Chapter 4

The Terrible Truth

X

Lexa was evidently a fast healer. Clarke had anticipated Lexa needing to stay at the hospital to heal for a minimum of two weeks but after just ten days Lexa's wound had reduced to the size of a few millimeters as opposed to the quarter sized hole it had started as. It had mostly closed up at this point and her stitches were falling out so much that it was almost completely gone as well, another indicator of how well she was healing. Clarke decided that today was the day she would be discharging her patient and it also happened to be her day off as well. Lexa would be leaving with her without anyone knowing of course. She was going to wheel her patient out to her own personal vehicle and return the wheelchair while Lexa waited in the backseat of the car for Clarke to return after her shift was over to drive her to her home after she finished filling out her paperwork.

It was all planned out and everything was going as planned and no one suspected anything so far. As soon as Clarke left the building with Lexa Clarke wheeled the other woman straight to her vehicle and let out a sigh of relief when she wasn't stopped by anyone and no one asked why Lexa was being discharged during an unusual time for discharges. It was just a few minutes before seven and normally discharges were done well before dark but they were just glad the plan was working without a hitch. Clarke let out a silent sigh of relief as she left the building and made it back to her car and almost panicked when she didn't see Lexa at first. She had chosen to wear all black, including a hoodie to cover her hair.

Unlocking her car Clarke entered it and spoke to her passenger hiding on the floor of her car. "I thought you'd left for a moment until I realized you were hiding yourself. I must admit that you chose your clothing very wisely. If I had been anyone else I wouldn't have even noticed you at all."

"That was the point in me getting in in the backseat was it not?" Lexa asked, somewhat in confusion rather than sarcastically.

"Well, yes but I'm just saying that you hid so well I had thought … well it doesn't matter. Let's get going before anyone notices me talking to myself while they're also leaving to go home." Clarke started her engine and didn't even bother turning her personal music on her cell phone. She preferred listening to her music rather than what was currently popular on the radio because of how repetitive it could become when a song was popular enough. Clarke just turned her radio off and was glad that she had a garage for her house so no one would ever see Lexa and be able to question anything. "Don't get out of the car until I close my garage Lexa."

Almost nodding but realizing how foolish such an action would be, she blushed as she said, "Understood." This woman had a certain effect on her and she felt like a fool for allowing weakness to invade her heart. It was weakness to feel things like love for another. She had learned that lesson the hard way when she had lost Costia to the Arkadians.

So lost in thought Lexa hadn't realized that Clarke had been trying to get her attention. "LEXA!" Clarke shouted and finally Lexa broke away from her thoughts, her inner demons. "Are you all right? You were … I called your name a few times and you … you were completely spaced out. Do I need to check your stomach again? Is that why yo—"

"No, I'm okay Clarke. I was just, I just … I was just thinking about something. I'm fine."

"Really? Are you sure because you were completely zoned out there Lexa." The worry was evident in her voice and Lexa swallowed back the guilt of having feelings, whatever they were, for the blonde. She knew, logically, that it had been a few years since she had lost Costia but it still didn't lessen the pain of knowing that she was no longer in this life with her.

"Perhaps we should talk inside of your home. I believe we have much to discuss Clarke."

Clarke exited her car with ease while Lexa remained inside unsure of how to open the door from just looking at it. It took several moments before Clarke realized Lexa hadn't exited and looked back to see the other woman just staring at the door before Clarke put her shoes back on and came back to open her car door. "I'm sorry Lexa, I should have realized that you don't have cars over in Trigeda. How stupid of me to forget." Once Lexa had gotten out Clarke showed her how to open the door from the inside since Lexa had only seen it from the outside.

Lexa could tell that Clarke was mentally berating herself and she couldn't bring herself to not care, to allow Clarke to be so hard on herself for this. "It's all right Clarke. It's easy to forget certain things when we, when we've spent our entire lives in separate countries from each other." From the look on Clarke's face Lexa could tell something else was bothering her. "What troubles you Clarke?"

The automatic response to that question was 'nothing' but Clarke knew they had a lot to talk about and just nodded in the direction of the door to her house. "Let's go inside first." Lexa wasn't sure what her expectation was for Clarke's home but it was filled with beautiful paintings that she just knew were personal rather than bought. There were a few landscapes of the Earth, some portraits rendered in charcoal, but the one that stuck out to Lexa the most was the one of a man done in color. He must have been Clarke's father, the death of a man that haunted her even after what must have been years later based off of what Clarke had said just a few days ago.

