Lily watched Remus watch her swallow, drawing her eyebrows together for a moment. And then, she smiled and pulled her hands from his, lifting them to place her warm palms on his cheeks. She was giggling; small bursts of amusement erupting from her chest and past her lips. She was surprised at him, surprised that he would think she would think less of him. He was wonderful and sweet and smart and kind, he was Remus and the fact that he was a werewolf changed none of that.
Remus' chest tightened and he moved to get up, but she stopped him, dropping one hand from his face to his chest and pushing him downwards. He had a look of disgust on his face, and she knew it was not directed at her, but rather at himself; it broke her heart into thousands of pieces.
"You honestly thought I would care?" Lily asked softly, leaving her hand on his chest, resting above his rapidly beating heart, "You're-" She stopped and sighed, "You're you Remus and the fact that you're a werewolf doesn't change that."
He smiled too, a smile that blinded her, "Thank you."
"What for?" She asked, "For treating you like a human being? Why is that something you would have to thank me for?"
"You see the beauty in everyone, Lily," He murmured, lifting his hand to capture hers and looking down, not meeting her eyes, "Even when they can't see it themselves."
Lily sighed and leaned her head down, pressing a kiss to the top of his head, "You're wonderful Remus," His head shot up and his eyes met hers with a sort of shocked panic in them, "What?"
"I- I just-" He stopped, looked away again, cleared his throat, "I was just surprised with the- the- the yeah..." He trailed off, his cheeks going adorably pink.
Remus had always been a slightly shy boy, but this was odd, even for him. And then Lily Evans realized. Remus Lupin had fallen as carelessly and as quickly for her as she had for him.
With that sudden realization she cupped his cheek more firmly in her hand and leaned forwards. His head tilted up again and his eyes met hers with a quiet, elated happiness. His lips parted slightly, just as she pressed her own against them.
Lily made a sound of surprise as he lifted a large, warm hand and slid it around her waist, not pulling her closer but rather cementing her position and denying her the possibility to escape.
Lily didn't want to escape, though, because his lips were warm and soft against hers and the sighs he let out against her mouth were delicious and wonderful. It felt unbearably right; so much so that she was wondering why they hadn't done this before, why she hadn't forced her mouth against his and demanded he kiss her back.
Suddenly, Remus stood and both arms slipped around her waist, tightening and pulling her against his chest; against the lean, taut front of him. She made a happy sound in the back of her throat and slid one hand down to the nape of his neck, while the other tangled in his messy brown hair and lightly grabbed a handful, something she realized she had always wanted to do.
With a loud exhale of breath Remus pulled away, staring down at her with his messy hair and his partially open mouth and red cheeks.
"Um," He began, then stopped and smiled, another blinding smile that coaxed a giggle out of Lily as well.
"That was-" She stopped and then took a breath, "Really nice."
"Really, really nice," Remus emphasized, nodding his head rapidly; "I think that this should be a regular occurrence for us."
Lily laughed again; she couldn't seem to make herself stop, "Definitely."
"I think we should go down to Hogsmeade, right now," Remus insisted, his eyes brightening, "And get a drink."
Lily nodded, "Yeah, we should."
"It's a date." Remus nodded. His cheeks flushed again and, with a slight sense of hesitation, leaned down and pressed a kiss to her lips.
She gripped at his shirt front, pulling him hungrily down to her mouth and kissing him with a kind of longing she had never known before; because she had not had a lot of snogging experience and the few boys she did snog had not felt anything like Remus.
When they pulled apart he smiled and sighed again, then released her waist and took her hand, smiling so wide she was sure his cheeks were going to crack and his eyes were going to crinkle in so much that they would disappear.
The fact that Lily Evans and Remus Lupin were dating spread like wildfire. Soon, she received shocked, intense letters from Marlene, Hestia, Alice and Mary, all of whom she had not even had the time to contact. After their kiss in the broom closet they had indeed drank Butterbeer in the Three Broomsticks, but then it was night-time and Lily had to do her patrols and Remus had to disappear with James and Sirius. Remus had asked Lily, before they reached the common room, if she wanted him to not tell the other Marauders, but she had told him to do whatever he liked. Because, truly, she didn't care what either of them thought.
