office as soon as you are available. I must speak to you about your Prefect duties and the changes that are about to occur in them starting this evening. Please report to my office no later than one o'clock this afternoon.
Sincerely,
Minerva McGonagall
Minerva McGonagall
Head of Gryffindor House.
With the knowledge that she would have nothing to do except fume and muse for the rest of the day Lily dropped the letter on her bed and headed out the door; she might as well talk to McGonagall now. She trotted down the stairs, into the still empty common room, and out of the portrait hole.
More students were up now, wandering around the corridors and filling them with the slight hum of a handful of conversations. Lily rounded the corner towards McGonagall's office, only to find a gaggle of Slytherin girls blocking the majority of the hallway. With the intent of moving quietly around them, without confrontation, she moved to the far side of the corridor, close to the bricks of the wall, and kept walking.
That was when her name echoed sharply across to her, "Hey, Evans!"
She stopped, sighing heavily and turning to look at her attacker, a Slytherin girl whose name she did not even know, "What?"
"Don't sass me you stupid little mudblood," She hissed, moving through the wall of her friends towards where Lily stood, her back to the wall, "I should kill you for what you did to Rosier."
Lily snorted, rolling her eyes, "Yeah, whatever, now if you'll excuse me-" She turned to leave, only to have the girl grab her arm and haul her backwards. The girl was massive, with broad, masculine shoulders and a hard jaw. Her hands were hard as well and her arms were thick enough to throw Lily back against the wall, her pointed black wand coming to rest at the hollow of Lily's throat.
"Get off me," Lily nearly snarled, her own fingers nimbly wrapping around her own wand, the handle of which stuck out of the pocket of her jeans.
"No," The girl growled, "I should blow your head off. You stupid Gryffindors think you're better than everyone else, don't you?"
"Are you seriously asking me that?" Lily snapped, "You belong to the house that values blood over everything else. You're one of the snakes that wants power over everyone." She released her grip on her wand and brought up her hands, shoving the girl backwards and into the safety net of her friends.
"How dare you!" Another girl shrieked, coming out of the huddle, "You don't just insult someone's house!" Her wand came up, a spell forming on her lips.
Lily however, was faster, "Expelliarmus!" The girl's tawny looking wand shot out of her hand and Lily used her free hand to haul her Prefect's badge out of her pocket, "I know this doesn't mean much to you, but I swear I'll stick you all in detention for months if you don't grow up!"
She whirled around, stuffing the badge and the wand back where they belonged and stalking off; she would not have been surprised if smoke was rising from her fiery hair.
Lily forced through a thin crowd of Hufflepuffs around the next corner, ignoring their apologies and hurried movements to get out of her way. She paused in front of Professor McGonagall's office door and then raised her fist, banging loudly on the thick wood.
"Come in, Ms. Evans," came the reply a second later and Lily pushed through, closing the door as gently as she could behind her, "You did not need to knock so hard, I heard you fine the first time."
"Sorry Professor," Lily mumbled, lowering herself into a high back chair in front of McGonagall's desk. She raised her head to meet the eyes of her Head of House, which were just as dark, sharp and penetrating as always. Professor McGonagall may have been beautiful once, but gray had started to seep into her dark hair, which was always pulled tightly away from her face, which was adorned with hair thin wrinkles stretching from her eyes and mouth.
"Now, what I wanted to speak to you about is very important," McGonagall began, folding her long fingers onto the desk in front of her, "You must patrol every single night for the next few days, I will inform you when this schedule changes, but for the time being, it is extremely important that you are diligent in your rounds."
"Why, though?" Lily asked, "It's Christmas vacation, there's barely anyone here. And what's so special about the next few nights?"
McGonagall became tight lipped, "The reasoning is none of your business, Ms. Evans. If you are not already aware then it is not my place to make you aware."
Lily sighed heavily, "Alright," She ran a hand back through her hair, "Have you already talked to Potter?"
"You are the only Gryffindor Prefect who has this duty, Ms. Evans," The professor replied, absently smoothing a rolling corner of parchment near the edge of her desk.
