Chapter Thirty

Will You Stay by My Side Until . . .

Aria pouted from her seat beside Len, a playful glimmer in her eye as Rin watched her. "His heart is taken," she sighed to the group as Len smiled. "We've lost him."

"You give up too easily," laughed Gumi, slipping her arm around Rin's shoulder. "I, for one, will not give up."

"He's my boyfriend, stupid," Rin said dryly, glaring at her good-naturedly. "Why are you always trying to steal my things?"

Rin jerked away from the imaginary arm that was around her shoulder, barely acknowledging that it was nothing but the remnant of a memory playing through her mind. Gumi's voice, the image of Gumi, Gumi's scent was all too fresh in her mind. She imagined the girl right beside her right now, the girl who was so much older than the last time Rin had seen her. She couldn't be called a girl now, could she? A woman, then?

Rin laid her head on her bed, lacklustre eyes staring at the wall. She'd gathered the energy to get dressed today, but she couldn't find the drive to leave this room. Each time she thought of it, she imagined Gumi waiting there. If she opened the door to leave the apartment, would Gumi be there?

Rin's eyes travelled out the door, where Iroha was exiting Yuki's room. Catching Rin's gaze, Iroha offered a smile, but the shadows under her eyes told the story of these past three nights, the nights when Rin would awake from the dreams of Gumi that had been scarce since Yuki's coming. On those nights, Rin would awake and claw at her friend in a total panic, and Iroha would take her firmly and draw her hands down, cooing soft words and repeating who she was over and over again. Rin's hand would immediately fly to the fabric in front of her own heart, and Iroha would offer that practiced smile and murmur that it was okay, that everything would be okay. Gumi wasn't a danger, Iroha promised. Iroha would protect her.

Len had made those promises once. Where was he now?

Rin wished she could fall deeper. This despair, this anguish, this terror: it was all suffocating her. She fought the keep her head afloat. It was easier to drown, and she could breath underwater. She'd learned how to breathe underwater. When she'd been told about her deceased brother, when her mother had walked out on her and her father, when her father would yell at her for looking so goddamn much like her mother, when that had happened back in high school, when Len had died. So many times she'd drowned. Staying afloat was too hard, so she'd drowned. She'd learned how to breathe down there, though. She could survive down there.

Rin could breathe underwater, but no one else could. Iroha and Yuki couldn't, and she wouldn't leave them behind.

That was why she kept herself afloat. That was why she struggled against the despair instead of sinking into it. That was why she refused sake, why she kept her mouth shut instead of wailing, why she tried to push herself farther each day. She wished she could do more, but she was so close to drowning that not hurting Iroha, Yuki, or Piko was the most she could handle.

Gumi's eyes.

She slammed her palms into her eyes. It stung. Not only was the pressure too much, but her hands were covered in dust since she'd been brushing them along the floor to keep her mind busy for brief moments. It stung, but the cut of a blade was so much sharper.

She bit her tongue, bit back tears. She wanted to call Iroha over, but she wouldn't do that. She'd grown stronger, hadn't she? Rin wanted to believe that. She was better than she'd been before, wasn't she? Or was she simply more stubborn? In any case, she didn't want Iroha to worry more than she already had.

. . .

It had been five days now. Rin had managed to pull herself out of the room by the fourth day, and Iroha's shock had been obvious. On this day, the fifth day, because Iroha was taking a shower, Rin answered the door when the doorbell rang. While she feared seeing Gumi standing there all the while, she gathered her courage and opened the door open.

There were arms around her before she could even see who she'd opened the door to. The first thought that jumped to her mind was Gumi. Gumi and Rin had been friends since their first year of middle school. They'd been best friends. Of course Gumi had hugged her constantly. However, Rin was able to safely relax when she realized that Gumi's scent, an odd scent that hinted at cinnamon and carrots, didn't flush to her with the onslaught of pink-blonde hair.

"Rin, I'm so sorry! I came on the first flight I could get!"

Rin blinked, taking a moment to register the voice. Once she'd made the connection that it was Aria, she felt an odd sense of relief flooding her. Aria didn't hate her, then? It seemed like an odd thing to be concerned about at this moment, but there was no feeling more wretched than that which came with the knowledge of being hated. She wished she could speak her friend's name, but she still couldn't manage words without crying.

"I don't know how the hell Gumi managed to find you, but Leon's a lawyer, and we're gonna get her away from you, got it?" Aria's grip was so tight on Rin that the woman couldn't move. Rin knew that Aria had been traumatized after learning about that. Gumi was Aria's childhood friend, after all, and had always seemed like the sweetest girl anyone would ever meet. She was loyal, after all. There was no one more steadfast and steady. However, her unwavering loyalty had, in the end, been her greatest fault. "It's so fucked up, Rin. Why the hell would they let her be even remotely close to you?"