"Did you paint all of this Clarke? It's quite beautiful. You're very talented in many areas I see. You can heal, you paint, you understand me like no one else I know despite how little time we've known each other, and you can sing." Clarke looked surprised at that last one, not knowing when Lexa could have possibly heard her singing. "I was in the bathroom when you came to check up on me and I heard you singing while you were waiting for me. You have a nice voice Clarke." Clarke blushed at the compliment. "You're also compassionate, kind, sarcastic and witty, you enjoy reading, and I presume that you're not the best cook."

"How do you know so much about me?"

"I'm observant."

"You observe me a lot then. These are some things that only my mother knows about me Lexa." Clarke didn't mention the friends she didn't speak to regularly anymore.

"We have much to discuss Clarke, let's not forget that. I've been patient, tell me what reason it is that you are so willing to help me knowing who I am and what I am to the people of Trigeda, your own country's enemies." This could have been a question but the way Lexa worded it made it sound more like a statement that Clarke was supposed to expound on.

"Okay, blunt as usual and straight to the point. My father, he found out about the reason our current Chancellor wants to take over your country, or rather invade for specified pieces of land. Our last Chancellor was shot and murdered and despite the other council members, including my mother, being candidates someone else was chosen over the six council members. His name is Pike and he is out for blood and I believe he is lying to people about his true motives. I know only a few things about what his true reason is. My father wouldn't tell me much but I know enough that I could still be killed for it at any moment. My father … he knows the real reason and what I do know is that our land is becoming more infertile because of our pollution, our waste being dumped on the land. My father was one of the engineers who helped lessen the pollution in the air but something about the air hasn't been right lately. It's almost suffocating breathing in the air we have and I'm pretty sure my father knows, knew why. The terrible truth is that my father died to keep another man's secrets safe."

"So what you're saying is … this Chancellor of yours is trying to take my people's land because of your own people's mistakes? And he is lying about the reason? What reason is he saying to your people?"

Clarke sighed as she answered words that sounded hollow, like she didn't have any belief or conviction in this man's claims. "He says that you killed some of our children after they went passed your borders. He said that he found eight children dead on your land and that that is our reason for invading, to avenge their deaths. I saw the bodies and all of the children looked to have died for other reasons medically and not through violence."

A look of cold anger passed across Lexa's face before she smoothed it over and became indifferent again. "He has your people convinced of this then?"

"No," Clarke said, shaking her head. Lexa's eyes met Clarke's intensely then. "Not entirely. The people on the council know better but they can't speak against him or he will kill them. And I know that many of the doctors who work at the hospital with me don't believe him either, because we have medical knowledge and know that none of the wounds on the children were from your weapons. I'm sure that there are some others who doubt him but can't step forward and say anything because they … they fear being killed, executed by him to silence any who know the terrible truth that we are killing senselessly." Lexa had not looked away once after their eyes had met and she noticed a flicker of something else in Clarke's gaze as she spoke again. "I don't agree with it and I … I know how important your position is to your people and that's why I saved you."

"But that's not the only reason is it? Why do you hesitate to tell me the real reason?"

Closing her eyes to break her gaze away from Lexa's penetrating eyes, Clarke sighed before she finally opened her eyes again. The undeniable affection in her gaze made Lexa's heart clench painfully. "Because I … if I say it out loud it makes things real and that … it might make things more difficult and awkward."

"You think that the truth is something I shouldn't hear then?" Lexa asked, her tone almost bitingly harsh. There was more frustration than coldness. Clarke met Lexa's gaze as she opened her mouth and words she hadn't wanted to confess came pouring out quickly.

"I like you okay?! I … I like you a lot actually. I find you so fascinating, so powerful. You are … the epitome of attractive and everything I learn about you makes me want you more, makes me fall for you a little bit more even though we've known each other for just ten days. I've been crushing on you hard since I first saw you but then you had to go and open your mouth and become even more charming and irresistible with your maturity, your intelligence, and your badassness. I can't help but like you a lot. I don't think anyone can help but not fall for you a little bit after meeting you and not just because of your looks. How could I resist?" Clarke looked away and held herself, turning her back to Lexa so she wouldn't see her overflowing and ever growing fondness for her on her face.

"Look at me Clarke." Clarke shook her head. "Please look at me." With great hesitation Clarke turned back to look at Lexa with trembling lips and tears in her eyes. "I … have become quite fond of you Dr. Griffin and I … more than anything I appreciate everything you've done for me by doing all of this, by never revealing my identity and by taking me into your home for however long it takes to get me back to my people. We will, of course need to do this carefully. I … I don't want you to get hurt protecting me."

"So, you like me too?"

Lexa sighed but there was a small smile on her face, "there is more to it than that but … yes, I like you quite a bit Dr. Clarke Griffin of the Arkadians."

Clarke laughed at that. "I like you too, Commander Lexa Woods of the Trigeda."

