I woke up the next day with a wicked headache and a strange urge to throw up. I groaned and grabbed the garbage bin that I kept under my desk, heaving whatever was in my stomach into the bucket.

"Who thinks that it's a good idea to drink?" I groaned, my voice sounded hoarse and croaky, forcing me to cough. I heard Charlie laugh slightly from his dresser. I looked up and watched Charlie pack for going back home. "How are you okay right now?" Charlie laughed again and walked closer to me, handing me a bottle of advil and a bottle of water.

"That'll help." I smiled and nodded thanks before taking two of the advil and flushing them down with some water. "So what do you remember?" I shrugged, I remember most up until some parts got hazy.

"Adam." Was all I said, Charlie's eyebrows furrowed and he came to sit beside me.

"You came in here bawling your eyes out, what the hell happened Dan?" I sighed, running my hair through my greasy hair. I tried to remember exactly what happened, but all I could remember was leaving the party after that it all got a little fogy.

"So me and Adam started talking and we went upstairs blah blah blah, spare you the details and for some reason he grabbed my wrist and saw my scars." I showed Charlie what I was talking about, something that I had never shown him before and I could just see in his face what he was thinking, making my stomach drop. "He just walked out saying that all the good ones are damaged. And I don't know why but that got to me maybe it was the drunken stupor, but it did." Charlie's eyebrows were furrowed again as he grabbed me into a hug. I didn't understand what was happening but I hugged him back all the same. "I had a really weird dream." I said still in our hug. Charlie let go of me, smirking and went back to packing. I shrugged knowing that he didn't ask to know what the dream was, but I decided

I'd tell him anyways. "I dreamt that Phil was here and that he calmed me down." Charlie laughed a booming laugh that caused my head to ache.

"That wasn't a dream! He just went to get us some breakfast, assuming that you would want some greasy food." I couldn't help the look of shock and surprise that would have ultimately passed my face. Charlie looked at me and shook his head. "That isn't for me to tell, just wait until I leave and you two can have your moment." Charlie smirked like he knew something, but I shook my head deciding instead to lie back down. I was almost back to sleep when there was a knock on the door. Charlie looked at me but I shook my head so sighing he went to open the door for Phil.

"Is he awake yet?" I heard Phil ask as he came into the room. My eyes flew open and I sat up quickly, regretting it instantly as the room started to spin. Charlie didn't respond but I heard a soft chuckle. Phil rounded the corner and our eyes met. I studied Phil's eyes as he came closer, there was not the same hardness in them as last time but instead they were soft and welcoming. "Morning, how are you feeling?" Phil said softly, which I was thankful for. He stood beside my bed awkwardly while holding a bag of food and a tray of coffee. I shrugged, gripping the bucket tighter to me. Not because I was going to be sick but rather my hands were shaking so bad that I didn't want Phil to notice. Phil turned to Charlie and handed him a drink and after looking at me for what seemed to be permission, sat down on the bed and did the same for me. I put the bucket down and gripped my drink instead, attempting to steady my hands. What had happened since the last time that I saw Phil when he told me that he couldn't handle everything? Why had he been in my dorm yesterday waiting for me? There were so many questions that I wanted to ask but figured they could wait until after Charlie had left. Phil rummaged through the bag of food and brought out a greasy looking breakfast sandwich, handing it over to me he said "Greasy foods are always the best thing for a hangover." I mumbled my thanks and started to eat. I watched as Charlie packed, he talked about how excited he was to go back home and see his friends and family. He couldn't believe that I wasn't going home! Phil looked at me at his words with concern in his eyes. Charlie told us all about his hometown and all about the things that he was excited to do when he got home while he waited for his parents.

"And there's this amazing-" Charlie stopped mid sentence as he heard the knock on the door. His face lit up in a giant smile. He practically ran to the door and pulled it open. "Mum! Dad!" I heard him say in excitement. I heard Charlie returning with two pairs of footsteps behind him. "Dan, Phil this is my mum and dad. Dan's my roommate and Phil's, Phil's our friend." I stood up slowly making sure that the room didn't spin and stuck out my hand.

"It's nice to meet you." I shook hands with both of his parents, smiling as brightly as I could considering my hangover.

"Charlie's told us a lot about you. So when are your parents coming to pick you up?" Charlie's mum asked in a curios tone. Charlie shook his head and frowned a little but I forced my smile to brighten slightly.

"Actually, I'm staying here for the holidays." I didn't give a reason; if Charlie wanted to do that in the car he was more than welcome. His parents exchanged looks before putting on their smiles.

