Chapter 3
Secrets
X
Clarke went to the area where all patient belongings were locked up before being cleared to be given back to the patients, usually only if they were discharged or needed changes of clothes for an extended stay. Normally Clarke would never pry into one of her patients' items, or anyone else's privacy for that matter, but she figured this time was an exception for various reasons. Upon lifting up the pair of pants she noticed that there were two rather large bulges in the pants pockets on both thighs and it was a bit heavy as well. Obviously the items had some weight to them and she opened the left pocket to find a radio and earpiece connecting together and it was currently turned off. That didn't seem that out of the ordinary so Clarke put it back and went to check the right pocket. This time what she found gave her much more pause. She discovered three small daggers with little straps hooked up into them and she now had some idea of who her patient truly was. Only the people from Trigeda used daggers and what most Arkadians considered 'primitive weapons' as opposed to guns. They still used guns but it was obvious they preferred the use of daggers, spears, and bows and arrows as weapons.
Gasping Clarke tried to think of what to do in this situation. She had never agreed with her people's sudden and rash decision to invade the other country because their own was far too polluted and didn't have many viable pieces of land to grow produce on or many good fresh water sources due to their own waste. The air was not nearly as clean either. She knew that if someone else was aware of her patient's country of origin … they would no doubt turn her in. She needed to hide this somehow.
Making her mind up Clarke took the daggers out and hid them in her lab coat pocket and took the radio out as well and put it in her other pocket and hoped no one noticed the bulkiness in her pockets. She put her hands in the pockets to see if that would help hide the fact that she had these items hidden in her pockets. It made it somewhat less obvious and she wasn't sure if she should confront her patient just yet. Thinking it over Clarke thought it would be best for her to perhaps hide the daggers in her purse but allow her patient to choose whether she used the radio or not.
Nodding her head Clarke made sure to put the pants back into the locker and locked it back up before going to put the daggers into her own personal locker. She made her way back to her patient's room and saw that Harper was checking on her once more and saw that Lexa barely acknowledged the other woman. She didn't outright ignore her but she seemed disinterested in what the other woman was saying and only nodded or shook her head, never once speaking to her. It was a bit strange to see considering that she was brisk with Clarke but she still spoke to her at least.
"Dr. Griffin. I was just about to go ask you about something. Though our patient here hasn't said anything I think her stitches are causing her some discomfort and I was hoping you could take a look at her wound. She keeps wincing with every breath and every time she involuntarily shifts she flinches just enough to cause me concern."
"All right, I'll take a look at Miss Woods quickly. If I may do so alone? I will draw the curtains and you can write down some notes on her chart and perhaps get her forms ready to be filled out. She is Lexa Woods and that's all we have for now. She … has no family and she told me that she has no friends in the country as of right now … or at least that was what it sounded like to me. But for right now I will check on her stitches to see how they're holding up since you said you noticed a few things. Thank you Harper." Harper nodded and left to do as Clarke had asked. As soon as Harper was out of the room Lexa spoke up.
"What do you really want to talk about? I can see it in your eyes, you have a question and it has nothing to do with my wound." Lexa was blunt and Clarke appreciated her no nonsense personality.
"I might have questions but your health comes first." Clarke stepped over to Lexa, looking into her eyes for permission before untying her gown from around her neck. The monitor gauging Lexa's heartbeat picked up a bit in response and Clarke wondered what reason she had to be nervous. "I'm sorry if this makes you uncomfortable, clearly you aren't a fan of this. I don't really have much choice because of where your wound is located and you don't really have a shirt."
Lexa was surprised but she believed the doctor when she said apologized. She could hear the sincerity in her voice. "Don't worry about it doctor."
"Thank you." A significant look passed between them, an almost understanding look. "Okay, so I'm going to carefully press at the areas around the stitches without actually making direct contact with them. I'm checking to see if any of the stitches are falling out for whatever reason and I will have to lean fairly close to your wound to do so. Is that all right with you?"
"Yes."
"Okay, hear I go. I can talk you through what I'm seeing if you'd like if not we can do this quietly and I can tell you my observations afterwards."