A momentary silence lapsed between them as they stood close to each other, barely a centimeter apart from each other and just basking in their mutual fondness for each other. Before Lexa could think about her actions and hesitate, she leaned forward and their lips pressed against each other softly. Clarke responded immediately and they kissed again, another soft press of lips before Lexa pulled back and leaned in for another kiss that was just as tender and soft, just as gentle. Lexa allowed the connection and the soft press of their lips, lips that seemed to mold together perfectly, before she pulled away. "What are you doing to me Clarke Griffin of the Arkadians?"

"Kissing you, Lexa Woods of the Trigeda."

Smiling softly at that, Lexa pressed her forehead against Clarke's and the intimacy made Clarke beam. Clarke leaned in again and Lexa's smile widened at the feeling of their lips pressing against each other so tenderly. "This is just going to make it even harder for me to leave, knowing that you won't be coming with me Clarke," Lexa said with a sigh once they stopped kissing each other and just stood looking into each other's eyes with unabashed affection.

"I know that Lexa but can't we just … enjoy it while we still can. For now at least without worrying about anything else?"

"Of course Clarke. I would love nothing more than for us to be able to explore and enjoy this but this is the life we have and this war has yet to end after the last ten years. I have only been in command of my people for just over half of that time."

"Just how long have you been Commander Lexa?" Clarke asked, surprise in her eyes. She knew that meant that Lexa had been the Commander for no less than five years.

"When a month has passed it will be six years."

"You've been the Commander since you were 18? That's so young Lexa!"

"Clarke, it is actually a rather unique and rare circumstance. I am the youngest Commander to have ever been called to lead my people. It isn't a common occurrence and we have our ways of choosing the Commanders that you wouldn't understand."

"Tell me all about it then Lexa! Please!" Clarke cajoled, pouting up at Lexa knowing that Lexa was hard pressed to refuse her anything when she did so.

"Stop pouting Clarke and I will." Lexa said in response, hating that the blonde was aware of her weakness and inability to refuse her anything she desired when she made that face at her. She didn't really hate it at all if she was being honest with herself. There were a lot of things she couldn't quite bring herself to dislike about the blonde though she wouldn't like half of those things had anyone else done the same. In fact she wouldn't tolerate it if it was anyone else but Clarke. "I hate that you know how to manipulate me into getting what you want."

"Don't lie Lexa, you know you think I'm adorable." Lexa scoffed but a smile was twitching at the corners of her lips and Clarke could see it. "Will you teach me your language, Trigedasleng too?"

Lexa sighed but nodded her head begrudgingly, "only if you don't pout at me when I correct you again. And you're not allowed to mock me either when you don't like that you're saying it wrong after not hearing me clearly and attempting to repeat the word only to say something else that is entirely ridiculous. I still don't know how you got 'run and I'll rid you of Clarke' when I clearly said 'ron ai ridiyo op Klark' instead."

Glaring at the other woman, Clarke pouted again and Lexa regretted mentioning that incident. "That's just how it sounded to me and you promised not to mention that ever again!"

"Actually, I said I wouldn't mention it around other people. Stop it Clarke, stop pouting at me like that." Clarke dropped her head down a bit and crossed her arms and pouted up at Lexa, blinking her eyes sadly and Lexa felt so guilty in response. She never apologized for anything … ever. "I'm sorry Clarke, please stop pouting at me. I didn't meant to upset you."

Immediately Clarke smiled and pressed a kiss against Lexa's lips. "I don't think I've ever heard you apologize before … it's kind of a turn on from someone so unapologetic about everything else in their life." Lexa couldn't even feel upset that she had been manipulated by the other woman once again. Despite the fact that Lexa thought of her feelings as weakness … she couldn't deny her attraction to the blonde, her feelings for Clarke. Lexa just knew that it would be almost damn near impossible to leave now that she had found whatever it was she had with the blonde woman, especially since they had both acknowledged their feelings for each other. Lexa had never felt more torn between duty and heart.

X

The next week and a half passed by pretty swiftly and in a bit of a blissful blur. Clarke almost felt like they were girlfriends who had moved in with each other but every once in a while a reminder of who they really were would pop the bubble of illusion for her. They took turns making meals after Clarke had taught Lexa how to use a stove and it almost felt like domestic bliss, especially when Clarke was cooking and Lexa would wrap her arms around her from behind. Lexa was such a silent walker that Clarke never heard her but had come to expect Lexa to silently move to hug her every day now when she was cooking their meal.