"Well it was nice meeting you both, but we have to get going if Charlie ever wants to get home." We said goodbye to his parents who grabbed Charlie's suitcases and headed outside to wait for Charlie. Charlie looked at Phil and smiled, only having met him yesterday.

"See ya later Phil, nice meeting you. Have a good Christmas yeah?" They both shook hands, smiling widely and then Charlie turned to me. He pulled me into a hug and embraced me tightly; the feeling was slightly strange with Charlie but good. "I hope you feel better soon and that person was an asshole, you're okay. I'll miss you." He said in normal tone so Phil could hear and then his voice dropped to a whisper. "Go for it Dan, he came back and now its time to tell him. Maybe not today or tomorrow but someday soon before Christmas hopefully." He squeezed me one more time before letting go and stepping back, his face beaming. He took a couple steps to the door and turned around.

"Merry Christmas Charlie. I'll see you when you get back." I said to him, the smile never leaving my face.

"Merry Christmas to you as well Dan." He said before he shut the door behind him, leaving Phil and me alone together. We sat in silence for a couple minutes both not wanting to say anything. Finally, I said and looked towards Phil.

"What are you doing here?" My voice was flat and hash, making me flinch. Phil looked toward me, his eyes wide as he took in a breath of air.

"I'm sorry Dan. I really am. Melissa told me what she did." My stomach dropped at his words and suddenly I felt like I had been dosed in cold water. Had Melissa told Phil that I'm gay? She couldn't have because I never broke my promise.

"What did she tell you?" My voice came out squeaky and a bit panicky, alarming Phil slightly. He rubbed his hand over his face and sighed.

"She told me that she blackmailed you. She said that she knew something about your past, but she wouldn't tell me what it was even though I have a feeling it was what you told me that day in the restaurant." I sighed, Phil didn't know. I was safe for at least another little while. "I broke up with her as soon as she told me that. She yelled something about choosing you over her and then stormed out." I laughed a small, soft laugh and looked up at him. "I understand why you didn't want to tell me. I don't know if what she was going to tell me was the same as what you told me, but if it wasn't you can tell me whenever you want. Or you don't have to its up to you. The only condition is that we don't have any more months of not seeing each other? I missed you too much." I laughed slightly and flung myself at Phil, wrapping my arms around his shoulder and nuzzling my face into his neck.

"I missed you too." I whispered, living in the fact that I was sitting in Phil's arms and everything was back to normal. I let go of Phil and sat back down onto the bed. "I am sorry, it was hard to do that to you I swear. I felt like such an asshole because I've done that so many times to you, but I just couldn't," My voice broke and I looked down at the bed. I could say it now, but my stomach was fluttering with butterflies and my heart was beating right out of my chest. There was no way that I was going to be able to say it right now. It was going to have to wait for another time. I looked back up at Phil, his eyes warm and welcoming like they had always been. Instinctively I reached my hand up to touch his face, poking his cheek as I did. He burst into laughter and grabbed my hand from his face, pulling it down into his lap.

"So do I get to know why you walked in yesterday having a panic attack?" Phil's facial features went from welcoming to concerned within seconds, his lips turning down slightly. I shrugged and picked at a loose thread on the bed. "Dan, it's okay. You can tell me anything." I continued to look down but took a deep breath, if anyone could help me through this it would be Phil.

"Just someone saw my scars yesterday and said some thing like the good ones are always damaged, as far as I remember. It's nothing really." Phil raised his eyebrows at me like he knew there was more. "Its just I had been thinking the same thing earlier. These scars will always show how weak I am. I will never get away from all of my drama and all of my failure. These scars will always be a reminder of just how damaged I am and no one is every going to want a stupid damaged person." I didn't meet Phil's eyes as I spoke, instead looking at the piece of thread while I talked. I hadn't said that to Charlie for fear of what he was going to say, but I knew that I could tell Phil anything without having to worry about what he was going to say to me. Without warning Phil pulled me into a hug and pressed his lips to the top of my head.

"You are not damaged Dan. These scars will forever show how strong you are. You were hurting, tremendously, but you're still here aren't you? Those scars will always show that you are a fighter and instead of giving up and taking yourself off this earth, you stayed and fought your way to a better, happier place. To me, you are one of the bravest people I know. Please just stay fighting okay?" Phil pressed another kiss to the top of my head and let go. My eyes had teared up due to his speech. I had never heard someone say anything like that to me and it was uplifting to have someone care so much about me to have him ask for me to stay on this earth. I smiled slightly and without thinking I pressed my lips to Phil's quickly.