Lexa seemed to contemplate it for a moment before she decided, "tell me as you go … please." It was the first time she had actually to this extent and Clarke's eyes widened briefly before she nodded her head in understanding.
"All right." Clarke leaned in close to the stitches and started pressing around the wound and watched for any loose stitches as she did so. A few stitches appeared to have come undone as she suspected. "It looks like some of the stitches weren't as tight as they should have been … either that or you are healing faster than most other people do and that is how they got loose. I would think it is the latter rather than former not out of any conceitedness but simply because this has never happened to my patients before. What would help is if I redid the stitches but a bit tighter but that doesn't necessarily need to happen. Stitches are meant to fall out as the body heals but as you have only had these stitches in for a few hours I would recommend a stitch touch up for you Miss Woods, so to speak. What would you like me to do?"
"Go ahead, I don't care. If it helps me get out of here faster, then just do it." Clarke nodded and went to gather the materials she would need. Normally she would just have Lexa moved to the room for her to do the stitching but she still needed to talk to her afterwards without anyone overhearing anything.
Returning with the materials Clarke glanced down at the stitches and didn't allow her eyes to roam the sculpted abs though she really wanted to and she didn't allow her eyes to stray any higher either. Once she started stitching she was half expecting the other woman to flinch in pain or at least make some noise of discomfort but the other woman stayed silent and didn't even twitch a single glorious muscle in her stomach. Clarke was surprised and a little bit turned on knowing that this woman was so strong, so resilient. Despite being half distracted by her thoughts Clarke finished the stitches easily and cut the end of the string and felt some measure of regret because she wouldn't have an excuse to look at her patient's defined abs anymore. "All done."
Clarke moved to put everything away when she felt a hand on top of hers, stopping her from moving away. "Ask me your questions."
Slightly startled Clarke wasn't sure what to say at first. Finally after a moment of silence she asked haltingly, with carefully thought words, "I … found some daggers in your pants and I want to know if you are," Clarke leaned forward and whispered softly, "from Trigeda Lexa?" Lexa noticed that she didn't call her 'Miss Woods' like she had been in that moment.
"Will you turn me in if I am?" Lexa asked, intense gaze piercing straight through Clarke.
"No, I won't. I … am your doctor. Your health will always come first. Your secrets are safe with me. I took a Hippocratic oath to protect and save lives … not turn them in to be killed."
"I know there's more to it than that. Any other doctor would have turned me in the second they knew from this country … so what's the real reason you won't turn me in?" This was the most Clarke had heard the other woman speak since she had first woken up.
Closing her eyes, Clarke took a deep breath in and then let it out slowly. "I can't … I can't tell you those reasons. At least … not here. I will bring you clothes later tonight when I come back to check up on you to make sure your stitches are still holding. I know you don't exactly have access to much right now … I can take care of your medical bills since you don't exactly have any insurance information here. Just say that you don't have any insurance when they bring the forms in and I'll take care of the costs for you."
Lexa was silent for a beat before she finally spoke. "Why are you doing this? Why help me when I'm … I'm the enemy?"
Chuckling Clarke looked into Lexa's eyes as she said, "I did tell you that I'm an atypical doctor earlier and I meant it." Shaking her head almost sadly, Clarke's expression became somber. "I really can't say anything here but … I'll try to heal you as quickly as possible and I … I'll help you escape when you're discharged." It was silent as they just gazed at each other, Lexa's gaze one of curiosity and seemingly scrutinizing her. Clarke just looked at Lexa and felt attraction once again rolling through her despite the fact that she was barely her acquaintance. Mentally shaking those thoughts off Clarke moved to leave again when she heard the other woman address her once more.
"Thank you … for everything you're doing for me. I just hope that you don't get caught because … it would … they will probably kill you for helping me if they catch you." The other woman sounded sincere and when Clarke turned back to look at her she saw a genuine look on her face, emotions that seemed to seldom grace the stoic woman's face showing clearly.
"You're welcome. I've leave you for now and come back in a few hours to check on you. You should get some rest so your body can heal faster. Make sure to ask for a dinner menu and menu for your breakfast, lunch, and dinner tomorrow. The nurse will be back in as soon as I call her for you." Another look passed between them and Clarke couldn't believe that she felt such a strong pull from this woman but she brushed those thoughts aside and turned around almost abruptly to leave.