"What about James? And Remus?" Lily asked, "Why do I have to patrol the whole bloody castle?" She threw her arms up in the air to the shock of Professor McGonagall, who simply raised both eyebrows and tightened her lips.
Lily slumped back down in the chair, her hands flopping over the arms of the chair and her head falling back, "Okay. Okay. Don't worry about it. What time do you want me to have the kids in their common rooms?"
"Before the moon comes out." Professor McGonagall responded quickly, "Now, if you'll excuse me I have exams to grade."
Completely confused and more than slightly angry Lily pushed up from her chair and slipped from the room, fuming and grinding her teeth.
Remus waited for her outside, his mouth twisted in a sympathetic way, "What did she want?"
"How did you know I was here?" She snapped, harsher than she'd meant to be. At the sight of Remus' face, taken aback and sad, she sighed and placed her hand on his forearm, "Sorry, Remus, I'm just having a bad day."
His eyebrows drew together and his eyes filled with concern, "What happened?" Those dark, soft eyes then became as wide galleons, "It's not because of me, is it? If you're mad I understand, Lily."
"No, Remus," Lily assured him, "It's not you."
"Do you want to talk about it?" He asked softly, covering her hand, still on his arm, with his.
She opened her mouth to refuse, to automatically push back her problems like she normally did, but then caught herself, "I'd love that."
They went outside and walked through the snow as Lily talked and talked and talked. She cried some, too, but Remus hugged her and told her it would be alright. She missed her mother, she missed her father and she missed the relationship she used to have with her sister. She missed Sev and how things used to be and she missed being able to walk past James without feeling like a horrible human being, without feeling like people were staring at her with pure revulsion.
They were sitting on the back steps of the school, staring out at the Black Lake and the Quidditch pitch. Lily was leaning against Remus' shoulder and he had an arm wrapped tightly around her as she continued to talk, telling him things he probably didn't need, or want, to know. But, he never complained or said anything against her. He just listened, because that was what Remus was good at.
Finally, Lily lifted her head and looked at the slowly setting sun and leaped to her feet, "Merlin! The sun's almost down! I have to start my patrol!"
She looked back at Remus, who looked pale and had shaking hands clenching the fabric of his jeans, "I have to go too. Sorry, Lily."
He stood and they stopped, staring at each other, until Lily smiled and let out a breathless laugh, reaching forwards and smoothing a thick chunk of hair off of his forehead, "I'll see you tomorrow, then? Because somehow you weaseled out of this extra patrol thing."
He chuckled softly, blushing as she took her hand away from his face, "Tomorrow." Then he turned and rushed off into the school. Lily waited until he was out of sight, because she didn't want there to be an awkward moment of conversation when they made eye contact after saying good bye.
After he was gone she hopped up the steps and pushed into the school, sliding through the tall, heavy doors. She peeled her coat off, draping it over her arm and heading towards the stairs to put it away. The Gryffindor common room was pretty central in the castle, so it took her only a few minutes to get up to her dormitory, drop off her coat and be back in the hallway.
Lily walked with her wand out, holding it so it pointed towards the ground, and shooed every student she saw into their dormitories. There were a few other Prefects out and about, the ones that had stayed for the holidays. She walked with Maria Walker, the Hufflepuff Head Girl, for awhile until the older girl saw her boyfriend and rushed off, apologizing for leaving Lily by herself. She smiled at the two Ravenclaw Prefects, Jocelyn Rush and Ryan Turner, but didn't have the chance to speak to them, they were in deep conversation in a shadowed part of the corridor.
She didn't even have trouble with the Slytherin Head Boy, but it made sense, Joshua had always been kind to her. He smiled and said hello and she returned the greeting, but they didn't stop to have a nice chat. It was odd, it seemed to Lily that her long talk with Remus just put a positive light on things, it made everything better, improved her entire mood.