It may not have been the best decision though, because the Sunday after Christmas, the day that everyone was returning from the holidays, James cornered her on her way to the Great Hall to meet Remus.
"Evans." James barked as she rounded the corner and she turned, meeting his angry gaze with a cool, calm one.
"What?" She responded smoothly, confident that she could have this conversation over quickly and efficiently, without any yelling.
"Be nice to him," James nearly growled, "Don't you dare break his heart."
"What?" Lily nearly shouted, quickly destroying all of her "quick and quiet" goals, "You honestly think I would hurt him?"
"You broke my heart without meaning to!" James yelled back, leaning down over her. "You break my heart every single damn time I see you!" The look in his eyes, in the way he held himself, immediately told her that he wasn't lying.
"Who was the one who stopped talking to me?" She asked, taking a step towards him in an effort to make him move out of her personal space. "Who was the one who expected me, a normal girl, to be absolutely perfect?" She threw her hands up and caught him in the chest, shoving him away from her. "You never got it, did you? You never realized that I make mistakes! I am a normal sixteen year old girl who doesn't know what you want from me! You put up on some kind of pedestal and get so angry when I mess up, when I fall to the ground in front of you!"
"You're perfect to me, though!" He argued, "You are."
"Obviously not perfect enough!" Lily screamed, "Because every mistake I make is a criminal offence!" She moved quickly away from him, "Maybe if you had realized before that I am normal and full of flaws, maybe if you had taken the golden light from around me earlier this could have all been avoided!" Her voice broke and her eyes filled with tears, "Maybe if you had seen me as I am, and still liked me, you could've had what you wanted. But now I'm with Remus and he is-" She stopped, smiled through the tears welling up in her eyes, "He is kind and gentle and likes me in spite of those flaws; he ignores my quirks and I ignore his. So James, you have to stop."
She turned on her heel and took off, walking quickly and not even trying to stop the tears forcing themselves from her eyes and down her cheeks. She pushed through a crowd of newly arrived students and hurried to the Gryffindor table, where Remus was sitting eating lunch with a thick book in front of him.
He looked up before she reached him and when he saw the tears on her cheeks he swung himself off the bench and hurried to her. Lily contained her urge to throw herself against him and cry against his chest, instead grabbing his hand and dragging him from the hall. He struggled with her for a only an instant, when he leaned back to grab his book and then hurried with her, dropping her hand to wrap an arm around her shoulders and tuck her in close to him.
They burst out into the corridor and hurried away from the crowd, Remus all the while adopting the physical attitude of someone who was not to be spoken to. He used his body, lean as it was, to block everyone from Lily and only relaxed when they reached an empty stretch of corridor, where he gathered her up and pulled her against his chest.
She began to cry in earnest then, because James had just upset her so much. The thought of hurting Remus caused her real, tangible pain and the only thing that seemed to dull it was clutching at his shirt and crying against the fabric.
"What did he say to you, Lily?" Remus asked, his face against her hair, "What did James do?"
Lily just shook her head, and then murmured, "He insisted that I don't break your heart. Then felt the need to say that I break his heart every time he sees me."
Remus made an angry noise in the back of his throat that reminded Lily of a wolf far more than the scars on his face ever had, "What else? You fought with him, didn't you?"
"Of course I did!" She yelled against the solidity of his shoulder, "He brought up everything I thought we could move past. He insisted I was perfect to him."
Remus tightened his arms around her, "What did you tell him?"
"I told him that I was with you, that you were kind and gentle and liked me in spite of the flaws James gets so upset that I have," She said, tilting her face up to look at him, "Then I told him to stop. And I left."
"He shouldn't have," Remus snapped, "James is still my friend, you know that. Both he and Sirius are, but they're being awful." He stopped, kissed her forehead, "Better?"
She smiled, laughed slightly, "Much."
"Want to go and meet the others at the platform?" Remus asked, referring to her roommates, who were scheduled to arrive on the platform any time.
She felt bad, because Remus was not speaking to his friends because of her, because of the way they were treating her, "You can make up with them, Remus."
He sighed and took her face in his hands, "No. I'm not forgiving them until they apologize. Or, at least James, because Sirius will do whatever he does. But, honestly Lily, it's not your fault, besides I liked spending time with you."