X
The next week passed by quickly and Clarke couldn't deny her growing attraction to her patient. Lexa Woods emulated strength and power, demanded respect with her body language and gaze, looked stoic on the surface but her eyes … her eyes captured Clarke and drew her in like she was being hypnotized. Clarke couldn't seem to escape from those green eyes and their hold on her but she tried to resist showing her undeniable attraction to the other woman when they were in the same room. It was hard not to and Clarke was sure that half of the time the other woman noticed her concerned looks and the hints of fondness in her gaze. Lexa had started talking to her a bit more each day that passed but she never spoke about her life in Trigeda and it was often more or less about the things she had experienced but never her thoughts or about anyone she knew. It was almost as if she was protecting them and guarding herself. She never went into great details about anything that had to do with her life before being shot.
A small sigh had escaped Clarke's lips and Clarke hadn't even noticed. Today was the anniversary of her father's death and she was solemn. Lexa had noticed that her doctor had been quiet during their entire visit, something that she wasn't usually. Sure, her doctor never quite spoke excessively but she was always kind and smiled at her while they conversed with each other. Today though, the doctor had barely spoken more than what was necessary and seemed almost poignant. Finally unable to take her caretaker's silence anymore Lexa asked softly, "Is something wrong doctor?"
Shaking herself out of her thoughts Clarke looked at Lexa. "I'm sorry, what did you say? I must have been lost in my thoughts."
"I asked you if something was wrong. Are you okay Clarke?" Lexa asked, her voice gentler than usual and Clarke was sure there was a hint of concern in her voice.
Upon hearing the use of her first name Clarke was startled, completely caught unawares. "I didn't know you knew my first name. When we first met after you woke up I introduced myself as Dr. Griffin." The surprise was evident in her tone and Clarke was sure she had a slightly astonished look on her face.
Flushing slightly under her tan skin Lexa didn't meet Clarke's gaze as she responded. "I might have … inquired about it when one of the nurses came to check up on me one day." The embarrassed way she admitted to it made Clarke wonder if maybe she hadn't meant to slip up. Seeing the normally aloof woman showing some of her emotions was an endearing sight to Clarke.
"Why are you so embarrassed Lexa?" Clarke was smiling as she asked, unable keep the smile from her face when faced with someone so adorable in her eyes.
"Shof op yu branwoda." Lexa said in response, her cheeks turning even pinker at the question. She had been hoping that the other woman hadn't noticed her blush but apparently she had which caused her to turn darker in response.
"Excuse me? I might not have understood what you said but I'm sure I have an idea of the context." Clarke said wryly, her tone of amusement belay the affectionate gaze she was looking at Lexa with. Lexa felt her heart thud in her chest at the look. "I'm sure you just told me to shut up or something to that effect."
Lexa turned her gaze away as she responded, "if you must know I said, 'be quiet you fool,' to you." Rolling her eyes at the blonde as she said so. Clarke crossed her arms and pouted at the woman lying on her hospital bed. "Must you pout at me Clarke? You're a grown woman and in fact you are older than me by four years and a doctor no less." Clarke just continued to look at her with puppy dog eyes and pouty lips but still she didn't say anything. "Come Clarke, this is no way for a 28 year old woman to act is it?" Still Clarke didn't say anything and the look on her face persisted. "Really? Now you choose to be silent?"
"You're the one who told me to be quiet Lexa." Clarke shot back, smirking in triumph because of her witty comeback.
"Mockery is not the product of a strong mind Clarke."
"I like the way you say my name. The way you say it sounds so …" Clarke stopped because she shouldn't be thinking such thoughts let alone expressing them out loud to Lexa of all people. It wasn't just unprofessional but against the law for her to be involved with a patient, her patient.
"How exactly does it sound?" Lexa asked, a curious look on her face. She wondered why Clarke had stopped in the middle of her sentence like that.
"Um, I just like how crisp you make the hard c and the k in my name sound when you say it, that's all Lexa." The look Lexa gave her told her that she didn't entirely believe her but to Clarke's relief she just let it go.