The first few nights were uneventful, Lily saw nothing of importance and got back to the common room just as the sun was rising again. She would collapse in her bed and fall asleep, not waking until the sun was high in the sky and streaming through her window.
The morning of the third night, she rolled out of bed with a groan and looked at the calendar on her wall and with yet another groan, she realized it was Christmas Eve. Lily enjoyed Christmas fine, it was just that she was alone this year, by her own doing, but still.
She quickly got dressed and headed down into the common room, where she found Remus lounging on the couch, asleep. He had a book open on his chest and his arm was draped to the floor, his fingers grazing the carpet. He looked exhausted. His eyes were sunken in, his cheeks hollow. His hair was lank and his mouth hung open, pushing wheezing breaths in and out. He had a few pieces of white tape on a cut on his cheek, obviously self applied, and he twitched every now and then with a whimper.
Lily leaned over the back of the couch and, softly, nudged his shoulder. He shot upright, his book clattering to the ground and a yell breaking out of his mouth. Lily jumped back with a small squeak and his head snapped towards her, his eyes narrowing in on her surprised face.
"Oh," He said, a smile nearly cracking his sickly features, "Lily."
"Remus," Lily said softly, crossing back towards him and leaning over the couch again, "You look horrible."
He turned a deep shade of red, "I know. Thanks for mentioning it."
"I didn't mean it like that and you know it," Lily snapped, reaching her arms over the couch and sliding her hands onto his face. She tilted him up to look at her, "Are you alright?"
"He's just sick, Evans," Sirius' voice echoed from the doorway from the boys' dormitory and Lily ignored him and remained holding Remus' face, "Piss off, Ginger. He doesn't want your sympathy."
"Shut up, Black," She nearly growled, dropping her hands and turning to face, "I don't ask for your smart-ass attitude or your racist slurs, but I get them, don't I?"
"Racist slurs?" Remus asked, swinging himself to his feet, "What do you mean, Lily?"
"Don't worry about it, Remus," Lily said softly, not taking her hard glare away from Black's face, "Just get some sleep. You look like you need it."
With a heavy sigh she turned and left, taking long strides to the portrait hole and out into the corridor. Truthfully, Sirius had been muttering things like "mudblood" in her direction every time she passed him, and whether or not James knew was a mystery to her; regardless, she was tired of it.
She hadn't gotten very far when Remus appeared at her side, "There is no way I'm forgiving them now. That's inexcusable."
Lily said nothing, simply nodding and reaching for his hand. He let her take it, sliding his fingers through hers. This was a pattern they had created; whenever they walked anywhere together, Remus would hold her hand and whenever they sat alone he would slide his arm around her shoulders. It was comforting and surprisingly easy. Lily was expecting confusion and horrible emotions to come with this new closeness she and Remus shared, but it never came. Instead it was just...nice. Lily Evans knew she was falling for Remus Lupin, but she didn't care.
Remus Lupin had fallen for Lily Evans a very long time ago, but unlike James, he was willing to accept that she didn't think of him romantically. However, the past few weeks had changed Lily's feelings and Remus was becoming hopeful. Maybe he would be able to tell her his secret after all.
"Lily?" Remus said, turning to look at her, "Can I tell you something?"
She looked back at him, her previous anger disappearing, "Anything, Remus, you know that."
"Okay," He took a deep breath and looked around, checking for any prying eyes. He then drew her towards and into a broom closet, away from the sight and hearing of any students that may drift down the corridor. He sat down on a ledge on the wall and used her thin wrists to pull her towards him, until she was standing in between his knees.
He stared up at her, "You need to promise me that this won't change your view of me."
"Nothing could do that, Remus," Lily laughed, a smile moving her lips up in the way he especially liked. He continued to look at her for a moment, knowing how untrue those words could be, but this was Lily and he trusted her, and he couldn't imagine for a second her walking away and never turning back to him.
"I'm the reason the patrols got increased," He said quickly, "It's my fault that I have to spend more time with James and Sirius than I'd like. It's because I-" He stopped and looked down to where he gently held her hands, "I'm a werewolf."