She laughed, "I'd hope so," A sigh escaped, "Okay, c'mon."
The platform was crowded with students, filled thick and tight by the masses of teenagers that were swarming off of the train in long coats and new scarves that were Christmas presents and fluffy hats their mothers insisted they wear.
Marlene, Alice, Hestia and Mary were the last ones off the train and the platform was nearly empty by the time the four girls reached them. Marlene had evidently gotten a haircut over the holidays, because her shiny dark locks now reached her shoulders instead of her waist. Her face was bright and happy, a smile stretching from ear to ear when she saw Lily and Remus, hand in hand by the edge of the platform. Alice had her arm linked through Mary's, whose long red hair had partially attached to the collar of Alice's pastel blue coat. Hestia was walking slightly behind them, smiling slightly at the happiness her friends were sharing. She was quiet, but intelligent and intuitive, even if she was a bit too blunt for most.
The squeal that Marlene let out when she reached Lily was ear-piercing and Remus winced, dropping Lily's hand and side-stepping out of the other girl's way. Marlene threw her arms around Lily and squeezed her tightly, screeching in her ear.
"You're wearing my present!" She cooed as she pulled away, tapping at the small blue pendant hanging around Lily's neck.
"It's fantastic," Lily laughed, "I love it, Mar." On Christmas morning Lily had opened the necklace from Marlene, a book on complicated charms from Mary and a pair of dangling, golden earrings from Alice. Hestia had a horribly wrapped package underneath her arm and Lily assumed that it was her promised gift. Lily, on the other hand, had sent her friends matching gifts, which they were all wearing. Each girl had a thin silver chain, holding their name carved in delicate silver letters, slung around their neck.
Lily then received hugs from both Mary and Alice, while Hestia simply said hello and held out the package to her, saying, "Open it tonight, after dinner."
"I missed you to," Lily laughed, "Thanks."
She tucked the package under her arm and reached absently to her left, sliding her fingers back through Remus'. Marlene waggled her eyebrows at her and began to snicker, "You two are adorable!"
Remus sighed softly beside her and Lily gave him a small smile, and then turned back to her roommates, "Let's head up for lunch."
The rest of the day consisted of catching up, only part of which Remus stayed for. He had kissed her cheek and murmured something about talking to a teacher, then disappeared. The girls ate more than they should have at the feast and eventually found themselves stretched out on their beds, talking idly and yawning loudly.
Lily hung her head off the end of her bed, staring across the room at Alice and Mary, who were painting their toenails and braiding their hair, respectively. She tilted her head slightly and saw Marlene in the bed beside her, flipping through a Muggle magazine, much to the disgust of Hestia, who was on the bed closest to the window.
"Did any of you finish your Defence essay?" Marlene asked, suddenly looking up with an expression of panic of her face, "When is that due?"
"Not until next week," Lily assured her, "Honestly, one of these days your procrastination will kill you."
"I don't procrastinate," Marlene objected, "I just take a long time to plan."
"Yeah, plan everything but your assignments," Mary muttered with a giggle, pinging a hair elastic across the room and onto Marlene's bed.
"Shut up, Mary!" Marlene shouted, "You're the one who forgot the definition of a Bezoar in Potions last year!"
"I have a selective memory!" Mary protested, "I can remember other things!"
"Yeah, like what?" Marlene joked, playing on the one thing that had given them all constant entertainment since first year, Mary's horrible memory.
"I can't-" Mary began, but stopped, "Shut up! I hate you all!"
"It's a good thing you're pretty," Hestia flatly from the other side of the room, which had Lily snorting violently and nearly rolling off of the bed. In the process her new black scarf adorned with golden snitches, courtesy of Hestia, nearly strangled her.
Laughs ensued and eventually Lily righted herself enough to join in. She loved this, this natural comradery that they had, that feeling that brought them all together and kept them so close. She had missed them, missed them more than she could possibly put into words. They were everything to her, they really were and she was overjoyed to have them all back; back where she could see them, could talk to them, could hug them. Despite the fact that school was starting again, Lily couldn't have been happier.