"Now will you tell me what has been bothering you Clarke?" Lexa asked gently, the tenderness in her voice causing Clarke to develop even more of a crush on the other woman. Lexa needed to stop doing things like this, making her care about her more than a doctor should care for their patient. It was distracting and entirely illegal for her to feel this way.
Clarke looked away from the other woman before letting out a sigh. "I just … today is … the anniversary of my father's death. He died … because of secrets he knew that no one else should know about Arkadia. I can't … say more than that but I … I miss him so much. It wasn't his time, he wasn't supposed to die so young but he did because of something that he shouldn't have known but it … I don't understand why they executed him for the crime of just knowing something he shouldn't have known. Even though I know too … they didn't kill me because I was still underage age, too young for them to feel comfortable executing me, and also because of my mother's influence as a member of the council. Her position is one of the only reasons I'm still alive today."
"Just a guess but … you can't tell me here can you?" Though Lexa already knew the answer and Clarke was aware that Lexa did, she shook her head in response anyways. "There's a lot we can't tell each other but … I think we understand each other's position better than anyone. You haven't turned me in and you've taken care of me in spite of what you know about me. You're nothing like I thought Arkadians would be like. You exceeded my expectations of your people but you might be the only exception because I feel no interest in anyone else around here."
Smirking Clarke latched on to what Lexa might have unintentionally let slip. "So you have no interest in anyone else here Lexa?" There was a smugness to her tone and the slight tint in Lexa's cheeks as the word's double meaning finally caught on to her.
"I did not mean it in that way. You … fascinate me, intrigue me unlike the other people in Arkadia. I just mean to say that you are different, unique. I see potential in you that I see in no other I have met so far. Just seeing the way everyone looks at you I know that they look to you for guidance like they would a leader. You are born to lead, same as me Clarke."
And it was upon hearing those words that Clarke realized just who Lexa was, just how important she was. Lexa wasn't just any soldier in the army in Trigeda. She was the feared and fierce leader, their only Commander. Lexa was the highest authority in all of Trigeda and Clarke was the one treating and hiding her identity from anyone who would harm her in Arkadia. Clarke had just been mind blown by such a realization. "You're the Commander," Clarke whispered, her words so soft Lexa almost didn't understand her clearly.
"Don't say that out loud Clarke. If anyone hears you … well I'm sure you know what would happen to me Clarke." Clarke nodded her head in agreement, looking duly chastised by her carelessness. Sighing Lexa looked up at the other woman. "You are far too intelligent, figuring all of these things out about me. No secret is safe from your discovery it seems. When I'm ready to be discharged we can talk more … if you'd like that is."
Clarke was surprised by the offer but smiled warmly and affectionately at Lexa again. "Of course I would. It's not exactly ethical while I am your doctor and you my patient but … afterwards I'm sure it will be okay. I don't exactly think you have many places you can go to currently anyways so … you might not have much choice in that particular area."
"Even if I'm limited in options in that area … I'm glad it's with you if that accounts for anything Clarke." It was when Lexa said things like this that Clarke felt herself ready to lose the careful constraint she had been trying to keep around her patient. Comments like that almost made the urge, the desire to just walk the few steps in between them and close the gap between their lips so terribly strong. The temptation was always there but when Lexa made sweet remarks like this one Clarke almost gave in to her feelings for the other woman. She kept wondering if Lexa felt the same way when she said things like that to her.
"For what it's worth Lexa … I will tell you the truth when we are away from any potential prying ears. Just a few more days because you're healing so well. After that … we can talk more freely."
Lexa smiled at Clarke, just the barest hint of the corners of her lips curling up, and Clarke almost died from the rare sight of the woman's smile. If Clarke didn't know better as a doctor she would swear she was going into cardiac arrest because of this woman. She was in wonderful like for this woman.
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So, another chapter and Lexa smiled. Please, please tell me if you're interested in me continuing because I'm not seeing many reviews. I have so many ideas to continue this forward but if not many people are interested I'm going to make this a short fic. I would like to hear what everyone thinks of the chapter so far so hopefully I get some of your thoughts in a review.
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