I have no idea, Rin wanted to tell her, but her throat tightened with sobs at the simple notion of speaking. But thank you, Aria, for coming back. Thank you for letting me know that you still love me.

"I swear, Rin, I know what I said before, but I'll always be your friend." She pulled away now to stare Rin in the eyes. Rin didn't miss the fear in her friend's eyes, and she knew that Aria was afraid of Gumi, as well. Iroha was, too, Rin was sure, but Iroha had trained herself so well to keep those emotions hidden. Rin's guilt rose each time she noticed Iroha doing so, but what could she do? She'd told Iroha that it was okay to cry, hadn't she? Rin's thoughts turned back to the woman before her as the blonde spoke. "I'm going to stay by your side until all this has gone away, alright? I'll stay here and help you and Iroha." She froze then and lowered her hands. Rin wondered if she'd finally noticed Rin's lack of speech and had misinterpreted it. "Unless you don't want me to, of course. I understand if it makes you think too much of her when you see me."

Rin knew she couldn't be silent any longer or Aria would misunderstand. She'd thought it would be okay when she croaked, "No," but it wasn't. Her lip quavered, and her eyes steamed up with tears. She hated crying. It was gross, painful, and it made her looked disgusting. She wasn't one of those girls that could look cute or pretty when they cried.

"Oh, Rin," Aria breathed, her eyes so full of concern and sympathy. That was all it took to set Rin off, and, suddenly, the woman was bawling. She didn't care that the apartment door was still open. All that mattered was that, when she fell forward in absolute defeat, Aria hugged her tightly and stroked her hair. She didn't promise that it would be alright like Iroha always did, and, though Rin wished she'd say that, it was still okay. Rin needed Aria right now. It was so hard.

Rin wasn't sure when if was that she was guided to the couch, but, when she'd regained control of herself, the front door had shut, and Iroha was placing cups of tea on the table in front of Aria and Rin, her damp hair that was usually scraped back into a ponytail running freely down her back. As she was quieting down, Rin heard Iroha quickly thank Aria for coming, but Aria was too concentrated on Rin to properly reply. Once Rin had reduced herself to sniffles, Iroha told her that she was going to go pick up Piko and Yuki from school. Rin nodded, and Iroha entrusted her care to Aria, plunging outside into the cold winter as she pulled her arms through the coat sleeves.

After a moment longer, Aria dared to wonder, "How is Iroha taking it?"

Rin was quiet for a moment. How was Iroha taking it? If she hadn't lived with the woman for almost a year now, she might not have noticed it. However, she knew how Iroha acted, and little tricks gave her away. "She's terrified," Rin said, though her voice barely came out the first time, so she cleared her throat and repeated, "She's terrified. She's focusing on me so much not only because she's worried about me, but because it makes her forget her own feelings if she lives through mine."

Aria nodded her understanding and added, "She was there when it happened, after all."

Rin nodded, smiling delicately. Was this a moment that she should've been smiling for? She hugged her knees up to her chest, comforted by the feel of her protected skin. "She saved me, really. I don't know what I would've done if she wasn't there."

Aria smiled ruefully and said, "You think you know a person, huh?" Then, she caught Rin's eyes filling with tears again, so she swiftly changed the topic. "So, anyway, I thought that maybe I'd take the kids off your hands for now. Leon's sister said that I could stay with her for a while, and it's probably a trouble for you to have to take care of them right now, right?"

Rin was quiet for a moment. She wanted Yuki here. Seeing Yuki here after school reminded her to stay afloat. When she remembered those first weeks when Yuki was here and the plate that had shattered on the wall beside Yuki's head, she knew that she couldn't drown like she had back then. But it would be better for the children to be away from her, wouldn't it? If Gumi somehow found her, if she got anywhere near them, Rin knew that something terrible would happen. So, slowly, she nodded. "I think that would be good."

Aria nodded in consent and said, "I'll talk to Lola, then." Then, she smiled and said, "Now, let's get your mind off this. I'm been craving some proper Japanese food for months now, so let's do some cooking, huh?"

. . .

As Aria and Iroha hustled Piko and Yuki around the apartment to get ready for school, the doorbell rang. Since Rin was simply staring at the ceiling, she decided to make herself useful and went to answer it. Iroha had said that she'd been trying to get in contact with Kiyoteru, so maybe he'd come to visit. Rin wasn't sure she was up to seeing anyone right now, but what could she do?

Her hand froze on the handle, and she was crippled once more by the horrifying thought of opening the door to Gumi. She closed her eyes and breathed in, counting to three. Upon exhaling the breath, she gathered her courage and opened the door.

Her entire body seized up. Tears sprang to her eyes. She blinked frantically, hoping it was an illusion, simply the power of suggestion. No. This couldn't be real. It wasn't possible.

With that same wicked smile on Gumi's face, green eyes stared back at her.

Author's Note: Sorry I've been too lazy to edit lately ^^;; I'm gonna go edit the next chapter now so I can post it in a few days.