In the back of Clarke's mind, she knew that it was only a matter of time before she would drive Lexa close to the border, to where her people were currently camped. They were just waiting for Clarke's week long vacation to disappear, to help Lexa disappear back to her people. Every day that day came closer the more desperate their kisses became before they fell asleep in each other's arms. Clarke had been planning on her vacation happening for a few months from now but Lexa had made contact with her people so they would know she was alive and they wanted her back sooner. They didn't trust Clarke or her people but they begrudgingly accepted that if it weren't for Clarke Lexa would be dead or worse, captured and tortured for information before dying. Indra was especially vocal in her objections and desire to run Clarke through with a sword. Clarke didn't need to understand Trigedasleng to know that Indra was threatening her when she spoke to Lexa. Lexa's look of disapproval solidified her suspicions even if Lexa refused to translate what Indra said. She probably wanted to run her through with a sword.

Clarke had been so lost in thought she hadn't realized that Lexa was close by until she felt strong arms envelop her from behind. "What are you thinking about so loudly Clarke?" She never knew when Lexa was going to sneak up on her anyways because it was like she glided around the room, her footsteps so quiet and light.

She sighed, "I just want more time with you before I have to give you back to your people. I … a month doesn't seem like enough time but I know that if it had been three months your people would come looking for me somehow and take you back anyways. I don't want to let you go but I … don't really have much choice."

Lexa nuzzled into the crook of Clarke's neck in response to comfort her distraught girlfriend. Her hodnes (love). "You know that if things were different … if our countries weren't at war I would take you with me and never let you go. I would be yours and you would be mine and we wouldn't ever leave each other for anything. Wherever you go I would follow you just as I'm sure you would with me as well. Nothing would ever tear us apart. I think, if ever a situation I had to choose between my people and yours … and I had to choose duty over heart … I would have to choose duty but you would forgive me, you would still come to lo— like me."

Despite how quickly and nearly seamlessly Lexa had caught her slipup Clarke had heard it and she latched on to it. "Love?"

"You're aware of my feelings for you Clarke. I don't need to say it out loud do I?" Lexa buried her face into Clarke's neck and Clarke could feel how warm her face was.

"What if I just wanted to hear you say it? Would you?" Clarke was turning it on Lexa and it just wasn't fair at all. Lexa knew that Clarke would be pouting at her right now if she could actually see it.

"No, you're not allowed to turn this around on me. You haven't said it either Clarke." Lexa retorted.

"Just because I haven't said it doesn't mean I don't feel it. You're also aware of my feelings Lexa, perhaps more than aware even." Clarke replied, feeling a tinge of desperation coloring her words.

"Clarke Griffin … you are unlike anyone else I have ever met in my life, you are more than I ever thought I would get after I lost Costia. She … she was my first love but you … you are more, so much more than a first love Clarke. What I feel for you … is everlasting, is something that I don't have the words for because there is no one else like you in this world, in this life. You are everything ai niron (my lover), ai hodnes (my love), ai eting (my everything)." Lexa looked deeply into Clarke's eyes and Clarke was captivated by those green eyes. "Ai hod yu in Klark (I love you Clarke)."

Unable to take the distance anymore Clarke leaned her head in and kissed Lexa desperately, passionately, fiercely. They gasped for air when they pulled apart and Clarke turned around in Lexa's arms, resting her forehead against hers. "I love you … so much … Lexa."

"This might be a long shot but … is there perhaps any chance of you being able to come with me … at least for a little bit?" Lexa asked, her voice filled with hope and longing.

"Maybe for the week of my vacation I can be with you, with your people? I don't want to be away from you when there's no guarantee for when we can see each other again. Not knowing when the next time we will be able to see each other is the hardest part of all of this." Clarke's voice was so sorrowful and Lexa wished she could take all of her pain away.

"Aren't we just a pair of modern day Romeo and Juliet except maybe Roma and Juliet since we're both women?" This got a chuckle out of Clarke and that was good enough for Lexa.

"Don't compare us to them. They both end up dead and I would rather both of us stay alive to love each other another day instead of finding each other in an early trip to the afterlife Lexa." They held each other, Lexa nuzzling into Clarke's neck for comfort and Clarke just holding Lexa tightly as she found solace in Lexa's warmth. Clarke felt that they were meant to be together despite the fact that their countries were currently at war with each other. Nothing would stop Clarke from being with Lexa, she wouldn't let anything stand in the way of something so precious, someone as special as Lexa. Clarke would find a way to be with her no matter what happened.

X

So, I based their first kiss off of the famous Clexa kiss from season 2 episode 14 for anyone trying to picture it. If you need a reminder you can always go on youtube and search for that Clexa kiss as a refresher.;P Also, please tell me your thoughts in a review if this fic floats (hahahahaha so punny I am) your boat. And I hope the rottenberg who sank the Clextanic goes float himself for lying about the sinking of our Clexa ship. Not really, I would never wish bodily harm on anyone but he certainly deserves the hell he has been receiving from upset fans who are expressing things in a fair, nonviolent manner. Ugh, I need to calm down and start the next chapter of Clexa fluff.

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