The first week back at school was dull and uneventful. Lily spent most of it in the library with Marlene, who had pushed her Animagi and Werewolf essay back so far she finished it ten minutes before Defence class started the day it was due. She also spent a lot of time with Remus, half of which was spent with lips pressed against lips while the other half involved simply talking. Lily would sit at one end of the Gryffindor couch with Remus' head in her lap and she would run her fingers through his messy brown hair while they both just talked and enjoyed each others company. Peter, who had come back from holidays and been bombarded with the recent feud plaguing his best friends, often sat in the corner of the common room, making awkward conversation until he thought he should spend time with James and Sirius as well. Peter was not one for taking sides, so instead the poor boy jumped back and forth between James and Sirius and Remus and Lily.
The second week however, was busy and full of homework and late nights spent writing scroll upon scroll of essays. It was Tuesday when Lily was up in the common room, with Remus sitting across from her, tapping his fingers on the tabletop and watching her write furiously in her dream journal, class-work from Divination.
She could feel his eyes pressing into the top of her head so she looked up and set down her quill, "Are you okay, Remus?"
He cleared his throat and looked away, out the window, "Fine."
She sighed heavily and pushed her hair back, "No you're not. What's wrong?"
He let out a heavy breath and met her eyes, "Friday."
Lily's eyebrows drew together, "What? What's Friday?"
"The full moon," Remus answered softly, glancing outside at the sliver of silver hanging in the sky and narrowing his eyes, as if it offended him, "The full moon is on Friday. I already feel sick."
"Oh, Remus," She murmured, reaching her hand across the table to touch the tips of his fingers, "Go talk to James."
Remus clenched his teeth, "I wish I didn't rely so heavily on them for this, Lily. It bothers me." He flipped his hand over and laced his fingers through hers, "It's not even because I'm mad at them. It's the fact that I need my friends to keep me from rampaging and killing someone."
"You take your potion, don't you? That helps, right?" Lily asked, "If you don't want to need them, you don't really have to."
"I do though," He said softly, meeting her gaze with heartbreak in his eyes, "For precaution. I don't want to hurt anyone ever again."
"Again?" Lily asked, confused, "Remus, what happened?"
He swallowed hard, focused on the dark wood of the table, "I hurt someone. During my first transformation. That's it."
Lily opened her mouth, her lungs full with more questions, but then she saw the tightness of his form and closed her mouth again. She pulled her hand from his and moved around the table to him. He turned to face her and she stood between his knees, sliding her hands into his hair and leaning down to press her mouth to his. He made a little noise in the back of his throat and slid his hands around her waist, pulling her down closer to him. He twisted her slightly and the giggle that erupted from her mouth broke them apart.
With a determined look in his eyes he pulled her down onto his lap and she twined her arms up around his neck, pushing herself up until their lips touched again. He bent himself down, locks of hair dropping down onto her forehead and returned her kiss. She sighed against him, tightening her hold and opening her mouth underneath the gentle advances of his. With slight insistence she pushed on his chest, breaking their contact to push him into lying down on the long bench seat. She turned, sliding one leg onto either side of his hips and bracing her hands on his chest.
He stared up at her with wide eyes, his mouth parted and his cheeks red. Breath rushed in and out of his mouth, mingling with her own as she leaned back down with the full intention of snogging that expression off of his face. His arms leaped up around her, pulling her tighter to him. One hand snaked up and wrapped in her long red hair, gathering it up in his palm and letting it slide repeatedly through his fingers.
She moved her hands up, running them over his cheeks and into his hair, where she knotted her fingers into fists and used it as handholds as she pressed herself down harder against his mouth. The hand at her waist tightened and one of his legs bent up at the knee, keeping her tethered to him.
That was when the cough sounded, "Well. Fan-bloody-tastic."
Lily shot upwards and Remus let his hands fall from her body; her head shot to the right and sought the speaker, despite the fact that she knew his voice anywhere, "Potter. What do you want?"
"To speak with my mate, thanks," James nearly snarled, "A letter just came from home. His mum's sick."
Lily backed quickly off the seat and Remus sat up, face blazing. "She knows, James."
James' shoulders dropped and his eyebrows came crashing together. "You told her?"
"Yeah, I told her!" Remus snapped, moving almost unconsciously to stand between James and Lily, "You expected me to keep it? It was my secret to tell."
"And you chose to tell a bloody mudblood?" Sirius' voice echoed down the stairs and he appeared at James' right shoulder.
James suddenly went very still, his posture stiffening in a way Lily was sure no one but her noticed. Slowly he turned to face Sirius, "What did you just say?"
"I just asked why in Merlin's pants Moony chose to tell the mudblood when it took him two years to tell-" Sirius was cut off by the hard, well-delivered punch that James' flying fist sent into his face.
Sirius fell backwards onto the boys' stairs, where James lunged at him and pulled him to his feet by the collar of his old, worn Gryffindor t-shirt, "How dare you use that word." James was not yelling his anger like Lily was accustomed to, the line he said to Sirius was nearly whispered, but it sent chills up and down Lily's partially bare arms.
"Mate, honestly, how can you still give a shit about the stupid red-head?" Sirius grumbled, wriggling out of James' grip and onto the floor again.
James tackled Black, sending them both careening onto the uneven surface of the staircase. James sat on top of his friend, slamming punch after punch into the taller boy's face, "You have no right to talk about her like that!"
Sirius finally fought back, shoving James backwards off of him, sending him tumbling to the ground. Sirius leaped up and down onto James in one quick movement, beginning to deliver his own blows, "She is nothing!"
James grunted as Sirius' fist connected and Lily let out a loud cry, "Oi!" Sirius looked up at her, narrowing his eyes, "Get off him!"
"What do you care?" Sirius snarled, pausing long enough for James to roll his friend onto his back and grab him by the fringe, lifting his head and then slamming it back against the ground.
"Stop it!" Lily yelled, attempting to move around Remus, "Stop it, both of you!"
"I'm not letting some asshole call you a mudblood ever again!" James hollered, jumping to his feet and dodging a punch of Sirius's, "You're better than that!"
"James! Stop!" She yelled, "Please!"
It was the last word that did it. The one word that echoed in the glass vases along the windowsills and reverberated in James' head.
"Lily's right," Remus snapped, "You both need to stop."
Sirius stumbled backwards and leaned against a table, pressing the heel of his hand to one eye, "Sod off, the lot of you."
"You know what you great, dirty prick?" James snarled, "You sod off. Go upstairs and have a lie in, mate. No one wants to talk to you, right now."
With a reluctant snarl Sirius surprisingly obeyed, pushing past James with a shove and taking the stairs two at a time. The words, "Shut up, Pete!" could be heard before the slamming of the door.
James stared at her standing behind Remus, whose arm was stretched tightly across her middle, a surprisingly effective deterrent, "I'm sorry, Lily."
"I know," Lily whispered, "I know. James it's alright."
"No," James said with a crack in his throat, "It's not. Moony was right. If I'm allowed to be a prick, you're allowed to make mistakes. You're just a girl."
Remus made an unidentified noise in the back of his throat and stretched his fingers out until they clutched Lily's hip, pulling her against his side. James didn't miss the gesture and he took a deep breath, "I'm happy for you two. Really. I am."
Lily's heart shattered; right there inside her chest it burst, exploding into a million pieces and worming its way into all of the soft, delicate places inside of her. The way his breath caught in his throat as if he was trying not to cry stabbed against her lungs while the way he clenched his hands in his dark Christmas jumper made her ribs feel broken. Lily Evans found herself with the almost uncontrollable urge to run across the room and slide her arms around his waist and press her face against his chest.
But then she felt Remus gripping her hip and she leaned into his side, forcing a smile into place and breathing in the comforting, safeness of her boyfriend's chest, "Thank you, James."
With a strangled sigh Remus nodded, "Thanks, mate."
"You don't forgive me quite yet, Moony," James observed with a small laugh, "Want me to get down on my knees?" He paused for dramatic effect, "And beg for forgiveness."
Remus pushed a laugh from his mouth, "Good to have you back, mate."
"Good to be back." James smiled at Lily, then took another breath, "I'm going to go talk to the wanker." He gestured behind him to the dormitory stairs, "See you in the morning?"
"'Course," Lily said softly and watched him go.
"Does this change things?" Remus asked, once he was gone, "Between us?"
With a gasp Lily looked up at him, "Of course not! Why would you think that?"
"No reason," Remus said quickly, pulling her to him and pressing a kiss to the crown of her head, "Just curious."